Jimbo.Info

October 18, 2007

women are indeed allowed in the saliva pit

Last night the little spot in my head flared up where I got multiple sinus infections in college while I was taking scuba class. As I ascended up the water column during a test while my sinuses were clogged, something burst and I bled profusely through my nose. (You shouldn't go scuba diving with a sinus infection, fyi) From then on it always hurts a little when the air pressure is changing quickly, so I expect some rain to come through soon. Hopefully it won't dissipate into humidity and dust like all the precipitation has this fall.

Trick-or-Peeps!

This week in my favorite new advice column Ask Bob: women not allowed at Blowoff?!? Horsefeathers! I mean, at the last Blowoff there were a buncha lesbians monitoring fluid exchange in the Saliva Pit. I had no problem with it and they seemed to be enjoying themselves too. There's fun for everyone there - Saturday, Oct. 20, at the 9:30 Club.

Dammit, Chaka-Kahn is supposed to be performing at H2O in town for Howard University Homecoming, and A Year With Frog and Toad (my favorite gay couple) will be at the Strathmore. But tonight is the last practice before a very important match on Saturday, and I need to desperately grasp on to the last remnants of my masculinity the best I can, so I need to be at practice. Anyway, we're top-ranked in our division in the local union, which is very exciting because we've had some really challenging years, with some matches where we did not score a point, or others where we got up to a hundred points scored against us. These days we're not only competitive, but we're winning. The match will be at an idyllic farm in Poolesville, and I hope to get some photos.

I will be going to see Annie Lennox next week with the same bunch with whom I saw Emily, Amy, and Cyndi . It's kind of wierd how all the same artist's names end in the diminutive case. Annie better frikkin' sing because the ticket was a pretty penny.

In order to remain completely superficial and continue to degrade myself by constantly putting physical beauty on a pedistal, here is a random picture of some hot guy with a gun:

No, I don't know him and I can't remember where I found the pic and I can't refer him to you.

Happy thoughts - happy, rainier times in Homer, Alaska at the end of the rainbow:

I worked there in 1993, and visited again a few years ago when the photo was taken.

Posted by jimbo at 12:14 PM | Comments (8)

October 17, 2007

Larry Craig is a big fat lying homo

This morning I was watching pieces of hott Matt Lauer's uncomfortable interview with creepy lying bathroom cruising Senator Larry Craig. It was so sad I was cringing in empathy for his wife. Senator Craig's whole family is going through a media circus in order to maintain Larry's feeble grasp on the lie that he has maintained for so many years. And it's so obvious he's a creepy lying bathroom troll, everyone knows it, and yet he is working so hard to drag his family down with him into the urinal. Craig says, "I don't approve of that lifestyle," even though he has been repeatedly caught in the seediest acts of the lifestyle he denounces. Fuck you too, Larry.

This compartmentalization, or cognitive dissonance, is common in DC. What people legislate during the day is quite different than what they do at night. Someone recently cursed me (for wearing bad footwear) to constantly have to date only uptight clean cut Republicans, but the joke is not far from the truth. You really have to watch out for these guys in this town - closetedness and tha down-low situation are at near epidemic levels in DC. Fortunately I have fairly good filters to detect such bullshit in people I date.

Conversely, an out-of-the closet acquaintance of mine was beaten by three people at the Georgia Ave./Petworth Metrorail station this week. He was in work clothes, is European, kind of slight, and a bit fey in his appearance - which of course can be interpreted as gay by certain ignorant and hateful groups of people in DC. He was not robbed, and I suspect he was beaten by these three people for sport. He's a very nice guy and this attack was seemingly random, possibly motivated by how he looks and acts.

The news of this attack, and the escalation of the cries of 'FAGGOT!' from down the block (and sometimes outside of my window) kind of makes me want to obtain a gun. I am convinced people act out what they think, and what they say reflects what they're thinking, so I take these words seriously. But guns are actually pretty heavy, and I'm sure the day I choose to leave my gun at home I'll get mugged. I'd really rather not have to carry a gun in my gym bag all the time. Knives are lighter I guess. I have a nice serrated gardening knife with a comfy rubber handle that might work better.

Gays are an easy target by those whose rights or position as a minority group are higher than the homos'. Everyone feels better with a heirarchy in place. Our moving into transitional neighborhoods is merely a symptom and one of the first stages of gentrification - but we're not the cause of gentrification. But ignorant people who are terrified of change and difference need a scapegoat, in a town where scapegoating and unloading responsibility is old hat. So it's far easier for these people to take it out on some other group. To blame gays and hate gays because they're the first sign of change. Fear of change leads to anger - anger leads to hate - hate leads to suffering and all that said Master Yoda. Even the local churches have perpetuated this hate and continue to do so.

With the awareness that I am designated as a target in my neighborhood, maybe I should think seriously about getting a gun. I used to know how to shoot a B.B. gun, .22 and a .375 H&H Magnum rifle when I worked in Alaska. But the latter is a rifle intended for killing big game but certainly an effective thought.

The calls I've made to the DC Metropolitan Police Gay & Lesbian Liason Unit have gone unanswered. And by the time I've been jumped the cops will be too late. Time to be proactive I guess. I'm not gonna go down hanging off of a fence.

Posted by jimbo at 11:33 AM | Comments (25)

October 11, 2007

Happy National Coming Out Day

OMG it's National Coming Out Day!

I came out when I was good and ready, not necessarily on Oct. 11. But it's good to be out. The air is fresher and I don't feel the need to express my sexuality in an airport bathroom - I can do that in a gay bar, and it's sooo liberating.

I came out after I explored my sexuality during a summer study abroad trip in Europe waaay back in 1990 or so. The first half of that summer I studied forestry management in the Black Forest of Germany, and pollution studies in Poland (a GREAT place to study pollution, fyi). The rest of the summer I whored around in Köln, Oslo, Amsterdam and London, and came back wondering why Stevens Point, Wisconsin didn't have festive, open-air gay bars like those other cosmopolitan cities. I didn't feel like readjusting from megacity gay life to semi-rural gay life, so just stayed out. That and I felt like the secret life I was beginning to live was alienating me emotionally from my family and close friends.

Coming out wasn't as hard as the anxiety of planning to come out, or the anxiety build-up of how I thought people would react. For a while after coming out I was trying to manage people's reactions, then I just gave up and let them roll how they would. But in most cases relationships strengthened rather than soured. There is something about truth and honesty that makes people believe in you more. I think it's also known as integrity. People respect that in a person.

I think coming out for personal reasons is just as important as coming out for the good of gay society. More healthy, happy, open gay people mean a better perception of who we really are. Being closeted is a kind of emotional constipation, and when you finally drop that big load in the psychic toilet, you finally feel sooo good inside, and you're pretty much regular thereafter.

Posted by jimbo at 9:28 AM | Comments (11)

October 10, 2007

Burning the Ground

Photo sent to me from Cobban at Lopaka Lounge - an illustration of why we hate those little stickers they put on the apples these days.

For slow or clogged drains I highly recommend Rooto brand drain opener - but please follow the directions. As I write my leg burns from some backsplash, I'm kind of high, and mosquitoes are dying as they try to enter through my open doorway. My beloved basement spiders are all dead (Lloth is not amused) and the burning poison gas cloud roiling out of my home drove away the raccoons too. As I poured it in the clogged drain a burning brown geyser shot up from the drain, but it's no longer clogged. Rooto can be purchased at Logan Hardware.

It's the 17th Annual Reel Affirmations International Gay and Lesbian Film Festival weekend, organized by my former roomate. One of the featured films is Circle of Friends, featuring Bob Mould, on Saturday, October 20 at 11:45 AM in the delightful Lincoln Theatre Only $10, plus a free drink! The festival runs Oct 11 - 20.

As Halloween approaches, size does matter: I watched Lords of the Gourd: the Pursuit of Excellence on PBS the other night. Mark Lewis' The Pursuit of Excellence, a series of four one-hour films, celebrates the ambition, determination and passion of those who pursue distinction in slightly unconventional fields. In Lords of the Gourd, viewers encounter offbeat and endearing growers who tend, pamper and coddle their plants as if they are children, coaxing them to grow to unnatural size.

OMG a blog dedicated to Olivia Newton-John: More Than Physicial from DJ Paul-T, who also gives us Burning the Ground, an 80s and 90s remix blog. Thanks for the link, Stebbins!

Posted by jimbo at 8:10 PM | Comments (6)

October 6, 2007

"normal" - we're all in the same fish tank

In the next couple of weeks Congress might pass HR 2015, the Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA), which would protect Americans from workplace discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity. But a substitute bill has been introduced as HR 3685, which would not stop discrimination based on gender identity.

There has been a lot of good discussions on various blogs both for and against both versions of the bill, and also rumbles of dissent within the organizations that some feel represent the LGBTwhatever community.

