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May 3, 2007

Crocs Code

The Crocs Code is a modern form of signalling to others what your sexual preferences and interests are. Gay men used a similar code based on hankies and bandanas to communicate with each other in the noisy and distracting environment of gay bars. With the popularity of Crocs, today everyone can participate in this form of subcultural signaling. At the very least it is a great conversation starter. Crocs worn at work (K Street, for example) indicate you are a 'top'. Crocs worn in casual settings indicate you're a 'bottom':

CROCS COLOR WORN AT WORK (TOP) WORN AFTER HOURS (BOTTOM)
BLACK heavy SM top heavy SM bottom
GREY bondage top fit to be tied!
BLUE, Light wants head cocksucker
BLUE, Robin's Egg 69er anything but 69ing
BLUE, Medium cop copsucker
BLUE, Navy fucker (top) fuckee (bottom)
BLUE, Airforce pilot/flight attendant likes flyboys
BLUE, Teal cock & ball torturer cock & ball torturee
RED fist fucker fist fuckee
MAROON cuts bleeds
RED, Dark 2-handed fister 2-handed fistee
PINK, Light dildo fucker dildo fuckee
PINK, Dark tit torturer tit torturee
MAUVE into navel worshippers has a navel fetish
MAGENTA suck my pits armpit freak
PURPLE piercer piercee
LAVENDER likes drag queens drag queen
YELLOW pisser/WS piss freak
YELLOW, Pale spits drool crazy
MUSTARD hung 8"+ wants 8"+
GOLD two looking for one one looking for two
ORANGE anything anytime nothing now (just cruising)
APRICOT two tons o' fun chubby chaser
CORAL suck my toes shrimper (sucks toes)
RUST a cowboy the horse
FUSCHIA spanker spankee
GREEN, Kelly hustler (for rent) john (looking to buy)
GREEN, Hunter daddy orphan boy looking for daddy
OLIVE DRAB military top military bottom
GREEN, Lime dines off tricks (food) dinner plate (will buy dinner)
BEIGE rimmer rim me
BROWN scat top scat bottom
CHARCOAL latex fetish top latex fetish bottom
WHITE beat my meat (J/O) I'll do us both (J/O)
CREAM cums in condoms sucks cum out of condoms
RED furry bear likes bears
TAN smokes cigars likes cigars
PUCE outdoor sex top outdoor sex bottom

Posted by jimbo at May 3, 2007 2:20 PM

Comments

Red? Bears?

I think if someone is wearing Red crocs at anytime, they should be bent over and ....

Well, I'll behave myself and save my fisting jokes for later.

Just sayin.

Posted by: SmartAss at May 3, 2007 2:44 PM

Ok, so where is the "likes suits and ties" which used to be grey flannel?

Posted by: Rob at May 3, 2007 3:59 PM

Brilliant!

Posted by: ivan at May 3, 2007 4:02 PM

Only trouble I see here is that most men are physically incapable of wearing multiple pairs of Crocs.

That said... I see orange Crocs most often, which obviates such a need.

Posted by: Jeem at May 3, 2007 4:17 PM

presumably i need to purchase a pantone ring and carry it with me.

Posted by: ricardo at May 3, 2007 4:19 PM

Why are more people not commenting? - I found this shit hysterical!! Rock out with your crocs out people.

Posted by: Chef Boyardee at May 3, 2007 4:21 PM

I thought wearing Crocs at work meant you were unemployed, not a top.

Posted by: stebbins at May 3, 2007 6:11 PM

The thought of being seen in public wearing these things makes me shudder!

Bad fashion statement, they are just ugly!

Posted by: Sean at May 3, 2007 8:48 PM

I'm so confused. However, I would not be caught dead in a pair of those things.

Posted by: Kevin-Andrew at May 3, 2007 9:09 PM

LOL...Crocs are just too gay. I had a trick show up at my door one time with them on and I had to just say no.

Posted by: Mike at May 3, 2007 10:13 PM

I agree with Rob...Brilliant!!!! We all do our part for the team...Crocs have been very popular with the Gulf Coast States crowd for about 2 years now...and now we know why. But Jimbo, you got to let them know what shade of lenses the hot charterboat captains have on their Costa Del Mar Sunglasses....hmmm.....

Posted by: Lance at May 3, 2007 10:23 PM

Naw, I'd say anyone who wears crocs is a bottom. There sure isn't a preponderance of those in DC, now are there?

Posted by: Chad at May 4, 2007 12:20 AM

No.fucking.way.

Posted by: Mike at May 4, 2007 1:29 AM

are you trying to say something with your current picture? should we assume that you are the dildo fucker, or fuckee?

Posted by: tim at May 4, 2007 10:20 AM

It took me a long time to learn what those LIVESTRONG and similar plastic bracelets were all about. So I would just assume that it was the hankie code. As in, "Gosh! I never would have guessed that the young woman taking my order at Starbucks was a Top into fisting and watersports! But I guess that's why she's wearing those red and yellow plastic bracelets on her left wrist."

Now I can have the same Big Fun with Crocs.

Thanks, Jimbo!

Posted by: Drew Kramer at May 4, 2007 11:56 AM

Ugliest.Shoes.Ever.

Posted by: Joe.My.God. at May 4, 2007 2:26 PM

Crap. Why doesn't somebody tell me about these things?

At least I'll now understand if somebody takes a dumps on me while I'm walking along the dock or the beach.

Posted by: JD at May 4, 2007 3:00 PM

You know, I've made quite a bit of money in the Market in this past year on CROX - last year this time it was in the 20s, today it hit almost 70 - just sayin'...

Posted by: Andy at May 4, 2007 6:03 PM

What would Kelly and Imelda Marcos say?!?

Posted by: Lee at May 5, 2007 7:39 AM

That is a frighteningly comprehensive list.

Posted by: quercer at May 6, 2007 4:21 AM

Ok Jimbo - CROX stock was up 20% on Friday to a record high. I credit you...

Posted by: Andy at May 6, 2007 12:39 PM

Yes I still read your blog and I was howling at the crocs code and read the entire entry to the bf as he was doing some exotic options trade in Malayasia and he had call someone back...

Posted by: Darth Jersey at May 6, 2007 10:47 PM

I'm embarassed to admit that I had to google "crocs" to find out what the hell you were writing about.

I am proud to say I do not own any crocs, although that might mean I am asexual.

Posted by: DavidMc at May 8, 2007 9:13 PM