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June 25, 2007
Mowgli goes to a baby shower
I went to my first baby shower for a former coworker today, and it was a painfully uncomfortable experience. I was the only male in a room of some 20 women, and it was much like when I went to a seminar years ago on 'How to be an Outstanding Receptionist' in a room of 200 female receptionists who hated their male bosses. Plus I have a small nuclear family with two older brothers, and my mom, while most loveable, was not an exemplar of feminine practices. She's better with power tools, ripping out old carpet and refurbishing doorways.
Anyway, I never had much exposure to feminine rituals during my youth, and baby showers are pretty much all about being girly. Then after I came out, I still didn't hang out with many women. As femme as some of you queens think you are, you're still not even close to the level of girlyness exhibited at a baby shower. Spending a lot of my time with a rugby team also doesn't help me get much exposure to feminine things. Even the wives of our straight teammates are manly.
Going to the baby shower made me think I was a lot like Mowgli from The Jungle Book, who only hangs out with bears.
At a baby shower, food presentation is more important than eating it. Everything has to be situated perfectly, but there is no mention of when it will be eaten. It's almost as if the food is a sacred presentation that must not be disturbed until the last possible moment. But once it was time to eat, it appears that waving your tongs over the bowl of fruit bites is more important than selecting an item to put on your plate. The buffet line inched along at an incredibly slow pace, as it appears that the time spent selecting the food item somehow reduces its caloric value. Perhaps it does.
Then there were the parlor games. Baby Bingo wasn't so bad, but they were using M&Ms for game pieces, and I ate all of mine, so I lost the game even though I knew what a 'Nuk' was. When it came to the game where you try to predict the exact circumfrence of the mother's tummy, I felt it was time to leave before I had to demonstrate that my tummy was as big as hers.
I can only imagine what a same-sex male couple baby shower would be like after an adoption or artificial insemination volunteers. I'll send my regards and a gift from the registry if invited.
Posted by jimbo at June 25, 2007 5:18 PM
Comments
I'm deeply suspicious of this move toward acceptance and gender equality when it comes to such traditionally female rites of passage. "Honestly," I want to tell my friends, "it's okay--you don't need to include me in your wedding shower/baby shower/Pampered Chef party. I'm happily enjoying having testicles and NOT squealing with feigned delight each time the gravid woman of honor opens a box with yet another cute bib or rattle." Anyway, I'm glad you were able to escape before the tummy-measuring event!
Posted by: Sean at June 25, 2007 5:51 PM
A few years back, I attended a same-sex male couple baby shower attended by guests both straight and gay. While not uncomfortable, there was a certain dissonance about it. One didn't know how much of the traditional oohing and ahhing was appropriate. The two dads are relatively butch and I don't think that they really knew how to react to the frilly presents for their daughter-to-be. As such events become more common, I presume that guidelines for proper behavior will be forthcoming.
Posted by: David in KC at June 25, 2007 7:46 PM
You should have gone as Charlene.
Posted by: durban bud at June 25, 2007 10:17 PM
This made me chuckle (in a more manly "heh heh heh" manner} versus a giggle (which I've never been able to do)... you definitely deserved to have our version of "showers" before enduring this type of event. Mulhollands believe in great food, alcohol, and a strict no games, no decorations rule. For YEARS I've had to deal with straight wives/girlfriends who schedule their versions of hell DURING important rugby games because their menfolk are safely out of the way ... sigh. If I have work ones now I deliver a gift in advance and have an "unfortunate schedule conflict" ... cheers
Posted by: MIchele at June 25, 2007 11:11 PM
Even Charlene isn't girly enough to have gone to a baby shower.
Posted by: jimbo at June 26, 2007 12:15 AM
You were so innocent, brave and nice. Don't do it again!
Posted by: First mom at June 26, 2007 2:40 AM
No man--straight, gay, or anything else--belongs at a baby shower unless they're the one hosting it. It's like stumbling into some ancient, primitive jungle rite of unknown peoples. Women have been doing these things for thousands of years. Have you ever seen a cave drawing showing a man holding up a frilly afghan and cooing excitedly? No--because it didn't happen. Water doesn't flow uphill, and men don't belong at those things. It's unnatural.
Unless you're the one throwing it, and there's beer and hoagies and a game on the tube, and you're triumphantly lifting up the hockey puck the daughter is gonna get when she's three.
Posted by: publius100@yahoo.com at June 26, 2007 8:32 AM
I have been to one work one, and luckily there were lots of men in attendance, so it was pretty painless. It almost had the tone of a going away party. But there was no buffet, unfortunately. Would I put up with extreme feminity for free food. Fuck yeah!
Posted by: Gay Canuck in the Capital at June 26, 2007 9:20 AM
I had the great misfortune of being on the receiving end of a ‘baby shower’ for my dog. Yep! My lesbian sister thought it would be fun. She invited all her lesbian friends and a couple of my gay male friends. It didn’t make any difference that they were lesbians…it was still too girly for us gurrrls!
Posted by: rodger at June 26, 2007 2:29 PM
I think I would have lost it when the parlor games were brought out...
Posted by: TOS at June 26, 2007 11:25 PM
welcome to hell.
Posted by: Si Kailian at June 27, 2007 4:50 PM