As I look over at the swordtail fish in my aquarium, and the guppies in my pond, I recall the stuff I learned about the sexual diversity of fish in college ichthyology class. Depending on the ratio of males to females, age and sexual maturity of the fish in my aquarium, some of them change from female to male, or back again. Other kinds of fish change from male to female when they reach a certain size so they can produce more eggs, which requires more energy and mass to produce than sperm. We even have tranny bass in the Potomac. Some juvenile (but sexually prepared) salmon and sunfish males come to court the females at their nest, pretending to be female as the larger mature males don't always recognize them as competitors. The smaller (but quicker) tranny sunfish or salmon then zips in to the nest, deposits the sperm, and zips out again before the larger males know what's happened. There are a vast range of sexual strategies in the animal world, and most of them are to the benefit of the species as a whole. Quick and tranny, or big and butch? It's not always clear which will work best for the next generation.

Humans are not as subject to hermaphroditism and sex change as fish, but there are hermaphrodite and tranny people out there just as I have tranny fish in my aquarium. Look at the gays - we're different, we were born this way (I think so anyway), and there's a reason why we are this way. Our sexual difference may not be as advantageous depending on the culture, but somehow we happened this way.

I believe transsexuals and hermaphrodites happened that way too. Some people are born one sex but in their mind they know they should be another sex. The 2003 HBO film Normal is about a seemingly "normal" Midwestern factory worker who stuns his family and community by revealing he wants a sex change operation. The acting delivered by Jessica Lange and Tom Wilkinson show the painfully awkward situations that the main character was in, and the film turned my thoughts around on what a transsexual has to go through to deal with what he or she thinks is the right thing to do. Cue it on your Netflicks subscription some time, especially you Heroes fans, as the daughter in the family is played by a young Hayden Panettiere (Claire, the cheerleader).

Anyway, I want to bring to your attention a community-wide campaign that hopes to keep 'gender identity' protection in bill HR 2015. The campaign, Accept No Substitutes, a parody of Splenda, the artificial sweetener, asks visitors to sign a petition "to tell Congress to support the original ENDA and accept no substitutes!" Your support will help Congress continue to build support for the original ENDA. The well-intended substitute just won't do.

I know the addition of 'trans' may endanger the survival of the bill, but like homos, trans (and especially hermaphrodites) people can't help being what they are or what they think they need to be, and are subject to workplace discrimination because of their situation. There is a continuum of sexualities amongst humans: most people are dimorphic (straight), some people are gay or lesbian, and a few people are a little in between all of those options. I believe we're all in the same boat - or in this case sharing the same community aquarium.

Besides - you'll have to answer to Charlene if you have a problem with it.

Charlene says: "Thaynk Yew!" for your support on this matter.

Posted by jimbo at 10:30 PM | Comments (11)

October 4, 2007

OMG O.N-J has a new X-Mas album

Try to check out the new ABC television show 'Pushing Daisies' - it's a sassy, smart whodunit with a supernatural twist. It was great fun to watch with a knockout cast, featuring Emerson Cod (Boston Public), Swoosie Kurtz (Broadway, everything else) and Ellen Greene (Little Shop of Horrors, Heroes). It is promise of a clever future in television programming so catch it now before it's cancelled.

Heroes, on the other hand, suxed donkey dix last night - the only interesting part was watching Claire experiment with her powers by scissoring off her pinky toe. As for the rest of the storyline or characters, I didn't care that much. It must have been a filler episode, hopefully to prepare us for a more exciting future episode.

There was another critter incursion into the pond last night, but this time Sean said he witnessed hearing some creature "splashing around" in there when he came home from work, but was unwilling to investigate further into the matter. I asked him if it was human-sized, and he at least confirmed that it was not so big, more like the size of a breadbox. How do I stop a raccoon or possum from doing what they do?

John got Spice Girls tickets for their show in L.A. The Spice Girls are not coming to DC. I'm sending out my unit of pink special forces ninja assassins to slay John and retrieve the tickets for me.

Olivia Newton-John will be releasing a new Christmas CD, available November 1st at Target. Between O.N-J, Chaka-Kahn and Annie Lennox, it's hard to keep up with our divas these days. Thanks to Daniel for the tip. You can download your own O.N-J Xanadu desktop wallpaper from Daniel's collection here. Full track list from the album after the break.

Rough trade pic posted because I liked it. Note the subtle curl of fur at the collar.

O COME ALL YE FAITHFULL
ANGELS WE HAVE HEARD ON HIGH
EVERYTIME IT SNOWS
AWAY IN A MANGER
WE THERE KINGS
ANGLES WE HAVE HEARD ON HIGH
A MOTHER'S CHRISTMAS WISH ( Featuring Jim Brickman )
JESU, JOY OF MAN'S DESIRING
ANGELS IN THE SNOW
WHAT A CHILD IS THIS
SILENT NIGHT ( Featuring Jann Aren )
O COME, O COME EMMANUEL
ALL THROUGH THE NIGHT ( Featuring Michael McDonald )
LITTLE DRUMMER BOY
UNDERNEATH THE SAME SKY
O CHRISTMAS TREE
LITTLE STAR OF BETHLEHEM
DECK THE HALLS
INSTRUMENT OF PEACE ( Featuring Marc Jordan )
WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS
CHRISTMAS ON MY RADIO
A GIFT OF LOVE ( Featuring Barry Manilow )

Posted by jimbo at 11:06 AM | Comments (19)

September 21, 2007

The Saliva Pit is OVER!

OMG The Saliva Pit at Blowoff is OVER since it was mentioned in this week's print edition of MetroWeekly's Hearsay column. HearSay has a blog now, fyi.

The feature story 'Where to Live' about living in The Domestic District makes no mention of Shaw! I'm hurt...grab a lead pencil and write a bit about the lead flying through the air around here...perhaps it might sound something like this:

A walk along Q Street, NW, going east towards New Jersey Avenue will take you past several not-so-haunted houses, and you're sure to have an interesting chat with the gregarious cluster of young men always orbiting around the corner of 5th and Q. Be sure to say hi! They'll say something back at you, most assuredly. If you're a microbrew fan, try to test your knowledge of malt liquor brands littering the curbs as you peruse the bucolic dwellings on the sycamore-lined street.

There's a new bad boy music venue at Titan's Ramrod this Sunday night:

Sunday September 23, 2007. 3-7 PM
$5.00 Cover Includes 1st Drink Free
$2.00 Domestic Drafts
$2.00 Smirnoff Flavors
Free Clothes Check
@ 1337 14th Street NW
Track list by Mr. Mixtake online here.

The identity of an American mummy found buried in an iron coffin in Columbia Heights has been determined.

I got elbowed in the face tonight...those damn new rugby kids and their flailing elbows...

I'm going to have a black eye at the beach this weekend! It could go in my favor depending on where I go...

Posted by jimbo at 12:16 AM | Comments (7)

September 20, 2007

extreme sub bottom fisting pink sashed fuscia hanky leather boy nutria/capybara seeks same ONLY!

I am about to make some generalizations that will probably get some people upset...

On an innertubing trip this summer I noticed something that kind of stuck in my mind the past couple of months. As all of us were waiting for the shuttle bus to take us to the river, I noted that the only people there with freaky ripped John Basedow abs were the other gay couple in line. The rest of the people registered at least some level of body fat. Eventually I wondered why some of us choose to live with such strict standards. How much time do those people spend running each week? Fat naturally deposits around the tummy, yet for too many people it is the percieved as THE indicator of absolute fitness. Lack of fat there has nothing to do with your cardiovascular fitness, but the gays seem to be obsessed with abs and the Apollo's Belt. I can run, tackle, hit and be hit for 80 minutes, yet I still have a little somethin' to grab around the waist (woof). But despite my true cardiovascular fitness, this is anathema to more than a few gays in tha gay ghetto.

And that's the problem - reaching such a difficult standard is impossible for some, so I think they give up and go 180 degrees in the other direction - the Bear Community - waay over at the other end of the spectrum. "If I can't be ripped I'm going to be obese instead, and stick it to those skinny queens!" Or some guys will go for the outrageously puffy 'roided out look (nice zits). At any point on this triangle, the gays always go overboard and to the extreme. Meanwhile the rest of society is somewhere in the middle.

And the same thing goes for leather or sex. You can't seem to be just have a kink you like to engage in from time to time, you have to be a Supreme Sub Bottom Boy Sex Pig Fistmaster 2002-2005 Mr. DC Overlord Heavily Invested in the Sash Community Purple Croc-Wearing Capybara/Nutria Indentured Servitude Slave leather gay person (looking for same ONLY!) - with a bar code. Sexual moderation seems to be a rarity as well. It's not enough to get it once every couple of weeks, some people feel insecure if they don't get it three times a week - or thrice daily for that matter. I think sometimes The Gays need to pop their head out of the 'hood for some perspective from time to time. I'm not saying straight is right, I'm saying moderation is the key in a lot of things. While life is changing with the predicton of a post-modern gay, we still tend to excessively pigeonhole and too often go to extremes. That is all. That is my opinion. Be moderate, be yourself, don't be a label or an image of what some magazine says you should be. And stop running/eating so much.

"Bitch, I Stole Your Purse," by Wendy the Ho.

Charlene wouldn't put up with that crap.

"The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader" is now scheduled for May 7, 2010. Production will begin next summer, instead of January. The second film in the franchise, "The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian," is scheduled to open May 16.

