Jimbo.Info

It was fun. I wish I remembered more of it.

Thank you everyone who sent me the link to the naked rugger movie that shows all these hot guy's penises and everything. No, it's not work safe, and no, people on our team don't run around naked like that. DC is all about propriety. I don't mind cooling my balls off in the wind after practice, but EVERYBODY, homos and straights alike, freak out when I take my clothes off. It's like they think my penis will engorge and start attacking when exposed to the air. I don't consider myself a nudist, because it's all about cooling my balls off, but I guess I'm more comfortable being naked than most people. I just want to cool my balls off, is that so much to ask?

Posted by jimbo at 1:32 PM | Comments (9)

July 24, 2007

OMG Contaminated Shoes

This is me at work:

Last Friday we received an expected package with some broken insturmentation inside which was leaking a wee bit 'o mercury all over the place. The recipients of the package came to our office to pick it up, and sorta dribbled the shiny stuff all the way down to their lab. When I heard the words "mercury spill" I got the frack outta there in a flash.

Wasn't Kurt Russell a total hottie back in 1983?

OMG Cher. I'm not brain damaged from the mercury, it's just Gay Attention-Deficit Disorder (Gay-D.D.).

Anyway, they finally get around to testing for the stuff today, and the sandals I wore are Hg-positive! I'm gonna get all Karen Silkwood on their asses! My shoes emit 0.072 mg/m³ particles of mercury into the surrounding atmosphere. Not enough to kill anyone, but it was recommended that I put the sandals and the bag I carried them in on the roof to bake in the sun and blow in the wind for a while until the substance sublimates away. I should be fine, but now I'm socially contaminated because I have to wear my old pair of Tevas. Some would say I'm worse off now than if I were wearing my newer, but chemically contaminated pair of sandals.

Posted by jimbo at 11:52 AM | Comments (14)

July 3, 2007

This week's recap: OMG iPhone OMG iPhone OMG iPhone

First off, bitches: I did buy a fine new pair of sandals at REI this year, but I choose not to wear them because my beloved and gawdawfully old Teva sandals still feel oooh soo much better.

I don't even want to get into the whole Bush pardoning Libby thing...it's just too depressing to think about how arrogantly disdainful this administration is of any recognition of law. In 1997, I moved from Kazakstan, a former Soviet Republic, to the Royal Monarchy of Bushtexistan.

OMG everyone STFU about those fucking iPhones. Whatever, Borg Queens. Like we need more people walking erratically on the sidewalk and checking their e-mail during movies anyway. Nearly 90% of my near-collisions while on the bike are with people fondling electronic gadgetry and not paying attention to where they're going as they walk in random directions down the sidewalk. And if I see some obnoxious queen checking Manhunt on the dance floor I'm gonna hurl that thing against the wall. You know it's going to happen.

Anyway...I finally have Internets access at home, and have buckled to society and Tha Man and have ordered a cell phone. No one makes plans anymore, and I'm tired of fighting to try to get people to meet at a fixed time and location - it's always "OMG I'll call you when I get there..." I also no longer have a land line, and no longer need one, so it is time.

With all these technological advancements, now I can text message on the dance floor in my Tevas and annoy as many people around me as possible. I can't wait.

Oh, Kylie on Dr. Who is confirmed - for a Christmas special no less! It's been a good summer for Divas and assorted Girl Power issues and events.

Posted by jimbo at 11:17 AM | Comments (11)

July 2, 2007

Jimborella, Queen of the Universe

Here's me doing my best vacant bimbo stare in honor of my favorite bimbo space ranger. I did not arrive early enough to get in to see the film - when I arrived the line stretched around the perimeter of the Hirshhorn sculpture garden, and a good number of people had to be turned away. Next time I won't pimp an event out if I want to actually see it.

So riding my bike to Dinger & Dumbek's house for some poolside time was a little challenging, especially when the suburb turned into trackless, twisting, flowerey-named avenues and courts which befuddled me. We District residents are accustomed to our orderly street naming and convention. Riding from their house to the Silver Spring MetroRail station was a breeze, and I had planned on taking the Red Line back into town. But apparently the Red Line also Sux Donkey Dick, as it stopped in Takoma indefinitely, only one station on the way into town. But I had my independence with me, so I rode down into the District from Takoma through Rock Creek Park. It was an unexpected, but nice bout of exercise outdoors. I think it wore me out, as I was plain tired the next day, when he moved in upstairs, so I just supervized the moving of boxes. She stopped by to say hi. I think I'll start calling her Mrs. Kravitz now.

On Sunday all I did was run around and fix stuff that is breaking faster than I can repair it. Now my debit card PIN number doesn't work. June was a disaster. Here's hoping July and August calms things down. I've officially declared the entire month of August mine since I blew my spring and early summer with all this moving and things associated with it. In August I am not committed to doing anything, so there.

Posted by jimbo at 3:39 PM | Comments (8)

June 25, 2007

Mowgli goes to a baby shower

I went to my first baby shower for a former coworker today, and it was a painfully uncomfortable experience. I was the only male in a room of some 20 women, and it was much like when I went to a seminar years ago on 'How to be an Outstanding Receptionist' in a room of 200 female receptionists who hated their male bosses. Plus I have a small nuclear family with two older brothers, and my mom, while most loveable, was not an exemplar of feminine practices. She's better with power tools, ripping out old carpet and refurbishing doorways.

Anyway, I never had much exposure to feminine rituals during my youth, and baby showers are pretty much all about being girly. Then after I came out, I still didn't hang out with many women. As femme as some of you queens think you are, you're still not even close to the level of girlyness exhibited at a baby shower. Spending a lot of my time with a rugby team also doesn't help me get much exposure to feminine things. Even the wives of our straight teammates are manly.

Going to the baby shower made me think I was a lot like Mowgli from The Jungle Book, who only hangs out with bears.

At a baby shower, food presentation is more important than eating it. Everything has to be situated perfectly, but there is no mention of when it will be eaten. It's almost as if the food is a sacred presentation that must not be disturbed until the last possible moment. But once it was time to eat, it appears that waving your tongs over the bowl of fruit bites is more important than selecting an item to put on your plate. The buffet line inched along at an incredibly slow pace, as it appears that the time spent selecting the food item somehow reduces its caloric value. Perhaps it does.

Then there were the parlor games. Baby Bingo wasn't so bad, but they were using M&Ms for game pieces, and I ate all of mine, so I lost the game even though I knew what a 'Nuk' was. When it came to the game where you try to predict the exact circumfrence of the mother's tummy, I felt it was time to leave before I had to demonstrate that my tummy was as big as hers.

I can only imagine what a same-sex male couple baby shower would be like after an adoption or artificial insemination volunteers. I'll send my regards and a gift from the registry if invited.

Posted by jimbo at 5:18 PM | Comments (11)

June 21, 2007

the cost of good souls

Charlene can't do this:

I am so going as Metroplex next Halloween.

Whoa...Dell sent me a new motherboard - the next day. I guess if your motherboard capacitors look like fresh muffins it must be dire.

To date I've really enjoyed my graduate school courses - one class taken each semester. Until now most of them have been theory or concept classes, but one requirement before graduation is to take Financial Decision Making for Managers, and it's kicking my ass. I never took accounting in high school, and my background is in life sciences. This shit is totally new territory for me. Sure, I do need to learn it and it will become useful one day, but it's all brand new to me.

To illustrate my ignorance in the subject, the other day my professor was talking about something called the cost of good souls. When he first introduced the term I rolled my eyes at the thought of conservative Christianist concepts infiltrating even the most mundane classes with their terms. What the hell do spiritual matters have to do with accounting anyway? But after class I went through the chapter and realized he was just saying "the cost of goods sold" in a thick Maryland accent.

Posted by jimbo at 11:27 AM | Comments (7)

June 14, 2007

Linus Loves

I'm dog/cat/housesitting in Takoma this week. Here's Linus:

Linus basically walks himself and pees on a regular schedule in previously designated locations. The hardest part is meeting the needs of the very needy cat who must have human contact at all times. Other than that, I'm doing the whole Takoma / Silver Spring thing and will be attending a Silverdocs movie on Friday night and drinking coffee at a lesbian coffee shop and letting my leg hair grow out like everyone else around here.

I Don't Feel Like Dancin' - Scissor Sisters feat. Linus Loves
Look On The Floor - Bananarama (They look well-preserved!)
Stand Back - Linus Loves feat. Sam Obernik (and dreamy dancer in video)

At the campus where I work we recently received a memo about something called "Campus Based Privileges for Designated Individuals," that is, peope who are designated by a university employee, who are 18 years old or older, reside continuously with the employee, and is not in a landlord/tenant relationship with the employee. Examples of such individuals include spouses, domestic partners, and adult children of employees. I call this "domestic partnership lite," as the designated individuals get use of library, fitness center, health center, counseling center, daycare and thank Zod use of the university golf course!

The above stated "designated individuals" do not get health care benefits or tuition remission. While the memo is a welcomed first step towards full parnership benefits, it still infers that a "designated individual" is not the same as a spouse. The tone of the memo says to me "We will give you some of the benefits that we get, but you don't get all of them because you're not like us, and you aren't worthy of the benefits our spouses get." In other words, the memo says that same-sex partners are not the same as married opposite sex couples. Fuck you too, assholes.

Anyhow, speaking of pets, Pets-DC is hosting their annual Pride of Pets doggie show and pageant at 3pm this Saturday the 16th. All you Flickr freaks should enjoy the opportunity for cute doggie pics.

Posted by jimbo at 11:09 AM | Comments (18)

June 8, 2007

Little Internets Shop of Horrors

If there's anything that makes me feel good about my personal collection of beat-up and/or used furniture, it's looking at other people's beat-up, ugly-ass furniture they try to sell on Craigslist. Here's a collage of choice items that are thankfully going for a price that honestly reflects their style and quality:

I think I have phone service now. Of course they arrived to diddle with the wires the moment I left my home, but I called the number from work and at least you can leave messages on it. I'll know for sure when I get home.

But still, Verizon Sux Donkey Dick for eternity unless they come to my house, say they're sorry for treating customers like dirt, and baking me a nice German chocolate cake from scratch. And give me a foot massage. And put together my entertainment system. And a manicure. But until then Verizon Sux Donkey Dick for eternity.

Posted by jimbo at 11:42 AM | Comments (3)

June 2, 2007

the amazing new spider-home

I signed a year lease Friday afternoon, moving commences Saturday, unpacking and settling Sunday. Here is the view from the street:

Here is the front area, which is quite sunny:

The back area is an odd shape - I'm not quite sure where I'm going to put the bed:

Here is the infamous 'Gollum Hole' that leads upstairs. The upstairs folk may drop food scraps down for Gollum:

A potential cesspool project for later:

Me old back hurts from packing.

Posted by jimbo at 8:12 PM | Comments (12)

May 30, 2007

Pursed Lips Sink Ships

I came across Tuesday's edition of the Washington Post and at the top of page A10 was a story title that instantly made me think of TJ:

Pursed Lips in Poland Over Image of Purple Teletubby

The link goes to a related Washingtonpost.com blog article as the original is gone for some newfangled Internets reason. Like, 'pursed lips' and 'Teletubby' makes me think 'TJ', get it?!? Ha ha.

Jeez, I've been blogging so infrequently that the entries are falling off the page. My mind has been a whirlwind of tasks and chores in preparation for the move on Saturday. I found out that movers weren't as expensive as I remembered them to be. I tend to just assume everything is expensive in DC, but the price is worth it. I'll just make sure I watch the clock to ensure they bill me correctly. So like, friends who haven't called me in a while can feel safe calling me again. I won't ask you to help me move.

And I move not a moment too soon. Last night I heard the scrabbling sounds of a small mammal running around above the dropped ceiling tiles. My spiders were pissed and started lobbying me against the perils of illegal immigrants into our home. Legislation pending.

I know I haven't been posting about hot hairy scruffy guys lately either. I apologize, so here's woofy baseball player Mark Hendrickson of the Dodgers. Click the photo gallery on that link for more woofiness. Woof. And here's some woofy radio host named Matt Morris, not to be confused with the woofy pitcher Matt Morris, shown at left.

Joe.My.God went to see the Broadway stage production of Xanadu. I burn inside with fierce green flames of envy.

This move and the limitations my salary brings to my housing options got me thinking that I need to get a raise. Rent has doubled but my salary has increased only by slight increments. I'm in a department that is twice the size and twice as busy as other departments that have two to three people doing what I do, with my equivalents in said departments have higher titles which correspond with higher salaries. I either need an assistant or a raise for what they're having me do what I do now. Plus I often get the feeling that I'm considered little more than a desktop publishing program, as I often have little input into what I do and do well. It's not just the salary, but the responsibilities and skills I bring to the job and want to exercise that make me feel like it's time for a chat with the boss about something called a 'reclassification' of my title. For a job that gives me nightmares, I should be earning a little more so other stressors in life aren't so threatening. If that doesn't fly then I will go elsewhere within the institution. I still want to finish my Master's degree in management so I do plan on staying within the university, since reimbursed tuition is a nice perk and I am enjoying my classes.

Posted by jimbo at 8:13 PM | Comments (6)

May 29, 2007

your flatbed for a song

I had a nice holiday weekend. I was in dire need of a break from work, the city and personal thoughts and it was good to go somewhere with a slower pace. I went tubing down the James River with a friend and ate lots of good food, and just kind of sat around, which was nice. Charlottesville is just close enough that the trip isn't exhausting, just far enough that attitudes are different, as is the pace. After I move, I need to get out of town again!

I've pretty much settled on moving to 4th & Q by Saturday. Currently debating movers vs. moving myself. Movers are a wonderful luxury and I really don't have that much or that far to move. But movers are also expensive, and at the rate that I move that starts to add up.

Posted by jimbo at 11:12 AM | Comments (6)

May 25, 2007

a skwurl in my attic, a troll in the basement

Happy Memorial Day Weekend! If you have a backyard barbeque during the weekend, please save a burger or two for Ann Coulter:

I took today off - aaah, I needed that badly and a four-day weekend as well. With the impending move I'll probably take a few days off then, but there'll be some left for a summer vacation later.

I toured the latest home lead yesterday afternoon with Skwurl and Sean, who also happen to be looking for a shared 2BR unit. While we were viewing the home I noted that we would complete the triad of masc/musc/mil if we moved to this residence. I'll let you figure out who is which one. Anyway, I would conceivably take the basement unit, which was as 'cozy' as the landlord described. It even has its own spider population so I won't be lonely. I'll have to admit the upstairs is very nice, with a cute kitchen and four rooms on the 2nd floor, with a particularly sunny room facing the street that I already covet. The landlord is a gay soccer player, and not bad to look at either. I did not sleep with that landlord.

I'm encouraging Skwurl to make one of the upstairs rooms a "gaming room" with a large table with dice drawers for all our d20s. He's currently negotiating with Evil Sean on a gaming room vs. DJ studio. I mean, a gaming room idea is clearly cooler than the other idea. Anyway, there is a Gollum Hole from the basement to the 1st floor that Skwurl and Sean would occasionally drop food down for Sméagol if Sméagol is good. The place isn't 100% secured yet, but we all have good thoughts about it.

Posted by jimbo at 12:30 PM | Comments (9)

May 23, 2007

28 Weeks Later: not a good date movie

28 Weeks Later is not a good date film. And the moral of this movie is that you shouldn't be nice to people or Europe will get infected by the Rage virus. The moral of the first one, 28 Days Later, was don't be nice to monkeys. That makes a lot of sense to me. Monkeys are nasty and so are chimps.

I thought I was going to have nightmares last night after seeing the film, but apparently newsletter deadlines at work are more disturbing to me than flesh-biting enraged zombies. My work-related nightmares about rats peering at me from the air ducts have ended now that my big deadline has been met at work.

I wiped out on my bike today as I rode down the National Mall. A runner appeared from behind a tree, and I swerved on the pea gravel and landed on my shoulder and hands. A large group of tourists gathered around and I got up rather quickly and said, "I'm fine. Thank you." I think they also saw my other injuriy and thought I must do this all the time.

I got this stigmata (I also have a Gloriole) the same day as Jerry Falwell's funeral.
COINCIDENCE!? I THINK NOT!
I bleed for truth and justice. Let this day be a new day for My People.

I got a promising lead for a basement unit on Q and 4th that I will check out tomorrow. The area even has its own name-branded gang! The landlord sounds cool anyway, and the price is right. It is deeper into tha 'hood, but I was expecting to make some kind of sacrifice with the move.

Posted by jimbo at 10:49 AM | Comments (22)

May 22, 2007

leprechauns in the dust

My rugby team is composed of about 49% gay men, 49% straight men

...and two leprechauns:



Groundbreaking research finds that if you slow down a Kylie Minogue song it sounds like George Michael. Some queens have far too much time on their hands. But I'm just jealous. Imagine if you could harness that curiosity into more scientific innovation - queens would rule the world and/or take off into space and settle down in a distant galaxy.

Posted by jimbo at 2:23 PM | Comments (6)

May 21, 2007

OMG shoes

The end result of my rusty horseshoe restoration project:

Soaking them in super-steeped darjeeling tea added an interesting black patina to them, but the shoe wax just made them look greasy. They don't feel greasy though, and don't shed rust anymore.

Hunting for housing Sux Donkey Dick these days and has brought back some charming memories from past roomate situations. Like the one time I came home and a roomate was using my cherished ramen pot to melt her armpit wax. As I walked into the kitchen she was applying it right there next to the stovetop. Armpit stubble and congealing wax coated the sides of my pot. Or the guy who would drink himself unconscious over the course of the weekend until all he could do was puke blood. I'd clean blood splatters of the toilet rim most Monday mornings. I'd like to opt out of any roomate situations because of those memories. When I lived in an apartment, there were the two potheads in the unit across the hall who would get together every Saturday and smoke weed until 4am and yell "HEY MAN! YEAH, MAN! WOW MAN!" over 4,000 times in an evening. I'm not keen on apartments either.

I've come to realize I really like my spider-infested hobbit-hole basement unit on Vermont Ave. It's very quiet, close to everything, and I get a front and back yard. I like basement units.

The only non-roomate, non-apartment options within my price range are in places like Deanwood. Have you ever taken MetroRail to visit the Kennilworth Aquatic Gardens? The gardens are beautiful, but I'm not excited about living in a "transitional" neighborhood again - walking from the station to the gardens is a bit of a multicultural gauntlet.

I'm not coupled and am on a university salary, no car and work is on the Green Line. Ashburn and Sterling are not an option either. My pay is pretty good for a university salary, but DC is now affordable only for overpaid lawyers, corrupt Bush appointees, and couples who are willing to live within 5' of each other at all times. Friends who lament my exodus from the gayborhood are all in fixed-price rental situations and have no idea how things have changed in just two years. Equivalent places like where I have lived have doubled in price in two years while my paycheck has not. There is supposedly a real estate crash going on, but I think that only means flippers won't get double back anymore - just like 1.75 times the original price (waaah!), and they don't sell in a week, more like a month (waaah!). An informal survey stroll down T Street between 10th and 7th this weekend found about 5 homes for sale, 2 for rent signs and 4 other cat-factory style run-down homes. I've investigated the squatting laws in DC and that option isn't viable (or legal) either.

I like my job, and I like where I live, and I don't want to switch jobs just to be able to pay for housing. The options dwindle after that decision is made. Convenience of commuting is also a factor - I drew the line at 45 minutes max long ago - either by car or mass transit. Anything longer than that is a significant drop in quality of life. I do lots of activities downtown and I don't like the idea of going back and forth all day, especially with the MetroRail system sucking as much as it has been lately. With my last two moves I've lucked out where places have fallen into my lap in one way or another, but I have a bad feeling about this move.

Posted by jimbo at 7:50 PM | Comments (9)

May 17, 2007

Happy Syttende Mai!

OMG DJ TM™ is hawt. So is the one to his left. Photos by Joe Tresh. Grrrr!

Speaking of whores and harlots, the Washington Renegades Rugby Football Club is having a 'harlotfest' tournament this Saturday morning starting at 10ish at the field behind the Holocaust Museum*. A harlotfest is where players are somewhat randomly assigned to their team, as opposed to playing on a team they have practiced with.

It'll be one of the last easily accessible matches of the season, so come watch. Social to follow at Titan.

If that isn't butch enough for you, don't miss The Great Big International Drag King Show 007 at the 9:30 Club on Saturday night, the featured entertainment event for the Gender Public Advocacy Coalition's 2007 GenderYOUTH Leadership Summit.

*Raoul Wallenberg Field (3 blocks West of Smithsonian Metro on the Blue/Orange Line; or 15th and C St. SW between Independence Ave and Maine Ave SW Washington, DC)

Posted by jimbo at 8:07 AM | Comments (2)

May 9, 2007

some résumé advice

I am no expert career counselor or business consultant, but I have just sorted through a pile of 60 résumés at work. It's the third interview committee I’ve served on since I started in my department, and I’ve been paying attention to the resumes and interviewees because I think it will come in handy some day. As a résumé reviewer I can share with you what bugs me about résumés, and some frequent mistakes:

- 8pt font is too small for old people like me. While I can see a hummingbird hump a beetle a mile away, close-up is tough and just getting tougher to read. Keep your font size to 10 or 12, Times New Roman in my opinion. After reading 60 résumés, 8pt gets really tough to read, and I’d just rather throw such a resume into the trash can. For that matter, font sizes above 14 are unnecessary as they look goofy and also take up space that could be filled with something more important;

- Keep it simple, concise and brief. Don't send your entire work history or curriculum vitae. We did not ask for that, we asked for a cover letter and résumé. More is not good in this case. You are impressing no one, long résumé are harder to sift through, and it takes a lot of time to read through it.

