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December 15, 2006

*dammit, people! III

Cranky Friday Post. I shot a lot of my cranky load earlier in the week with my rants about WSC, so today's rage might be kind of weak:

Dammit, people - stop referring to the film Xanadu as a 'flop'.

Dammit, people - snowflakes have six points, not four or eight! Are you celebrating salt or octane or something?

Dammit, people - I don't have any spare change. If I did, and gave it to the dozen or so people who ask me for some every day, I'd be down at least $20 every day. And I certainly won't give extra change to you, the guy standing outside the liquor store. But I'm sure the skittish recent immigrants from Virginia cough it up regularly, or you wouldn't be here in the first place.

Dammit, people - get your damn car out of the pedestrian zone. It's the area with the white stripes on the road. It's not for you, it's for me. Here, let me wipe my oily forehead on your nice wax job. There's a nice streak now...

Dammit, people - speaking of my oily forehead, the parts that aren't oily get exzema. Yes, I know there's a visible rash, but do you have to keep staring at it during our conversation?

Dammit, people - Answer your damn cell phone. I know you're screening your calls, because I see you answering other people's phone calls on the MetroRail car. Why do you have to call me back two days later? Subscribe to immediacy if you have access to immediacy.

Dammit, people - let me state again that our organization's website is for marketing and reference, not a storage area for your personal files. That's what a share drive, or an Intranet is for. Again, the meeing minutes or your lecutre notes are not going on the website. I'll be fired before I create a shitty website.

Dammit, people - use of the multicolored hand motif in diversity programs and organizations is sooo late 1990s.

Dammit, people - stop clipping your body hair! It's a waste of time and it destroys the American family.

Dammit, people - No, I won't scan 4 pages of double-spaced 12pt. sized text just because you're too lazy to re-type it.

Dammit, people - oh gee, thanks for the limited partnership benefits at work. Now longtime partners can check out books from the library and have access to the campus golf course. Meanwhile, heterosexual partners who just got married at a drunken union at Elvis' chapel last week in Vegas have health and life insurance coverage? And you expect to retain good employees this way? Suck my dick.

Dammit, people - I'll bitch on my blog if I want to - cuz it's my blog. Venting is part of this blog's purpose.

* After reading previous "Goddammit, people!" blog posts, some practicing polytheistic Mayans e-mailed me with the question, "Which god would you have us damn the people?" and it ocurred to me that I was being insensitive to blog readers of other non-God religions. Satanists, animal totemists, polytheists, followers of the Norse pantheon, etc., all have other preferences as to which deity they prefer to have smite impolite or insentitive people deserving of wrath. To the Mayans I said, "Why don't you have Mixtli ("The Dark Cloud"), the child god of storm clouds and downpours, smite the people?" And they thought that was a good idea, and in turn I promised them to be non-denominational in my future blog entry castigations.

Posted by jimbo at December 15, 2006 11:42 AM

Comments

It wasn't a flop, it was a 'mega-flop'....

Posted by: zz at December 15, 2006 1:48 PM

No, "Can't Stop The Music" with Valerie Perrine and the Village People was a mega-flop.

Posted by: homer at December 15, 2006 2:25 PM

*staring* uh, Hello.

and I only trimmed NOT shaved! I'm still plenty hairy in PLENTY of places!

Posted by: moby at December 15, 2006 2:37 PM

I have eczema on my forehead too, and people stare at it too. Sometimes they even say, "hey, did you know you have a rash on your forehead?"

Um, it's not a rash, but even if it were, how the FUCK do you think I wouldn't notice a scaly rash on my forehead the size of a nickel?!

Posted by: Paul at December 15, 2006 5:01 PM

*GASP* Xanadu was cinematic genius! In fact, I just may watch it tonight. Dammit people!

Posted by: daniel at December 15, 2006 10:45 PM

Xanadu the movie was a flop. The album, on the other hand, was a huge success. I can't believe, though, that the Broadway version will be "tongue in cheek." Why?

Posted by: Aaron at December 16, 2006 7:43 AM

I love Cranky Friday posts. In fact, I look forward to them. I have never seen Xanadu, but I love the soundtrack.

Posted by: Bubala at December 16, 2006 10:04 AM

Are you really ranting about people not picking up cell phones? what if they were following your advice and were in a really long conversation?
Best wishes and thanks for making me laugh again.

Posted by: Tim at December 16, 2006 11:08 AM

oh momma - you're hot when you're angry.

Posted by: henry at December 18, 2006 5:55 PM

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