Sadly, we won't see the return of the delicious villian Jadis, played by TILDA, TILDA, TILDA Swinton, until a couple of prequels later. As I recall we learn about her origin in one of the books about teleporting pools, I forget which book. My favorite in the series was Voyage of the Dawn Treader for some reason. I was bored to tears with the Silver Chair.

Posted by jimbo at 12:16 PM | Comments (15)

September 18, 2007

cue stereotypic downtrodden caucasian fife music

Nellie's Sports Bar gets a shout-out from Matthew Yglesias in The Atlantic online today. Does a gay sports bar mark the advent of the end of straight culture? I personally don't think Nellie's is going to undermine the fabric of heterosexuality any more than I have undermined the fabric of the gay blogosphere for almost 10 years now. Foodie review of Nellie's in the Washington Post.

Speaking of anniversaries, real-live hunky muscledawg-porn-crazed blogger Jocko celebrates his 7th, and mentions the upcoming release of a live-action Iron Man movie feauring Robert Downey, Jr. as the troubled Tony Stark. It is perfect casting considering both the actor and the character have a history of struggles with substance abuse. I'm looking forward to seeing the film. It's been a good time to be a former comic book geek.

I got my plane tickets the other day from Aer Lingus to get over the pond to Dublin for the next Bingham Cup big gay rugby tournament in June 2008. FYI: Lingus has a promotional special at the moment, having recently established new service out of Dulles last month. The next Bingham Cup is gonna be a smash, with lovely mushy peat-based pitches this time. Book your tickets today!

We will be getting jiggy over there, I assure you.

Posted by jimbo at 1:14 PM | Comments (4)

September 17, 2007

Music From and Inspired by the Motion Picture 'Dazzler'

I suppose since now that the Spice Girls have gotten together, Xanadu has been made into a real musical, and a Transformers live action film have been made, all my wishes really have come true this summer. It was a good summer for wishes and dreams.

Well, almost all of them. Wouldn't a live-action Dazzler (some-time X-Men team member) movie be awesome? Who do you think would play the best Dazzler? Heidi Klum? (too old by now). If we only had a time machine we could go back and get Farrah Fawcett, pre-Charlie's Angels to play her. Here's a blogger who is obsessed with Dazzler (Thanks John), and the Marvel Team-Up of the Ambiguously Gay Duo and Dazzler.

From Eoghan in Northern Ireland: rugby player's day job as florist. And he's cute too!

My nose is doing better, thanks! I was a little aggro at Blowoff from time to time. I forget how a good game can really keep you high on whatever it is that makes you aggro. I have to watch it in crowded spaces or I want to get people out of my way. Regardless, I had a nice time, but didn't want to mack all that much in the Saliva Pit as I was worried about bumping my nose again and starting a gusher.

My connection to the datasphere has been severed:

Thankfully the siezures have stopped. I still have Internets, but only get Fox and NBC clearly now on TV. It looks like a car's bumper hit the cable, as there's been digging and construction next door. Gonna have to call Comcast to get it fixed. Anyone got a funky wrench to undo fused cables?

More gunshots reported (and I heard it) early Sunday morning at around 2:45am.

This is getting ridiculous. That makes 3 in a week plus 2 arsons nearby. The crack lighting (as opposed to track lighting) was set up over the weekend at 5th and R to try and scare away the gunhappy.

I'll bet Dazzler could kick their asses.

Posted by jimbo at 12:23 PM | Comments (9)

September 12, 2007

Bust up the Grid Bugs & assault the I/O Tower

Thanks for all the suggestions and advice on dealing with the close gathering of similarly-dressed troublesome youth on the corner. FYI, there were gunshots heard down that way on the corner of 5th and Q on Monday evening. I thought it was fireworks (I can never tell the difference). I've been witness to one crack related shooting in my lifetime and I don't want to see another one. It's not pretty, but a lot more bloodless than you'd think. FYI, it's best to walk to Howard University Hospital than to wait for an ambulance or taxi to rescue you. You'll die before they arrive, so it's best to go on foot.

I think at the core of my downer post on living on the wavefront of gentrification is that it's always the same shit, which I'm getting tired of. At two former addresses it was the same process: 1.) problem property; 2.) people get pissed off; 3.) people get together; 4.) problem property goes away by some method.

It's not an issue of how the youth will be moved elsewhere, it's a matter of when. I am confident the menace will be removed. It's not that I don't think something can't be done, I'm just tired of the process, tired of living in lower-rent areas, due mostly because of my income. But down the long road I'm working on the advanced degree, getting more experience at work, which has some promise of allowing a bigger salary, so that I may one day live away from such bullshit. I don't think it's my job to have to deal with this shit, but I can if I have to. Sadly, I live in a city where the cops can't seem to get their shit together to bust a crack-dealing gang without the help of local citizens. They know they are criminals, they know their only destination is jail, so they're just gonna party until that day comes.

Anyway, OMG there's a remake/follow-up to Tron in the works! Link thanks to Martina Gurlatalova, the rice gene queen, who freaks out every time I link to her.

Did you know that Bruce Boxleitner is married to Melissa Gilbert?

Over the weekend somebody told me I was "emotionally distant". A few years ago somebody told me I was "needy". I can't please everyone.

Chris Crocker has all the answers one really needs in life. Get ready for a chorus of Chicken Littles who are freaked out that such a femme guy "misrepresents the community!!!" He puts himself out there, no one elected him leader of all femme gays. Personally, if I became President of the United States of America with Oprah Winfrey as my VP, Chris Crocker would be my Karl Rove.

Posted by jimbo at 1:03 PM | Comments (10)

August 30, 2007

The Invasion: just not the same without pods

There's something creepy about pods - milkweed pods, okra, pea pods, alien pods. Sadly, pods are absent in the film The Invasion, and so is any discernable accent between either Daniel Craig or Nicole Kidman. Plus it's directed by Joel Silver, so it sucks. But of course the film has plenty of unnecessary explosions and a car chase. The only redeeming quality of the movie was to try and spot where the scenes in DC were filmed. "OMG that's my MetroRail station where the crackhead pees every morning!"

In reference to the Larry Craig scandal, Patrick asks: "I'm sometimes a little behind the times...why is bathroom crusing called "tearoom?" I forwarded the question to tearoom historian JoeMyGod, who responds:

"Some say that "tearoom" originated in England as a polite way of not saying "toilet room" and that the proper way to write it would be "T-room". That's sort of right, but while the expression IS English in origin, it comes from the archaic English reference to urine as "tea", therefore a place where one urinates is a "tearoom."

Thanks for clearing that up, Joe!

I think the inclusion of both Scary Spice and Marie Osmond on "Dancing with the Stars" is totally unfair to competing rap stars, football players, and people like Jerry Springer who have no previous professional dancing experience. But I'm gonna watch it anyway.

Posted by jimbo at 10:52 PM | Comments (8)

August 29, 2007

August is Trolltastic!

What's going on around here this month, a Creepy Lying Troll Festival?

"I am not gay. I have never been gay."

- Senator and Lying Troll Larry Craig, (R) Idaho after being caught cruising for sex in Union Station and in a Minneapolis airport bathroom

Either on the Internet or in public bathrooms, it has been a virtual blizzard of creepy troll drama this month.

I'll have to admit, when I was about 19 and just coming out, the cruisy bathroom in the basement of the college library was where I had my first man-on-man sexual contact. In lonlier areas of Wisconsin, those kinds of cruisy spots are the only place where some closeted people know where to get it on with another guy. But I suspected there were healthier outlets, like bars, campus support groups, and counseling if need be, and checked them all out instead of choosing tearoom cruising which I consider a soulless way to get some sex, completely devoid of identity or intimacy. 16 years later I live in a fairly tolerant city with healthier options for socialization with other gays like me. DC is a city filled to the brim with educated, well-traveled, intelligent gay men where you are able to fall into a like-minded group of true friends who are out and [relatively] mentally healthy. It doesn't have to be all about sex, and friends will take care of you when times are down, be a good sounding board for you when you need advice, or otherwise do the things friends do.

But for others, gay sex is only about the act, and they disassociate that act with their identity. But they still can't resist that biological call, so they retain that minimal view of what being gay is.

Brendan made a fascinating comment on the topic yesterday:

"I had a friend who worked at the Crew Club in the mid 90's. He said when the Republicans took over congress in '94, they had a whole new crowd of customers (mostly young staffers, lawyers, etc) in their establishment, many of which had to be taught the basics of safer sex."

In other words, a clique of white men in power no different than brothers on the down-low here in DC. They have sex with men, but don't associate themselves with a 'gay' identity, and don't do the research on issues that affect gay men (safer sex, etc.), and think they are immune or outside of issues that affect gay men.

So I guess Larry didn't have the right group of friends, being on the down-low. He got caught once in Union Station and the news made it into several blogs, but seemed to get passed over in the mainstream media, who are beginning to catch on to the cognitive dissonance of a man in power who legislated consistently against issues affecting gays.

I'm guessing he does have a group of gay peers, all of whom shared his same values and beliefs - do what you have to do on the down-low, but do what you think others think you should do with your legislative acts.

