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August 9, 2007

'Ring of Fire'

This heat makes people cranky. Even my aquarium fish are cranky and are picking on each other. My coworkers are cranky and the critters upstairs are cranky. Our air conditioner is struggling. It was acting odd last month, and is barely chugging any cool air around the house. Maybe it's a wussy or aging air conditioner, maybe it's just struggling in this weather. It wouldn't hurt if they stopped cooking and running that oven 24/7...if only for a few moments. Ever heard of making refreshing cool summer soups?

I don't think it's any hotter than other horrid weeks during a typical DC summer, weeks like this just always comes as a shock. This July's weather was incredible, so the Catholic part of me somehow believes we deserve this. I don't understand this since I wasn't raised Catholic.

Last night someone said "woof. woof!" to me while I was playing online on City of Heroes. The odd part was that I was playing El Pollo Rico, my new chicken-man mutant superhero. He does not resemble a bear or a wolf, or even a human - he's a chicken-creature with barbed wire wrapped fists and chicken wings. I thought being 'woofed' was odd, but maybe all the bears are going berzerk this weekend and woofing at anything that moves.

I can predict there's going to be a lot of smelly bears running around this Bear Invasion weekend. Just remember, guys: there's a big difference between a guy's scent, a smell, and a stench. I recommend most of you shower daily in this weather so your scents don't build up to a stench. I'm sorry I have to explain the process, but it seems that I must.

On a related note, the humid August air really amplifies that tacky Tag (Gag) body spray smell. It's a trend I hope does not continue. Fortunately the 'mos aren't guilty of body spray abuse too often - the fad seems to be restricted mostly to breeders who go bowling at Gallery Place/Chinatown. One time when I was exiting the MetroRail station on the way to my gym, a couple of guys thought they needed to apply the body spray while going up on the escalator. When trains leave a station, the air gets sucked into the station from the outside. Unfortunately I was downwind of the wannabe studsters, and was hit by a huge cloud of Gag body spray. Better than a Bear into mansmells, I guess.

Posted by jimbo at August 9, 2007 12:41 PM


An enthusiastic 2nd on the smell vs. stench debate. It's one thing to smell like a man. Quite another to smell like a pig.

By the way, you've been tagged: http://sjxanthos.blogs.friendster.com/sjxanthos_blog/2007/08/tagged.html

Posted by: Stephen J. Xanthos at August 9, 2007 1:51 PM

Well said, Xanthos. And this week I've been smelling a lot of pigs.

Posted by: diamondfistwerny (Steve) at August 9, 2007 3:10 PM

Bear invasion. I was told of this by the Big Bear Cafe owner as she pondered giving a discount for all visiting bears. Then I, the evil conservative, pointed out such a discount discriminated against women. But then I mentioned if bears had female friends tagging along, maybe such a discount would be equitable. Can you think of a pro-bear way to not discriminate against women?

Posted by: Mari at August 9, 2007 7:25 PM

Yeah, it's the Drakkar of the 21st Century.

Posted by: Kevin at August 10, 2007 8:56 AM

Ahh, the frat boy shower.

Posted by: chrisafer at August 10, 2007 1:07 PM

Hey Mari: I have, on occasion, seen actual female 'Bears'. There is even one featured in the John Waters film 'A Dirty Shame'.

Like the male Bears, they also say "GRRRRR!" Some of them even have back hair.

On a similar note, when I was the doorman at the Green Lantern during the Sir/boy leather fetish weekend, a female couple entered on the evening of the Thursday night event 'Shirtless Men Drink Free'. I was handing out cups at the door. They wondered why I didn't give them a cup for the beer kegs, and I wondered about it too. Since the women were in some kinda kinky 'Sir/boy' relationship, I guess you could consider them men in a way, and I gave them a cup with the assurance that they would indeed go shirtless. And they did. And all the gays went "EWWWWW!"

Posted by: jimbo at August 10, 2007 1:35 PM

Has anyone ever told you that that the firewall at Panera considers your blog to be pornography? Am I missing the vast cache of weenie pics or something? Damn judgmental firewalls.

Anyway, I didn't realize that adults wore Tag body spray. Here in the Twin Cities it seems to be a teen boy thing--something to wear until they can afford real cologne.

Posted by: Sean at August 10, 2007 5:36 PM

BigMuscleBears.com needs to finally step up to the plate and run some summertime-hygiene banner ads.

Posted by: Dagon at August 10, 2007 8:49 PM

is ring of fire, an analogy for an anus?

Posted by: Tim at August 11, 2007 10:40 AM

Did someone say drakkar? hysterical!!!!

Posted by: patrick at August 11, 2007 6:58 PM

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