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December 22, 2006

he make good bottom

Despite a frustrating and exhausting day at work, I went out for a bite to eat at Health Bar last night with Gurl. There was much gossip to catch up with and I hadn't spent quality Gurl Time in a while. We caught up and looked at the cute Results boys passing by, and I reminded Gurl to remind me never to never go on a date at Health Bar as my eyes wander too easily.

Anyway, Gurl asked me if I would mind walking home with him and stopping by the relatively new gay bookstore down the street to pick up a few things and I said, "Muh-huh, I was thinkin' the same thing..." So we cleared up the check and went on our way...

Like some other people who live in the area, we are both entertained by the proprietor the store as he is a plentiful font of pornographic gossip and is fun to try to understand. We made our usual perusals of the wares, and Gurl finally 'popped' the question, "So do you have some of that really good stuff behind the counter..."

Jake Dakota in: RANGERAs our transactions were being made, Gurl pointed up to the 'New Release' rack behind the counter and commented, "Oooh...gurl, check it out: 'Ranger'!" I chuckled a little and said, "Oh, my friend TJ likes that guy, they met at Folsom."

The shopkeeper excitedly pipes up, "Oh, dey met ad Fossom! He in heere yestahday weed hees paadnuh! He have beard like you an he so shy!"

"What?!" I didn't quite understand what he said, so he repeated himself slower, with anunciation this time. I replied, "Yeah, he really likes Jake Dakota."

"Oh, he so hot and shy, he makea good bottom in porn movie."

"What?!" Again, I kinda didn't quite catch what he said, but then it started to sink in. Shopkeeper repeats himelf again: "He so hot and have-a shy face, he make a hot bottom in porn movie. I try to tehl heem dat."

Now most people don't get to hear a deep gut laugh out of me, but that's the best line I'd heard all week, and I let out a loud guffaw right there in the store.

evil gremlinSo Gurl starts moving out of the store, and Shopkeeper says to me, "So, you like animal?"

"What?!" Again, I wasn't prepared for what I thought he just said. I replied, "Umm...I like animals as pets, in aquariums and looking at them in the outdoors..."

"No, I have someting behind counter, good deal just for you. Cute pet!" He pulls a wicker box from under the register, and I hear a soothing, trilling noise from within.

"Now, you must unnahstan tree tings: Furst - no open popper after midnight, bad ting happen when you do dat. Animal go from teddy bear to angertwink. Secon - no spill lube on animal. Bad ting happen, you get more angertwink! Tree - no turn on multi-spectrum bright light on teddy bear, he no like Happy Light..."

Posted by jimbo at December 22, 2006 8:53 AM


HA! Funny, he said the same thing about you, betch.

Did he also tell you he got robbed the other night? Two guys came in around 4pm and held him up with a shotgun. They got away with 2K (and some free popper samples, I'm sure). Poor guy.

Posted by: durban bud at December 22, 2006 11:38 AM

If you only knew how much I'm crying from laughter right now. I'll never forget when he yelled across the room to my friend, "If you get three movies, I'll throw in free cockring!"

Posted by: chrisafer at December 22, 2006 12:14 PM

I swear in between you and TJ you guys could make a sitcom about the bookstore down the street.

Posted by: Sarah Jean at December 22, 2006 12:29 PM

TJ and I are currently working on a co-authoring project about it.

Posted by: jimbo at December 22, 2006 12:43 PM

That guy in the bookstore is a great guy! He is very very funny...honestly, he knows about gay erotica..very smart, very, very,

Posted by: Salvatore at December 22, 2006 2:02 PM

You can get Margaret Cho to star as shopkeeper. All-American Girl II

Posted by: stebbins at December 22, 2006 2:33 PM

I proclaim: "Oh, he so hot and shy, he makea good bottom in porn movie." will be the compliment of 2007.

Posted by: copperred at December 22, 2006 3:08 PM

Got to remind myself to not take a drink of coffee while reading your blog.

Posted by: tanworkboots at December 22, 2006 3:36 PM

It has come to my attention that the above conversation did indeed happen, at least the part before the gremlin shit.

For the record, he never mentioned to me the position I should play. I'm glad he is discussing this with others.

Posted by: durban bud at December 22, 2006 4:22 PM

How often are you guys in that place, Jimbo?

Posted by: Aaron at December 22, 2006 6:06 PM

Clearly, not as often as TJ.

Posted by: jimbo at December 22, 2006 7:58 PM

One time I was in there because my friend Keegan had just randomly started sleeping with this dude (Keegan is/was straight), and being the good friend I am, I wanted to get him some sex books.

Our friend was totally trying to get me to get him fisting DVDs. I can't imagine anything more traumatizing.

Then I asked where he was from, and when he said China, I told him I took Chinese in college a little. Thus he babbled in Chinese for approximately 10 minutes while my mind went blank. I think he led me to enlightenment.

3 Deep Bows

Posted by: Paul at December 22, 2006 10:44 PM

Very funny stuff!

You guys are lucky to have that store so close to you. All we have around here are breeder porn shops run by slimy, greasy, toothless rednecks! They don't do funny blog-story-type things either... Mainly, they just leer at us and touch themselves when the occasional hot blond chick walks in to buy some flavored condoms or edible panties.

Posted by: Bubala at December 23, 2006 11:47 AM

Too funny! And I'm still laughing at the image of Chrisofer being yelled at about getting a free cockring.

Posted by: Lee at December 24, 2006 1:34 AM

Merry Christmas

Steve and Warren

Posted by: Steve and Warren at December 24, 2006 10:07 AM

He told me I have a very nice "mouth" and then gave me a free tub of boy butter... I haven't been in since then! I prefer the Leather Rack now - a shopping pleasure even at higher prices... Plus I've already gotten $20 off thanks to their frequent shopper club :-)

Posted by: TOS at December 24, 2006 5:54 PM

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