Weatherwoof has similar sentiments with more froth on top! I'll have to admit, after thinking about his public denials about his tearoom behavior and denying being gay, I have reason to be just as pissed off as anyone. Larry Craig and his fucking hypocrite buddies are gay, but working hard against any issues that would help those gay men who are out and far more mentally and emotionally healthy than he is.

Posted by jimbo at 9:23 AM | Comments (11)

August 24, 2007

silly mammalian labels

Uff da - my legs ache mighty bad today from last night's practice. I was on the opposition of a 15-man team, and we only had about 7 providing defense. That meant me stopping a lot of big fat bears as best I could. We have a lot of new recruits though, which is nice. People are starting to buzz about the Mark Bingham Cup in Dublin in June 2008. It's going to be a pretty penny to get there, but their fields (pitches) and facilities will certainly be better than the last tournament, which was basically in a circuit party format, replete with lube stands at pitchside. I didn't get that part.

I didn't mean to imply in yesterday's post about genuine Midwestern friendliness that any behavior south of the Wisconsin/Illinois border is necessarily rude. I was talkin' about the I-95 'tude that you get around here. I LOVE good Southern boy charm, opening doors for people, being polite to your mamma and all that. I hear tell it's an act, but it works on me, hook, line and sinker. Southern gentlemen are an exotic species in the Northern states. Midwesterners are friendly, Southern boys are polite (usually). Then when they move here something sucks out their souls and makes them unfriendly and impolite. Heavy metals in the water, perhaps?

I thought this was funny:

Llamas make a very nasal hum of concern when they're annoyed. Then they spit green goo on you. I didn't think they were worth the wool, I prefer my goldfish who don't spit on me.

Yes, I have viewed the YouTube video link and website for the new Bear band sensation BearForce1. Thank you for notifying me. I don't think this is the last we'll hear from them, as I think the breeders are gonna eat that shit up like they embraced The Village People. Not that I mind, as that act of acceptance will be the deathknell of both BearForce1 and the entire Bear scene. Then we can all brush off our hands and be who we want to be - sans silly mammalian labels.

Posted by jimbo at 1:17 PM | Comments (2)

July 27, 2007

Friday Sheep Miscellany

Additional evidence that Shaw Is Where It's At: fun DC DJ and club owner (Tracks, Nation) Ed Bailey has announced plans to open a new gay dance club in Shaw. Will it be in the Wonder Bread factory near the North exit of the Shaw/Howard MetroRail station off the Sux Donkey Dix Green Line at 7th & S Streets?

While I wouldn't want to be a neighbor with the thrumming 132 beats-per-minute late into Sunday morning, The Gays in DC are in dire need of additional habitat, and it would be nice to have a club to be able to walk to. Please, do your part to help The Gays restore gay habitat in DC. Says Ed:

"It is a large-scale dance club and it's conveniently located in the Cardozo/Shaw neighborhood of Northwest D.C. We are doing our diligence to get everything in order and get everything finalized and officially stamped."

Update: my sources tell me it's not the Wonder Bread Factory, which is too bad. I was hoping for primary color polka-dot decor. And of course I know it's not Nellie's. To quote Nellie's proprietor: "Duh."

Mystery solved: dreamboat guy with dimples in black shirt is this blogger. Match the dimples and wish him a happy birthday. Cute, and he likes Star Trek too. That's totally hot.

As if standing next to a person who is text messaging wasn't boring enough, we can now document our mundane texting online on this thingy called Twitter. All the bears are doing it, OMG.

Skwurl is going away to Fire Island this weekend for the first time ever. Those bitches are gonna tear him apart. To celebrate his debut, we watched a bad copy of Black Sheep, since they're never gonna release that film in the U.S. We followed the screening with a shearing so the Fire Island sheep don't freak out at his back fur. I cried when I clipped it off, but the debutante had to be shorn.

Posted by jimbo at 10:32 AM | Comments (13)

July 16, 2007

lesbian softball gangs invade Saturday Blowoff

Will the fun ever end this summer? It was a busy weekend to be Jimbo with a party in Baltimore at Rob and Dax' Luau, an off-the-hook Blowoff that evening (there will be tales told), D&D on Sunday and a riveting mid-term take-home exam that evening to top off the excitement with balance sheets and costs of good souls.

Sarah came out of the ether and immersed herself into the naughty Bear mob at Blowoff. I think she came with her lesbian gang for protection, one of the 150 purported lesbian gangs in DC according to Fox news. Does Fox include women's rugby and softball teams in the count? If so, I suppose they're right then.

Apparently the Xanadu musical is breaking records at the Helen Hayes theatre. Most reviews are a lot more enthusiastic than mine. I thought it was fun, but it's apparently a breath of fresh air on Broadway this season. I told you so...

Jocko has some yummy wallpaper for you today - go check it out. JockoHomo Challenge - can you find the difference in the photo below and that of the previous entries' image?

Clever photomanipulation by Jocko.

This weekend was the first weekend in a month where I was finally feeling healthier. I'm very happy to see a month of blank entries on the upcoming month's calendar weekends. Summer is for fun, but also for relaxing and regenerating.

Posted by jimbo at 3:19 PM | Comments (10)

July 12, 2007

My pet gay Amazonian dolphins practice 'skullfucking'

Here's my pet gay Amazonian dolphins, Squeaker and Pixie, exhibiting the popular dolphin passtime of 'skullfucking':

From "AGAINST NATURE? - an exhibition on animal homosexuality," at the The Natural History Museum, University of Oslo until August 19, 2007.

Yes, there's a gay animal museum out there. Something needs to counter the Creation Museum. Seriously though, sex in the animal kingdom goes waaay beyond just a male and female getting it on. The sexes of the swordtail fish in my aquarium change depending on the composition of their school.

This weekend there's a big giant veterinary convention in DC, the Annual Meeting of the American Veterinary Medical Association. The Lesbian and Gay Veterinary Medical Association (LGVMA) is sponsoring Professor Joan Roughgarden of Stanford University to present the keynote lecture titled “Sexual Diversity in the Animal Kingdom” at the LGVMA’s Annual Meeting scheduled for Sunday, July 15, 2007 from 12 Noon to 2pm at the JW Marriott Hotel in the Capitol Ballroom FG, located at 1331 Pennsylvania Avenue, Washington, DC.

Let's all go and learn about why gay Amazonian dolphins practice 'skullfucking'. It'll be fun.

More about this lecture after the break...

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Lesbian and Gay Veterinary Medical Association (LGVMA)
584 Castro Street #492
San Francisco, CA 94114
Ken Gorczyca DVM 415-860-6157
Michael McElvaine DVM 202 492-3021
E-mail: LGVMA@lgvma.org
www.lgvma.org

LGVMA sponsors special lecture: “Sexual Diversity in the Animal Kingdom with Joan Roughgarden”

Washington, DC, June 11, 2007- The Lesbian and Gay Veterinary Medical Association is sponsoring Professor Joan Roughgarden of Stanford University to present the keynote lecture titled “Sexual Diversity in the Animal Kingdom” at the LGVMA’s Annual Meeting scheduled for Sunday, July 15, 2007 from 12 Noon to 2PM at the JW Marriott Hotel in the Capitol Ballroom FG, located at 1331 Pennsylvania Avenue, Washington, DC. This ground-breaking lecture will take place during the Annual Meeting of the American Veterinary Medical Association. It is believed that this is the first such lecture on this interesting topic to take place at national veterinary meeting in the United States. This event is partially sponsored by grants from the PETCO Foundation; Pets Are Wonderful Support (PAWS); PETS, DC; Wag Hotels; and Pets Unlimited Veterinary Hospital and Shelter.

Roughgarden will speak about sexual diversity in the animal kingdom, including zoological aspects of homosexuality in domestic animals and humans. “This talk is especially timely,” Roughgarden says, “in view of the Oslo Museum exhibit on homosexuality and animals that opened in 2006, which has been widely reported in the press. It would be wonderful if all the information on domesticated animals could be folded into the wider zoological picture that is emerging. What is coming out now is to the rest of the animal kingdom what the Kinsey Report was to humans.”

Professor Roughgarden has authored many books, including, Evolution’s Rainbow: Diversity, Gender and Sexuality in Nature and People and has been published in Science and other scientific journals. This discussion is not a rebuttal of the central idea of natural selection, but an extension of Darwin’s explanation of the mechanism of sexual selection. She draws on a huge range of animal studies to illustrate the diversity of forms of sexual activity in nature, and in doing so challenges a number of key assumptions of neo-Darwinism. In species ranging from fruit flies to lizards and primates she finds behaviors that include same-sex sexual play, sexual switching between male and female, multiple sexes and genders and reproductive behavior requiring more than the commonly expected single male and single female genders to achieve reproductive success and much else besides. Although some scientists are critical, Roughgarden is quoted as being “not altogether surprised” by the volume of dissent, and has pointed out that her team had refuted most of the criticisms. Throughout history, science has tended to have blind spots that are later proven true.

Join this ground-breaking lecture for the veterinary community from 12-1:30 PM followed by questions and open discussion from 1:30-2:00 PM. We are scheduling a book signing following the lecture sponsored by Lambda Rising Bookstore. Press interviews are available between 11:00-12:00 PM at the JW Marriott. Please contact Tim Withers, DVM to schedule an interview or for more information at 703-812-4795 or lgmva@lgvma.org.