- I believe in the 1-page résumé. If you are concise and a good writer, you can do it. I really don’t need to know your work experience past 1997 if it isn’t relevant to the job. If you can write concisely, I’m impressed;

- I personally don’t mind unexplained gaps of time in your résumé, but I can’t say it won’t make other people worry. Either the job wasn’t relevant to position in question, or you were off “finding yourself”. Good for you, and next time bring back some Toblerone or Nutella while you’re at it;

- On the cover letter make sure your signature line does not spill onto a second page. Again, keep it one page, keep it simple, and don’t BS. Don’t be flowery or try to adore me with your writing, I just want the facts. Make sure your name and address is at the top as well, just like they told you to do when you learned about writing business letters. The reason for this is when I have a stack of resumes and I am looking for your name, I want to be able to thumb through one end or the other and still be able to find your name;

- Unless it’s in application for a design-related position, don’t get fancy-schmancy with your boxes, colors, lines or fonts. Keep it real;

- Interview committees are probably required to rate resumes according to itemized job requirements listed in the job announcement. Make sure you clearly and concisely address every requirement or duty if you can in the résumé. We are looking for key words here, so if you paraphrase what we wrote to say what you did, it helps us find this information quickly and easily, and you’ll end up getting ‘scored’ better;

- I’ll overlook a few spelling errors but not everyone is so merciful, especially if you spell your own name wrong. At least have a friend look it over before you send it;

- If you’re not done with your degree, don’t list all your coursework you’ve completed on the way to degree completion. All I want to know is if you are going for your degree or if you have completed it. I do not want to know if you quit grad school or tech school 6 years ago, and you shouldn’t say so either;

- The name of your company isn’t as important to me as your experience and accomplishments. Keep it all the same font size. Date and duration at any job is somewhat important, but not as important (to me) as what you did there;

I know some people will disagree with a few of these points, but like I said in the first paragraph, these these are my personal observations. But there is a lot of voodoo advice you hear about what to do or not to do with your resume. The easiest piece of advice is that you should put yourself in the shoes of the interviewing committee and think about what they want to see and how much time they have to go through your résumé.

Next week: how to impress me in an interview. For example, no gum-chewing (and snapping!) in the interviews.

Posted by jimbo at 1:38 PM | Comments (12)

May 3, 2007

Crocs Code

Posted by jimbo at 2:20 PM | Comments (23)

May 1, 2007

mean streak

So I was running on the National Mall yesterday with my masc/musc/mil running "bud" Skwurl and he like says I get gayface when I run up stairs during a run. Whatever.

Anyway, the hyper rodent's encouragement to run my ass up the stairs of the Lincoln Memorial was rewarding. I had never actually been up there near Abe's crotch. The view was indeed inspiring - of the Reflecting Pool that is. Too bad I was near death from the exertion.

Anyway, I halved my last batch of antidepressants in April to welcome the warm, sunny weather and have then been off them completely since they ran out a week or so ago. I can now boast that I can cum in less than 45 minutes, which is great. And no more all-body sweats that can sometimes be embarrassing. However there's this all-body numbness and unnerving tingling that you get which forces you to realize you're coming down from being on a pharmecutical, which is disturbing. I don't like to be enslaved to Tha Man (Pharmecutical Megacorporations). While the Cymbalta did shear off the lows over the winter, it really didn't make them go away. It was an experiment I'm not sure I'm going to repeat next winter. I think regular exercise and getting to bed at a decent hour every night is half the battle.

But I wonder if it's me or if somebody at work put a few ounces of crystal meth into a box of kittens and puppies just to see what happens, then left me to deal with it. Everyone is wired and running around at full tilt. Alas, the deadline for the mega-newsletter was not met, but I've decided to stop working until 8 to get it done every night of the week. It will get done, just please everybody, stop snorting Tina at work!

OMG Heroes was awesome tonight. 5 years into the future and Nathan Petrelli is proposing genocide for all the "special people." Not the first self-loathing person in a position of political power making detrimental decisions against a minority. Anyway, thank GWAR Peter got a new hairdo in the future, but we'll miss Jessica. I still think Niki/Jessica is simply a crazy person, not super-powered. Sylar is a wonderful villian - he never dies and he always has something up his sleeve for next time.

But I think I still might have to go back on antidepressants if I have to wait until 2008 to see a new Battlestar Galactica episode. Really, I'm fine:

Posted by jimbo at 8:38 AM | Comments (10)

April 29, 2007

weekend project

I have two horseshoes I'd like to preserve. The smaller one was found in northern Kyrgizstan 10 years ago when I was hiking from Almaty, the former capitol of Kazakstan, to Kyrgizstan. I found it when we ascended from the Tien Shan mountains into Kyrgizstan.

The larger one was found off of highway 80 in Virginia, while I was peeing on the roadside (too far from a rest stop). I did not pee on the horseshoe.

Through some contacts I learned from Gretchen Voeks, a conservator at the National Parks Service Western Archeological and Conservation Center in Tucson, AZ, who specializes in the preservation of metal and stone. Her recommendations for my horseshoe project are as follows:

- If the horseshoe has been exposed to salt water then electrolysis is the proper method;

Sorry, don't want to deal with electricity.

- If no salts are involved then a 10% solution of Coca Cola or Citric Acid should be used, then rinse thoroughly;

I'm currently doing this.

- Coat the horseshoe with tannic acid;

Umm...where the hell do I find tannic acid?

- Finish with “butchers wax” or “bowling alley wax”.

I'll improvise with Doc Martens shoe tenderizing oil.

I may later display them in a shadow box or some other intensely gay method of making rusty horseshoes look fabulous.

Posted by jimbo at 5:35 PM | Comments (7)

April 20, 2007

field report from Homer

Homer called me from the Minneapolis airport en route to his hometown and reported that he went to the MPLS airport A&W to sample some of the local cuisine, batterfried cheese curds:

Next time you go through there, it's the only A&W Root Beer store in the food court, and it looks like this:

Another interesting cultural trait of the Midwest is that anglo Caucasians perform manual labor in middle America. Looking back at those pictures I took a few years ago made me hungry for cheese curds and Caucasian manual laborers. I'm looking forward to going back home this summer.

Posted by jimbo at 8:30 AM | Comments (13)

April 18, 2007

"So...what do you do?"

Oh jeezus christ people. Calm down.

It's been most inconvenient," said Dacrie Brooks, a public relations professional attending the annual convention of the National Association of Broadcasters in Las Vegas. "I've been using (my BlackBerry) for all my communications because I don't have access to my laptop between meetings. It's been a challenging day because I'm missing things left and right. That's not fun."

I keep forgetting to write about something that actually doesn't annoy me, I think since so many anoying things interrupt my thoughts all the time. The question that so many people find dreadful - "So...what do you do?" - really doesn't bother me that much. Yes, it is a question that is often overused in this region, but it is a question I had to seriously ask myself not so long ago.

In the midst of the dot-com era I worked as a website designer, and still do for limited amounts of time. But while I was doing it full-time and earning good money, I hated it most of the time. Then I bounced from one all-tech job to another, still hating what I was doing, but couldn't figure out why. Finally at the last job I hated so bad my boss even told me I hated it (which I denied at the time) I sought out the help of two fabulous and wise career counselors in exchange for launching their first business website.

While I had read through the infamous self-help book What Color is Your Parachute I knew I needed more personal advice from people who knew my situation and the town I was in. So after a few career counseling sessions I redirected my career path towards people and communicating, rather than web coding. It helped me better enjoy the 40+ hours that was part of my life.

While some do use the question as a method of appraisal in social settings, when asked what I do for a living I instead choose take it as a query into what I try to enjoy and excel at during a major portion of my life. I figure if you do something for that amount of time you might as well enjoy what you're doing and get paid for it too.

Of course my personal, home, social and recreational lives are just as important as my work life, and I try to balance them in equal portions. But I give people a break using that question in social situations since it's an easy avenue into a basic conversation. We all work, or most of us do, and answering it won't kill you. One only hopes that people asking it are actually interested in the other portions of my life too, since those aspects of a person's life are just as important as their work life. While my job doesn't identify me as a person, it does constitute a significant part of me, so I perceive the question as valid.

After the break is a simple exercise I did under career counseling that you can use to evaluate your gifts, passions, and values. Prioritize a short list of each, evaluate these items, and use your answers to direct your career search or development. I thought it was pretty useful and simple to conduct. As my career counselor said, "You're paid to use your gifts on things you're passionate about, in an environment that fits your values."

GIFTS

- connector ("Jimbo makes the people come together")
- graphics / desktop publishing / web work
- creativity / writing - I love (creative) writing and am told I write well
- information organization - I make great travel planning packages for work trips
- facilitation / planning - must...control...situation
- communication / speaking - no fear of public contact, but can be drained by it
- leader (president of college organizations, always organizing trips and similar events)

PASSIONS

- environment / natural world / wildlife
- making/creating things
- rugby
- outdoors / backpacking
- sci-fi / fantasy
- urban decay / rising crime rate / urban affordability

VALUES

- regular routine so I know whats coming
- variety / diversity of tasks
- no outrageous commute (downtown DC or Metrorail accessible)
- happy, educated, bright coworkers (I absorb the vibes around me too easily)
- mid- to small- sized company, nonprofit or association
- coworkers receptive to my skill advice and expertise
- equal pay for equal work - senority should not be the biggest determinant for salaries...production should
- my work can be accomplished in a 40-hour work week, within 8 hours each day
- when necessary (and only then) one must work late on occasion
- food and sleep should not be sacrificed for work
- my home/social/active life is just as important than my work life
- coworkers are just that...all should be equal in the workplace, and function as a unit or a team
- while professionalism is important, workplace stoicism is silly...your work persona should not deviate much from your normal persona...I want to work with people, not automatons
- flexible work schedules
- casual attire at work
- making good money

Posted by jimbo at 11:32 PM | Comments (8)

April 16, 2007

just some things from the Internets

Here are a few things I found on the Internets about Virginia's gun control laws, concealed versus open weapons, and having weapons on educational institutions:

In Virginia there is no state requirement that there be a waiting period for gun sales beyond the "instant check" in federal law. Police are not given any additional time to run a criminal background check to make sure the gun buyer is not prohibited from acquiring firearms. There is no "cooling off" period to help prevent crimes of passion.

As I watched the very sad 10-o'clock news this evening I thought about the recent Virginia concealed weapons law, whether there is any point in having a weapon on a campus, and the ease of purchase of handguns during times of passion. The story still is unfolding, the event is tragic, but for some reason people are thinking about gun control laws a lot more this time. Perhaps these tragedies are happening far too frequently?

But before I freak out and demand complete bans on all incendiaries, handguns and explosives, I think back on my time on a very gun-friendly campus in Wisconsin, where class attendance was unofficially waived during deer hunting season, students had rifles in their dorm rooms, and high-powered rifles were waiting out in their cars in the parking lots, ready for the hunt. I shared housing with these people, I was openly gay, and at anytime someone could have blown my brains out.

Everyone had guns where I grew up. They were part of the household landscape. You took your gun safety course and you went out and got some low-fat meat for the winter. There were accidents, and the state had its own shooting tragedy in 2004, and a follow-up incident in early 2007.

There are degrees of gun control laws, some more effective than others depending on the time and place. Sane people don't shoot other people, but there should be some challenges in obtaining a handgun, semiautomatic or automatic weapon. And it should be legal to question the purchase of one. Nobody needs to have a gun at their side for a swagger into Dodge anymore, and if we need to take up arms against an internal or external oppressor, the oppressor probably has better weaponry anyway. A handgun won't do much good against a dirty bomb, LAW rocket or a loaded chopper.

So I'm feeling kind of fuzzy on a lot of points here, but at this time I do know that there is no good reason to have handguns around on a campus, people shouldn't be able to buy multiple guns at a one-stop shop, and that you should be able to lawfully stop someone carrying an open weapon on a campus. As for The District, that's another entry altogether...

Posted by jimbo at 10:41 PM | Comments (13)

April 3, 2007

those crazy catholics

Bong hit or yellow hanky action?

You be the judge.

OK, so who's Karen Black? I guess I have to see 'Trilogy of Terror' as she's some kind of gay icon or something. Fill me in, gays. Apparently I'm supposed to know who she is by both the Bored of Gay Approval and the Sci-Fi/Horror Council of Elders.

Posted by jimbo at 11:16 AM | Comments (17)

March 28, 2007

hyper skwurls burn out fast

Skwurl: "OMG, OMG: when are you coming back?!?! We're going to start running when you get your bloated ass back to DC!!! OMG, OMG, are you back yet?!?"
Jimbo: ("Read the frikkin' blog, betch, and your questions will be answered....")
Skwurl: "OMG, OMG! When are you coming back?!?! We're going to start running when you get your 1/2 Norwegian, 1/4 Irish, 1/4 English white-ass back to DC!!! OMG, OMG, are you back yet?!?"
Jimbo: "I'm back! We can go running Wednesday night."
Skwurl: "Oh, I ate some acorns and now I have to stay home and study blah bleh blah blah..."

Um, whatever. I'll go run myself. And there were like 22 voice mail messages on my home phone when I got back from Tucson, all from people who read my blog. Do y'all just look at the pictures? I was not at home.

Anyway, I'm back to the grind, starting to think about rental units (house) in the $1,100 (max!) range in DuPont, Logan, U Street, Shaw, or LeDroit. I have until June 30, so I have the luxury of being picky at the moment. A garden would be nice, but I realize I may not be able to be that picky. No party gurls, no drama, fems are OK. I have fish, but no other furry animals other than myself. I'd rather not live in a shared situation. I am tidy, my rent is on time and my checks don't bounce. I fart occasionally, however.

Another photo by Panchesco - American Gothic featuring Jimbo and Homer:

Posted by jimbo at 1:59 PM | Comments (10)

March 21, 2007

a remarkably ordered flight

OMG I made the flight without sleeping in this time! It was at 2:30pm so that helped.

Frontier Airlines names each of their planes after an animal. I was on the plane named 'Flip' after a Bottlenose Dolphin.

While flying we were parallel with another plane's contrail. When you look at a contrail from the side you can see that they are totally tubular structures of water vapor, rather than the percieved flat line that they look like from below.

When I disembarked Flip in Denver, I checked my ticket and found that my connecting gate was the one I had just left. It was Flip all the way to Tucson, and in the same seat OMG!

If there weren't screeching children near me the whole way, the flight would have been perfect. Quite a far cry from the Costa Rica mayhem. Again, no early morning flights ever!

I am now at Homer's house and have already said hello to Molly, Puff, Joey and Mama Cat. Tomorrow we will see a friend's garden and perhaps go to Gonkawalda Caverns or something like that.

I forgot my binoculars, but since this Tucson trip is all about Geology and not Ornithology that's OK.

Posted by jimbo at 12:10 AM | Comments (4)

March 16, 2007

Blowoff this Saturday night

To end the week of hunky leprechauns I give you the art of Blowoff by Linas Garsys:

March is generally my worst work month ever, but I've been holdin' it together and keepin' a cool head at work. It helps that we have several new but very energetic and motivated coworkers to help me out.

Tonight's cool rain should give the buds a boost out there. I'm already starting to smell the dogwoods in bloom. I'll keep my gardening to a minimum this spring as I don't care to leave my efforts behind in June.

Posted by jimbo at 1:55 AM | Comments (2)

March 15, 2007

the sap is flowing

Rusty Dewees is a Vermont performance artist who does a one man show called The Logger. The image is from his 2002 calendar (March: maple syrup season). Caption for the photo: "Hey Aunt Jemima, gather this!" Photo courtesy of Boobob:


And the sap is indeed flowing in the sugar maples of West Virginia, while spring peepers (a very tiny frog in charge of announcing spring) have already been heard in Maryland. While rugby practice has started, I'll be going to my first practice tonight now that it's warmed up a bit. Here's a pic by Blogstar Brettie of me from last fall, 2nd from left, swinging my arms like an ape as I gape at the cute scrumhalf on my team:



Once, not long ago, I wore glasses. But that was before I got laser-enhanced vision, which was well worth the $2,200 per eye:


This photo was taken by BlogStar Brettie last spring at the Bingham Cup in NYC. The gentleman at my shoulder is Raimundo from Anchorage, who was clearly cruising somebody at the time.

Posted by jimbo at 8:58 AM | Comments (1)

March 14, 2007

decisions, decisions...

I got notice in the mail today that the landlord wants to move back into the house where I live, and that I'll need to move out by June 30. I live in the basement unit, and have a front and backyard, which has been nice to garden in. My neighborhood is generally quiet and nice. I get along with the upstairs roomates well, and have grown to like my 'hood and my spider roomates, but such is the fate of a renter.

I'm not ready to buy a home, either mentally or financially, and I don't think the current prices are worth the hype. People are still getting mugged and killed in the 20001 zip code. I'd still rather live in a rental unit in a house, but I know those prices have gone up too. I don't like condos or apartments, and would rather not have a roomate. I need my Jimbo Time.

So I need to mentally prepare for a move, and start considering my options. I'm about halfway through grad school, and free education as part of my work benefits ain't bad, and I think an MS in Public Affairs Management would help me a lot down the road. I get a decent salary but it's not high enough to both live in DC and allow for savings even without a car. I've been applying for many jobs in DC and Portland, Oregon, but no bites yet even though I'm very qualified for the ones I've applied to. I currently have the luxury of being selective.

It seems like applying to jobs in Portland from afar isn't working. I think they see my DC zip code and throw it in the trash. Plus focused job searches in environmental work doing communications are very competitive out there. Portland is like DC, but for the environmental set, in that it attacts a lot of highly qualified people. I think moving there would improve my chances for hiring consideration, but it would be a move without a job, which would be expensive.

So there are many big choices to think about: live in DC, on the Green Line, near work or where my friends live? Move to Portland or move within DC? Roomate or not? Shoot for a higher-paying job at the loss of free tuition benefits, or stay where I am and finish my degree as I work? There is time to think right now, which is good.

Posted by jimbo at 4:21 PM | Comments (16)

March 8, 2007

St. Metrorailus of Dantantius

This is St. Metrorailus of Dantantius, patron saint of all suffering commuters:

Various tidbits of news and information from my blessed readers:

Miss Manners movie review of the Empire Strikes Back.

From JoeMyGod: Trekkie Recreates Awesome Set of Star Trek: Voyager in a Studio Apartment.

OMG Kylie. Kylie walks down stairwell safely, wearing pink. Entire southern hemisphere watches in awe.

Posted by jimbo at 1:39 PM | Comments (9)

March 6, 2007

the facts of life from jimbo

Everyone is checking their e-mail, but no one is actually reading it.

Blogs become exponentially more interesting as the due date for your mid-term exam paper approaches.

Bitch, no it's not funny when you're driving the wrong way down a busy one-way street AND talking on your cell phone. You almost hit the cute bike messenger. Get that smile off your face before I slap it off like how Charlene's gonna bitch slap the next fucker that says "faggot".

The promise of a snow day becomes less exciting the more miles you tread on icy, unshoveled sidewalks in DC.

Surprise porn-stars-as-conservative-shills that keep appearing from the ether surprise me less often as they used to. But don't worry, judging by Gannon's writing career, they get less than 15 minutes of fame.

Deadly staph infections aren't as funny as they used to be when your friend gets sick from it.

Don't drink a Guiness an hour and a half before your mid-term exam paper deadline.

Posted by jimbo at 4:29 PM | Comments (1)

March 2, 2007

Unspeakable Joy: The Foam Party @ Jimbo's

Some words of wisdom before the weekend: High-Concentrate Joy diswashing liquid is not a good substitute for when you run out of Sun-Light dishwashing machine detergent. The two substances act markedly different in the dishwashing machine:

Oh well, the floor needed mopping anyway. Everything is sparkly-clean and lemony fresh now!

I was wondering why my diswashing machine sounded muffled for so long during its first wash cycle.

Posted by jimbo at 8:45 AM | Comments (14)

sometimes a blog is for venting

Sometimes I write entries because it makes me feel better. Sometimes my questions are rhetorical. Sometimes there's no point to what I write here, and its just me venting and ranting for the sake of catharsis. In the olden days thats what blogs were initially for, and I intend to keep it real at least some of the time.

That's not to say that I'm not green with envy that Joe is getting a 'legit' blog deal with ads and banners and stuff. I also like to blog because it helps me write better, and allows me to share my ideas. It would be nice to get some bucks after all these years, or to write for something I'm passionate about (other than me as the subject) and earn some pay. But then again I've heard too many stories from fellow old-skool bloggers that started writing for a service and hated it, because writing for pay took a lot of the fun out of it.

Anyway, back to narcissism and self-absorbed thoughts: Gurl asked me a funny question the other day that took me off guard but made me think. "Jimbo, do you like dating?" The question came after a discussion about dating versus tricking in getting to know people, and how Gurl is always so amazed by the number of dates that I go on.

My answer was, "Well of course I don't like dating for the sake of dating. I don't do it because I like the practice. I'm doing it to get to know people with the ultimate goal of finding that special someone some day." Dating is expensive, and sometimes uncomfortable or inconvenient. But I have nothing to complain about from the past year - I've met lots of wonderful guys and had some nice dinner conversations. But that doesn't always get you laid and the payouts aren't always worth the effort. I'm a big 'ol romantic girl at heart, and am looking for that spark of interest that makes me passionate about being with someone.

