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July 10, 2007

Some talking points to the media for Night Out with the Nationals

I don't speak for the nice people who organized the "Night OUT with the Washington Nationals" on Monday, July 16th, but I think some talking points need to be addressed before the event, from the point of view of an average gay on the street (moi) before the media picks it up and subsequently fucks the story up in order to sell papers. Most of the time they photograph and quote the most obnoxious people on either side, while the quiet ones in the middle eating popcorn getting ignored. Pull out your notepads all you journalists, and take note:

See, there's been some mean 'ol Christians running around ruining things for everybody again at other city Night Out events. The modus operandi for these people is to 1.) Find gays having fun; 2.) Show up with their moobs proudly displayed; 3.) Ruin all the fun for gays and straights alike with their sourpuss faces and their nasty-ass moobs. And they keep yammering on and on about stuff like this:

"Homosexuality is a sin,and promoting it with a Pride Night when thousands of kids are also going to be (at the ballpark) is wrong. So we took a moral stand. We're not anti-gay. We're anti-anti-Christian."

First off, the gays aren't promoting homosexuality at this event, the team is doing a marketing promotion. And honey, they need all the help they can get with attendance this year... See, when we're not eating babies, ruining heterosexual marriages, or gnawing at the pillars of civilization, we do things like going to baseball games, movies, or grilling asparagus wrapped in bacon. Sometimes, we're really quite boring and unfabulous like that.

"These so-called 'gay pride' events are often debauched affairs of gross and inappropriate displays of public affection."

When I'm not stuffing my face with nasty hot dogs, delicious cotton candy or flat beer, I might peck the cheek of a friend. But there is no open assfucking at RFK stadium (as far as I know), so relax.

I had a nice time at last year's Night Out with the Nationals - mostly because there were a lot of friends around and it was an opportunity to watch a game, eat cotton candy, and drink overpriced beer. There is no hidden agenda here, we're just getting together to do something fun in the summer. But I suppose that's what the nutbag hyper-Christians have a problem with - we should not be allowed to enjoy ourselves at a baseball game like the "normal" people. I would like to make a shout-out to all those quiet moderate people who consider themselves Christian to have a word with these people on our behalf, like Robert Davila said:

"Values start and are taught in the home. Just because you see a bum on the street doesn't turn you into a bum."

Well, I don't think a homeless analogy is the most flattering, but all we really want to do is go watch a baseball game.

Posted by jimbo at July 10, 2007 3:41 PM


No assfucking? Not even a little bit???? How depressing.

Because how cool would it be to say you got nailed at a major league ball park?

Oh well. At least it would have given them something to REALLY protest about.

Posted by: cb at July 11, 2007 8:53 AM

Isn't it fascinating to discover that just by existing, gay people are being "anti-Christian?"

These endless complaints about anybody recognizing that gay people exist are just fascinating; I don't think I've ever seen such a widespread, organized movement by people whose main complaint is that they have to share the world with people they don't like.

I think they all must have had traumatic experiences during sharing time in kindergarten.

Posted by: John at July 11, 2007 8:56 AM

Speaking as one of those nice people who organize the Night Out, we don't anticipate any Christofascists this year, but if there are any, I can't think of a better place than Washington for them to get put in their rhetorical place by the various gays (and others) streaming into the turnstiles at RFK.

Last year I attended both our Night Out and the Phillies' Night Out (b/c they were playing the Nats, natch) and there were a handful of protesters at the stadium. However, at the entrance we went into, the two other masc. (but not mil.!) queers who accompanied me and I went meekly into the stadium without saying a word. But these two nice middle-aged ladies who were in line in front of us told off those protesters but good. And I'm pretty sure they weren't even lesbians!

Posted by: Rob at July 11, 2007 9:28 AM

The Gay Men's Chorus of Washington will sing the National Anthem at the game opener Monday. Actually, the chorus will sing on top of a recording since it's difficult to fill the stadium with voices, even when mic-ed. I as a chorus member am not going because I follow a strict policy of chorus-free summers, and I'm not a fan of baseball and have too stout a predilection in favor of air conditioning. But Amen on what you wrote about values and such! Not that I'd mind "open assfucking at RFK stadium" or anything.

Oh, and glad you had a good time in Manhattan. It's a "hell of a town," as the sailors used to sing.