Posted by jimbo at 10:27 AM | Comments (10)

July 10, 2007

Some talking points to the media for Night Out with the Nationals

I don't speak for the nice people who organized the "Night OUT with the Washington Nationals" on Monday, July 16th, but I think some talking points need to be addressed before the event, from the point of view of an average gay on the street (moi) before the media picks it up and subsequently fucks the story up in order to sell papers. Most of the time they photograph and quote the most obnoxious people on either side, while the quiet ones in the middle eating popcorn getting ignored. Pull out your notepads all you journalists, and take note:

See, there's been some mean 'ol Christians running around ruining things for everybody again at other city Night Out events. The modus operandi for these people is to 1.) Find gays having fun; 2.) Show up with their moobs proudly displayed; 3.) Ruin all the fun for gays and straights alike with their sourpuss faces and their nasty-ass moobs. And they keep yammering on and on about stuff like this:

"Homosexuality is a sin,and promoting it with a Pride Night when thousands of kids are also going to be (at the ballpark) is wrong. So we took a moral stand. We're not anti-gay. We're anti-anti-Christian."

First off, the gays aren't promoting homosexuality at this event, the team is doing a marketing promotion. And honey, they need all the help they can get with attendance this year... See, when we're not eating babies, ruining heterosexual marriages, or gnawing at the pillars of civilization, we do things like going to baseball games, movies, or grilling asparagus wrapped in bacon. Sometimes, we're really quite boring and unfabulous like that.

"These so-called 'gay pride' events are often debauched affairs of gross and inappropriate displays of public affection."

When I'm not stuffing my face with nasty hot dogs, delicious cotton candy or flat beer, I might peck the cheek of a friend. But there is no open assfucking at RFK stadium (as far as I know), so relax.

I had a nice time at last year's Night Out with the Nationals - mostly because there were a lot of friends around and it was an opportunity to watch a game, eat cotton candy, and drink overpriced beer. There is no hidden agenda here, we're just getting together to do something fun in the summer. But I suppose that's what the nutbag hyper-Christians have a problem with - we should not be allowed to enjoy ourselves at a baseball game like the "normal" people. I would like to make a shout-out to all those quiet moderate people who consider themselves Christian to have a word with these people on our behalf, like Robert Davila said:

"Values start and are taught in the home. Just because you see a bum on the street doesn't turn you into a bum."

Well, I don't think a homeless analogy is the most flattering, but all we really want to do is go watch a baseball game.

Posted by jimbo at 3:41 PM | Comments (18)

July 5, 2007

OMG fireworks

The problem with having lived in DC for 10 years and been part of a couple of all-gay athletic teams or organizations is that I will ultimately hit on someone I know on Manhunt. It's not deathly embarrassing, just awkward at times:

Me: "Grrrr. Woof!"
HotHairyDCstud: "Hi Jimbo. It's me, Greg."
Me: "Oh jeez...."

Tomorrow I leave for NYC via the Jew Bus to see Xanadu on Saturday. I am hosted by Joe.My.God and will be going to the show with super-hot Aaron. My head will probably explode with excitement. It was good knowing you all, but I will die a happy gay.

Yesterday's recap: OMG fireworks. I did laundry too.

I am getting a lot of work done today, actually. Everyone is gone at work so no one is pestering me.

Posted by jimbo at 2:04 PM | Comments (11)

June 14, 2007

Linus Loves

I'm dog/cat/housesitting in Takoma this week. Here's Linus:

Linus basically walks himself and pees on a regular schedule in previously designated locations. The hardest part is meeting the needs of the very needy cat who must have human contact at all times. Other than that, I'm doing the whole Takoma / Silver Spring thing and will be attending a Silverdocs movie on Friday night and drinking coffee at a lesbian coffee shop and letting my leg hair grow out like everyone else around here.

I Don't Feel Like Dancin' - Scissor Sisters feat. Linus Loves
Look On The Floor - Bananarama (They look well-preserved!)
Stand Back - Linus Loves feat. Sam Obernik (and dreamy dancer in video)

At the campus where I work we recently received a memo about something called "Campus Based Privileges for Designated Individuals," that is, peope who are designated by a university employee, who are 18 years old or older, reside continuously with the employee, and is not in a landlord/tenant relationship with the employee. Examples of such individuals include spouses, domestic partners, and adult children of employees. I call this "domestic partnership lite," as the designated individuals get use of library, fitness center, health center, counseling center, daycare and thank Zod use of the university golf course!

The above stated "designated individuals" do not get health care benefits or tuition remission. While the memo is a welcomed first step towards full parnership benefits, it still infers that a "designated individual" is not the same as a spouse. The tone of the memo says to me "We will give you some of the benefits that we get, but you don't get all of them because you're not like us, and you aren't worthy of the benefits our spouses get." In other words, the memo says that same-sex partners are not the same as married opposite sex couples. Fuck you too, assholes.

Anyhow, speaking of pets, Pets-DC is hosting their annual Pride of Pets doggie show and pageant at 3pm this Saturday the 16th. All you Flickr freaks should enjoy the opportunity for cute doggie pics.

Posted by jimbo at 11:09 AM | Comments (18)

June 11, 2007

Struggling with Pride

In this morning's copy of the Washington Post Express edition were more dumb comments questioning the continued validity of gay pride parades and festivals. Pride is valid if only for an excuse to have our own holiday and party. Don't you think you're worth your own holiday? Joe.My.God also provides some more sound reasons to continue the festivities.

While I'm not crazy about parades (my back starts to hurt when I stand too long) I do like to go down to the festival because I usually see lots of friends from way back and today. It is a gathering of people with at least one thing in common. Otherwise many of us don't have that much in common.

And the truly sinful food options expand every year. This year I was able to buy bubble tea AND a Nutella/banana crepe at the same booth! Although I'll wager the incidents of grease fire particulate-induced lung cancer will increase in the gay community due to all the food vendors at the festival.

And we still need to have a pride festival at least until they one day serve batterfried cheese curds at one of the vendor booths.

Hey you gay pet owners: leave your dogs at home! Do you know how hot it is down there near the blacktop? And hot blacktop hurts doggie feet, and who knows how many doggie feet get stepped on in the crowd. We know you love your dog and your dog is very proud that you're gay, but if it's a hot day leave your dog at home.

Pride gives you an excuse to be Fierce!

Pride gives you an excuse to wear blast goggles, like Fitz:

Pride gives you an excuse to hang out with furry people like yourself.

Pride gives your straight teammates an opportunity to help out.

And like I wrote earlier, Pride gives you the opportunity to greet longtime friends who will then pick you up and start humping you:

I like the expression on Matt's face (at right) in the above pic.

Posted by jimbo at 11:29 AM | Comments (6)

June 7, 2007

Happy DC Pride Weekend!

Everybody have a good DC Pride Festival weekend. Try to act like the gentleman shown below as much as possible, because you can and should be able to, just because:


Even if you consider yourself to be "straight-acting" or "masc" (and actually are in reality), you should still be able to act as flamey as you would like. That is the point of gay pride celebrations. We act this way because we can, and I suck dick because I like it. It just happens to feel right.

Seen on The Banal Chew, originally from Star Trek Inspirational Posters.

Verizon still Sux Donkey Dick. They actually admitted on the phone today that I didn't need to be home yesterday. A repairman showed up, checked the outdoor box, declared that it worked, and left without knocking on my door. The phone still doesn't work and they had the gall to tell me how to test it myself. It doesn't work, send someone to install/fix, please? Do I have to beg? I guess so. Verizon, you will pay some day, I assure you, one way or another. No gay pride for you because you suck.

Posted by jimbo at 4:16 PM | Comments (9)

May 22, 2007

leprechauns in the dust

My rugby team is composed of about 49% gay men, 49% straight men

...and two leprechauns:



Groundbreaking research finds that if you slow down a Kylie Minogue song it sounds like George Michael. Some queens have far too much time on their hands. But I'm just jealous. Imagine if you could harness that curiosity into more scientific innovation - queens would rule the world and/or take off into space and settle down in a distant galaxy.

Posted by jimbo at 2:23 PM | Comments (6)

May 19, 2007

A Scrum or two on the Potomac

Today we played some fun rugby in the shadow of the Washington Monument the Washington Renegades Rugby Football Club Scrum on the Potomac tournament.

Photos by Gurl. Someone from the White House was totally cruising us while we were playing:

Here's me pouting (photo by OMG DJ TM) when I realized those I had invited to watch were not coming:

"Dewey" was kind enough to join us after two on our team got injured. She played the 'hooker' position and held her own amongst the gurls and boys:

"Umm...'scuse me, but that ball is mine."

"HEY GURL! WHAT'S SHAKIN'?" That's Stefan to my right:

It was a nice day for rugby, breezy and somewhat cool. Now it's time for a shower and a nap.

Scrape from rugby that looks a little redder without the whitening flash. I get a tetanus shot every year, but I suppose I could still contract anthrax from scraping it in the dirt.