I wouldn't go so far to say singleness is an illness. I really like my private time to regenerate, and contrary to some may perceive I'm actually an introvert, if you go by the technical description of the personality type. I'm incredibly social when I'm well-rested and have had my private time to myself, but if I'm worn out from work or a tight schedule, I'm admittedly the last person you'll want to be around. I don't gain energy from socialization, I have to have energy in the bank before I socialize. That's why dating isn't actually enjoyable to me, because it takes energy, unless I'm energized by the person in question, which has been rare of late.

Anyhow, my current thoughts on the topic are much like what Gay Canuck in the Capital writes, as he seems to get that question quite often as well. I'm not going anywhere on this topic, because sometimes a blog is for venting and catharsis.

I am going snowboarding tomorrow with ski slope partner Skip, the Evil Veterinarian, out at Snowshoe in West Virginia. It might rain out there, which would make the slopes all icy, which sucks for snowboarding. Or it might come down as snow out there, which would be nice. Anyhow, I'm fortunate to have friends (with cars) who ski, because I gave up on that Yahoo Groups gay/les/bi/whatever ski group, becuase it struck me as a marketing vehicle for the travel industry. Not cool. I get enough SPAM in my e-mail box, and don't need to be part of a marketing effort under the guise of an organization.

Posted by jimbo at 8:32 AM | Comments (5)

February 27, 2007

When to S.T.F.U.

Dear Queen Kong:

Did you miss the part in TJs invitation to the Oscar party that specifically says show up at 7:45 or before? It still didn't start until 8:30 - you arrived at 8:35 and did. not. shut. the. fuck. up.

Gurl, if you show up late to a viewing event of any kind, tone it down a bit upon your arrival. You're late, you suck, so shut the fuck up. I don't care how gay-fabulous you are, you're late and you're loud. Shut the fuck up. I missed the entire intro montage because of your mindless gibbering. And shut the fuck up when somebody's giving their acceptance speech too. I got the worst score for Oscar predictions out of like 200 homos, and it's probably your fault becuase you can't shut the fuck up. I could hear you across town and my predictions were scrambled because of your subspace yammering.

As a rule of thumb, here's a guide of when to appropriately shut the fuck up:

- Events: Olympics opening and closing ceremonies, Grammys, Oscars, Madonna interviews. Panels, seminars and breaking news. Any time Bjork tries to speak intelligibly.

- Acceptance Speeches: Any. You will be slain on sight if your vocal cords even twitch while Sigourney Weaver, Olivia Newton-John, or Kylie Minogue are accepting an award of any kind, even if they win a cheap plastic Happy Meal prize.

- Televised Reunions: The original Revolution, Spice Girls or Duran Duran.

- Programs: Battlestar Galactica, Heroes, any of the Stargate franchises.

- Heretofore unseen cinema previews of another Aliens sequel, The Transformers live-action film, and anything Marvel, even if it's a suck-ass movie like Ghost Rider.

Shut the fuck up. Thank you.

Posted by jimbo at 11:38 AM | Comments (20)

February 25, 2007

stalking stalkers

The Great Purple Blob on the radar dropped a nice amount of snow today, but it was just a day too early. Again, I beseech future Great Purple Blobs on the radar to drop their bounty during the week. Gurl took some pictures while I was sleeping in. I only caught the tail end of the snowfall as I woke up late (again).



Last night a bunch of us went to Remington's to see Skwurl off as he's going on a trip to an undisclosed location for a while. Again let me say how delightful it was to be there smoke-free, as it was formerly one of the worst (or best) bars for chainsmokers. Still they huddle outside to smoke, which must be a pain for the guy at the door to have them going in and out so much.

Not only did the bloggeratti show up, but so did a bunch of drunk rugby teammates, coming from the 6 Nations tournament viewing at Fado. They were well-lit by the time they arrived, and included a few of our straight teammates as well. One of 'em asked me if he could have a sip of my drink and the bitch sucked the whole thing down! After a while he bought me a new one though. They also complained of being felt up in the bar, but were good sports about it. I'm just jealous that they got felt up and I didn't.

At one point me, Skwurl, Ryan and Carl were on the stairwell between the two floors, looking down at the dance floor. Suddenly Carl tensed up and started trembling, and muttered to me that his stalker had arrived, who started talking to him and me. Carl quickly disappeared, leaving me to speak, or actually just listen to, the stalker talk about how incredible Carl was. Not that Carl isn't incredible, but it was really creepy how he went on and on to me about Carl. Yet I continued to listen, as stalkers fascinate me. I refrained from telling the stalker about how purportedly huge Carl's member was, as it would probably only encourage the stalking.

I have a number of friends with stalkers of various levels of creepiness and psychoness. Luckily I have not had the pleasure of being stalked overtly, as I think they know better or are content limiting themselves to blogstalking in silence. I either ignore them or they see the look in my eyes that says, "Keep pushin' it and I'm going to physically remind you to stay out of my life." Violence goes both ways, and as Stebbins once said to me, "Jimbo, you don't take any shit." And I don't.

I have noticed a number of similarities between all the stalkers in my freind's lives, and they can be summed up as follows:

- Most stalkers have a limited ability to socialize normally, and very low self-perception. They don't know how outright creepy they are, and they can't seem to perceive that the object of their obsession is at least unnerved by their attentions, at worst frightened.

- Most stalkers do not have a support group of friends to keep them grounded. They tend to live in their own mind without the advice a circle of friends as a sounding board that would keep a normal person aware of the effects of their actions and words.

- Most stalkers thrive on attention from their targets/victims, and any attention, no matter how long it's been or how terrible they've behaved towards thier victim, just sets them off and often makes their stalking worse. Don't give stalkers any attention.

Stalking is a serious issue when it happens, requiring the victim to have to change phones, addresses or even cities. Sometimes it leads to violence, property damage or even death. In DC, escalated or endangering stalking can be reported to the Metropolitan Police Gay and Lesbian Liaison (GLLU). What stalker experiences have you readers endured, and how did you have to deal with it in the end? Feel free to share in the comments section.

Tonight I'm going to TJ and Rob's for some hot Oscar action. I've seen very few of this year's nominees, and am mainly going for the fine socialization and merriment to be had at the birthday boys' home.

Posted by jimbo at 6:33 PM | Comments (13)

February 23, 2007

work sucks, but at least my office is sunny

Here's a view of me and my office window. Squirrels frolic on the branches of the oak tree outside. Except when there are Cooper's hawks hunting them. Then they hide.

I like my phallic cactus plantings.

I have the same camera at work that I have at home. How come photos taken in poor lighting conditions with my work camera are always grainy? There's some setting with my work camera that is different from my home camera I think.

I noticed a tiny yellow-white blossom on a cactus plant in my office today. I've never had a cactus bloom on me before.

Those are acorns in the spillway tray. I happen to like acorns and they matched the terra cotta pot.

Posted by jimbo at 2:47 PM | Comments (6)

Keep Redheads out of Iraq!

I don't approve of sending Prince Harry, or any redhead for that matter, off to Iraq. It's wrong and it could endanger the future of my pool of redheads, daywalkers and ginger kids to choose from. KEEP REDHEADS OUT OF IRAQ!

A grain of salt for you people out there: crimeny, I don't hate the film Brokeback Mountain - I liked it and it was a well-made film. I was just kidding in yesterday's post because people get so goddamn worked up about that movie it is entertaining to me to see people have a spaz about it when I say I didn't like it. It's just a movie, calm down people!

Again, only 95% of what you read on this blog is true. I like most Ang Lee films, and I think he gets the best out of his actors. All his films are the same - he does angst very well. Whether it is Ennis, The Hulk, Chow Yung-Fat or Sigourney Weaver, all the characters in his movies have regrets. I just watched The Hulk last weekend again and I've never seen Sam Elliott or Nick Nolte act that well before - they both have these awesome raving monologues in the film. And that woofy Eric Bana totally plays a typical tortured Ang Lee character throughout the entire film.

Apparently there was some hot scruffy redhead in The Hulk but I somehow missed him.

With the weather getting warmer, mornings coming sooner and sunsets happening later I have noticed a light at the end of the tunnel in terms of my mood. It's easier to get up in the morning, and it's much nicer to leave work when it is still light outside. December and January seem to be the worst months, and I'm never really aware of how sour my mood is until I start feeling better. And the sex drive returns too. It's sorta like listening to Morrissey songs for two months and then one day waking up feeling like this:

Or like this:

Posted by jimbo at 11:02 AM | Comments (10)

February 22, 2007

Ghost Rider sucked _this_ bad

Aww jeez, Ghost Rider is #1 at the box office this week. I can't believe it, but then again, if Americans can vote for Bush twice, they'll go see Ghost Rider I guess.

While I like my geek comic book movies, Ghost Rider sucked supreme donkey dick from start to finish, from script to CGI. It's up there as one of the shittiest comic book turned motion picture ever, right up there with Swamp Thing (starring Adrienne Barbeau, the only star of the film I must add).

Anyway, the plot of the film goes like this: Nicholas Cage's character used to be hot in the first part of the film, but then they ruin everything and fast forward to present and suddenly he has a bad wig because he sells his soul to the Devil. Not even the Devil's Contract can burn off his bad wig, not even when his skull bursts into flame. It's like an asbestos wig from hell on his head, and it possesses his mind and makes him say bad, poorly written lines in the film. I just couldn't get past that wig, I'm sorry.

Then four evil gay elemental DC Cowboy demons start chasing him. Then Eva Mendez tries to act. Then there's all this pointless CGI of swirling black shit flying through the air and then the bad guy dies because he's saw the sins of some village or something.

I'm just trying to help you people here. Don't see this film. I disliked it more than I disliked Brokeback Mountain. But at least there wasn't as many bad wigs in Brokeback, as far as I could tell. Maybe a pubic wig, maybe.

And in her time, Adrienne Barbeau could kick your pansy ass across the street - twice. I just have to make sure that fact is known. In Swamp Thing, she fucking took this heavy-ass scuba tank and fucking clocked this guy across the head, and it was the first time in cinematic history where a Latina with a French last name fought back after being chased by bad guys.

Posted by jimbo at 10:44 PM | Comments (14)

February 20, 2007

the bitter winds of March blow forth...

Nothing is more humiliating than coming into work and having to explain 3,205 times to all my coworkers why I'm at work and not on vacation.

And before coming in to work, I found my first grey chest hair. Part of me is thinking, "Wuuuf. Jimbo is Daddylicious!" but another part of me is thinking, "NOOOOO! I can't be getting grey chest hairs yet!" What's worse is that it appears that grey chest hairs stand out straighter and more prominently than their neighbors, as if to say, "Look, look at me!"

And then the crazy person at work who last week asked me to do a photoshoot of his trophy asked me how much leaded crystal weighs versus molded acrylic plastic. News Flash: Do I look like a fucking materials engineer? Do I look like a fucking precious crystals appraiser? Did we just shift into Dungeons and Dragons land and I now have 4 ranks in the Appraisal skill? WTF are you asking me this shit for? Do I look like a theives guildmaster?

Do not, I repeat, DO NOT go see Ghost Rider in the theaters. It sucks supreme donkey dick. I kept waiting for the flaming skull head to burn away Nicholas Cage's bad wig, but that moment never came.

Spring is here, according to the birds. On Saturday I heard several house finches declaring their arrival, and some goldfinches too. Today I heard the first red-winged blackbird call near the College Park MetroRail station. Soon the spring peepers (a tiny frog) will be doing their spring thing too.

Posted by jimbo at 4:31 PM | Comments (9)

February 18, 2007

pity party over, other parties begin

The pity party is over, and I've reconciled with cancelling the trip with few regrets. Yeah, I fucked up in how I was going to get to the airport, and air travel sucks donkey dick these days, so maybe the trip just wasn't meant to be. Or perhaps I really needed that hour of sleep that made me late for the flight.

I've cancelled trips spontaneously before. I know if my mind is not into it I won't have a good time. I cancelled a three day backpacking trip when it wouldn't stop raining, since I know three days in the rain is no fun. I went on a trip to San Francisco once when I was unemployed, and all I could think about while I was there was how I was going to save money. In short, I don't leave my mental baggage at home very easily, and I don't feel I had the resources (mental, financial or emotional) to recover from a cancelled flight. The mind has to be on vacation with the body, and clearly I wasn't together on that. Looking back on it I realize I was half asleep the entire morning of the ordeal, making bad decisions the entire day and the day before. Many shoulda, couldas and wouldas, but I didn't, and that's just how it goes.

I got over myself and went out to a nice party yesterday evening, but you can see how beat I was from the day's ordeal:

I left the party fairly early, brought a book to bed and fell asleep while trying to read.

The next trip to The Tucson Dance Party 3000 has already been easy to arrange, and my flight is booked for 2pm - very little room for sleeping in this time. I hope to also see some condors at the Grand Canyon, and perhaps some bears in Phoenix.

Posted by jimbo at 6:48 PM | Comments (6)

February 14, 2007

bleh!

Yaay for Snow Day, blek for Valentine's Day:

Since it's the most horrid day of the year, let's bitch about things today:

Note to cute upstairs neighbor seen sprinkling salt on an unshoveled sidewalk: hon, you're adorable, but you must be from a southern state. No amount of salt will disintegrate 4 inches of snow - you have to shovel it first, then sprinkle the salt on the concrete to keep it from icing over. I guess I'll be shoveling today, which is a good workout. Don't forget to warm up your muscles before shoveling heavy, wet snow.

I keep reading articles about bad planning and poor management in the Federal government. While we hail your decision in calling a Snow Day for the DC Metropolitan region today, I think it's time to get your shit together in other, major areas. I'm currently taking an Organizational Leadership and Decision-Making graduate course, and right now we're discussing the differences between management and leadership. Our current administration has dispayed little of either skillset, and our nation's president seems to have been chosen to be a puppet leader, a king without clothes, as he's a man who can neither lead, manage, or make decisions.

To make an illustration of my point, the former mayor of DC, Marion Barry, was a charismatic and politically-savvy leader, but not a manager in any way. Things in DC improved with Mayor Williams, a good manager who helped the real estate market for some homeowners and developers. Dreamy Dan Tangherlini has traits of both a manager and a leader. Mayor Fenty has yet to show which traits he excels in, but for the city I would like to see a better balance between what benefits DC residents of high-income and also the rest of us.

Our next President of the United States needs to be a good manager, since there will be a lot of garbage to clean up from the past 8 years, and people are getting pissed off about shitty health insurance, an imbalance between wage and cost of living, and unneccesary international engagements. Please try to see through the hype and consider what traits the current candidates have and what they have to offer in improving your standard of living. 8 years of scapegoating gays and summoning boogeymen for us to fear has resulted in a drop in the quality of our everyday lives. We need a good manager for president, one who can get people to work, finish tasks, and accomplish clearly stated, well-formulated, achieveable goals and objectives.

In similar news, bloggers voicing candidate's agendas will continue to experience just as much flack as the candidates themselves. I'm not sure if blogging is an appropriate tool for political campaigning, but I do know that if you open a forum for debate and discussion, you'd better have a tough hide. And from what I know of campaigns and public relations, a candidate's representative blog does need to stay in line with the campaign manager's goals, objectives and messages.

To end in a happy note, check out Chicago AIDS Foundation LifeLube campaign website and blog. The program is in-line with what I've written before about the need for gays to lead a more healthy, holistic and integrated gay lifestyle. Chris Crain also wrote about similar movements in San Francisco, and I see it as a positive trend in helping gays become less engrossed in the sometimes ephemeral and unrewarding aspects of the gay subculture, helping us find out what we really want out of life in general, not just gay life. Doing so may be key in helping gay men make better choices in their everyday lives.

OK, I won't be a complete VD grinch, cuz here's the cutest Valentine of them all, Josh, owner of The Mighty Jimbo:

Posted by jimbo at 8:18 AM | Comments (7)

February 13, 2007

an appeal to the purple blob on the weather radar

Dear Massive Purple Blob on the Weather Radar:

Stop tormenting me with hollow promises of a full snow day off of work. Come to jimbo - drift south just a few miles and pour your bounty on DC proper. I won't mind - come to jimbo and rain your hazardous icy precip on us all.

Love,
Jimbo

Here's some more silly pics from the weekend:


Jeff, the other God of Biscuits.

"OMG! So like G-Murda, what do you think of my hair?"

Me and Carl reprezentin' NW DC, pasty Scandinavian-style.

Boned Thugz 'n Harmony.

More pics here.

Posted by jimbo at 8:31 PM | Comments (5)

February 12, 2007

basket case

Unflattering comparison courtesy of TJ. The picture accurately depicts me in usual form during the winter.

We all had a fun evening at Blowoff again this Saturday, and it helps me from being such a basket case.

Getting some sun and surf will help too, as I'll be staying at this beautiful resort for a week, adjacent to the Manuel Antonio National Park. I'll bring my camera and binoculars for some birdwatching, but I'd like to catch some archaeological tours too if possible. I went on an ecological tour with my university many years ago, and I think I've been to Manuel Antonio before. We'll see how my memory holds out as to whether or not I recognize the place. I hear it has been developed a lot since then, I hope I'm not up for a bad surprise.

Posted by jimbo at 12:07 AM | Comments (7)

February 6, 2007

I will not scream at my boss. I will not scream at my boss...

Last week was a blur, this weekend a period set out only for mental regeneration and plenty of sleep lost the week before. Tonight I figured out why I went to the wrong class (it was across the hall from where I was supposed to be). I swear I saw the right number on the classroom door, but my eyes were playing tricks on me all week due to the stress of organizing an event on short-notice, one that will happen in March, in addition to redesigning a website and fixing all the unexpected bugs that come with it.

But by the end of that week I was arriving home so exhausted that I forgot to take my antidepressant medicine on Thursday and Friday nights. I should have known something was up when I had little problem doing the things I do when I look at dirty pictures on the Internets. And by the weekend I was having disorientation and numbness in my extremeties - but was still a quickdraw when things needed a shootin', so to speak - which was unusual. Then I remembered the pill I should be poppin' at night, resumed taking them, and things normalized again. Antidepressants are not meant to be forgotten or quit cold turkey - you have to ease off of them when you decide to quit, or else you end up screaming at your boss about where to find the redesigned links on your new home page.

Things that Sux Donkey Dick this week:

- The Green Line Sux Donkey Dick: I know we just extended the Yellow Line a bit further towards Greenbelt, but can the unexplained stops in remote wooded areas get fixed soon? It's been like that for over a month. While I love my wildlife viewing (and saw a fox during one long stop!), but not when it means I'll be late(-er than usual) to work.

- The Michigan Court of Appeals Sux Donkey Dick: when the Krazed, righteous and Konservative Kristians (KKK) were opposing gay marriage in Michigan, they said that's all they were gonna do. But then they insisited the state adhere to an obsucre part of the existing constitution, maliciously pointing out that city and private companies shouldn't have partnership benefits either. That's just plain mean.

These people, when given power, will not stop until any recoginition of the lives of gay and lesbian American tax-paying citizens are wiped out completely. They envision a world filled with only a man, woman and 2 kids and that is it. Gay contrarians justifying the work of these diabolical maniacs will see their arguments from inside the boxcar on the way to work camps if the KKKristians get their way.

- Josh Groban being overheard singing at any time during the month of February, especially on the 14th, Sux Donkey Dick.

- Ted Haggard Sux Donkey (and escort) Dix: Ted says he's 100% Straight. Riiight. And I suppose if you were gay you'd be the kind of guy that says he's a 100% top too. Any guy who hires an escort that hot is gay, Gay, GAY! And has good taste as well. Sorry you missed this chance to get real about yourself, maybe next time. But if you call us out again we're gonna come back for the second round with extended claws flying just like before.

- Aquarium fish mass-holocaust deaths Sux Donkey Dick.

- Televised basketball on every single cable station in the universe Sux Donkey Dick.

- Sports-Related Herpes Transmission Sux Donkey Dix: It's bad enough that there's something called 'scrum herpes' out there for us rugby players, but wreslters can get it too, apparently.

I did get out and about for Superbowl festivities on Sunday, but didn't pay much attention to the actual game, which I hear was pretty lame anyway. While at a social at Titan's Ramrod I did get to meet Mr. Barometer, to whom I introduced Martinia Gurlatalova too. Barometer Mike is quite woofy. I caught myself looking at his pecs a lot.

Posted by jimbo at 10:46 PM | Comments (12)

February 2, 2007

Is there some game going on this weekend?

Ski Brokeback!  Take a close look at the names of the runs down the slopes.

The Southern states are getting more snow than the Mid-Atlantic this season.  Send some of that powder our way! My board is waxed and ready to go, but the weather has not been cooperating.

Mark yer calendars: the Washington Renegades Rugby Football Club, is hosting a big gay rugby tournament for all the Mid-Atlantic and east coast teams on May 19th.  It'll be at Gravelly Point by National Airport, which is always a nice place to play as the jets fly overhead and the Washington Monument is in the background.

I guess I'm glad I share my last name with a real gun, not some Super Soaker or pastry gun.

On heavy rotation this week, the appropo 'STFU' by Revolucian...STFU as in sampling from Babs. It just fit so well as the soundtrack for this week.

Watch out for Gay Bands.  OMG I had a vague idea that Bob Mould was gay, but didn't have a clue about Metallica.

Sorry, Mary:  think your baby isn't political?  Your baby became political when the party you chose to work for decided to use people like you as a campaign tool.  But I guess you thought you weren't like the people your father's party demonized for 8 years, but welcome to the world that you made.