Posted by: Andrew at July 11, 2007 9:37 AM

Jimbo, I just came back from San Diego this past weekend. I think the whole thing was blown out of the water. San Diego pride is this week, and all the gay rags in the city were itching to print anti-gay news just in time for pride. I really don't recall anyone protesting at RFK about out night. I will check Raw Fisher cause I think I remeber him writing something about christian nights at ballparks. If you had a good time, and the rugby team had good time, then why bring up? There always are extreme voices on both sides of any issue. Why give them a spotlight?

Posted by: Mark at July 11, 2007 10:20 AM

He who barks first and loudest with the best catch phrase gets the print.

Posted by: jimbo at July 11, 2007 10:25 AM

Those poor uptight right wing Christians. They keep pretending that Christians are an oppressed minority, and goodness, people are so turned off by their hate rhetoric that right wing Christians may very well become the minority.

Posted by: homer at July 11, 2007 11:01 AM

Oh wow! I was invited to go with some friends Monday night, but I didn't realize it was quite this big a deal. Should I "dress up"???

Posted by: Andy at July 11, 2007 11:15 AM

Here Jimbo.. this BBC article will brighten your day. Enjoy


Posted by: Dax at July 11, 2007 12:45 PM

that's funny......just as i could be equally sick of having heteros tongue-fucking in some form of pound chesting glee of their proffered right to do such.....i don't particularly care -- as long as disney will let me make the "daisy chain gang" -- just as i've worked with churches that loved my hours of assistance yet HATED me for having love for men.....yet, as a discussion recently went -- i also witness gay men adoring the style of filming or representation that would have engorged leni reifenstahl's clitoris....a silent minority that shouldn't be so silent about plenty for which they remain silent. yes, so many everyday activities of functioning human beings that go along with the picture beyond any form of paranoid delusions that chime up there with alien abductions and bidding for soiled pew underwear on ebay.

thank you

Posted by: ricardo at July 11, 2007 1:37 PM

when we're not eating babies, ruining heterosexual marriages, or gnawing at the pillars of civilization, we do things like going to baseball games, movies, or grilling asparagus wrapped in bacon. Sometimes, we're really quite boring and unfabulous like that.

Well I think that grilled asparagus wrapped in bacon is pretty fabulous.

Posted by: DougT at July 11, 2007 3:49 PM

"But there is no open assfucking at RFK stadium (as far as I know), so relax."

Too. Funny.

Right wing Christians are SO uptight.

Posted by: Zack at July 11, 2007 3:49 PM

by the way....it's amazing to see some sites that still have comments that function -- as if password protection is going to keep their goat molestations and child confessionals from the prying eyes of a few bible humpers....let alone one wonders about any semblance of group think psycho babble that proffers a getting sleepy getting sleepy -- as if they're really awake in the midst of so much already being asleep.

such as, i'm glad that you had a wonderful time in new york....as there is plenty that is great about the city -- just as multiple places around the country -- apart from a smattering of pathological freaks who misrepresent plenty (as well as their backroom relations with their nieces and nephews with a brown paper bag adding that marble size peep hole) aside from live and let live. 'tis a wonderful place to visit for certain flavors....kind of like hitting a taqueria for the bounty of chupa.


Posted by: ricardo at July 11, 2007 4:05 PM

When we're not eating babies, ruining heterosexual marriages, or gnawing at the pillars of civilization, we do things like going to baseball games, movies, or grilling asparagus wrapped in bacon. Sometimes, we're really quite boring and unfabulous like that.

Bacon wrapped asparagus is pretty fabulous, though.

Posted by: DougT at July 11, 2007 4:13 PM

But are you going to the game?

Posted by: Sarah Jean at July 11, 2007 5:07 PM

asparagus! wrapped in bacon! it's almost enough to make me renounce vegetarianism. *drool*

Posted by: vuboq at July 11, 2007 5:53 PM

this post had me cracking up.

My parents fall into the category of crazy Christians who are anti-anti-Christian a/k/a anti-Gay.

Posted by: shaw rez at July 12, 2007 5:09 PM

Our friend Flynn grills his asparagus wrapped in pancetta ... it literarlly pops in your mouth ... have fun at the park Jimbo...

Posted by: Michele at July 15, 2007 10:56 PM

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