Posted by jimbo at 6:36 PM | Comments (6)

May 17, 2007

Happy Syttende Mai!

OMG DJ TM™ is hawt. So is the one to his left. Photos by Joe Tresh. Grrrr!

Speaking of whores and harlots, the Washington Renegades Rugby Football Club is having a 'harlotfest' tournament this Saturday morning starting at 10ish at the field behind the Holocaust Museum*. A harlotfest is where players are somewhat randomly assigned to their team, as opposed to playing on a team they have practiced with.

It'll be one of the last easily accessible matches of the season, so come watch. Social to follow at Titan.

If that isn't butch enough for you, don't miss The Great Big International Drag King Show 007 at the 9:30 Club on Saturday night, the featured entertainment event for the Gender Public Advocacy Coalition's 2007 GenderYOUTH Leadership Summit.

*Raoul Wallenberg Field (3 blocks West of Smithsonian Metro on the Blue/Orange Line; or 15th and C St. SW between Independence Ave and Maine Ave SW Washington, DC)

Posted by jimbo at 8:07 AM | Comments (2)

May 14, 2007

starting rumours

This week's redesign is in honor of Syttende Mai, the Norwegian version of Cinco de Mayo, but not as much fun, and on the 17th of May. Eat pickled herring (or lutefisk if you're hardcore), practice your rosemaling and be generally stoic and unemotional. I'm trying to tap into my Nordic half but the Irish keeps seeping through.

Isn't Crown Prince Haakon a høttie? He has a bit of an adorkable element to him, and oddly hazel eyes for a Norwegian.

Thanks to all you killjoys who crushed my hopes of a Kylie Minogue appearance on Dr. Who. Can't a gay geek have a little hope? I've decided I'm going to start similar rumours:

- Olivia Newton-John joins the cast of Battlestar Galactica in Season 4 as Lucy Lawless' skinjob replacement, the most evil Cylon yet: Kira. Not even Six can contend with her fierceness;

- Stevie Nicks guest stars as a long-lost great aunt in a two-hour Charmed reunion to engage in a massive spellbattle against an evil reincarnation of Shannen Doherty;

- Whitney Houston stars in a revisit of the Touched by an Angel series as Della Reese's illegitimate crack baby, all grown up and saving souls;

- Cyndi Lauper reprises her role from Vibes as Sylvia Pickel, mentor to Patricia Arquette's character in Medium. Jeff Goldlbum makes a guest appearance.

Did anyone catch the cast of Heroes on the Today show this morning? Adrain Pasdar had a big black woofy goatee. Grrrr.

So like Hiro showed us all how easy it is to become a Kensai sword master tonight, as long as Mr. Sulu is your sensei. It's that easy. George Takei has experience you know.

Posted by jimbo at 8:55 PM | Comments (10)

May 12, 2007

Kylie + Dr. Who = massive gay/geek-out explosion

This is what happens when somebody puts the words "Olivia Newton-John" and "Battlestar Galactica" in the same sentence within earshot - I explode in a massive conflagration of gayness and geekiness.

The same catastrophe could happen in DC when I see the new Dr. Who episode featuring Kylie Minogue:

"In a Can't Get You Out Of My Tardis-tastic development, Kylie Minogue was very recently overheard by a mole at a party confirming that she is definitely going to be appearing in a future episode of 'Doctor Who'.

Now, it's hardly a secret that 'Doctor Who' has a large gay following (and no, we don't mean a flamboyant equivalent of the Comic Book Guy), or that the papers have been speculating that the teeny-tiny, cancer-surviving, boyfriend-shedding popstrel will be appearing on the show, but this is the first time there's been definite proof, and all from the brave singing budgie's own Botoxed mouth.

And what forced her to make her appearance on the show? A personal visit from Davros? A chilly encounter with the Ice Warriors? An unfortunate incident with a Dalek and its plunger? No, it's all to please her hotpant-wielding stylist, William Baker."

Original artwork from the NBC show Heroes, by comic book artist Tim Sale, who is interestingly color blind.

This is what happens when you download too much porn from the Internets:

It is possible that this PC may have held the DNA sequnce of the infamous Goatman of Maryland.

Today I got up at an ungodly hour to participate in the International Migratory Bird Day Bird Count (Census) at The Henry A. Wallace Beltsville Agricultural Research Center in Beltsville, Maryland. I took many pictures.

Here is the horrid architecture of The National Agricultural Library (NAL) nearby.

The 'green' tree swallow, which nests in tree cavities or even bluebird next boxes. Its iridescent green color shifts from blue to green depending on the light situations. In utter darkness, were you able to see this bird, its colored portions would appear black. The color is from refraction, not pigment, sorta like how glacial ice appears blue.

A scarlet tananger, differentiated from the summer tananger by its black wings and tail:

A wasp or a hornet, I'm not sure, but it was very big:

Honeybee populations are falling at an alarming rate. It’s very Children of Men (to quote Eric), but with bees. Bees perform an important service in pollinating agricultural crops. It is possible that every time you text "OMG" on your cell phone, a honeybee dies.

At the very least, I die a little each time, especially if you text message on the dance floor.

Most of the hives were vacant.

Posted by jimbo at 7:46 PM | Comments (7)

May 7, 2007

Gamer Insurgency Threatens Hasbro Stock

Sorry about the schitzo wallpaper changes. I guess I've been in the mood for some color lately. Spice Up Your Life! The Queen is in town.

Earlier this month Paizo Publishing and Wizards of the Coast announced the conclusion of Paizo’s license to produce DRAGON and DUNGEON magazines effective September 2007. All the geeks are upset that the popular gaming supplement magazines will be discontinued, but I'm guessing some other publishing house will take up the slack. There's nothing like having mouldering hard copies of old tomes to look back into for ideas. PDFs are great, but I know I enjoy receiving my monthly geek magazine in the mailbox, and others do too.

In case you ever wondered if Duran Duran could save us from yakuza crime lords and kaiju attacks, here's proof:

I knew all it took was a flick of the wrist, and you can stop ninjas with a hi-hat. Here's the live version.

Has anyone located a clean copy of the Battlestar Galactica season finale version of Bob Dylan's "All Along the Watchtower"? I want to put it on my iPod and pretend I can hear music in the walls and have eerie suspicions that I'm a toaster. UPDATE: there will be a relsease of a Galactica soundtrack album in August to coincide with the Direct-to-DVD movie. That soundtrack will feature the BT4 version of the Bob Dylan song ‘All Along The Watchtower’.

But I want it NOW!

Ice Spiders on SciFi Channel June 9: "They throught Melrose Place had vicious backbiting. They haven't seen anything yet." It stars Patrick Muldoon and VANESSA WILLIAMS OMG OMG OMG!

One Michigan law student's offer and acceptance letter to Sauron: "It seems to me that's really two, maybe three separate offers. The first seems to be unambiguously an offer for a unilateral contract (to find the supposedly piddling ring for three of the Dwarf rings of power plus the estate of Moria), to be completed by performance. Dáin wouldn't want to bind himself to produce a ring; it's too risky. This seems like the straight-forward reward scenario envisioned as a prototypical offer for a unilateral contract."

Overheard at a gay Dungeons and Dragons gaming session, Lily the Druid (played by a gay man, of course) speaks up: "I'm gonna fuck that bitch up with my spectral Dinosaur Stampede* spell."

* Dinosaur Stampede: Lvl. 6 Druid spell, Evocation [force]; Range: medium (100 ft. + 10 ft./level).

Posted by jimbo at 9:14 PM | Comments (2)

April 30, 2007

"masc/musc/mil"

An ode to Manhunt and other online hookup sites:

Masc/musc/mil, masc/musc/mil,
Every time I read it I feel sorta ill.
Makes me think that I've kinda had my fill
of gays requiring guys to be 'masc/musc/mil'.

"Masc" stands for "masculine"
- it's really hard to find.
But a guy who's happy as-is
has a more contented mind.

"Musc" means "muscular"
which rymes with "crepuscular."
She wants us all to fuss for her
but her hole is too pustular.

"Mil" is for "Military,"
which we have a lot to spare,
in DC, and The Beltway,
they all have buzzcut hair.

But good guys come in all types
so don't limit your choice,
you'll miss out on the one guy
you passed with a femme voice.

I guess I shouldn't judge
but not to point out names:
They write: "No Fats, No Fems, No Fakes -
and most of all: NO GAMES!"

Posted by jimbo at 3:25 PM | Comments (17)

April 12, 2007

domestic partnership benefits between the coasts

HRC take note: here is the voice of middle America on the issue of same-sex partnership benefits. The county where I was born in Wisconsin just voted to extend same-sex partnership benefits for county employees. Now back in November the state voted against gay marriage, at a larger margin for the amendment than Virginia.

