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November 3, 2006
hot, out, gay biologist discovers new crab species
Delicious. Say it with me, slowly, with feeling, right there in your cubicle: dee-lishhh-usss. That describes the stench of Republican party and evangelical movement implosion under the weight of their own hypocricy. I love it.
Golly, there sure are a lot of closeted uptight gay Republicans out there working as hard as they can to demonize gays, yet behind closed doors they are snorting crystal meth and getting fucked hard. Fuckers.
This just in: Haggard's ho (left), Mike Jones, is kinda hot.
Anyway, homos police their own, and we are reminded how small our world really is. These days there seems to be more outings than ever before, due in part a lot of times to the speed of the internet and its various media forms, like blogs. Note to any of you closeted uptight gay Republicans and hypocrites working against happy out gay people: we are going to get you, so you better turn it down or else. If someone wants to be closeted, fine, but when you actively work against people who aren't, we're going to fight back, and you have a great weakness in your supposed secrecy. We will find that weakness and exploit it, and we will expose you.
But the downside of all these delicious outings of these hypocrites in the media is that most of the stories about these people are sad and negative. It is possibly the only news many heteros get about gays, so I worry that negative stereotypes are being fortified. Sad closeted gay politician is a chicken hawk. Sad closeted gay religious guy likes hos and Tina. Sad closeted gay entertainer froths at the mouth and jumps on couches and is slowly going crazy. Everyday news, or good gay news, just doesn't make the news that often. It would be nice to read stuff like this once in a while:
- Happy, out gay man makes rent/car payments for 8th consecutive month in a row;
- Out happy gay man spots migrating white-throated sparrow outside his bathroom window, determines bird is from Canada en route to Mexico;
- Out happy gay man has relatively calm, drama-free week. Goes out for drinks on Friday.
But I guess that's what blogs are for. Oh wait! I know some good happy out gay news! I know of a very hot, out red-headed genius gay biologist who was part of a research team that recently discovered hundreds of new reef species off the shores of Hawaii. On this trip said hot out gay biologist discovered his own species of crab, which I hope he names after me. Sadly, he cannot disclose pictures or more information until the official academic paper or article is released, but I'll fill you in as soon as possible. How come so many new species were found there? Sea says, "We were 2 days under sail from
Honolulu. What research has gone on out there has been focused on big flashy endangered species, like monk seals, and albatrosses, but the little things have recieved little attention."
Sea found this new crab using good 'ol curiosity:
"I found the crab by flipping rubble in about 60ft of water. Just like looking for salamanders when you were little. I didn't know it was a new species until I was told by my advisor. I did recognize it as something I had never seen before, and as a beautiful little crab."Since early youth, Sea has had a deep appreciation and curiosity for all critters, and still does to this day. I think Sea will be a great and famous biologist some day.
It's not big happy out gay news, but happy out gay news nontheless. There you go. Happy out hot gay biologist makes a new discovery.
So what is your happy out gay man or sparkly out lesbian everyday news? Same goes for you gay-friendly breeders. What is your small, positive, average, mildly interesting quasi-newsworthy accomplishment this week?
Posted by jimbo at November 3, 2006 11:17 AM
Comments
It's funny - your concern about a barrage of negative news about gays (while noting the very many good events that happen) eerily mirrors the conservative complaint about excessively negative news about Iraq.
I'm not saying they're analogous, merely that the similarity is striking.
Posted by: Josh at November 3, 2006 12:00 PM
Ummm, red headed gay biologist. YUMMY!!!! If he's tall that seals the deal.
I live with a Strawberry-Blonde Gay forest biologist, who used to do GIS work and is now a SysAdmin. That's right! He's a Stumpy!
Posted by: TonkaManOR at November 3, 2006 12:03 PM
Yesterday, my friend Brady had me witness a document and when he turned it in, the woman looked at my name and said, "Is this Homer an archaeologist?!" She recognized my name because I am the hot, balding historical archaeologist often on the tv news revealing the latest exciting discoveries in downtown Tucson. And, I'm NOT IN THE CLOSET!!! Yeah, for me!
Posted by: homer at November 3, 2006 12:59 PM
I was watching the local news in Indianapolis when I was there over the summer, and they made an effort to close the program with 'good' news every night. They covered streakers, weird and comical arrests, and the occasional granny or cute animal. Apparently, 'good' news has to be along the lines of America's Funniest Home Videos to even get on the air.
Posted by: goblinbox at November 3, 2006 1:19 PM
I paid the rent on my apartment for the 348th month in a row, worked overtime every night this week and tonight I'm going to my boyfriend's house, where I'll have two Martinis and some dinner and collapse into bed.
I discovered no new species this week, did not engage a male prostitute, nor indulge in crystal meth, nor exchange IM's with a teenager.
I know. ZZZZZZZ
Posted by: Mark at November 3, 2006 1:50 PM
Good news is boring. Give the people what they want: Bread, circuses and steamy sex with strangers.
You're going out for drinks on a Friday? So that's what those hooves I heard were.
Posted by: copperred at November 3, 2006 2:36 PM
Josh is absolutely right: this whole "gay" thing has been a debacle. We should totally cut and run asap.
Posted by: Dagon at November 3, 2006 2:38 PM
Josh and Dagon: I don't get what you're saying. At first I thought Josh was analyzing too much. What do you mean by that we should 'cut and run'?
Posted by: jimbo at November 3, 2006 2:41 PM
Oh come on, I'm just noting a similarity in rhetorical structure. It's interesting.
Copperred is right: good news isn't. No one cares if society if functioning normally; they only care about when it doesn't.
Posted by: Josh at November 3, 2006 2:49 PM
I was being a jerk, just making myself laugh.
Come on guys, isn't the idea of "cutting and running" from homosexuality a little bit funny?
If not, I apologize.
Posted by: Dagon at November 3, 2006 4:07 PM
I'm not offended, it's just Friday and I'm tired and can't get a joke. Don't make me think too much today, OK?
Posted by: jimbo at November 3, 2006 4:46 PM
A little off subject (okay a lot of subject), but it is Friday so that means Battlestar Galactica! Anyways, saw this and thought it was funny:
http://www.ew.com/ew/report/0,6115,1551443_3_0_,00.html
Posted by: Trey at November 3, 2006 5:21 PM
Happy, out gay man celebrates 2 year anniversary with his partner and successfully integrates internet technology into his special ed classroom in the same week!
Posted by: Paul at November 3, 2006 11:31 PM
And in the good news, Apollo dropped about 1000 pounds in just about a week. He wasn't fat. He was just soft...
Posted by: Andy at November 4, 2006 4:39 PM
I was hoping for pictures
Posted by: moby at November 5, 2006 12:11 AM
So, like, do a lot of discussions in the States devolve along party lines, however subtly it's done? :D - oh don't worry, it's pretty much like that everywhere else too...
Posted by: Adil at November 5, 2006 12:20 AM