St. Olaf is real, not a fictional place Rose Nylund went to get her degree.  And they have a choir and they're coming for you.

Apparently there is some major sporting event going on this weekend.  The only bowl of importance to me already happened.


HAPPY WOODCHUCK DAY!

Posted by jimbo at 11:51 AM | Comments (7)

February 1, 2007

Don't Fuck With Me Thursday Post

"Don't fuck with me fellas. This ain't my first time at the rodeo."

-----

Dear Marina:

Thanks for the Frienster message. You're cute...love the name. Were you that sea-creature in Alpha Flight? Loved the costume.

It has got to suck living among Russian men in Cheboksari. I know all they do is smoke and drink and they're total losers.

But girlfriend, you gotta target the right audiences if you want to get your ass out of Russia! An out gay man won't get you a green card. Contact your nearest Peace Corps volunteer for better translation too. All my English students in Kazakstan did was to re-write profiles for girls like you.

Hell, I want to Marina my ass up to British Columbia to get out of this church-state we're in before they start putting the gays in camps. Anyone in Vancouver want to sponsor me for citizenship? I love you long time.

There are your cranky posts of the week, people.

Posted by jimbo at 12:13 PM | Comments (3)

January 31, 2007

A blonde walks into her first day of class...

So I register for my grad school class in Management and Organizational Theory, eagerly await for the syllabus and most importantly the course materials list of books that I need to come out, order them cheap online and smugly picked them up before the first day of class. I even read some of it during the day.

It's a night class held in 1238 Bio/Psych building from 7 to 10pm (according to the class messages in the online forum), class is all right, the instructor is fun, and there's even a hottie in my class. But then I notice something is wrong about 2 hours into it...my texts, while similar in title, do not match what the others are pulling out of their bags. I notice the syllabus he hands out is different than the other one I printed out from online. Then I get home and check and find out the instructor is not who was in class today, even though the time and place were correct. Am I insane or did I just go to the wrong room? Even the online class roster of students is different than those I met in class - since even the hottie's name that I memorized in class was not listed in the online class roster.

An e-mail to both instructors should sort it out...but I'm a very confused blonde right now. But I think I went to the wrong classroom or something...

UPDATE: Early-onset Altzheimer's or an alternate dimension is currently the best explaination of what happened last night.

Note to new drivers on any given campus in the area: You see those thick, white stripes on the road? That's where we get to walk and you have to stop.

Posted by jimbo at 10:40 PM | Comments (3)

January 29, 2007

the doldrum's depths, SuperJennifer Dance Party 3000

On days like today it's hard to think of something to blog about, much less go to work. The past two months I've been withdrawn, moody, and elated at the same time. It's the seasonal blues I get this time of year, only perceptable when I come out of a funk and look back at how I was feeling. But you can't detect when you're in the bottom of a funk until you get out of it. Hard to get out of my warm comfy bed, hard to get to the gym. The depression meds have helped moderate things a bit, but even the drugs and happy lights aren't strong enough to mask all of it.

So I am glad I listened to my friend Steve (at right) when he said, "Schedule this vacation now, before you're too depressed to do it later!" And he was right. I had the foresight to schedule a trip to Costa Rica for a week in February, and I can't wait. Look for the fishbelly white spot on the Google world map when I get there. Flights to Tucson are always relatively cheap too, and I have a week off for spring break in March. We'll see how batty I'm feeling by then.

Homer asks: "Do you have a type?". Predictably, yes, so much so that close friends know how to pick 'em for me quite accurately. Personality and intellect is just as important, but it's hard to get the physical and mental to join up in one person, especially in clean-cut and conformist DC. I've really, really tried to go outside of type in the past year, and have had some really nice dates and opportunities, but I just can't beat the beast who gets his crank turned by some fur and rugged looks. Like a Rice Queen so entrenched in his Asians that he sees nothing else, I'm admittedly just as shallow in my need for fur and woof. I've tried to fight it but I think I just have to be honest with myself that it is what I like. There have been exceptions of course, but they are rare, and I'm not counting out being surprised one day by falling in love with a smooth spindly wisp of a thing. Another determinant is that I think I like the outsider type of guys, ones who don't always swim with the school. A bit freaky but able to associate with other people, but definitely has his opinions about things. And again, looking like the man to the left or Mike Rowe wouldn't hurt a bit.

I was on my best behavior Friday evening for Sqwurl's birthday dinner. I warned him in advance that Lauriol Plaza would be packed on a Friday evening, but even my most jaded predictions about how packed it would be were surpassed as it was a wall-to-wall Super-Jennifer* Dance Party 3000, none of them yet seated, most of them drunk and screechy. Deep inside I was gnashing but on the outside I was all smiles, and surprised at my ability to present such a front. Well, maybe my eyes were bugging out a bit. Someone wisely suggested that a restaurant east of 14th Street would be Jennifer-free, as they fear to tread there, and it was generally true. But there was still a 2-hour wait, made easier by the strongest margaritas I've ever had, hands-down, not even in Mexico have they been stronger. So by the time we were seated I was absolutely wasted. Then the Mexican food plus all the citrusy margarita mix gave me some bad acid indigestion that plagued me all night. Needless to say nothing much got done this weekend as I recovered and rested in my warm basement.

*A Jennifer: A rude, obnoxious, usually monied or spoiled female child of the upper middle class or upper class, who haunts city nightlife. Always seen with body-bag sized handbags and a propensity for inherited Botox face. Can't walk in heels, yet aspires to stilettos. The Bush Twins are Jennifers. Jennifers do not go to my gym, they go up north; the women at my gym could break a Jennifer by poking her with a celery stick, or that 20 lb. dumbbell. Wikipedia 'Jennifer' entry by Carl.

Posted by jimbo at 4:46 PM | Comments (5)

January 26, 2007

Isaiah Washington is dumb, but forgivable

I guess the local rise in crime wasn't just a random observation on my part. People have been getting mugged on T and 14th street a lot lately, our packages going missing (including my birthday care package from mom!) and even murder. The queens are not amused, and we are have begun to marshall our forces. Beware the power of nonbreeding drones of the hive! Like Nikita once said: "We will bury you..."

Kylie Minogue + Scissor Sisters = White Diamond, performed live from the Showgirl tour. OMG KYLIE.

Friday Night TV Pick: Scary 'God Warrior' Marguerite Perrin returns to Trading Spouses at 9pm on Fox tonight.

Here's a documentary about a local DC/Baltimore L.A.R.P. (Live-Action Role-Playing) group. And you thought I was a big 'ol geek.

I think I'll pass on a backpacking trip to Anthrax Isle. But it sounds like a great D&D module adventure title.

I think this whole Isaiah Washington gay slur thing is a bit creepy. Really, the guy is an idiot for using the f-word in Hollywood - he's made his own career grave saying that stuff. But does he really need to go to some gay rehab for saying what he said? Sometimes people say things in the heat of the moment and don't always mean what they say. He and other people (Eddie Murphy, etc.) need to get a little slack sometimes. People make mistakes, people are young and say dumb things, then people change, and people need to be forgiven. People have a hard time forgiving even themselves sometimes. I think The Gay spend waaay too much energy holding anger against whomever was a douche bag in the past. Much too often I hear the same thing, "HARRR! I won't read/watch/listen to 'X' person because of 'Y' crime to the gays in 19XX-20XX." Even when it's been like 10 years since that person said 'Z' phrase and has changed and grown significantly.

Many people have come to me asking, "Jimbo: what do you think of men's leggings?" (Because I'm apparently officially a drag queen now). And I stare back at them, confused. Of course they will be worn by the dandies about town by this summer. But I already wear them now. And I have a question about proper use of leggings and tights: so like if I'm running or mountain biking and am wearing my running tights or biking tights with snuggly padding where it counts, and then have to go grocery shopping after that, is it appropriate for me to be shining my package in the produce department of Whole Foods, or should I slip a pair of shorts over my bulge? I'm always a little bit self-conscious when I do that.

After a rugby match I also like to slip off my rugby shorts and cool my balls off, even though i'm still wearing my compression shorts which keep my balls in place. Is it OK to do that around teammates' family and kids? Are compression shorts more like undergarments or shorts in this instance? I also love my short running shorts even though it is most customary to wear baggy basketball-style shorts in the United States of 'Merca. But I don't like basketball and I don't like running in those long basketball shorts. I prefer my short-shorts even though they make me look like a dork. But my junk sure stands out in them. I think running in those stupid long basketball shorts defeats the purpose, and the cause unnecessary chafing.

That is all. Have a nice weekend.

Posted by jimbo at 11:45 AM | Comments (15)

January 24, 2007

"I choose to surround myself with a vision of God's creation."

"We don't have to imagine. We project. We choose to see our environment in any form we wish, whenever we wish. For instance, right now you see us as standing in a hallway, but I see it as a forest. Filled with trees, birds, sunlight. The aesthetic is what gives me pleasure. Not the specific memories. Instead of staring at blank walls, I choose to surround myself with a vision of God's creation." - Caprica Six

Seriously though, while I'm not one of the last 5 Cylons, I did receive my first shipment of aquarium fish by post rather than going to the pet store. All 24 fish arrived intact and healthy - I love the Internets because I hate shopping and having to drive to the frikkin' 'burbs to find decent fish.

Half of the fish shown above will be going to my aquarium at home.

I spoke with Mom on the phone last night, who had to critique my spelling on this here blog: "You spell 'wierd' and 'beleive' wrong!"

Yes, mother. I have a problem with the whole 'ie' thing.

Some of you have noticed that I occasionally post blog entries a day ahead of time, or sometimes to the past. You see, once you've achieved 12th level in the Blogger character class, you can post blog entries forward and backward in time. At 14th level I get to bend reality with my blog posts, rather than just bitch about reality. At 16th level I achieve oneness with the Internets and can stalk all my blog readers personally via ethernet connection.

This is basically what I do at work:

Posted by jimbo at 9:07 AM | Comments (6)

January 20, 2007

dammit, people!

- Dammit, people - if you're vomiting and have diahrrea, don't come into work (they were later hospitalized for dehydration). You might just have the Noro Virus and your baby-boomer work ethic just got everyone else at work sick too. Since you have 14 days of unused sick leave, don't you think you could afford to stay at home? The cogs will continue to click and whirr while you're gone, and the earth will not stop spinning if you recuperate at home. Do you think your work ethic will be recognized when you bring the bird flu into work and share it with everyone?

- Dammit, people - a 10-minute sleet "storm" that melts when it hits the pavement does not fall into the "red alert" urban emergency category. Chill out, and again, just stay home if it's snowing. Ever heard of telecommuting? Stay home and make a nice soup, bake bread or a batch of toll house cookies. And while I'm on the subject, how is it that I get more accurate weather outlooks from gay weather enthusiasts than I do from StormCenter 7? The answer is because the gay weather freak is more interested in the weather than reporting sensational news, which in turn gains more viewership.

- Dammit, people - don't think your ammunition, police radio, bullet-resistant vests, body armor and photography equipment is safe when locked in your car in DC. Aren't you supposed to check that equipment in at night? Now your stuff is on the streets in the trigger-happy hands of street burglars. Again, this isn't Sterling or Fairfax.

- Dammit, people - this ridiculous body hair trimming and eyebrow sculpting thing is out of control. How much time did you spend on that topiary? Let it grow natural and beautiful like a grand oak, not like a boxwood hedge.

Posted by jimbo at 1:20 PM | Comments (7)

January 19, 2007

Frikkin' Friday Post

So Jocko says my cranky posts are the best ones, and he's kinda right as my deep, mellow, introspective ones get very few comments. Maybe they're too long for goverment employees to read quickly enough while they're goofing around at work. Anyway, you think I'm cranky? You should read my oldest brother's blog and you'll understand that it might run in the family.

So I'm Bloggeratti then? Listen, cupcakes: I've been doin' this crap long before people like Mr. Towle even learned how to operate a PC, before there was a word for it. Back inna day blogging was done by exhibitionist tech geeks who were experimenting with a new toy during the creative days of the dot-com rise and fall. Then it became a tool for journalists, then it became "popular" and something much different than it was. I've just been keepin' it real and doing my thing since then, but I do not percieve myself as part of some kind of elite group. I do not strive for that kind of status. I don't need a group identity to know I'm awesome.
>; )
I am sad (and so is Charlene) that Sgt. Brett Parson is leaving the Gay and Lesbian Liason Unit of the MPD. He's going back to patrol the streets. I guess it's a good thing, since we need competent law enforcement officers on the street since the dumb-ass FBI agents think they can leave their high-performance artillery in locked vehicles thinking it's secure ("But we can do that where I live in Sterling! Why not here?") Great - now a bunch of street kids have MORE semi-automatics in DC. But maybe that'll help the real estate market go down even more so home ownership in The District is a bit more realistic for people of middle income. You always have to look at the bright side of things.

Old Skool Dungeons and Dragons book covers. Like Keep On the Borderlands old skool.

A few weeks ago I was out with some more recently made friendships, and a couple people seemed surprised when I mentioned that I had a partner for about 3 years not all that long ago. Do I play the role of swinging bachelor so well that you would be surprised that I'm capable of a relationship? Yes, it is possible for jimbo to be in a relationship, but luck and chemistry haven't been in the stars lately. That and I realized last weekend at Blowoff that the majority of gay males aren't as furry as I'd like them to be. So I guess I'm kinda picky too, but if I learned anything from the relationship I was in is that you a.) have to get along; and b.) you have to be picky. This isn't like shopping for a toaster or as easy as having a cat. Plus I'm not one to shack up just for the sake of security, propriety or keeping up an appearance of some sort. And I have to note that my partnership status is not for lack of really good dates/dating lately. Anyhow, I walked away from that interaction a few weeks ago thinking, "Why the fuck don't you think I'd be relationship material?" I'm not gonna settle for the sake of propriety or for financial purposes, to me it is about companionship, and to date I haven't found the right companion. Until then I will maintain my status as 'single'.

Posted by jimbo at 12:10 PM | Comments (6)

January 17, 2007

mapping "the gay gene"

Once again I'm struck by the realization that I'm surrounded by attention-deficit disordered queens. MW-S (Michael William-Scott) isn't the first and probably won't be the last (in the past year I've met at least 3), but I'm convinced that the part of our genome that makes us gay is neighbored by the genes that make little baby gay weathermen and gay-D.D. queens. Nearby are the chromosome sequences that make people deaf (why are there so many deaf gays?), movie critics and fans of Madonna, Babs and Britney. My Gene Queen friend Matt may concur. Mark my words, one day they will find that the gay gene is near the A.D.D. and weather sense gene. My theory is that when and if the gay gene is turned 'on' and flipped in reverse (bottom) on the gene squence of our genome, accompanying gene sequences may be activated as well, or vice verse.

Illustrations are provided in Figures 1 and 2.

Posted by jimbo at 8:36 AM | Comments (6)

January 14, 2007

fuck'n cheese curds

This evening someone brought a bag of fuck'n* cheese curds straight outta Wisconsin to mah pre-Blowoff cocktail gathering. The guests were afraid. They did not partake. When I came home from Blowoff, I ate the entire remainder of the fuck'n bag 'o cheese curds, trucker-style. Mmmm...cheese curds and Krispy Kreme...soooo delicious.

Yeah, Krispy Kreme and cheese curds, that's what MAL is to me.

I got my groove on and was dancing. Some fuck'n retard was fuck'n text messaging next to me ON THE FUCK'N DANCE FLOOR. Text messaging on the dance floor is no less irritating than smoking on the dance floor. So I tried out a new line to end such foolishness: "HEY! IS THE WORD 'BUZZKILL' ONE WORD OR TWO WORDS?" And he stopped text messaging. Enjoy the moment, here and now, not somewhere else. If they are not here they're clearly not where it's at and it's their problem, not ours.

(*This drunk post brought to you by Maker's Mark brand whiskey.)

Posted by jimbo at 6:14 PM | Comments (16)

January 11, 2007

iron spike through my forehead

Will someone please remove the rusty iron spike embedded in my head? Ever since this cold snap set in my upper sinuses have been throbbing. I'm afraid I'll have to visit Dr. Crackenstein soon to get something for this.

The WaPo blogger summit was interesting, and the brie and chocolate-covered strawberries were delicious. The DC bloggers in attendance were a mixed bunch with more than a few oddballs in for extra spice. After the libel lawyer had his say on how not to get sued, it was time to go as the iron spike in my head was setting in deeper. It was interesting though.

Last night me and the gurls went to a college wrestling match - Terps vs. Navy. Damn, those boys are cut, and I forgot a lot about wrestling from my brief foray into that sport in high school. I also realized that rugby is a lot more fun, and you can still wrestle, but it's with a ball thrown in for good measure. Navy won I'm sad to report, but I wouldn't know how as I also realized I have and never had any idea how points are scored in that sport. Wrestling is just not a jimbo sport, but it's fun to watch.

I do in fact have Monday off, and we'll see how the weekend goes, especially if I'll be fighting a sinus infection and should back off too much fun.

OMG did you see Madonna on the Today show this morning? OMG she doesn't like talking in the morning. She's not a morning person, you can tell.

iWhat-Ever! All I know is that Apple's iPhone will allow more people than ever to become more detatched than ever from the world around them, allowing more people to wander aimlessly down the sidewalk, talk on public transit, and have their beloved iPhone go off during movies. Grampaw Jimbo will happily stay in the Dark Ages with my land line, thank you. I consider it a public service to have to keep my friends practiced in the ancient art of planning to meet somewhere, rather than be in constant electronic rapport in order to meet up. Remember when people made plans back in the Olden Days?

I am really, really enjoying the book 1491: New Revelations of the Americas Before Columbus by Charles C. Mann (excerpt) that highlights a lot of new discoveries about pre-Columbian people in the Americas that hasn't quite made it into our history books yet. Apparently North, South and meso-America were thriving with cultures and empires that expanded and contracted over the centuries before Europeans came over. They weren't all at one with nature, some cultures having collapsed due to innovations that overtaxed their environments. Anyhow, there's many new fascinating ideas and facts in the book that make it a really great read.

And if I don't post for a while it's cuz I'm chilling out. But one last thing: guys, if you fist someone this weekend, please wash your hands before you come back down to the hotel lobby to socialize. Thanks!

Posted by jimbo at 10:52 AM | Comments (11)

January 8, 2007

OMG Kylie Rules, Again

KYLIE RULES!

None of you bitches ever listen to me! But I'm always right.

Kylie Minogue is like the Dark Phoenix of pop...all-powerful, irresistable and back, stronger than ever!

Posted by jimbo at 4:24 PM | Comments (18)

"It's like a kind of torture..."

The Washington Post is hosting some kinda blogger summit tomorrow. I was deemed worthy of an invite, despite the fact that they will never, ever quote me in the Express edition because an accompanying link to my blog would lead WaPo readers to endless entries about assfucking and gay poop. Anyhow, I'm I'm going with Chrisafer, having tempted him with the promise of heckling opportunity like the gentlemen to the left. When I was initially cajoling him to go with me his response was, "I don't want to go to some event filled with people who enjoy talking about themselves so much." To which I replied, "Umm...honey, you have a blog too, and all your friends are/were bloggers."

Over the years journalists have become bloggers, and bloggers are doing a kind of journalism, so this thing might serve some kind of purpose. The better blogs cite sources and produce actual news, while some blogs are little more than a glorified RSS feed with pictures of cute guys (and pop-up ads). Anyhow, it'll be interesting to see what the point of the summit is, even though it'll be filled with bloggers with so little impact on the Blogosphere. Because juding by a photo that accompanies another dumb article in The Advocate, the only noteworthy bloggers in the world universe multiverse are from Manhattan. I often forget that our known dimension revolves around NYC, and I need occasional reminders from time to time by those that live and edit magazines there.

I digressed. Blogs were huge in 2006 in that everyone wanted to have their own. Then they ask me to link to them, then they quit blogging. While the avalanche of link requests has subsided a lot since this time last year, it's helped me form a new policy, sorta like the probationary conditions upon taking a new job. If I see you can put out entries with some regularity and keep it up for more than a few months, then I'll link you, but not before. Just take a look at my blogroll and the number of dead links if you think I'm being too harsh.

Saturday treated us with glorious warm weather in the low 70s, but everyone grumbled about global warming and the imminent Apocalypse. I remember a winter rugby 7s tournament in like 1999 or 2000 down in Richmond where it was 85 in late December. Sometimes warm weather happens around here. I think there's some cold in this winter yet. I just wish it would snow around here. I could use a snow day off of work and some time on the slopes. If you have a snowboard, take this opportunity to get yours waxed, and don't forget to do it again at the end of the season so your rails don't corrode.

Remember: wax your board, not your chest!

Posted by jimbo at 10:09 AM | Comments (13)

January 3, 2007

vapid items of interest

Fashion Tips for 2007:

- You are not a trucker nor a redneck, please lose the jaunty cap;
- Only a few people were actually "Punk" back in tha day, and there are even fewer today. And you're not from Manchester - lose the fauxhawk;
- Crocs: No. Absolutely not. Never. Nuh-uh. Nope.
- Again, for the last time: NO POPPED COLLARS!

From The Washington Blade's Bitch Session, which I rarely take seriously:

We were always too old, too fat, too hairy, or not built enough for Nation, and you made us feel unwelcome. Then we got our own party. Now that Nation is closed, you’re trying to take over with your bitchy attitude, drug ODs and childish — and sometimes violent — behavior. Thanks for ruining Blow Off, circuit queens.

