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December 30, 2006

Suffer!

Judy TenutaJanuary approaches. But not soon enough. Soon all of you will SUFFER! Suffer as I have all these years, inhaling your toxic exhaust. Now you will tremble outside in the elements, and perhaps tremble with tiny siezures of nicotine withdrawl if I'm lucky. And I will laugh at you. I will gloat as you thrash on the floor in your petit mal writihings. SUFFER! BWA HA HAAA! You have burned me in the clubs, leading through a crowd with your cigarette raised like some sort of locomotive cowcatcher. You have burned me on the dance floor, with your reckless flailing, cigarette in hand for mere addiction security. I have watched as your cigarette smoulders, untouched, for minutes at a time. Stinking up the air I breathe, for the mere purpose of providing you some sort of chemical comfort.

And your hideous stench. I have tolerated your stench in this city for over 10 years, and I am sick of it. It has kept me from going out, it has burned my eyes and my throat, and made my voice hoarse. When you speak to me, you blow your smoke in my face as you talk, your pollution seeping out of your nose. I have smelled your stench in my skin, my hair, my clothes. Your stench has followed me home. I can even smell it in my home, and I must shower my body clean again, and cloister my clothing to the other side of my unit, your stench is so pervasive, unctious and cloying.

Come to Marlboro CountryI worked in a bar once, for a short time. As the evening progressed and the patrons became more and more drunk, their chain smoking increased, until by 2am they were lighting one up as they would put one out. And again, most of the time the sticks would just be smouldering, doing nothing but putting smoke into the air. By closing time the smoking hit a fever pitch, with the regular patrons around the bar sucking frantically for yet more smoke with their yellowed fingers. When I went home, my blown snot would have ashy flecks in it. How attractive.

But now you must suffer as I have, and I don't pity you in the least - as you sweat outside in the summer heat, or shiver in the winter. For you now must suffer as I have, and it truly puts joy in my heart. Suffer. Alone. Outside. With your addiciton and your slow suicide. Just don't bring it to me ever again.

BWA HA HAAAAA!

Smoking by the window doesn't help - it just blows it inside. Smoking just outside the front door doesn't help either...your smoke is getting sucked inside too. You can't smoke on the beach, because you're always upwind, and again, you stink. I realize all your nerve endings and sensory receptors are either burned out or clogged with tar, but for just a moment, think about how your habit smells to others?

Whiney Libertarian arguments about our freedoms being at risk by this ban are all weak. I should just stay home, you say, because it's my choice and I shouldn't force it on others? Oh, OK, smoker bars only then! In this case, I give you a hearty "Fuck off!" because the clean air revolution is soon in full effect.

Suffer.

Posted by jimbo at December 30, 2006 12:22 PM

Comments

*Insert non-whiny libertarian argument about totalinarianism and the nanny-state here, and perhaps some comments about how if health were one's primary concern, one probably wouldn't be drinking in the first place, without taking too much emphasis from the main, non-whiny libertarian argument, which is well-considered and totally AWESOME*

-"I think this is the right choice for the citizens," Catania said.-

Wow, it's really nice that you hold opinions David Catania, we all do, and none of them are really worth a shit.

Liberal collectivist bullshit. Arrrrgh, matey.

Posted by: kameron at December 30, 2006 10:28 PM

I have to wait until May, when it will be like dancing through a mountain meadow in our bars.

Posted by: homer at December 30, 2006 10:47 PM

Alright! They locally banned smoking in restaurants and bars last summer around here. It is so nice to be able to walk into a place and not be so overwhelmed by the stench of smoke that you can't enjoy your meal or a drink.

Posted by: fstclss at December 30, 2006 11:26 PM

Amen, Precious!

Posted by: durban bud at December 31, 2006 12:34 AM

Jimbo akbar!

Posted by: TOS at December 31, 2006 2:03 AM

Happy 2007!

Posted by: Sarah Jean at December 31, 2006 2:22 AM

My asthma inhaler and I are counting down the minutes.

Posted by: Dumbek at December 31, 2006 10:03 AM

mrrrowr!

get ém, gurl.

Posted by: Mike at December 31, 2006 12:14 PM

Did they change the law there about smoking? Yay!

It is so nice not having to put up w/that here. I can actually go home and put my clothes w/all the others w/o calling out the hazmat team to seal them first.

Yes, you have the right to smoke. NO, you do NOT have the right to force it on me.

Posted by: moby at December 31, 2006 6:53 PM

Post-ban, I just got back from the most enjoyable night at JR's ever. I've never been able to see all the way to the back from the front until tonight. And I don't have to do extra laundry.

Posted by: chrisafer at January 2, 2007 12:15 AM

Wow, I wonder how many of your other regular readers you just alienated besides me? We get it. You're happy with the new law. That's fine. But do you have to be such a sniveling, vindictive cunt about it? Yes, I'm a smoker but I've always been conscientious of other people's space (and lungs). I'll do my reading elsewhere ... where I don't feel insulted. But I'm sure you won't mind since you have such contempt for my ilk anyway...

Posted by: Scott at January 2, 2007 11:31 AM

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