The fascinating part of the article is when you scroll down and read the discourse in the wildly unmoderated comments section. Most of it is from the heart, but very misguided and ignorant. Many anonymous commenters against the new contract that extends same- and opposite-sex partnerships to LaCrosse County employees are voicing a lot of basic misunderstanding about the law itself:

- A misunderstanding of the legal aspects of a long-term partnership - that is, proving or providing documentation that you've lived with someone for some time and have shared expenses - that partnership is not just having a roomate;
- A lack of awareness that it is for county employees only and does not extend to private company, state or federal employment;
- Ignoring the preexisting benefits enjoyed by married couples that same-sex couples do not, and cannot, receive legally in the state, leading to the circular argument that unmarried couples should not get benefits;
- Presumption that same-sex partners are unworthy of partnership benefits, or that they are at a higher risk of disease and thus draining the healthcare or benefits pool;
- Ye Olde Argument that because gays are immoral that they deserve no recognition or benefits;
- Equating residency with a pet with residency with a same-sex partner. e.g. a gay human has the same value to them as a cat.

In short, all of the above misunderstandings and biases are very basic points of awareness and knowlege about homos, marriage, and partnership benefits. These basic foundations that relate to the issue of gay marriage, partnership benefits and fairness are lost to a lot of these people - because the knowledge and awareness has not been fed to them through awareness or education campaigns before the legislation has been introduced. From the activists and organizations here in Washington, the cart is often put before the horse.

And frankly, heterosexuals have a right not to get married too, but after a while and shared expenses, should be getting the same benefits as married couples. In the office next door to me is a world-renowned scientist who has a long-term opposite-sex partner, but they are not married for whatever reason. And its their business not to get married if they don't want to. But it is relatively easy for opposite-sex partners to get these benefits with a visit to the justice of the peace, but impossible for most same-sex partners.

Anyway, like I've written before, I think there is a lot of basic groundwork that has to be put down before the general populace between the coasts and outside of major metropolitan areas can grasp the idea of same-sex partnership benefits or even marriage. They don't know us, don't know the difference between the benefits of marriage versus a ceremonial wedding, and are frightened and unnerved by the idea of same-sex unions. Pushing legislation that people don't understand about a group they don't understand is progressive and helpful to gays, but more often premature and damaging.

Posted by jimbo at 1:46 PM | Comments (10)

April 4, 2007

The 300 Hottie Factory

The 300 was bloody good fun, with cheesy lines delivered with full-testosterone action by Gerard Butler as King Lionidas. My favorite Spartan was Leonidas' short, scruffy, blond sidekick and narrator Dilios, played by David Wenham who sadly lost one of his baby blues in the battle, but kind of talks too much. But he's like a bard and narrator, so I guess I'll have to put up with his monologues in bed. TJ liked one of the cowardly Arcadians who looked like Jake Dakota's dad, apparently. While all of The 300 had nice scruff, their buff humps were not covered by fur, but still fun to look at.

So apparently Xerxes was a giant drag queen, with an army of Africans, Mongol-looking people, and lots of mean deformed people too. And he was probably the reason the Dire Rhinoceros' went exctinct since he used them in battle but the Spartans killed them all. Oh, and he had wizards with grenades, and the Spice Girls were in his orgy entourage too.

Everyone in Leonidas' army was cut, buff, bearded but with no body hair to speak of. They also had incredibly big mouths, and roared a lot too. Not that's a bad thing. And that's how The 300 went.

I was taking pictures the other day and here's one of my favorite rushes - biking through the tunnel on the Rock Creek Parkway near the National Zoo. You're supposed to walk your bike through it but that's no fun.

Posted by jimbo at 10:45 PM | Comments (6)

March 31, 2007

voodoo works!

Friday evening I was messing around with my camera, Flickr and booty brought from Arizona to create a small Mayan-Santería-Voodoo shrine to ensure the spirits were on our side for a win in today's rugby match:

The sun and moon loteria candles bring me power from the heavens, the clay ruggers bring camraderie to the team, while the rugby ball sees me as I see it - illuminated and as one.

And it worked! We won against our competitive rivals from Aberdeen, Maryland - Renegades 13, North Bay 7. And such a win is especially delicious when someone on the opposing team calls my teammate a 'faggot' during said game, making the victory that much sweeter.

Geek Alert: there's a new comic book store on 14th Street just next to Sparky's cafe. It's called Big Monkey Comics at 1722-B (2nd floor) 14th St., NW.

Here is an interesting crosswalk design nearby Big Monkey Comics intended to designate a clear pedestrian area to enhance the customer flow to businesses around the 14th and S Street areas, NW DC. 14th St. is otherwise a wide impassable street that isn't conducive to a walkable neighborhood area.

Posted by jimbo at 5:43 PM | Comments (4)

March 19, 2007

human cognition probably takes place at an automatic level

Photo by OMG DJ TM™ of me and my dearest friend Jon being freaks together, as we do so well:


So like TJ finally calls me back, albeit on the busiest work day of the year, miraculously catching me in the office in a brief moment of lucidity from the day's madness...

Phone: ring, ring...
Jimbo: (hysterical work phone voice) "Hello! This is Jim!!!"
TJ: "OMG so like what happened at Blowoff?!?!"
Jimbo: "Umm...wouldn't you like to know, betch..."
TJ: "Oh yeah, I was in hibernation after eating some blueberries and didn't make it out of bed that day..."
Jimbo: "Yeah well nothin' really happened...I was really drunk and was hitting on this hot friend of Tos' named Jed but I think he was scared of me..."
TJ: "Well, you sounded drunk on the phone..."
Jimbo: "I was a little loud I think...the Spring Aura of Desperation is in full effect."
TJ: "So, like did anyone ask about me?"
Jimbo: "Yeah, and I told them you were dead to me."
TJ: "Well yeah but like I mean did anyone ask about me?"
Jimbo: "In passing, but Carl had Ruphus cornered the whole time at my house so I didn't really talk to either of them much, Clickboo was drunk...and Skwurl had some kind of Brazillian sugar cane Aztec buttcrack juice he made us all drink. Chrisafer and Bubbles and Aaron and Josh were there but I don't think they made it to Blowoff after my house...and a bunch of drunk rugger queens showed up too."
TJ: "But like did anyone ask about me?"
Jimbo: "Anyway, someone just burst into flames here at work so I gotta go."
TJ: "Well yeah but like I mean did anyone ask about me?"
Phone: "Bzzzz...."

This is Ruphus and Clickboo being leprechauns in my house:

Blowoff was a hoot from what I remember of it due to Skwurl's Brazillian sugar cane Aztec buttjuice drink. Spring was definitely in the air with me and other primates vying for supremacy, staging and posturing like the avian arrivals of spring. A mere hello to someone who is normally friendly while partnered becomes gruff and unresponsive while single and cruising.

So I go home for more of the same on Manhunt, noting the inordinate amount of unnatural smoothness online, a dozen or so screen names with 'masc' in the title, and wondering why guys on there are looking for dates when Match.com gets you more of that. My 90 days on there will not lead to much, I'm afraid.

Soon my tastes swing from strawberry to adorkable, especially when he tells me his thesis in 12 words or less, the unassuming lithe Jewishy entomologist and his study of mayfly nymphs and the fluid dynamics of their gill slits depending on the viscosity of seasonal water changes just gives me a boner these days...

Buncha drunk ruggers in my house too:

Posted by jimbo at 9:32 PM | Comments (4)

March 9, 2007

Shockka-Kahn. Shockka-Kahn. Shockka-Kahn everybody...

The newest dynamic duo on City of Heroes MMORPG: Shockka-Kahn and DreamGurl! Shockka is a magic-origin electricity blaster, and DreamGurl is a sonic-defender.

They protect all innocents in Paragon City on the Protector Server. DreamGurl is the creation of OMG DJ TM™ and Shockka is mine.

BTW OMG DJ TM™ is spinning tonight at Cobalt. I'll be there, will you? It's the ONLY thing going on tonight.

Well, aside from Woof, which I will attempt to attend beforehand if I can get a disco nap in after work. Fridays are usually not good for Webmasters, as people usually put off submitting things to the Webmaster until they reach a panic state on Friday, thus making Webmasters cranky.

So cranky, in fact, that if someone I don't know (friends are allowed) tries to finger my sphincter at Woof again, I'm going to break that finger. Say hello before fingering - or else.

But there are those who I wish would finger me and more, especially while sporting a porntastic 'stache. Chris over at Boy's Briefs was porntastic for a few precious moments. I love the handlebar, it works for him, but not the used car salesman 'stache.

Posted by jimbo at 1:07 AM | Comments (13)

March 5, 2007

What do I have to do to get the message through?

250 drag queens impersonating Kylie Minogue. How could I have missed it?

At left, Barrett Long on Hairyblokes.com. Nice name.

(Not work safe, yo.)

I suppose y'all are expecting some kinda cranky response to the foul gasses that came out of that emaciated drag queen conservative-creature's mouth this weekend. Eh, she's a media whore and knew exactly what she was saying and got the expected response. She's tired and needs to eat a sandwich. Just keep talkin', Skeletor, keep talkin' and diggin' that hole ever-deeper.

I suggest y'all keep lookin' at hot gay porn and try to keep her out of your thoughts.

Since I'm such a big 'ol "gerd," I would like to discuss this season's geek television finale episodes of Battlestar Galactica and Heroes, after the break as to not be a spoiler if you haven't seen them yet...

OMG Starbuck is NOT DEAD! NoNoNoNoNoNoNoNo way! She's like a linchpin character and they couldn't have killed her off! It must be some kind of dream sequence or that Cylon stealth cruiser picked her up after she ejected!