Well, not all that's pretty ruins Blowoff, and Bears aren't always the most inclusive either, as they often seem to have a minimum wieght requirement in their circles. Let's lose the vicitmist voice and learn to appreciate a little more diversity. None of the freaks and geeks that showed up back in tha day are going away, and the clubbie gurls will soon find a more suitable venue for their extracurriculars. Not all that's pretty is dumb and bitchy, and I have some pretty bitchy-looking friends who have a heart of gold. Besides, I was getting concerned that Blowoff was going to turn stale with just da same Bears showing up time and again. It's interesting to see new faces, but in the end we always seem to congeal into our own groups like Cheerios in milk. Try talking to a pretty circuit queen some day - you might find yourself making out with them all of the sudden. (Shhh...don't tell anyone - it's really fun.)

I missed this on Jay Leno: Crocodile Hunter Meets Ross the Gay Intern.

Hmm...interesting. It seems my coworkers came back to work yesterday. But I didn't, thinking today was the day to come back after the holiday. I guess I wasn't ready to come back.

Posted by jimbo at 9:54 AM | Comments (5)

January 1, 2007

domestic, and other goddesses

Like my late Aunt Ragnae* used to say: "When your ass sticks to the toilet seat, it's time to clean the bathroom."

And so I did, all day in a cleaning frenzy. I had put it off during the holiday break until I could stand it no more, and did a great many other things. I called off all hard and soft commitments and got the house in order, including making glazed beets and Rice Crispie bars, mopping the floor, putting away holiday stuff, throwing away old paperwork, gathering old class books for resale, cleansing my iPod of ignored songs, putting in new songs, dusting and tidying. Now I feel better.

In rounding up other New Years' news, the recent Queer of the Year poll got me thinking that in our excitement about outings and closets and celebrities this year, we can forget about our own contributions that lay much of the foundation for g/l/bi/trans/whatever awareness across the continent. The "work" out gays and lesbians do every day just being themselves has a tremendous impact on how we are perceived, much more than Lance Bass going on vacation in Provincetown and getting an award from HRC, which tends to get forgotten in a typical American's attention span. Talking about your date you had the other night with coworkers, holding hands in public, or being seen on mass transit reading The Washington Blade with blatant gay headlines has impact. To copy Time magazine's year-end honor, the Queer of the Year is the out gay man and lesbian that is open about their lives and who they love.

But I think Martina Navratilova deserves some special credit on the year of her 50th birthday - where she competed and won in the U.S. Open. 50!!! She began playing professionally at age 16. She is out, open about herself, and is especially admirable for being a successful athlete at her age, lesbian or not. She's just doing her thing very well and for that I regret my delay in nominating her in time as Queer of the Year. Perhaps she's Queer of the Century in my opinion.

Grades are in from my last class, Marketing Management. Final grade on the paper that stressed me out: 14 out of 15, due to being a day late. From the professor: "One of the best in the class...some pictures would have helped illustrate the data, but was an excellent paper." I know my Crayola Crayons marketing tools, bitches. The next class doesn't start until the 30th, and I'm happy to be off from paper writing until then.

* Pronounced "RUG-nah" for some reason. It's the female variant of the Scandinavian name "Ragnar".

It is rumored in family legend that Aunt Ragnae was at the very least a great fan of Ray Nitschke and was a bit of a party girl. I like to think I'm most like my crazy Aunt Ragnae in that I also like a particular Packer very much, and am also a bit of a party gurl.

Posted by jimbo at 11:56 PM | Comments (4)

December 31, 2006

2006: it got better towards the end

2006 started out sucking, got worse in the middle, then got a lot better towards the end. I had a lot of self-esteem issues at the beginning of the year with a serious loss of mojo, which I regained slowly throughout the year. But in the process I re-confirmed who my good friends were and who were not. Organizing a funeral for a friend threw me a curve, and I was a lot more affected by it than I thought. But I again learned who the good people were out there, who won't always be with us.

But the weather for this town was fantastic, with a mild winter and one ski trip, a fantastic spring followed by a summer with only one awful sweaty week in there. And this winter ain't bad either. Mom visited in the spring while the weather was great, and it was good to have her here. I had several nice vacations, with a visit to Homer in Tucson, Arizona and a surprise trip to Provincetown, which was more fun than I thought it would be.

2006 was a spectacular year for beards and scruff, and it was a great year to be jimbo, with hipster and celebrity beards showing up all over the place. I honestly can't see a more scruffy year anytime in the next decade or so.

My garden was a bit of a disappointment, with too much shade both out back and in front, and my plans for a tropical paradise garden literally came up short. Next year I'll plant for shade-tolerant species.

And my hopes for a change in goverment were met and exceeded with a near-complete overhaul to a more balanced situation in this country. It took four more years for America to catch up with what I felt needed to happen. I'm hoping things do change and more work is done by our hopeful elected officials.

Here's a jimbo.info blog year in review:

No Cell Phone. Brokeback Mountain was 'OK'. Happy Lights. "Pog." Another fun visit to Tucson. All Shady Partnered Gay Men Should Wear Burquas. Mom visits Jimbo. Bingham Cup in NYC. Gays at the Farm in WV. Bad tubing trip. Friend's funeral. Laser eye surgery. Kennilworth Aquatic Gardens. Porn Star 'Staches. Provincetown trip. Cyndi Fucking Lauper. OMG Shoes. Good Tubing Trip. Maryland Rennaissance Festival. Backpacking. Carmen Electrolysis. Charlene Hilton. NC & SC & Alligators! Brine the Turkey. Wineberry Cabin. Cavemen. Pursed Lips. GWAR. You make good bottom.

As for 2007, who knows, as I don't ever project and I make my resolutions throughout the year. My jogging resolution has been going well, and I've been keeping off the chunk and am feeling fit. I think a job move is on the horizon, but I have the luxury of taking my time with that. Same career, but different location.

Posted by jimbo at 6:08 PM | Comments (7)

December 29, 2006

Chupã de Cãbrã

Thanks y'all for the numerous birthday wishes, presents and presence. 36 is the new gay 23. I got a Lance Bass N*Sync bobblehead as a gift! I'm going to stuff it up my ass and see if it still gets any media attention.

Before packing the house at 30-Degrees/Cobalt, a smaller group of friends went to Fogo de Chão, a newish restaurant in DC where fine cuts of meat are served constantly, Gaúcho-style. I wish I could think of something smarmy and Brazillian to write in the subject header, something no one understands but me and a few Gaúcho, but I'm still sluggish from the meal. It was great food, but y'all had better save a trip to that joint for something very, very special, as the prices were quite steep. While the meat was very delicious, I particularly enjoyed the beets from the salad bar, and some very yummy portabello mushrooms. Mmmm. I don't eat that much meat anymore, and I was kind of wary of eating too much and getting ill. And you can eat waaaay too much meat there. Carl was the winner at the table, having eaten at least whole 2 cows, 3 chickens and a calf.

The garbage pile across the street has mysteriously disappeared, even though the trash dudes don't come until Friday. I wonder if it was DPW or embarrassed neighbors?

Aside from cleaning up garbage, on the 23rd I went out for a rare appearance at Remington's with a buncha squirrels. Mr. Bartender's rep for serving stiff drinks was confirmed. I may show up more often once the smoking ban comes into effect.

On Christmas Day I had a nice dinner with a buncha bears, again with great food and furry company. The highlight of the evening was a special chemical "rainbow log" put onto the fire which riveted a surprising amount of people for a long time.

I think for New Year's I'm going to spend a very subdued time with a small group at a mellow restaurant. Some skiing may be in order after that. I think I return to work on the 3rd, having been off since the 23rd.

Posted by jimbo at 4:45 AM | Comments (6)

December 28, 2006

Happy Birthday to Me

Happy Birthday to Me!

I was into bears from an early age. Here's me as a babe playing "Dutch Oven" with my teddy bear.

I am 36 today.

The guy above is not me, I just thought he was hot and festive-looking. Time to party tonight!

Posted by jimbo at 1:38 AM | Comments (42)

December 27, 2006

Happy Feet – No Gay Penguins

I may soon get this posted to Queer Beacon, but wanted to get the jimbo.info review out to you to make sure you don't go see such a schitzo film.

An official holiday season panel of two gay men screening the animated feature ‘Happy Feet’ unearthed no evidence of gay penguins in the film. While there is a message of the importance of being happy with your individuality amongst sameness, if there was a specifically “gay” subtext in there, our panel missed it. Lots of people feel different, gays among them, but it doesn’t mean this movie is pushing any gay agenda. Think ‘Footloose’ with penguins and you’ll get the idea.

The film is about an emperor penguin named “Mumble” who was born without a distinctive “heartsong,” but he does have an uncontrollable habit of tap dancing in lieu of the ability to sing. This leads to his inevitable exile from the penguin colony, which sends him on a journey of self-discovery and exploration. On his journey Mumble meets voracious predators, friendly penguins and humans.

The movie opens trying to be like an Antarctic ‘Lion King’ with a trippy visit from a spectral ancestral penguin-spirit in the opening sequence. That was just plain weird. Then it turns around and tries to take a crack at being a clever Baz Luhrmann musical, replete with attempts at witty pop-culture medleys, but fails at this as many of the songs are too obscure to immediately recognize. Plus it’s been done before, and using computer-generated penguins doesn’t help deliver the genre quite right. Then it gets serious, adding an eco-drama element, but by then we’re all quite confused about what the film is trying to be. PowerPoint presentations are best delivered by wooden former politicians, rather than by fuzzy CGI penguins.

As I watched the movie it struck me that some Hollywood executive saw ‘March of the Penguins’ and thought some of them acted like various international stereotypes, depicted with bad accents by a long list of voice-over celebrities. Since the exec thought Robin Williams was funny in ‘Aladdin’ he had to include him too. Williams is the voice of two characters in the film whose accents are often indistinguishable, and I felt embarrassed for him as I did when he chose to be in ‘RV’. I guess he has kids to send to college.

I wouldn’t take the niece and nephew to go see ‘Happy Feet’, and the other gay panelist - a children’s CGI movie fan - wasn’t impressed either. We both walked away thinking that the film tried to deliver too many messages and missed out on the fun along the way. Just when the music started fly, some morality lesson was put in. Even the spectacular computer-generated landscapes were interrupted by one persona change or another. Throughout most of the film, even the kids in the theater weren’t laughing much, and I enjoyed my Cookie Dough Bites and Cherry Coke a lot more than the film.

The only gay content in ‘Happy Feet’ was the inclusion of a k.d. lang song in the soundtrack. And possibly one soft-spoken penguin in the colony could have been interpreted as gay, but without further cloacal and behavioral examinations of the bird, we are unsure if this was in fact a gay penguin.

Posted by jimbo at 7:32 PM | Comments (3)

December 20, 2006

school's out for winter

I finished that damn paper yesterday, albeit one day late, despite the holiday spirits of distraction and procrastination tempting me every step of the way. In one case 'The Santa Clause II' did win out during a couch sitting with The Disney Channel I'm afraid.

The topic I chose for my Marketing Management course final paper was How Crayola Uses Promotional Tools to Motivate Their Consumers. I researched and wrote about how they use samples, coupons, rebates, gifts, prizes, contests, tie-in promotions, cross-promotions, price reductions, premium offers and point of purchase (POP) displays to elevate their branding visibility and sell more product. Scintillating stuff, isn't it?

Now that this class is over, I am fairly certain I do not want to be a marketer to sell a particular product or service. I think I would feel like a snake oil salesman, and I have to be passionate about an object in order to market it. I just can't get that passionate about sales items, and have to really stretch at choosing marketing research topics I'm remotely interested in (Crayola, Dairy Queen). I'm more able to be passionate about concepts or ideas, thus leading me to believe I'd be a better agent of social change rather than a marketer. It was evident when I was taking my Rhetoric of Social Movements and Persuasion classes that I'd rather move how people think than move a product. However, changing people's attitudes, beliefs and feelings is much, much harder than getting them to buy into a product. While the degree I'm going for is an MS in Management with a Public Relations Specialization, I think many of the skills and ideas are transferrable. Plus, it's free with where I work, so I'm not complaining.

Anyhow, this semester's class (I take one class each semester) was significant in that one of our classmates was deployed early in the semester and had to drop the class, but unfortunately she perished in Iraq. Marine Maj. Megan M. McClung was an embedded media liason for the Marine Corps, and was apparently an enthusiastic marathon runner as well. She is the first female Marine killed in Iraq. I did not know her or correspond with her, but I did read some of her comments in our class discussions. It makes me sad that people are getting blown up over there, because I'm still not clear about why we went there in the first place. Good people there are dying every day, both American and Iraqi, and I'm not sure why.

Next semester's class is Organizational Leadership and Decision Making, which sounds like a class I've already taken, Organizational Management. Oh well, all of these classes are starting to blur together by now, which I guess is the point.

Posted by jimbo at 12:23 PM | Comments (9)

December 19, 2006

buffet table rules of engagement

Just got back from another holiday party, this time at work. So many crimes in so little time. While it's fresh in my mind, let me reiterate the rules that you must follow while at a social engagement that has a buffet line:

Keep the Line Moving - Ladies: the caloric value of your chosen food item will not decrease depending on how long you mince over the hors d'oeuvres. Select. Shovel. Move. The men behind you are hungry.

This is Not USA for Africa - Guys: don't pile up your plate like it's a prize for winning a round on Survivor. The weight of the food you've picked out shouldn't bend a steel plate. Once the women have gone through the buffet line, the line will die down and you can return again for another small portion.

Step Away from the Table - After your plate is filled, move away from the buffet table, buffet line, or punchbowl. Do not crowd any of these areas and avoid starting up conversations near them. Other people must feed, and clearly you have been feeding for some time. Get out of their way. The same goes for a keg.

Don't Save the Titanic - If the tongs just slipped into the dip, or the ladle into the punch, don't fish it out with your fork or fingers. Don't worry about it. Leave it there and the host will (hopefully) retrieve it in a more sanitary fashion and find a new one.

No Shop Talk - Do not talk about work, religion, politics, sex or sports at a holiday party. If you can't think of what else to talk about, you shouldn't be in that social situation and didn't deserve to be invited. And for God's sake you queens out there don't fucking talk about real estate at a party in DC. It is a tired, tired subject.

No More Carrots, Broccoli, Celery or Cauliflower - Please, have mercy, can we be creative? I've had enough carotine and vitamin C this month alone to blow out the kidneys of most small mammals. Let's just avoid any vegetables with the letter 'C' in them and see what happens, OK?

And anyone answering a cell phone while at the buffet table proper will be slain on sight with a dull brie knife.

Posted by jimbo at 4:05 PM | Comments (9)

December 16, 2006

GWMH* Seeks Caveman

Here's the toys for tots gift that I almost kept for myself. I want a wooly mammoth for my birthday!

*Gay White Mammoth Hunter

Posted by jimbo at 7:25 PM | Comments (10)

December 15, 2006

*dammit, people! III

Cranky Friday Post. I shot a lot of my cranky load earlier in the week with my rants about WSC, so today's rage might be kind of weak:

Dammit, people - stop referring to the film Xanadu as a 'flop'.

Dammit, people - snowflakes have six points, not four or eight! Are you celebrating salt or octane or something?

Dammit, people - I don't have any spare change. If I did, and gave it to the dozen or so people who ask me for some every day, I'd be down at least $20 every day. And I certainly won't give extra change to you, the guy standing outside the liquor store. But I'm sure the skittish recent immigrants from Virginia cough it up regularly, or you wouldn't be here in the first place.

Dammit, people - get your damn car out of the pedestrian zone. It's the area with the white stripes on the road. It's not for you, it's for me. Here, let me wipe my oily forehead on your nice wax job. There's a nice streak now...

Dammit, people - speaking of my oily forehead, the parts that aren't oily get exzema. Yes, I know there's a visible rash, but do you have to keep staring at it during our conversation?

Dammit, people - Answer your damn cell phone. I know you're screening your calls, because I see you answering other people's phone calls on the MetroRail car. Why do you have to call me back two days later? Subscribe to immediacy if you have access to immediacy.

Dammit, people - let me state again that our organization's website is for marketing and reference, not a storage area for your personal files. That's what a share drive, or an Intranet is for. Again, the meeing minutes or your lecutre notes are not going on the website. I'll be fired before I create a shitty website.

Dammit, people - use of the multicolored hand motif in diversity programs and organizations is sooo late 1990s.

Dammit, people - stop clipping your body hair! It's a waste of time and it destroys the American family.

Dammit, people - No, I won't scan 4 pages of double-spaced 12pt. sized text just because you're too lazy to re-type it.

Dammit, people - oh gee, thanks for the limited partnership benefits at work. Now longtime partners can check out books from the library and have access to the campus golf course. Meanwhile, heterosexual partners who just got married at a drunken union at Elvis' chapel last week in Vegas have health and life insurance coverage? And you expect to retain good employees this way? Suck my dick.

Dammit, people - I'll bitch on my blog if I want to - cuz it's my blog. Venting is part of this blog's purpose.

* After reading previous "Goddammit, people!" blog posts, some practicing polytheistic Mayans e-mailed me with the question, "Which god would you have us damn the people?" and it ocurred to me that I was being insensitive to blog readers of other non-God religions. Satanists, animal totemists, polytheists, followers of the Norse pantheon, etc., all have other preferences as to which deity they prefer to have smite impolite or insentitive people deserving of wrath. To the Mayans I said, "Why don't you have Mixtli ("The Dark Cloud"), the child god of storm clouds and downpours, smite the people?" And they thought that was a good idea, and in turn I promised them to be non-denominational in my future blog entry castigations.

Posted by jimbo at 11:42 AM | Comments (9)

December 14, 2006

bald guys are totally hot

Damn, you people really got the hate for WSC! Seems like I'm not alone in my disappointment with this lame institution. Sounds like an opportunity for growth and some easy competition for a new club that could corner the market on service easy-peasy. Again, Washington Sports Clubs sux donkey dick and I'm looking into the whole Fitness Network thing. I've had it with your donkey-dick sucking customer service.

Can't control those errant whiskers? Is your partner complaining your beard is too wiry? Then check out Kiehl's Silk Groom Serum, originally intented for the hair up top, but I found it softens, sparkles and makes a beard smell good too! Hint: my bottle is running low and my birthday is coming up December 28 and I discovered the Kiel's in Georgetown has discontinued their in-store sales of the Silk Groom Serum...

Speaking of hair up top, check out the ad Joe.My.God highlights that some shallow queen promoted to HX magazine. Seriously, if you think you need to feel like that because you are bald or are going bald, I'd save your money for counseling instead. Bald guys are hot and they are essentially human sperm cannons since their bodies are so full of virility, masculinity and testosterone. And they are more often furry below the collar as well. Therefore they are hot. I have spoken, so it is true.

White guys with afros are totally hot too. Wade Barrett is a woofy soccer player for the Houston Dynamos who shares my last name and is a white person with an afro. Again, my birthday is coming up...wouldn't a Houston Dynamos jersey with my last name on it be a witty and thoughtful gift? If you can't get that, get me Wade to come sit on Kris Kringle's lap.

Posted by jimbo at 2:33 PM | Comments (8)

December 9, 2006

I AM happy, dammit!

Basking in the glow of the Happy Light:

I've been growing the beard out a bit longer to be in the holiday spirit, so I look like a younger Kris Kringle. Come sit on Santa's lap.

Posted by jimbo at 3:32 PM | Comments (13)

December 8, 2006

goddammit, people II

Cranky Friday Post:

Goddammit, people - don't ask me if room 1202 is a particular named lecture hall...why don't you go down one flight of stairs and check yourself?

Goddammit, people - stop changing your e-mail address, URL or redirects every month. And you whine that no one links to you anymore? We can't find you anymore, because you're so frikkin' schitzo. What's the problem? Do you think I have nothing better to do than to correct links all day?

Goddammit, people - don't ask me why someone didn't sign the proper release form. I gave it to them, with a pen! It's not my job to persuade them to sign the damn thing. If it's so important to you, make them sign it yourself.

Goddammit, people - you chew gum like a cow - are you sure you're gay?

Goddammit, people - when you stop blogging once you get a boyfriend, then start up again when you break up, with a whiney blog entry no less, I wonder if that isn't how you treat your friends too... News Flash: a friend's disappearance due to getting a boyfriend is really, really irritating, and somewhat telling as well.

Goddammit, people - the waste management professionals will not pick up your goddamn boxes. Crush them and put them in a garbage bag. This isn't Fairfax.

Goddammit, people - what kind of diva do you think you are, Andy Talyor? Duran Duran is gonnna take back Warren Cuccurullo in a second - again. And you look scary like Keith Richards anyway. Nice job on that 80s gymnastics movie sountrack, by the way.

Goddammit, people - no one is going to read the notes from the staff meeting if I put it on the website. The website is for marketing and IMPORTANT information. Are you serious?

Goddammit, people - DO NOT knock incessantly on my door before Noon on a Saturday or Sunday morning!

Goddammit, people - stop torturing dogs!

Posted by jimbo at 12:32 PM | Comments (10)

December 7, 2006

attack of the ginger kid bloggers

I added two new Ginger Kids* named Mike to my blogroll: The Barometer and Read Meat. Both are rather woofy, in my opinion, as I have no irrational fear of Ginger Kids. I even dated a Ginger Kid two summers ago. But 2 Ginger Kids named Mike who blog is kinda wierd. Think it's a conspiracy? Carl and 'Boo don't scare me though. Go check 'em out.

