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February 27, 2007

When to S.T.F.U.

Dear Queen Kong:

Did you miss the part in TJs invitation to the Oscar party that specifically says show up at 7:45 or before? It still didn't start until 8:30 - you arrived at 8:35 and did. not. shut. the. fuck. up.

Gurl, if you show up late to a viewing event of any kind, tone it down a bit upon your arrival. You're late, you suck, so shut the fuck up. I don't care how gay-fabulous you are, you're late and you're loud. Shut the fuck up. I missed the entire intro montage because of your mindless gibbering. And shut the fuck up when somebody's giving their acceptance speech too. I got the worst score for Oscar predictions out of like 200 homos, and it's probably your fault becuase you can't shut the fuck up. I could hear you across town and my predictions were scrambled because of your subspace yammering.

As a rule of thumb, here's a guide of when to appropriately shut the fuck up:

- Events: Olympics opening and closing ceremonies, Grammys, Oscars, Madonna interviews. Panels, seminars and breaking news. Any time Bjork tries to speak intelligibly.

- Acceptance Speeches: Any. You will be slain on sight if your vocal cords even twitch while Sigourney Weaver, Olivia Newton-John, or Kylie Minogue are accepting an award of any kind, even if they win a cheap plastic Happy Meal prize.

- Televised Reunions: The original Revolution, Spice Girls or Duran Duran.

- Programs: Battlestar Galactica, Heroes, any of the Stargate franchises.

- Heretofore unseen cinema previews of another Aliens sequel, The Transformers live-action film, and anything Marvel, even if it's a suck-ass movie like Ghost Rider.

Shut the fuck up. Thank you.

Posted by jimbo at February 27, 2007 11:38 AM

Comments

Amen to that. I'm so fucking tired of individuals who think they are the center of the universe. I had to learn that I am not long ago, why can't they?

Posted by: Keith Alexander at February 27, 2007 12:40 PM

Funerals and wedding ceremonies are also Designated STFU zones. I'm unclear whether talking during orgies is prohibited.

Posted by: homer at February 27, 2007 2:14 PM

I don't know WHAT you are talking about, but i'm now officially your fan. :D

Posted by: Roy at February 27, 2007 2:15 PM

No more coffee for you Jimbo, you need some relaxing Celestial Seasonings something. Keep this up and you'll get an ulcer...

Posted by: copperred at February 27, 2007 2:40 PM

You forgot these:

- When anyone in any group you're with is speaking, STFU until it's your turn to speak. Don't talk OVER other people who are talking to you. It's really rude.
- Anytime in a movie theatre. I PAID MONEY to see this movie. If you want to talk over it, STFU and then go home and wait until it's out on NetFlix.
- When I'm trying to explain something important to someone on the phone, STFU. I don't need coaching. I don't need someone to feed me a line. Especially from co-workers or my mother. :)

However, feel free to yammer as much as you'd like during a televised presidential address. My personal tourette's-like random outbursts will most likely drown out any type of sounds coming from your run-off mouthings.

"Any time Bjork tries to speak intelligibly." - Uh... and that would be when?

Posted by: palochi at February 27, 2007 2:57 PM

Is it cranky Friday already?

But I do agree with you on the STFU etiquette, Mr. Manners.

Time to get out the evil glare and then start backhanding the offenders.

Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, did you enjoy the party?

Posted by: SmartAss at February 27, 2007 3:38 PM

But Carl, you were there! Tell me she wasn't obnoxiously loud upon arrival.

Posted by: jimbo at February 27, 2007 3:41 PM

I agree that in certain situations one must keep their lips Zipped.

In regards to TV only speak during commercials.

I did not watch the Oscars, I was playing Warcraft and or doing laundry. Besides those awards are a bunch of crap anyway.

Posted by: Dax at February 27, 2007 3:59 PM

Jimbo, my mom wasn't THAT loud! :(

Posted by: durban bud at February 27, 2007 3:59 PM

Zing!

Posted by: kameron at February 27, 2007 6:29 PM

I hate loud people. There seems to be an abundance of "look at me" and "listen to me" types in the gay world. I choose not to be around them. I like it that way.

Posted by: Mike at February 27, 2007 8:34 PM

Was Queen Kong the shopkeeper from the relatively new gay bookstore down the street? What ever happened to him?

Posted by: Sarah Jean at February 27, 2007 9:06 PM

Dear Mr. Passive Aggressive,

I don't understand why you don't want to move to Seattle. You would fit right in. Getting irritated but not telling said party that they are distracting? Instead calling them out on your blog?
I know, I know, you're old and curmudgeonly (see: anti-cellphone stance), but don't you have the cojones to say, at the very least, "Excuse me, yeah, you, Mr. Blabbityblab. Couldn't you just text message your conversation so the rest of us can listen to, as well as watch, the program? Thanks, hon."
And glares of contempt don't count either. They are a bit more expressive, but as someone with your impish good looks must know, glares can be misconstrued as "I'm-gonna-fuck-you-hard" stares.
So, next time, rather than get your blood pressure racing, why not just address the issue?

Posted by: jeremy at February 28, 2007 5:26 AM

Jeremy that is not his way.........

Posted by: TonkaManOR at February 28, 2007 4:55 PM

Dear Jimbo,

I respect your right to crankiness. For similar reasons I do not leave the house except to go to work, grad classes, and therapy, with the occasional jaunt to visit the out of town boyfriend. Kudos!

On another note, I have a clear idea of why Sylar (of Heroes) is so evil, but why is he so hot? Do you think it's due more to his bodacious tight ass and narrow hips or more to his giant manly eyebrows and five o'clock shadow?

sincerely,
the queer rocket

Posted by: Paul at February 28, 2007 8:39 PM

>>So, next time, rather than get your blood pressure racing, why not just address the issue?

I was waiting for the host to say something. Plus I don't think as a guest I have the right to call out the noisy queen. And by the time I thought I should have said something, I knew my blood pressure was high enough that anything that came out of my mouth would be aggressive, then I would have been a party pooper.

Sometimes a blog entry is for venting and catharsis.

Posted by: jimbo at February 28, 2007 11:31 PM

Wow, Jimbo- you are quite a brave high-profile gay to offer such a scathing character review of what is all too commonly known in Washington as the UberQueen. Before you know it you will be chased out of Halo, BeBar, Club Monaco, and Armani Exchange by torch-bearing mens with plucked brows, eye makeup, and orange cover-up foundation oompa-loompa faces. If this should happen, just sic your alter-ego Charlene Hilton on them...that she can take 'em. And as anyone who has lived in Washington for a few years will tell you, a little passive agressiveness makes a Capital City go 'round.

Posted by: Curt at March 1, 2007 9:40 PM

You're right--it is totally TJ's fault. And Rob's. But most of all, its that loud mouth's fault. And I'm glad you can let off some steam on ye olde blogge.

Posted by: jeremy at March 2, 2007 4:37 AM

Paul asked: "I have a clear idea of why Sylar (of Heroes) is so evil, but why is he so hot?"

Easy!

It's all the qualities you listed PLUS his voice that seems to vibrate our ... tingly bits.

Posted by: Jim (The Canuck One) at March 2, 2007 5:11 PM

Excellent post. When the sun and planets orbit around the self important Queen, nothing you say will shut her up, and will only serve to make you look overly aggressive and grumpy. I so agree with Palochi; I paid for the movie, not your snarky impromtu backing vocals. I almost had to slap a bitch when we went to see dreamgirls...

Posted by: Tater at March 2, 2007 5:49 PM

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