OMG Peter Petrelli versus Sylar! Who's gonna win? BTW I know Sylar eats brains and shit but he's totally sexy if you ignore the predator nature and all that.

Posted by jimbo at 5:45 PM | Comments (10)

February 28, 2007

tax time & giving to gay organizations...

...or, what have you done for me lately?

Tax time is upon us, and a fortunate few of us could use some charitable deductions. Recently a friend of mine was preparing to donate a portion of his earnings to the Combined Federal Campaign (CFC), and asked me what environnmental groups could use his extra dough. After some thought I came up with a few questions for him based on some of the things I learned as an environmental education major, but certainly not from the point of view of a person with extra money to give.

After several e-mail exchanges, we eventually whittled it down with the following questions: What environmental issues concern you the most? Do you like wildlife? Local, global or personal? Furry or feathered? The friend in question has a strong interest in furry hominids, but outside the bars he likes quackers.

We ultimately settled on Ducks Unlimited, because he likes ducks, geese and swans, and the organization works to preserve habitat crucial in their migrations and breeding. I warned him that they are supported by a lot of hunting interests, but then again a lot of habitat would never have been preserved without this support. Waterfowl habitat preservation in turn supports aquatic plants, turtles and other critters. I don't know if he eventually gave to that organization or not, but going through the process made me think about local and national interests concerning The Gays.

Many recent posts by cranky bloggers about major gay organizations, talk of a "gay insurgency," and the state of the movement forum I attended got me wondering if people are wholly aware that there are a variety of organizations to choose to donate to, and that maybe we shouldn't get so comfy putting all our eggs in one equal-sign branded basket.

HRC has its place, but no one should feel like they are limited in giving to one group (or non-deductible PAC, as John points out) . Many gay organizations (check out this database) handle targeted, local and specific interests (like a gay rugby team, for instance) that may be more important to you than a large, well-marketed umbrella organization.

Here are a few things to consider before giving money to a cause, organization or institution:

• Be an informed giver and plan your donor strategy.
• What do you know about the organization in question? What are the organization's goals and mission? Who do they serve?
• How do they pay for their rent, overhead and staff salaries? How much of their budget goes directly to the cause? After a bit of research I found out that in 1999 the leader of Ducks Unlimited earned a whopping $346,882! If you don't like bloated corporate CEO salaries, learn how much your nonprofit leaders are earning too.
• What is your organization accomplishing? Are they succeeding? Do they have contingency and future plans?
• Most importantly, what are you passionate about, what are your values, and how to they mesh with the organization in question?

So get your ducks in a row, do some research, and give to the organization of your choice that gives back.

Posted by jimbo at 8:39 AM | Comments (12)

February 21, 2007

Statler & Waldorf go to HRC

Last night Statler and I went to the monolithic HRC Building for the State of the Movement panel discussion and community forum co-sponsored by the National Lesbian and Gay Journalists Association (NLGJA) and MetroWeekly. I went primarily to skip out of night class, but also because Statler sounded like he wanted a buddy to heckle with. The panel included: Chris Barron, Log Cabin Republicans; Herndon Davis, National Black Justice Coalition; Matt Foreman, National Gay and Lesbian Task Force; Mara Keisling, National Center for Transgender Equality; John Marble, National Stonewall Democrats; C. Dixon Osburn, Servicemembers Legal Defense Network; Joe Solmonese, Human Rights Campaign; and Pam Spaulding of Pam’s House Blend.

Overall it was a mostly civil discussion of "the movement" in terms of how the above major organizations are and have handled their business up to this day. Pam had something to say about that which I'm sure you'll see on her blog soon. Statler has already spoken her mind and testified on a few topics.

My general impression of the panel discussions was that there is still a lot of optimisim and enthusiasm in movement leaders today, but the people not presented in this panel are those who are making great change on the local level. There were a few exceptions to this in the audience, as in the case of Midge Potts from Springfield, Missourri, a 37 year-old transgender social justice activist who ran for congress in SW Missouri's August 8th Republican Primary. Midge stood up to say how she campaigned door-to-door to farmers and everyday families in SW Missouri on the platforms of direct democracy, debt free America (yeah!), and energy independence. She sounds like someone I would have voted for, but she lost. She mentioned that in meeting people as she campaigned the prejudices "melted from their faces" as she said. She was doing the footwork that really needs to be done by everyone - shaking hands, telling their stories, and making connections with people who otherwise wouldn't meet any of us urban ghetto G/L/Bi/Trans/Whatevers.

Anyhow, while Pam represented the voice of the people via blogging, and the G/L/Bi/Trans/Whatever organizational leaders were representing the organizations' efforts from the top, I didn't see enough people who were making change at local levels, individually or by small groups, which is an element that does a lot of good for raising awareness, but doesn't get a lot of credit - or money. The people I mean are the campus student groups who are ensuring they have representation on campus, individual candidates in rural or suburban areas who can make change and raise awareness, or groups like my rugby team who have touched the lives of every "straight" team we have played in our local union.

I'll probably write more about it once my thoughts form into cogent ideas, but for now I'll give you a play-by-play of my perceptions of the forum disucssion:

- The HRC building gets a 100% approval rating for nice bike racks outside and a very efficient HVAC system inside (it was kinda warm). They get a 0% for water fountain availability!

- Sean Bugg from MetroWeekly was the moderator of the panel discussion, and he's quite woofy. He has a sexy voice too, so was the perfect choice for emcee.

- The queens are still wearing too much cologne - my eyes were burning cooped up in a hot room with all those perfumes.

- Will you two gurls sitting behind us stop whispering and fidgeting? I'm trying to listen to the activists foaming at the mouth!

- Cell phones that went off during the discussion: 5. Class: none.

- The greatest problem facing transgender people today is dry, damaged hair, in my opinion.

- Ironically the hottie from the LCR agreed with my stance that more work needs to be done at the grassroots levels and by individuals.

- There was a remarkable amount of time spent discussing blogs and other new media forms and how they can benefit organizations, and their efficacy outside of organizations.

- Herndon Davis from the National Black Justice Coalition seemed to have the best strategies offered for their constituent community both through smart use of new media and for reaching to the community through churches.

- Several speakers from the audience felt that the legal strategies of the major organizations were 10 years ahead of the movement's progress. Again, let me say that the major organizations are institutionalized beyond their ability to make effective change, and changes in how people think, the awareness of what our problems are, and knowing why we are asking for these rights are not well-enough known by the general public and those who would align with the KKKrazy Konservative Kristians. Once they know enough, fairness will prevail in their minds, but until then they just don't understand what we're bitching about.

At the end of it I briefly got to meet Pam, who like me also blogs from a campus, and a few members from NLGJA, who have interest in integrating bloggers into the journosphere. When I go to things like this and the one at the Washington Post, I wonder where I stand between the journalists news blogs, entertainment blogs, organizational blogs, corporate blogs, and personal blogs, becuase a do a little bit of all of the above, and maybe some (free, 'ahem!') marketing but mostly personal stuff. The real issue for me is that it sure would be nice to earn some cash outta what I've been doing for 8 years one of these days.

Posted by jimbo at 8:37 AM | Comments (6)

February 1, 2007

I'm the Juggernaut, bitch!

I deserve some kind of recognition for maintaining focus in the gym last night. Sometimes I work out on campus where I work and not downtown, especially in the winter when it's cold, as I know how easily I can convince myself not to work out in some way or another on the commute back home before riding my bike to the gyms in DC. But despite the crowding at the campus gyms during the school year, filled with muscular and distracting proto-metrosexual students aged 18-21, I still have to go there or else I won't work out at all.

And apparently the university I work at has the highest ratio of Jewish students in the region for a public university, and at this particular gym on campus there's scruffy Jews, beefy Jews, cut Jews, wrestler Jews, Jock jews, tall Jews, lean Jews, bearded Jews, blond Jews, puppy-dog faced Jews and even red-headed Jews. Most of them are furry too. And I maintained workout focus for the entire time I was there in the face of temptation not even the devil could throw at me.

So I deserve an award. Howabout "Best Composure in the Face of Ultimate Temptation"? Them were some fine Kosher chicken in there tonight, lemme tell ya.

But there was a reason for my laser-focus tonight, as it was a very trying day at work, which always leads to a good workout. This week we underwent the redesign and migration of a very large website, which involves cleaning out old files, redesigning the important stuff, and making sure all the links work on hundreds of pages. Even with staff support and good software, it's a lot of labor that requires organization and memory. Add this to an unexpected event for next week that I'm coordinating and advertising, and a major event in March where I'm doing the same thing, plus a looming newsletter deadline on my shoulders, in addition to a new grad school class starting up (and I still don't know where class is). Needless to say my desk is filled with tasks and my e-mail box fills up by the minute. While I find a rhythm in multitasking through the day, it's not my forte and it exhausts me.

And usually I get the flurries taken care of in the morning, allowing me to work on my marketing networking, chasing professors for pictures, info and lecture titles, and putting small fires out in general. This allows me time in the afternoon to focus on the tasks that require concentration, like writing articles and media ale