Daniel Craig isn't really a Ginger Kid, but damn he looks hot with a beard:


Wah, wah, woe is me: high turnover at work, and our Evil Lunch Coven of girls is now almost completely disbanded. Soon, after only 3 years there, I will have seniority. As my job is kinda different from most people's work, I'm mostly immune to a lot of drama that affects my coworkers, but it's still a bummer to see good people go.

In the climate control department, yet more drama. Our boiler was altered this fall so I could supposedly control my own heat. I can, and it's been nice and toasty in my basement in times of recent cold snaps. However, I'm not just controlling my own heat, but the upstairs neighbors too, who have apparently been boiling alive (heh, heh...). As evidenced by last year's troubles, they'd prefer to have no heat at all. I don't do that anymore, I served my time on the Siberian steppe and don't put up with home temps under 65. So more adjustments to the controls will be made.

It is finals time and I've written a bunch of papers, with one more to go. This of course happens at the same time as a work crunch, and then there's tons of meetings and holiday parties to deal with too, so it's kind of a stressy time. Plus it sucks to get out of work in the dark, making a trip to the gym very challenging. Anyhow, many of my classes are kind of merging together in content, and I was able to rewrite an old paper and turn it in, which saved a lot of time.

Oh, and my printer works, but does not respond to documents sent to it. This seemed to happen right after I installed my new bitchin' monitor. I sense a conflict here, and reinstalled the printer driver, but it still doesn't respond. Yep, I checked the cable connections too. Any suggestions on how to help get my computer to talk to my printer again?

* The term "Ginger Kid" is a pop-culture reference to a hilarious South Park episode where Cartmann says that all Ginger Kids are creepy and possible 'Daywalkers', meaning undead vampire-like people. It turns out that what Cartmann says is true, and all the Ginger Kids begin to take over the world.

Posted by jimbo at 9:06 PM | Comments (10)

December 4, 2006

purse your lips

Hi, I'm TJ:

Proof: here, here and here.

Posted by jimbo at 7:31 AM | Comments (10)

December 1, 2006

goddammit, people

Cranky Friday Post:

Goddammit, people - stop hiding behind a laptop when giving a lecture, presentation or prose reading. Hello, Comm101!? The laptop is a shield between you and your audience. Step out from behind your shield and engage your audience - especially if you have a Ph.D.

Goddammit, people - don't take out your cell phone to talk during a party or social setting. It's boorish at best, but usually just plain rude. Same goes for checking your text messages. When you enter a party, turn it off or leave it at home - no exuses, unless someone is at death's door or giving birth.

Goddammit, people - a stop sign or red light means stop, otherwise you might easily kill a jimbo on a bike, who has the right of way.

Goddammit, people - wear clothes in winter, and shoes when it's raining. Flip-flops are dumb in a rainstorm.

Goddammit, people - a ribbon is effective for raising awareness, but what else have you done? Donate time, money or resources to the cause, talk about it a lot, and put it into practice.

Goddammit, people - stop temping large predators who like meat. Killer whales enjoy bringing smaller mammals underwater to drown.

Posted by jimbo at 2:46 PM | Comments (10)

November 30, 2006

happy light

Joe.My.God dropped off another happy light the last time he was in town. I installed it by the place I spend the most time in my home, dubbed 'The Masturbatorium'. I do other things here of course, like play City of Heroes and do my grad school homework. I have a happy light at work too, and both are to help alleviate winter blues. Not sure if they help or not, but any little bit is appreciated. Take note of my bitchin' new wide-screen monitor, featuring Tom Brady (wooof). From here I blog:

Credits:
Scandinavian Troll and Viking miniature (upper left): Gurl
Holmen Area Historical Society Calendar: Mom
Photography: Piranha Sean

Posted by jimbo at 10:50 PM | Comments (9)

November 23, 2006

My God, we're full of carbs!

Happy Carb Day. Tonight me and Jim are going to Apex to rob twinks by threatening to feed them mashed potatoes and stuffing. "I'll Carb you Bitch!" Later on we'll head to the bathrooms to see how much of today's dinners were thrown up in the bathroom.

The photo depicts you, later this evening, morbidly obese from all the carbs.

At one of tonight's meals, I pulled out my glazed beets in one of the old ceramic trays I inhereted to take to college, which has got to be at least 20 years old or older. Someone piped up and said, "OMG, FAAABULOUS Corningware!" I'm so Old Skool I'm back again.

Posted by jimbo at 12:53 PM | Comments (8)

November 20, 2006

Thanksgiving Voodoo

"OMG, you have to brine the turkey."

What the fuck is brining anyway? (Please don't answer...) That's something you do with pickles, not turkeys. Jeez, can't we just keep a holiday simple for once and follow the directions on the package? Is it necessary to gather 3,000 gallons of refined garlic oil so we can deep-fry the bird and risk a major home fire? How does this need to be any different than a typical evening meal? Stove Top, Turkey, Sweet Potatoes, Mashed Potatoes, Green Beans. It's that simple. Queens, settle down already!

For those of you mystified or terrified by the overprocessing of the upcoming holiday ( mostly by meticulous queens ), here's how it goes, the simple, easy, stress-free Jimbo Way:

Defrost > Remove Guts > Wash > Baste with Olive Oil > Add Salt and Pepper > Put in Pan & Tin Foil Tent > Follow roasting directions based on weight and time (read the directions on the bird) > Eat, Repeat.

It's that simple. No mysticism, no brining, no roiling vats of pitch involved. Settle down Queens. In fact I declare fatwah on brining, dzhuzzing, and all that overmeticulous bullshit. I want bushy untrimmed monobrows, belt not matching the shoes, clutter, no dry cleaning, and most of all hairy backs and shoulders! Enough!

Gawd, I just can't wait for Christmas...

Posted by jimbo at 8:04 AM | Comments (27)

November 19, 2006

GWM seeks reliable Ethiopian food carry-out service

Dukem sucks donkey dick. While I'm all for supporting local and multicultural businesses, Dukem Ethiopian restaurant at 1114 U St., NW sucks. I've been there for carry-out four times now, and they have a 50% success rate at getting food out quickly. Tonight at D&D we decided to try something other than Chinese or pizza, and I made the mistake of offering Ethiopian food as an alternative. So the 6 of us ordered a $60 tab at 5:30pm and were told to pick it up at 6pm. I arrived to get it at 6, which only served to remind them that they had to start cooking it. An hour and a half later they get our order done. This is the 2nd time this has happened to me, and I think they just don't know how to run a carry-out business. Anyhow, they suck, and there's plenty of other places to get food on U. Can anyone suggest a more reliable Ethiopian delivery or carry-out in the area?

Here's a photograph of tonight's pulse-pounding D&D encounter with animated statues in The Mud Sorceror's Tomb:

I had a fun weekend starting off with a crazy party on Friday for the season kick-off of a local g/l/bi/whatever ski and snowboard group. But a mere 6 beers on a Friday night will slow me down for the rest of the weekend I'm afraid. Probably another reason I don't often go out on Fridays anymore, as I just don't recover like I used to. But I did manage to clean up the front and back gardens, and put away my air conditioner, boxed up the drag and rugby stuff, so the house is in order now.

Posted by jimbo at 8:47 PM | Comments (6)

November 17, 2006

Qs & As

Answering various questions posed to me in the comments section the past couple of posts and in person:

Q: Jimbo, has your body/chest hair grown back after doing drag for Halloween? Does it itch?
A: The terrible itching on my chest has just started to abate after 2 weeks of irritation. It is now roughly 1/4" to 1/2" long. It even causes little red blotches where it curves in on my chest. I understand now how people with itchy beards hate a certain regrowth period. But it is good to see my fur coming back. I miss my fur. How do you club twinks do it? It is soo uncomfortable, unnecessary and unhuman! Fur is good! Trimming and shaving is for drag queens. I am going to grow my beard back nice and long(er) than my usual trimmed length as well, as it is that time of year to put on my young Kris Kringle red beard for the holiday season. However, there are about 6 grey whiskers coming in on the chin. This doesn't disturb me, only as long as you call me 'Daddy'.

Q: Jimbo, how are your eyes doing since your LASIK surgery?
A: Very well, thank you! The post-surgery dryness is a little problem on very dry days, requiring drops occasionally. But on typical humid DC days they're just fine. While birdwatching the first time with my new eyes I could see excellently. I can also see into the infrared and ultraviolet spectra, and deep into your soul. You've been bad, fyi.

Q: Jimbo, how are the antidepressants working?
A: Pretty good, thank you. And I can cum again, which the doctor promised but I feared I would never do again when I was starting up on the meds and temporarily could not shoot for a while. Anyway, the ups and downs have been shaved off and moods are more moderate, with fewer outbursts and dwellings on things. It really helps when I get good enough sleep too, which I don't do enough of. Working out regularly is a must.

Q: Jimbo, is your honey pot still on fire?
A: Yes, it continues to burn fiercely, and the simple flare has gone from a pulsar to supernova, and promises to progress to Black Hole status. But I don't just want sex...I want good and furry and muscley and intimate sex, which is hard to find. Yeah, I know I'm picky. I have been casting out, but nothin's biting. I think my assertiveness frightens people, especially in this town. You can now only show interest in another guy via electronic means, especially Manhunt. You may not cruise in public or in person, hit on, or greet another man you do not know in public, for it is Wrong and you will be Shunned. You can now only communicate with men through keyboard and digital connection, with no face photos.

Q: ThankYew4Shoppin'natSavvway, HowKinAhHepYew?
A: Let's start with eye contact and a little sincerity. And try not to sigh, roll your eyes, suck through your teeth or snap your gum while you're helping me. And I don't care when your next break is, as you're always talking about your fucking break every time I go through your line. It's in two hours, so shut the fuck up and get to work. Why don't you just not work if your break is so important to you?

Q: Jimbo, OMG did you see Heroes and BSG last week?
A: Of course I did. Wouldn't miss 'em for the world. I am currently in love with Helo, not Apollo, especially in his on-board uniform. He has adorable red sideburns (look closely) and a very handsome schnoz. I'm loving all the new things we are learning about the Cylons too.

Q: Jimbo, if you had a Heroes-like super power, what would it be?
A: I'm always losing things, and people, and I wish I could triangulate the location of anything I thought about...it was in some Xanth novel where a character could do that. Or have Iceman powers, like in the Spider-Man and Friends Iceman, with crazy ice surfing abilities. That would be cool.

Q: I'm soo cold. Aren't you cold?
A: No, I'm not cold. I'm Mr. Freeze, bitch. In fact I'm sweating my ass off and my underwear is wet because you keep asking to have the heat turned up. Did you know it's 95 degrees in here, and I'm wearing pants and a long-sleeved shirt? Meanwhile you're wearing Daisy Dukes, flip-flops, and a string top and it's November, you idiot. Put on some clothes, and get a metabolism before forcing the bus/office to be so uncomfortably hot for those of us with a pulse. And eat some food while you're at it, you look like Nicole.

Q: Jimbo, are you going home for the holidays?
A: I don't think so, neither for Thanksgiving nor Christmas. I burnt out on going home to Wisconsin in the winter a few years ago. Wisconsin is a beautiful place to visit in the summer, however, as there is much more to do and the weather is fantastic. I may go to a cabin with friends Thanksgiving weekend, and no, it's not because there's a love interest there, although that would be nice.

Posted by jimbo at 11:26 AM | Comments (13)

November 13, 2006

brief report from SC

I am still on Kiawah Island, near Charleston, SC After with Chip and BlogStar Brettie. Sorry for the lack of posts and unresponsive e-mail. My access to computers thus far has been limited to Macs, which are generally user unfriendly and unproductive to good writing.

Wooo! Go Terps! Fear the Turtle! Hear us ROAR! Sam had some good passes on Saturday to lead a win against Florida. Sounded like it was an exciting game. Here's to a fun bowl and more exciting Terrapins Football.

I have not yet seen a real diamondback terrapin here, as apparently it is too late in the season. However, I have seen plenty of alligators both big and small, and I have pictures to prove it. We went on a birdwatching trip this morning and can now say I've checked off all the birds on the 'dark herons' page, with new inclusions of the tricolor heron, little blue heron, and even the wood stork.

We won our match against the Charlotte/Durham combined team, followed by a fun social at the Charlotte Eagle. Woofy pics to come. The Atlanta Bucks did not show up, and I have to say I am very, very disappointed with all the Atlanta boys (especially the redheads) because they let me down.

Posted by jimbo at 1:33 PM | Comments (8)

November 7, 2006

more drunk news from my hometown

More bad press from my hometown, or nearso in LaCrosse, Wisconsin. Basically young college kids get so drunk from binge drinking bad pilsner beer that they wander down to the banks of the Mississippi (yes, it's up there in Wisconsin too) River, fall in and drown. The locals are in such denial they'd rather believe it is a serial killer rather than a culturalized problem with alcohol consumption. It's kind of sad when news from your smallish town makes it into the Post because your kids are drunks.

I can't believe I'm saying this of all people, but it's time for some drinking abatement programs to start up there. Or at least awareness programs that drinking isn't the only thing you have to do on a Saturday night. There are options. Or that you don't have to drink more than a 6-pack to have fun. I think the concept of a single martini would be helpful. Nice buzz, but won't make you literally drown in your sorrows.

Posted by jimbo at 12:41 PM | Comments (3)

November 2, 2006

please read the fine print, hon

Every once in a while I'll get a message like this to my Friendster account:

From: marla
Date: Thursday, November 2, 2006 5:54 AM
Subject: your picture is stunning
Message: hello,my name is Marla J>>>> from Long Island, New York....i saw your picture and profile on the Friendster.com and i like to learn more about you...i am Christian single and still looking...you can e-mail me on (m_______@yahoo.com)or you can also contact me on my yahoo messanger id(m>>>>>>>>>)add me up so we can chat better...have a blessed day.

Oh Sweetie, thank you for the compliments. I can't get enough of them as I'm still single too and need the occasional boost when dating in this town gets me down. But did you read this part of my profile?

Interested in Meeting People for: Relationship Men, Dating Men, Friends, Activity Partners

I guess we could go fishing together, but that would be the extent of it. I like big, hairy men with scruff or facial hair and a penis. It doesn't have to be a huge penis, in fact, I find medium-sized penises to be more manageable. But anyway, honey, you don't have one of those, so have a blessed day yourself.

Last night during running Piranha Sean noted that "This fall is like spring," in regards to horny people running around. I conjectured that people are trying to get hooked up for the winter so they have something warm to snuggle up to. Whereas spring puts people in rutting mode, fall makes people look for sources of warmth.

I went to watch SawIII with a warm cuddly furry creature last night. The theatre was mostly empty, as I guess most people went out Halloween night. Anyhow, no gore flick should have that much dialogue for the killer and his accomplice. They were killing me with boredom! Somebody please help me!!! Please, just STFU and kill someone!

Posted by jimbo at 2:12 PM | Comments (4)

October 24, 2006

Watch the Drag Queens, Save the World

Last night's Heroes was a hoot as usual. I really like that show. Howabout that candidate Petrelli (Adrian Pasdar) hottie? His smile is devastating, and even though he's a lean little tidbit of a man, I think he's dreamy - and the man can fly. And don't forget: if you save the cheerleader, you save the world. Huh, whaddaya know - he's married to a Dixie Chick. Me want shirtless screenshots of the man.

And if you weren't floored by last Friday's Battlestar Galactica you are probably neurologically damaged in some way. Howabout Galactica's low-atmosphere Viper fighter deployment and subsequent jump into lightspeed? WOW that was the coolest special effect I've seen in years.

Tonight is the drag race, starting at 9pm. Be there early, like 1 hour in advance at least, if you want a decent place to stand and watch. Do not call me tonight to ask where and what time it is...if you haven't caught an ad or know it by now, please don't interrupt my transformation into Charlene Hilton, the illegitemate half-sister of Paris, who was exiled to Dallas.

And if I hear the words "Grey's Anatomy" one more time I'm going to puke in the face of whoever said it. No, I will not watch it. That is all.

Posted by jimbo at 12:24 PM | Comments (18)

October 23, 2006

scenic views

Yesterday I went to Skyline Drive with a friend to see the fall colors in the Shenendoahs:

There were many International tourists there who appeared to have come just for the fall colors! I guess I take this local treasure for granted. Sort of like running on the National Mall every week with Piranha Sean - when you've been here long enough you just take it for granted.

Sad news today from my hometown in prominent sections of both The New York Times AND the Washington Post: drunk college students are walking down to the park by the river and drowning in alarming numbers. The same sort of thing happens to drunks in Moscow as well. Considering the other major news item from my state is the anti-gay marriage initiative there, you would think they could reconsidier their 'values' priorities and focus on responsible alcohol consumption instead of keeping rights from people. Gay marriage doesn't kill people, but binge drinking does. But I guess the acquisition of property protection, hospital visitation, and a partner's life insurance benefit is more frightening than actually saving young people from a cold, watery death. Perhaps some day soon this country will get its priorities straight...

Posted by jimbo at 11:08 AM | Comments (6)

October 22, 2006

Halloween Party Madness

Carmen Miranda + Carmen Electra / Jimbo =
Carmen Electrolysis

Click on the thumbnail to see me make my move on the hottest chap at Fitz' pumpkin party here, including hot dance moves by Carmen Electrolysis.

The Annual 17th Street High Heel (Drag) Race is this Tuesday the 24th at 9pm. Show up early to get a spot, and you might get to spot Charlene Hilton, the illegitimate half-sister of Paris, who was exiled to Dallas as to not embarrass the Hilton clan. Full-body clipping began tonight in preparation for the race. The ball of fur pictured below in my toilet is merely from clipping my legs. Equal-sized balls of fur came from my arms and chest. Now my body looks all pink and white.

Posted by jimbo at 8:00 PM | Comments (8)

October 20, 2006

Asians of the world are flatulent today

Why are all the Asians farting today? Was there some kind of Chinese holiday involving legumes last night? In the copy room, on the shuttle bus, walking down the hall, today Asians everywhere are flatulating. Really, really thick and cloying fartclouds too.

This Saturday is your last chance to have your homosexuality cured by the occult arts of Stevie Nicks at the 2nd Annual Stevie Nicks Hallowe'en video party at Omega on October 21st. I'll try to make it and have a Stevie Nicks cocktail at 2122 P St., NW...

...at the rear entry of the address.

I am feeling much better today. Our high humidity of late is both a blessing and a curse. On one hand it keeps my sinuses flowing, on the other hand my entire body feels sticky even in October. And now I feel it getting dry outside again. DC schitzo weather.

It's Fitz' annual pumpkin party bash tonight, and as usual I have no costume. With the time I have available I've only been able to get ready for the Drag Race (Tuesday the 24th, 9pm - arrive early!). UPS Man is tired, and I don't have anything else and don't feel like it today. I know, lame. But don't forget, a lame costume is also one you've borrowed from your hobby or career. For example, guys who work in the military going out for Halloween in their military uniforms are retarded. Likewise, if I was to go as 'rugby player' that would be retarded too. I could whip up a Carmen Miranda outfit, but she'll have to be hairy tonight. Carmen Hairanda?

Posted by jimbo at 11:43 AM | Comments (5)

October 19, 2006

Cultural Learnings for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakstan

I first met Borat Sagdiyev when I was a Peace Corps volunteer in Kazakstan in '95-'96. Here's a dinner gathering with Borat on the far right, me 2nd from left, with 'stache:

Kazakstan is a beautiful place - if you like it flat. It looked a lot like Montana or Wyoming, with mountains in the south, and absolutely flat plains everywhere else. One day in the winter I took a walk out on the steppe and took a picture of my town:

It is interesting to note that the Kazak flag is sky blue with gold trim and seal, the same sky blue color as the sky. The Russian word for sky (light) blue (goluboy) is also slang for gay. The sky really was a vibrant shade of blue, but I didn't meet all that many gay people there.

Kazaks are beautiful people, with some of the most stunning eyes in the world. Here is a table of Uzbeks and Kazaks...I can't really tell the difference. The guy in blue, 2nd from left, is pretty hot, no?

It gets pretty cold there in the winter. While I was there, the thermometer dropped below -40 every day for a week in December. A busload of travellers in my oblast (state) died when their bus broke down.

I got some great bird species spotted there though, including the wild pink flamingo, a pink starling, a mynah, hoopoe and Eurasian lapwing.

Posted by jimbo at 10:10 AM | Comments (5)

October 17, 2006

gay blog fatwa!

So apparently Mike Rodgers is dangling another tantalizing taste of who may be closeted in politics. Big deal. They all come out eventually. Plus if you follow BlogActive and take notes, Rodgers has a number of teases which he has not followed up on. I often wonder if payments have been made, then the threats retracted.

Regardless, it looks to me like conservatives and Republicans work regularly and knowingly with gays in politics (and the military), and as Andrew Sullivan comments, they will one day have to come clean about who they work with versus who they condemn. News is coming out that the Hill and the Pentagon is swarming with gays, which a lot of DC locals know to be true. That's why the whole anti-gay marriage and don't ask don't tell policy just seems like such a charade to many of us. The bottom line is that it's a charade to get votes and to maintain a boogeyman for voters to be afraid of. The politicians that demonize us are knowingly working with the very people they purport to attack. And it seems to be a cooperative and mutually agreed relationship on both sides, albeit sick.

That's why out gays get so pissy about this sort of thing, and hypocricy in general. When a person comes out to family and friends, they choose to walk a road lined with honesty and truth. When you begin to live a life based on honesty, anything else is abhorrent to you. So if you live your life making policy against what you are, or lie about who you are, you are percieved as weak at best, or mentally ill at worst by those gays who are out. We think you're mentally ill, and you think we're militant fanatics.

