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January 18, 2007

the buffet tables of life

After seeing this offensive website, now I want to go! Stop Gay Days at Disney! I love her.

Looking at those 'offensive' pics made me laugh. It just looks like everyone is having a good time to me. Not to say I wouldn't ever join them, but I think I've left most of my shirtless-on-the-dance-floor-every-weekend times behind me. I just don't value that aspect of gay life as much as I used to, and I'm not alone in my choice to explore other options in gay life. An interesting piece from Citizen Crain about a small movement in the gay community that encourages improvement or changes to our choices and quality of life.

I think there are values, attitudes and beliefs we have from our upbringing and background, and new values we can choose to adopt or discard upon coming out into this new community. It needs to be looked at like a transition from one culture to another. Not all of the old beliefs should be kept, but not all of the new ones are good for you either. But more often than necessary, the baby gets thrown out with the bathwater somewhere in the exchange of these values.

I use the analogy of a buffet. There's the buffet table over there that we used to eat from, and a new fantastic buffet table here filled with a variety of foods - some of them sugary and rich, but won't agree with you in the morning. However, some of the new dishes are good for you too.

But it's still a buffet, and nobody's forced to eat every dish at the new table. But the ones who think they have to eat exclusively at the new buffet table are the ones who end up unhappy. I think that's where "bitter queens" come from. They're too invested in so many things that have no meaning to them, and they think it's too late to recoup some of the things they used to be.

It took me a while to discover that I enjoyed some of the things I used to do before I came out, and that not everything in the gay community needed to be embraced. I'd hope to think that's where balance and happiness is found for gay men.

It's been pointed out to me that I often overuse analogies so much that friends have coined the word 'jimboism' when someone goes too far with an analogy. Here's a classic jimboism used by one lawmaker on the floor of the U.S. Capitol.

Posted by jimbo at January 18, 2007 9:42 AM

Comments

Jimbo,
perhaps just one add to your analogy of life is a buffet table. Remember my brothers that you SHARE the gay buffet table with every other fag at the trough. The choices that you make may affect others. So if we are at Gay Daze at Disney, I am there to see Pluto and not UR Anus.

Sometimes it's best to avoid the buffet and maybe get some Take Out.

Peace Out. Let's share the planet.

Posted by: wombat at January 18, 2007 5:00 PM

Jimbo,

I thought your post was exceptional today.

I sometimes wonder if some of us don't come out of one closet only to get completely lost in another (or several others as the case might be).

Although I live far removed from any urban community, the very human longing for belonging is one that I've seen become all consuming among some of my friends. A little belonging is great...too much can be harmful.

Anyway thanks for another provocative and honest post...take good care of yourself...

Posted by: timbo at January 19, 2007 2:45 AM

I couldn't agree more. With your post and with Wombat's comment.

Posted by: Bubala at January 19, 2007 9:35 AM

Most of the pictures at GayDays are harmless, but the one guy getting a blowjob? C'Mon...that's not necessary boys.

Posted by: stebbins at January 19, 2007 9:51 AM

I remember Rob and I having a conversation regarding the so called "gay community" and the "gay media" and "gay events". And that the rest of the world does not see the happy little gay couple at Disney world having their picture taken with Stitch, the Power Rangers or enjoying the STAR WARS STAR TOURS ride with R2D2.
The rest of the world does not see the gay couples who work almost 12 hours a day to make sure there is enough money to pay the mortgage, bills and put food on the table. They dont see the gay man who spends his spare time doing repairs on the house or training their dog to behave. Or the ones who spend their holidays with family surrounded by screaming children and puppies.

The world only sees what that web site showed.

Posted by: Dax at January 19, 2007 10:37 AM

Whoa! Mike, are you saying it's tacky to get a blowjob in public?

Posted by: jimbo at January 19, 2007 12:02 PM

I'm really afraid of what straight people are thinking about me. We should tone it down so that they are more comfortable. I'm not saying that we should go back into the closet, but we should definitely go half-way back and maybe just be out to each other and not to the public at large.

Posted by: Aaron at January 19, 2007 12:33 PM

I don't judge heterosexuals based on what I see on MTV, spring break coverage, or mardi gras footage. I'm fairly certain heterosexuals are not drunken fools all the time. I guess I have a naieve belief that the breeders give us the benefit of a doubt as well.

Posted by: jimbo at January 19, 2007 2:07 PM

are they doing that again this year?

Posted by: tim at January 19, 2007 3:02 PM

An interesting analogy, but I don't think Mr. Wu has it quite right: they're neither Vulcans nor Klingons in the White House. They're *Romulans*!

Or possibly Cardassians.

Posted by: Jeffrey at January 20, 2007 6:26 PM

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