But I'm guessing closeted neurotic gay Republicans aren't reading this blog anyway, so my attempt to help them understand the actions of out gays is moot.

Similarly, when one writes a blog and features pictures of oneself on it, living openly and honestly, said blogger will tend to get a bit hissy when he starts to suspect another blog is false or plagarized. NorthWoodsGuys is one such blog, and one reason not to believe in the legitimacy of any blog you find on BestGayBlogs. The authorship is questionable at best, and they've recently been accused of outright plagarism. I'm sure more than one porn company could get them for using photos without permission. Kinda reminds me of a similar Bent Collective tizzy earlier this year (and it gets hilarious when one fake blog starts to argue with another - sort of like a schitzophrenic arguing with a person with multiple personalities). People will eventually find out if you're lifting content, writing under a false identity, or otherwise being untrue.

And rather than grumble about it behind the scenes, I declare fatwa on these false blogs. I'll always doubt a blog that uses fake names or doesn't feature photos of the author. And when you get a feeling that one blog or another is fake, you're probably right. Anyway, not much point to today's entry...perhaps I'm more annoyed by the behind-the-scenes grumbling about the above blogs more than by the fake blogs themselves, so perhaps this will stop the grumbling.

Posted by jimbo at 4:38 PM | Comments (12)

October 16, 2006

skid row

-Good morning guys - it is Monday the 16th.

-Our weather this morning is clear and crisp and the temperature is 55 degrees here in Washington, DC. Today's forecast calls for patches of clouds and a light breeze from 5 to 10 mph. Highs approaching 66. Southeast wind 5 to 10 mph increasing to 10 to 15 mph. No chance of rain!

Once I removed the greasy brown skid mark from my toilet seat early Sunday morning, the rest of the weekend went well. However, while my goal was to catch up on sleep, sleeping in until 1pm really makes you feel like you blew the day away. Oh well, I'm rested up anyway.

My apologies to any of the nice people who came up to me and said hi at Blowoff. You are all very nice and most uncharacteristic of typical DC gay aloof behavior in clubs. However, I won't remember you as it wasn't that you weren't memorable, it's just that I was really drunk. That's probably why you approached me, because I have this stupid drunk grin on my face that makes me more approachable, as opposed to my usual sober scowl. Anyway, say hello again sometime, I'd love to meet you again.

I was flirtmonster supreme that night too. Again, sorry to all of you people who I pestered to take your shirt off - but then again you did take your shirt off, and you liked it. And you liked the attention too. I also worked very hard to get people hooked up, my pink shortbow and cherub wings were showing. Someone also kept hoisting me over his shoulder and spanking me. The evening was generally out of control.

Random cute straight guy on Friendster. Nice eyes. Very healthy hair.

I'm a little confused about this news article, which perhaps shouldn't have been posted until all the details were out. So Kolbe goes on a rafting trip in the Grand Canyon with staff and former pages, and it's up for investigation? Granted, Foley is a troll, but once people are 18, anything's game. Plus, can't a homo go on a camping trip with your staff? Are we immediately suspect unless chaperoned? I think there's more to the story, so maybe I shouldn't fly off the handle on this one.

Take care and Ciao!

Posted by jimbo at 10:34 AM | Comments (7)

October 13, 2006

5 Things to be Happy About

1. Regularity: "in colon" and in thought;
2. Paul Rudd, bearded or not!
3. Karma for the righteous...and "foley feelings" inside of me!
4. It's only prosthetic fat on Jamie Bamber;
5. A perfectly ripe armpit to "dive into."

It's a terribly bright and clear day, kinda like on 9/11. Oh my!

Wow, what a week - and I met two deadlines under the threat of firing! But we all have tonight's episode of Battlestar Galactica to look forward to. Will Roslyn survive the Cylon Centurion firing squad? Will Gaius ever redeem his pathetic life? How will Apollo lose all that weight? I just can't contain the excitement inside, it's almost overpowering that foley feeling in me.

Have a fantastic day...enjoy your Friday...have a blessed day and most of all love your pets. Don't overfeed them, exercise them daily, and sing to them too!

Here are some other positive, joyous smart healthy happy people in my cirlce of friends!

Posted by jimbo at 11:16 AM | Comments (4)

October 12, 2006

Jimbo's Guide to Peapod Grocery Delivery Service for the Single Person

I did not receive dry ice with yesterday's late Peapod grocery delivery. In fact, they've downgraded their plastic delivery cartons to plastic-fortified cardboard. However, I'll use on of their cooler boxes for beer on Saturday...

Anyway, a number of people were astounded that I use Giant Food's Peapod grocery delivery service. I'm interested in what they are thinking, because I'm taking a marketing management course right now and consumer perception of a product or service is always interesting. Apparently a lot of people think Peapod is only for rich people with money to spare, or for old ladies who can't make it to the grocery store. I am neither, but have good reason to use the service.

I don't have a car, I am not rich, and I live about 7 blocks from the nearest decent grocery store. Whether it be Whole Foods, Giant, Safeway or La Tienda Mercado, they're all about the same distance away. I'm not against carrying groceries by hand, but that takes time. Time, like money, is an investment and an expenditure to me. I sometimes dangle my plastic grocery bags from my bike handlebars, but this looks dorky and can be unsafe. Sometimes for big shopping trips that require lots of groceries I will take a cab back to home with the groceries.

But the cost of a cab from the Safeway on 17th Street is about the same as the service charge on a typical Peapod grocery delivery. Plus I save time, and don't have to lug anything around. The deliveryman brings it right up to my fridge, and sometimes I get to gawk at a woofy deliveryman as well.

Anyhow, it's about convenience for me. I do go to Safeway and sometimes Whole Foods for things, especially for stuff like eggs, milk and bread from the former, or specialty items from the latter. But every few weeks I need to do the 'big shop' and get lots of things, especially heavy or bulky things like a jug of water or whole fryer. You have to order an amount over $50 from Peapod anyway, so it's best to save up your 'big shop' for your Peapod delivery.

When you make a Peapod order you have to think ahead - expecially if you're single. It's actually sometimes challenging to select a list of groceries that exceed the minimum $50 order. Plan your meals and order all the ingredients and fixin's ahead of time.

I recommend you get an early delivery slot - the earlier the better. I shoot for the 6-8am slot, and they are on-time over 90% of the time. I think the later slots reserved get more no-shows, due to the accumulation of delays over the course of the day. Plus your groceries haven't been in a truck all day in the DC summer heat. With the early slots I have never had food that wasn't fresh. But these slots fill up quickly, often 3 days in advance, so again, you have to plan ahead.

If you are not there when the delivery arrives, either because you're sleeping or they show up late, they leave your groceries at your door in chilled cardboard boxes.

Think about number and volume - when you can't see what you are buying ahead of time, such factors will come into play. Like clicking '1' on "bananas, green" will result in the delivery of 1 banana, not a bunch. If you chose an item that normally comes by weight, sometimes your acorn squash will be HUGE for a single person. Or your fryer chicken will arrive more the size of a turkey or small ostrich. I usually buy these things in-store after a few too many steroided-chicken deliveries. I need the really small ones or else I eat chicken forever.

And don't forget the Peapod extras: sometimes your frozen foods arrive with DRY ICE! Put the dry ice in a glass of water and wait for the fun to begin! Also, your delicate items like eggs are wrapped in bubble wrap. I have a huge supply of bubble wrap saved up now...

Anyhow, simply put, it's a convenient service for me every few weeks or so when everything in my fridge seems to be running low. An occasional trip on my bike to 17th street serves my beer and milk needs, but every once in a while Peapod really rocks. Any questions?

Posted by jimbo at 2:09 PM | Comments (13)

October 8, 2006

what concerns us today

Photo by BlogStar Brettie on the way back from a cold and rainy match out in Winchester, VA, hometown of Patsy Cline. 'That guy' in the background is Chip, scrounging for Twix. We did not win the match, but I'm not sure if that discounts us from the finals for the season. We'll have to see. In the photo, Scott is most upset over Oprah's fate, while I celebrate the joy of newborn Suri Cruise-Creature.

Today I went to the Maryland Renassance Festival again, this time with Chad, and we took lots of pics of men in kilts. Woofy pics after the break...

Chad, next to his namesake Renassance shop:

Camp of my namesake, en route to the Faire:

Dreamy kilted guy. Note furry legs, which don't show up well in the pic. I thought he looked like Daniel Jackson from SG-1:

Woofy kilted guy. Sorry for the bad exposure, I had to use the zoom:

Kilted woofer was a groupie for this bagpipe gang:

On the way back we went across a low road in Maryland that is occasionally flooded at high tide, which Chad bogged across with ease:

Posted by jimbo at 10:22 AM | Comments (7)

September 27, 2006

I found the car

OK, I found my friend's car not far from Results on 16th street. Both driving and having car issues reminds me that having a car is not always so fun. Only got 2 tickets, as far as I can tell. It is interesting to note that I rode past DOZENS of dark blue Volkswagon Jettas while I was looking. It seems to be a popular vehicle in DC. It is a nice ride.

So I went home and did a long overdue pubectomy. I'm cooled off now, and I feel better. And I am feeling much better today. I also came to the end of my Valium prescription yesterday. Hrmmmm...perhaps there was a correlation.

Hat tip to Carl for finding a solution to my dating issues: arranged gay marriage. I had an Indian coworker with an arranged heterosexual marriage, and she seemed to be happy with it. I asked her a lot of questions about it and it sounds cool to me. And I would have faith in a council or search committee of my friends & family whose ultimate decision would be to find my arranged partner. Oh yeah, and shady partnered gay men should still wear burquas.

There's some awesome pics on Joe Tresh's Washington photoblog of this weekend's match, and much more:

New guy Dan appears to be trying very hard to have his neck broken.

You can't catch Andy, because he's the Gingerbread Man!

This is me on crack. I don't know what was happening in this picture.

Woofy guys from our team. More woofy guys.

Erik from BearsGoneWild.

Me on the left, being scrumhalf. #14 from Atlanta was hot. Me snarling for effect.

Now back to our regularly scheduled vapidity - does anyone else think Andrew Fastow is kinda hot in a silver-fox Daddylicious sort of way? Why do I always go for the convicted criminals? Remember Scott Peterson's woofy goatee? Anyhow, I think Fastow's 6-year sentence should be to raise as much money for me as he embezzled from Enron, to make my coffee and be my love slave. I would also make him manage my City of Heroes characters while I worked during the day so when I came home they would be 50th level. And weed my garden and vacuum my spiders up too.

Posted by jimbo at 8:24 AM | Comments (9)

September 26, 2006

Jimbo's 2000 blue Volkswagon Jetta-finding contest, and other shitty Monday happenings

My friend let me use and take care of his car while he was away on vacation. On Sunday afternoon I parked it on Swann Street, NW between 15th and 14th - but in a street cleaning zone for Monday. My bad, and it got moved, but not towed, according to the DC DMV towing agency. It was apparently moved to the 1800 block of 16th Street, NW, but when I searched for it this morning it was not there. I circled around all adjacent blocks searching with my LASIK-enhanced vision that allows me to see for miles, but no dice. Multiple calls to the DC DMV towing agency have come up with nothing, but they seemed to become very helpful-sounding when I asked them if I should call non-emergency, and suddenly asked for my name and number for further communications. But where is my friend's midnight blue 2000 Volkswagen Jetta, DC tags AR0144? Tonight's exercise will be to ride my bike around and look for it again, but if you e-mail me with the correct location of this car, and I find then it, I will take you out to dinner.

After having such a fantastic weekend and then losing my friend's car, Monday hit like the Terrible Tuesdays back when I was a club kid dropping E every weekend and had to recover from the ride. Damn, Monday felt like I did a 72-hour crystal meth binge starting on Friday. But no illegal substances were taken. Perhaps it was the high from such a good game on Saturday. I really was totally high from such a fun match, and I suppose there could be some medical credence to how I'm feeling today. Playing and winning is addictive, and I crave it. Just like when you drop E or acid on a Saturday night, the rest of the week seems grey and mundane.

And it doesn't help when Monday rolls around and I get an e-mail from a blog reader telling me that I look like Cameron Diaz' fat retarded brother in 'Something About Mary'. Hey Rob, thanks for having having such an awesome sense of humor! And it was so noble that you didn't put it in the comments section, but e-mailed me personally with the insult. I don't know what you were thinking by having to send that on a day that just kept getting worse, but it certainly was icing on the cake. It gets better:

I had a dinner date scheduled with a guy whom I was really looking forward to getting to know. But he called to say he had to work late. So that sucked.

On a positive note, since I had all this spare time I had set aside for the aborted date Monday night, "Heroes" on NBC was AWESOME. I loved all the characters, especially the Japanese guy ("Supa Hiro!") who can teleport and the cheerleader who seems to be nearly indestructible. And what's up with that stripper's power? Can she summon a version of herself who is kind of her Id? I know it's an X-Men ripoff, but I still can't wait until next Monday. Should anyone ask me on a date that day (Ha!) I'm afraid I'm booked, unless he wants to sit and watch with me.

This is why my City of Heroes computer game is so appealing to me these days. It's been a bad summer in general, with the death of a friend and a general lack of dates I have been really excited about. It would be nice, just once in 2006, to be asked out on a date by a guy where there was mutual interest right off the bat. But most of the time I seem to be the one always doing the approaching and advancing. Alpha Ant, Psister Shade, GooGuy and Tiny Troll were the preferred dates of summer 2006.

Or maybe I should just limit myself to rugby, running, the gym, work, and hanging out with friends. A monastic, ascetic lifestyle. Perhaps I'm not ready for the hard hits in the dating scene just yet.

So to sum up Monday, I lost my friend's car and I apparently look fat and retarded.

What a fucking shitty Monday.

Posted by jimbo at 2:52 PM | Comments (14)

September 24, 2006

animal pictures

Lots of animal pictures from the weekend. Will from our team took the following two pics of me riled up and ready for our match against the Atlanta Bucks, which we won despite my pessimism about the outcome before the match. We all played very well and fought hard. My face took a beating too:

Red came to watch, and enjoyed the sights and the social. He's a cool bean. My back held out well during the match, thanks to all the good Valium-induced rest I got during the week:

On Sunday me and Gurl and Bubbles went to the Maryland Rennaissance Festival to see the Renn Fest Geeks and lots of other strange animals. I liked the elephants best:

One of the elephants seemed agitated so I gave him some of my Valium and he said "Thank you for the crack!"

Here's Bubbles and Gurl watching the jousting match:

I wish they had knights on flying ostritches fighting evil knights on vultures and pterodactyls, but I had to settle for horses.

Full plate armor must be hot, but it gives you a +8 to your Armor Class:

Gurl took some good action shots:

Photo by GURL. I had hoped it was kilt weekend, but it was pirate weekend with lots of Capt. Jacks around. But there were plenty of D.I.L.F.s to be spotted:

Longbows provide ranged attacks which are useful against armies and flying opponents such as wyverns and such creatures:

On the way home I got a picture of the semi-feral cat that hangs out in my front yard. I leave some water for her to drink. I've been working on getting closer to her, and she allows me to get up to 2 feet away before walking off:

On Friday our team hosted the Bucks at Titan. Naturally I again got fingered in the ass by some bear, despite the new spaciousness of the place. Next time it happens I'm going to pretend I enjoyed his lascivious advances, but will then pour my beer down his crotch after I pretend to actually want to dig around in his crotch.

Posted by jimbo at 4:53 PM | Comments (10)

September 21, 2006

elephant crack

After tweaking my back on Saturday during the rugby match, I asked my doctor for some painkillers and muscle relaxants. He did not prescribe me the usual stuff that seems to focus more on my muscles than on my brain. Instead, he prescribed a version of valium. I've taken the stuff before and it works wonders to put me to sleep. Now I don't know if the dosage was that much bigger than what I've had before, but I took one pill at bedtime (10pmish) on Monday night...

...and woke up at 3pm the next day, having slept almost 15 hours straight. Repeat the next day as well. I guess I have to cut the rest of the pills in half. Today was a little better, I woke up at 9am having ignored 2 hours of NPR on the alarm clock radio. I asked for a muscle relaxant, not a pachyderm tranquilizer! However, I am very well rested, feeling pleasant and am of sound mind.

On the bright side, my back feels completely improved. I guess two coma sessions will do that for the body. That and I went running with Piranha Sean yesterday, which I think warms up the muscles back there and loosens things up. I'll have to remember that in the future. Plus we ran farther than we had before, and I didn't end up gasping for life by the end of it. We run from the semicircular pond by the U.S. Capitol Building, past the Smithsonian museums on the National Mall, to the WWII Memorial, then around the ovoid ducky pond adjacent to the slimy green reflecting pool, then back to the Capitol again. There was some big gathering for cancer relief on the Mall and there were people in purple everywhere.

Even BlogStarBrettie noticed I was high on crack when I went to practice on Tuesday (but didn't play, only observed). He said I was talking like I was 'on a pillow'. Tranquilizers will do that to ya.

Posted by jimbo at 11:29 AM | Comments (4)

September 17, 2006

beatings

We won both our matches yesterday, and although I was happy to play a full 80-minute match - it was on opposing team's side. Because they were short on players, I played a position that I normally don't do called 'flanker', and had to do some lineouts. Since I hadn't done many, on the way down from being lifted into the air I neglected to bend my knees upon landing to absorb the shock of impact, and jarred something in my back. It's the same place I always throw it out, and although it's not a full muscle spasm, it's certainly sore today. I hope to get some good crack from the doctor tomorrow. Then in our 2nd match I played a half in a position I had never played before called 'flyhalf' which I did pretty well because the position requires that I be bossy. Anyhow, the formerly 'evil' team has been upgraded to 'OK' in my book, as they were nice to play with, didn't hurt that we beat both teams as well.

The social afterwards was fun but I had to leave when the fun started, as apparently someone puked and I didn't get to see it. I went home to enter my usual post-match rugby-induced coma and rest up for Blowoff. I would not have woken up if someone hadn't called at 9pm, I was so pooped.

Blowoff was a hoot and the usual suspects were out and about and I danced with many woofers. With the closings of several bars in town the venue is attracting some new and different refugee crowds, not all of whom were civil to each other. It's been almost 15 years since I've seen public displays of domestic violence among same-sex couples, and last night I saw two. Near the front door a tall guy was kneeing his partner in the crotch multiple times with a look of pure hatred on his face. His partner barely resisted, but then was able to break loose to go outside. The aggressive one followed him out and continued to wail on him. A doorman went outside to break it up. Not 10 minutes later on the dance floor near the DJ booth, I saw another guy go for someone else. His female friend was trying to break it up, and they all dispersed.

The images from both instances kinda troubled me and put me in a weird headspace for the evening and through today. Getting hit by a guy during a rugby match is one thing, as we shake hands and have a beer afterwards. But domestic violence is another thing...the look on these guy's faces was disturbing. I guess I burn my aggression on the rugby pitch, and save my lovin' for another man, and have a hard time conceiving that you could do that to someone you purport to love. Or that the guy on the receiving end of the beatings could stick around to take it. A person who beats you or abuses you in any way is never worth being with, and the need to be in a relationship is never greater than allowing this abuse.

Posted by jimbo at 2:23 PM | Comments (5)

September 15, 2006

assorted issues

There be a Blowoff this Saturday in the upstairs area of the 9:30 Club. Unless I'm mortally injured in the match on Saturday I'll be there.

We have home matches against the evil low-down PAC "C" and the Philly Gryphons. Kickoff for PAC "C" is Noon at Colmar Manor Park. Kickoff against the Gryphons follows immediately after the PAC "C" match finishes.

There's just a fetish for everything now, isn't there? Whips and furries are just old hat.

From today's Washington Blade:

Depression, sex addiction linked in gay men: report.

I guess I can attest to the first item, but can only dream of actually feeding a sex addiction.

Children are scary. If I were straight and a potential sex addict, the threat of bearing children would keep me from getting too wild. I believe children are type of STD.

Nice coverage of the Washington, DC Metropolitan Police Department's Gay and Lesbian Liason Unit in the AP newswire. Brett Parson works very hard in this town.

From Bigmusclebears.com: The Tallest Gay in the Village at 6'10"! Here's what's currently on my desktop (a not-tall guy).

I believe that Whitney Houston's [first set] of dentures are the Holy Grail of modern times. He who finds her lost dentures will unite mankind in peace and harmony.

No, you're still not 'masc'. Sorry.

Holy shit...a complete list of all the known dragons accounted for in the land of Faerûn, in case you were wondering. It's available in PDF, Exel and Word as well!

Posted by jimbo at 11:07 AM | Comments (3)

September 14, 2006

so fly it hurts

I got my hair did on Wednesday, a fade to stay cool:

I'm so fly it hurts.

Posted by jimbo at 8:15 AM | Comments (27)

September 12, 2006

I've, like, totally sold out

Well folks, it seems like I've sold out, I'm on the way out, I'm a little too commercial for some people's tastes, I've betrayed my reader base, I'm just so fucking tacky, and I'm apparently just a shameless putz who is trying to pull the wool over your eyes.

How have I done this to you, you may ask? Well, Mr. Brian Bolding (comments limited to Livejournal users only, fyi) seems to think that posting holiday season wish lists (from like 1 and 2 years ago) is a crime worthy of banning me from official hipdom for life. I'll never see my words in an "underground 'zine". Please pardon the tired '90s term - his words, not mine.

I'll admit, I may have sold out years ago when I revealed my blog to my family and friends, for which the holiday wish lists were for. No, I wasn't asking my readership to buy me a $500 Dyson vacuum cleaner, and didn't really expect one from my family either. But they read this blog and I'd like to use it for that purpose, and to allow them to keep up on my life. I don't write this thing to be 'underground' and I don't strive to be put in some kind of alterna-'zine. I never have. This blog is about me and it is for my purposes, first because I have a shitty memory and because like to document things in my life, and then because I meet lots of people who read the blog, and it's been interesting in that respect.

As for the donation button, some people have actually asked to donate from time to time. I put it up years ago when I was unemployed and my computer was dying. The donations from that time and what has trickled in since then have not come close to paying for a computer, but it certainly helped during some hard times in my life. And a lot of daily readers are happy to donate, but I certainly don't demand anything but civil commentary.

I think I'll put up a flashing marketing ad just to piss Mr. Brian Bolding off today. I am so sold out.

Posted by jimbo at 10:43 AM | Comments (20)

September 11, 2006

fires and fear

Any debate about letting my hair grow out was dispelled this weekend at our first rugby match of the season, played on a typical humid Mid-Atlantic day. It's still too frikkin' hot for any kind of fur or hair, especially when this Cymbalta I'm taking makes me sweat at any temperatures above 60-degrees Farenheit. I could be Mr. Freeze's personal assistant, wear a nice suit and tie in his office freezer and not be phased at all. On Friday while we were watching Stargate, I got up to use Gurl's computer, and happened to point my ass in her face, to which she responded, "Aaaah! Your ass is radiating heat!" My ass is hot. Literally. Anyway, I'm gettin' a buzzcut this week for the rugby season to stay cool. Grrrr.

Oh, and we won! It was a close match but well played. The other team was very nice and fed us well after the match too. It didn't hurt that the majority of them were woofy. This coming weekend the Philly gay team comes down to play, and we will be playing our evil arch-enemies from DC, a humorless Borg-like team whom everyone wants us to beat. We want to beat them badly too. Come watch!

My anaerobic recovery rate is not what it was at the end of spring of course. The first match of the season is always a shock. When I got home from the match I was in bed by 10pm on a Saturday night, not stirring from my rugby-induced coma until 10am the next day. Grampaw needs his regenerative sleep. I must continue to run with Piranha Sean as much as I can. The secondary benefit of running has been that I'm trimming down, and even got a nice compliment from a straight male coworker! While I like some beef on a guy, I don't think I hold it as well as some people do, so I prefer to remain trim.

Today is an ominous day I suppose, but I'm torn between wanting me and the American public to move on, and to make sure we do remember that day, but not be dominated by it either. Fear has been the driving force in a lot of decisions since then, not all of them helpful or beneficial to this country. Those in power have been wielding fear deftly like master illusionists, raising spectres that have little to do with what hurt us on that day. My only hope on this day is that people will learn to ask questions, see through the smoke and mirrors, and through the dust clouds of destruction. We got caught with our pants down once, and now we understand what other countries have to deal with on a regular basis. But we are now more vigilant. But we cannot walk through every day thinking that a plane or chemical attack will hit us at any moment. We can't live that way for long and still remain what makes us special as a nation.

I was working at National Airport at that time, not far from the Pentagon. The shock of that day didn't start to sink in until the following day:

It's after lunch and now my lack of sleep is starting to hit me. I think I finally went to bed around 2am, and then woke up when Bobby had to go to work at 5. I can usually go back to sleep, but I was too wired, and remained so for the rest of the morning. When I got up, I walked the dog and was remarkably fastidious, even though the cleaner was coming.

The Pentagon was still smoking this morning as I crossed over the Potomac from DC into Virginia on the Metro into work. When I went outside for lunch at National airport, I realized the usual background hum of jet engines was absent. I could hear birds and the metro cars from far away.

Posted by jimbo at 10:05 AM | Comments (5)

September 5, 2006

Ariel, Thundarr and Ookla respond to the George Allen Incident

	OMG somebody just called me a 'macaca'.
	Lords of Light! That's totally racist!
	MWAARRRGGGGH!
	No. Sorry Ookla, you're no macaca, you're just a mutant freak.
	>:' [
	But I think Ariel is actually a 'Quadroon'.

Posted by jimbo at 10:03 AM | Comments (3)

September 4, 2006

Crikey!

In the words of Piranha Sean, this stingray 'Rolled a 20'. Deaths by stingray barb attacks are rare, and a direct hit to the heart rarer still. Rays are fairly peaceful unless provoked. I think the animal world was striking back from being pestered so much.

Today I went to see Another Gay Movie with the gurls, which was raunchy and silly and good for some gut laughs. It's pretty much a gay version of American Pie, where 4 guys are bound and determined to have anal sex before the summer is over. Hilarity ensues, with lots of penis and butt gags.

I also saw 'The New World' with that scruffy Irish guy in it. The cinematography was awesome, and the film was quite a trip. It was filmed using only natural light. Gurl pointed out that while Massachusetts was founded by religious fanatics and Virginia by merchantile interests, the opposite seems to be true today.

The hurricane came and went with a nice 24-hours' worth of light rain and crazy wind. It was fun, but little damage in the city except for some rotten trees that fell. Hurricanes are something I like about living here in DC. I find hurricane weather really exciting.

I went to my first college football game on Saturday. It was festive...with pyrotechnics! 'We' won. American football is a lot like rugby, but there's a lot of standing around, time outs and general laziness. Rugby is harder. Football players are pampered.

OMG DJ TM was lots of fun until the house got packed. DJ played lots of Old Skool. I didn't make it to Prince vs. Madonna at the Black Cat as I had just finished a huge meal and when I saw the line stretching down the block I knew I wasn't up for it, so I played City of Heroes until 4am. Hawt. I cannot get 'Look on the Floor' by Bananarama out of my head today.

Posted by jimbo at 11:44 PM | Comments (2)

September 1, 2006

pictures from the no-'tude tubing trip

Here's us squealing like little girls as we hit some rapids:

Burl and Nick:

Eric and Tos moments before I embarassed Eric with compliments:

More Eric and Tos:

Piranhas are chewing on Sean, making him panic in the water, as Nick laughs:

Carl looks like a cute little duckie in this picture:

TJ looks HOT in his personal flotation device. Nice chest fur too:

More pictures here and here. Have a good Labor Day weekend!

Posted by jimbo at 8:51 AM | Comments (3)

August 31, 2006

wet wishes, deep thoughts

OMG it's a Prince vs. Madonna dance party this Sunday at 10ish at the Black Cat. I hope it's not too crowded. Seriously though, while I love Prince's music, I can't really dance to it. The dancing blue ribbon goes to Madonna hands-down. MadonnaMadonnaMadonnaMadonnaMadonnaMadonnaMadonnaMadonna!

I want it to rain. My garden wants it to rain. Our rugby pitch wants it to rain. Why won't it rain? I want Ernesto to come and park his wet soggy ass over the D.C. Metropolitan area for a couple of days. We've been teased by tantalizing thunderstorms for days but no rain. It takes at least 10 minutes of precipitation to penetrate the tree canopy above both of my gardens, or else it remains dry as a bone. Most people with yard plants don't realize this, and the brief thundershowers in this area don't do the trick to keep your plants watered. In late summer you have to water manually under the trees if you have plants there.

OK, my thoughts on Provincetown haven't congealed coherently yet, so I'll just write what's on my mind about it, and what I saw. The majority of people in P-town that weekend were older than me, between their 30s and 40s, predominantly coupled. Also, on a lot of the faces and bodies I was seeing the long-term effects of HIV meds, including the lipodystrophy, facial wasting, etc. I would contend at least 40% of the people I saw had that look going on. Just like at the Mid-Atlantic Leather celebration in January, I keep seeing more of that look in certain demographics, where I don't think the statistic of 1 in 10 people there are HIV+, it's more like 3-5 in 10 at least.

It's not the look or the serostatus that disturbs me, it's the numbers. I keep getting the feeling that in certain demographics, more people are poz than statistics say. From experience I know that people also lie about their HIV status, or sometimes even convince themselves that they are negative in their own minds (see: complete denial). If it's so easy to tell oneself or another a lie, it's easy to fudge a stat too. But I guess you can't lie on a blood test, but you can avoid one if you don't want to know the truth.

Again, I don't quite know what I'm saying here, but go here and here for more insight and discussion from Proceed at Your Own Risk and JoeMyGod, respectively.

I am HIV-, tested earlier this summer. On my hook-up site profiles I say very clearly, "HIV- and lookin' to stay that way," but that doesn't mean I won't hook up with or not date people who are HIV-, it just means I'm going to protect myself. I guess I am a product of when I came out, in the mid-90s when things were pretty scary with AIDS and HIV. There were education campaigns on how to play safe, and with a number of exceptions I can count on one hand, I've played it safe, I continue to do my best, and don't have much of a struggle doing so. I resolved when I came out that I would not be afraid of sex because of AIDS. But I also resolved I would put some latex on when I insert or am inserted. It has thus far not been a great sacrifice, and while I have barebacked, I don't see what the big deal is. It wasn't that much more of a mind-blowing orgazmic cosmicallifragilistic experience in my mind. Plus I also wear a condom to prevent wart or herpes transmission too, either on my dick or up my ass.

Flashback to two weeks ago in Provincetown: I'm with Adam in bed and he tells me he wants to fuck me raw, and I simply reply calmly and clearly, "No, let's put a condom on." He wasn't upset or embarassed, and neither was I, and we still had a hot time despite not having bitten from the forbidden fruit of barebacking.

So I guess I am disturbed as to why so many are HIV+ in these demographics ("leather community" and Provincetown vacationers, for example). In a nutshell, the majority of these people got their HIV status from getting fucked bareback (without a condom) by someone who was HIV+. And they did it after we all learned how not to become HIV+.

Sometimes I believe I will be in a minority of sorts when I reach my 40s, as I plan on keeping up my safe sex habits. I may have a family predisposition towards cancer, so by my 60s I don't predict I'll want to have to deal with complications due to HIV. I'll have other old person shit to deal with, and I do want to grow old. I do not buy the whole schtick about how one can "lead a normal life" on HIV meds when I have seen their deleterious effects first hand with a former roomate. The meds suck, they are expensive (you'd better have health insurance...), and wrack your body harshly if you react to them poorly. And I don't care what the whack activists say, HIV and AIDS can and does shorten your lifespan, as can the meds themselves. Sick is sick, and being sick from any virus simply sucks.

I guess I am unapologetic that I am HIV-, yet unafraid to have sex - but I have a certain kind of sex. I have sacrificed certain acts in order to preserve my health, and to date it has not been a big deal. I have seen some guys plunge into a monastic sexless lifestyle for fear of seroconversion, then going apeshit whorecrazy out of the blue with unsafe sex, then they become poz due to their extreme behavior vacillations. There is a middle ground somewhere, but people don't seem to know how to find it, and I don't know what the solution is, but I see these things and can only wonder what people are thinking, if they are thinking at all.

Discuss.

Posted by jimbo at 10:27 AM | Comments (8)

August 30, 2006

crazy-ass mothafukka

Matt Lauer shirtless has nothing to do with this post. But I hope the image of him makes you feel better, however.

I don't mean to steal his thunder, but I just started taking Cymbalta in preparation to keep the winter doldrums at bay this year. No bitches, it ain't Celebrex, although after my first rugby practice last night I might have to consider it. Maybe posting about pharmecuticals will keep all the comment SPAM at bay too - I'm going to try opening comments again today. Let's see if the shitstorm of SPAM is over.

Anyway, last winter I sunk into a dark pit, I think due in part to having moved into a mostly-lightless basement. I need my sunshine and light, and when it's gone I get real down. So I talked to my doctor about it, and he suggested starting in advance, not when the symptoms start. Plus I wasn't aware that I was depressed last winter until the sun started coming out more in the spring, when I could look back and see how dark my thoughts had become. There were other factors too: I was still getting over a good relationship that ended, a string of turkeys I had dated, and a particularly grey winter didn't help either. And you never know what else is eating you inside sometimes.

So anyway, the first side-effect I noticed from taking this drug was increased sweating, especially in the face. My face now tends to break out into a drippy sweat with the slightest exertion. Last night at practice I was able to wring my shirt out three times, which was absolutely disgusting. I sweat a lot as it is, and don't really need any help doing it. Sweating and delayed ejaculation. It now takes forever to shoot my load, which may be embarrassing to explain at a later date with someone. On the other hand, when I do shoot I shoot A LOT because I'm so worked up by then, so look out and close your eyes. Hopefully both side effects will subside with time.

On the upside, I do feel a little more even-keeled, haven't had an enraged outburst lately, and don't feel frustrated and hopeless at work. I am more productive at work. And I can get to sleep easier at night. It did not seem to affect my aggro at rugby last night, and I played smart.

I don't like the idea of taking medications for emotions, but last winter it got so bad it was affecting my relationships with people, and I did or said things that I don't think I would have done or said during sunnier months.

A friend once said to me, "The only time I've ever been on antidepressants is during Republican administrations," which may be a contributor too. In addition to the lack of work getting done by the President and an overriding feeling of hopelessness, helplessness and despair, there is depressing or silly news on all the time, be it war, constant infringements into our shrinking realm of civil liberties, the media trying and convicting innocent (but still creepy) people, all that Katrina and 9/11 stuff, and all the gloom and doom on the news. I think it's best to stick to Project Runway until 2008, and Battlestar Galactica will be starting up soon too.

And of course there's the ultimate placebo, City of Heroes. But you won't see me getting as apeshit crazy over a game like this kid does.

Posted by jimbo at 11:14 AM | Comments (14)

August 29, 2006

grab my tube

"Tos, stop grabbing my tube..."

Photo courtesy of Jason.

Posted by jimbo at 11:19 AM

August 27, 2006

unwarranted ass-fingering

Due to an overwhelming amount of comment SPAM, I've had to shut off comments and trackbacks until further notice. In the course of a mere hour I can get up to two dozen adSPAMs that I have to clear out manually, which is a pain in the ass. Some of it is really filthy porn, stuff even I wouldn't care to look at. The rest is mainly for performance enhancing drugs and gambling for the most part.

My weekend got better after Friday, where I broke my vow yet again to not to go to Woof at Titan. It was like a sweaty blast furnace in there, an environment where I wouldn't even confine an Iraqi prisoner as it was so inhumane. But I felt compelled to go as the rugby team was putting on a fundraiser, but all I did was try to find a cooler spot to stand. On my search I got my ass fingered twice as it was so corwded, not in a good way either. I don't mind it if my friends do it as a salutation, but when strangers try to do it all I can wonder is "What kind of reaction are you expecting?" Although some strangers were civil and did give a simple and courteous 'hello', which was nice. I got out of there as soon as possible, where the humid DC weather was actually cooler than inside. I don't dislike people, but I do dislike unnecessary heat, humidity, crowds and unwarranted ass-fingering.

On Saturday I went on a nice tubing trip down the Upper Potomac near Harper's Ferry, West Virginia, with a few scruffy bloggers, partners, and friends. In contrast to the last tubing trip I went on, conversation was pleasant and the floaters were predominantly furry, including TJ, Jason and Steve, Copperred Carl and several others. I embarassed Tos' partner by commenting on his wonderful blond chest fur. We took pictures with waterproof disposable cameras, which I have taken to the photomat to be developed and posted later this week. The water was low, but warm, and the scenery was nice all around.

Posted by jimbo at 9:18 PM | Comments (0)

August 22, 2006

Manah-Manah

It's been a bit hectic this week, but I'm workin' on it. Since I got back from vacation I've had to get a new ATM card, as I lost the previous one in Boston before my trip. And I've had to deal with getting our gas service restored, which apparently was off all last week and the upstairs neighbors have had no hot water the whole time, so I have to hang around until Washington Gas shows up, which they promise to but never do. I've had a cold/flu/allergy thing going on in my lungs, which are coated with green guk which has been spewing out of my mouth, so I've been feeling a bit worn out lately. Work is a bear with a newsletter due, website redesign long overdue, and high drama going on which has everyone at work stressed out and demoralized. Plus there has been a deluge of comment SPAM coming into this blog that I've had to clean out constantly too. And I think a filling came out of my molars which I have to get checked out at the dentist. Oh, and post-vacation blues. So I've been kinda busy, so you must wait for pithy posts.

But I do have many thoughts to write down, some of which might get people riled up, so I have to think about what I'm gonna say before I write it, when I can find the time and energy. Until then go entertain yourself here:

I went to see 'Snakes on a Plane' and I'll have to say it's better than 'Brokeback Mountain'.

Posted by jimbo at 5:35 PM | Comments (8) | TrackBack

August 20, 2006

some parting shots

Saying bye-bye to Provincetown:


My hair was a mess on the ferry ride!


"HARR!!! AVAST YE BUGGERS! GIVE US ALL YER RUM AND COKES, YER GIN AND TONICS, AND YER MARTINIS TOO! ARRRGH!"

Posted by jimbo at 10:43 AM | Comments (5) | TrackBack

August 18, 2006

back to reality

Tonight I will meet up with Rusty and a few other gurls from DC for a last hurrah here on Cape Cod. I had never expected to vacation here, but when an offer for a cheap(ish) holiday is given during the manic days of spring, I will jump at the opportunity. At the moment I cannot say that Provincetown has been a life-changing experience as it is for so many, but it is certainly another dimension entirely, and I've had lots of fun. More on my feelings later when I've had time to think about gay culture and vacation and the nature of Provincetown itself.

Today I administered basic first aid to a 8-lesbian bike pile-up on the dunes trail. One woman had a bump on her head, and I told her friends to keep an eye on her, don't let her nap for the day, and watch out for yammering (more than normal). And if she pukes, it's a concussion for sure. Yesterday and the day before a juvenile (1st or 2nd year) American Bald Eagle was spotted just off the road where people park their bikes for the beach trek. Its large hooked sea-eagle beak and menacing talons were unmistakeable, but most people around me thought it was a crow or a buzzard due to its dark coloring. Bald Eagles don't develop their classic white plumage on the head and tail until their 4th and 5th years. From the platform at the visitor center I rode to today I spotted a small pod of humpback whales.

I hope for an effortless trip back to DC tomorrow, and I've worried about my basement spiders, who I'm sure missed me while I was gone. I imagine they will all wave to me when I come home, with at least three or four of their legs: "Hi Jimbo! We missed you!!!"

Posted by jimbo at 1:49 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

August 17, 2006

OMG (a very drunk post)

OMG shoes:

I now have new semi-casual shoes, and new running shoes. I think I have too many shoes.

OMG cute gay pug:

Today was Carnival parade, the theme was Gay Paris and all that. The pug was cute.

OMG Rusty:

Rusty had to like call Chrisafer and say "OMG jimbo is here!" and to like discover, horror of horrors, that I DON'T HAVE A CELL PHONE! And Rusty says, "Jimbo, you're not as Bearish as I thought!" Thanks, betch.

OMG Cyndi:

CYNDI FUCKING LAUPER! Note To Bear Bodyguards Around Cyndi: Listen, I'm Scrummy, betch, and if you think you can shove me away from Her Unusualness you have another thing coming. I have a high-performance camera - this ain't no cell phone camera, betch - and I'm going to fucking use it on Cyndi, OK? Pappa-fucking-razzi, so suck my cock. Just put your feeble shoving back in your little Oshkosh B'Gosh overall pants pocket and suck it, because my shove is your love and you can't move me away because I'm Scrummy, betch!

OMG Drunk People in Line:

We were brought together by a 40 minute wait for expensive drinks.

OMG more Drunk People:

This is Brad from DC. And because I look good in this picture.

OMG even more Drunk People:

I'm with the fucking DJ, betch.

Posted by jimbo at 7:58 PM | Comments (14) | TrackBack

a haiku for the man with thong & cottage cheese butt

Wherever I go,
there he is. The man with the
thong. Please make it stop.

Leatherback, not a
sea turtle, more like a broiled
sea cucumber man.

Stay out of the sun
oh leatherback thong creature.
Skin cancer awaits.

Posted by jimbo at 2:02 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

August 15, 2006

queens on a boat

Today we went on a sunset cruise off of Cape Cod with a buncha queens on a boat:

It was really fun and there were tons 'o hotties, and...well, as my friend Bubba said, what plays in P-town stays in P-town. Anyway, the sunset was fabulous, despite the rainy day:

On an unrelated note, here's a fine image caputred by Clickboo, entitled "Home Stretch."

Posted by jimbo at 11:12 PM | Comments (6) | TrackBack

August 13, 2006

Ya tebye pokazhu Kuzkenu matb!

I've been yearning for years to make a blog post from a popular gay beach, opening the blog entry with some pretentious phrase in a foreign language that makes an obtuse reference to the theme of my blog entry that no one really understands, and now I can. My life is nearly complete because of it.

Here's the view from our skylight in Provincetown. I have a fairly spacious pad, at a reasonable price in a good location. Not bad for a breakup special. I am here on the graces of one half of a breakup. The other flew off magnanimously and left me the space, so it was a bit cheaper than normal:


It took me like 20 minutes to find the best image manipulation program installed on a basic Windows/PC setup that does not have Photoshop, what a pain in the ass. Anyway, once I figured it out I can now post pictures of Dreamy Ron in his Speedos for those of you who asked:



Ron and I are an excellent tag-team pair of wingmen for each other, to put it nicely. And people here are so friendly to both of us!


Thus far I am the whitest creature on the beach, next to the beluga whale carcass that washed up earlier this week. With daily applications of sun and fun, this will change. Provincetown is very different than Washington, DC. Let's count the ways: