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October 31, 2006

Boo!

Messing around with channels in Photoshop for a glow effect on a shot taken of my toothy pumpkin:
pumpkin.jpg
That air conditioner of mine is nothing but trouble. It dies during heat waves and parties, and is now a security risk. I noticed that it didn't really have an security bars around it, and that window is the only window without bars, and thought more than once that a clever burglar could easily remove it and get in. Luckily my house is a mess and a thief couldn't find anything right now but winter coats and drag paraphenalia.

My upstairs neighbors weren't so lucky yesterday. A thief broke in through their air conditioner window unit and stole a few laptops and some clothes (?). Must have been a crackhead, as some stealable items were still there, and only light items were gone. I was lucky and they didn't get into my place, but I removed my window unit A/C and wedged the window tight with a board. The landlord is getting window bars for A/C units for the both of us.

Happy Halloween! I'm going to be a Halloween Grinch and am going to a movie tonight with a friend.

New word: dirty mackerel - a person who will make out with anyone. "Gurl, Piranha Sean was a dirty mackerel the other night at Remingtons..." As a fish species, mackerel are wide-ranging pelagic school fish with big lips.

Posted by jimbo at 4:04 PM | Comments (6)

October 30, 2006

get your geek on

Saturday, November 4th is Worldwide Dungeons and Dragons Game Day. Be sure to represent with your multihedral dice that day! Dig out that elf ranger character sheet and stock up on chips and pop. We'll be playing most likely, and I'll try to take pictures.

Well Charlene has been put away and after November I can have my house back from all these intruding personae. There are wigs, dresses, rugby kit bags, winter jackets and running pants strewn everywhere around my house. At the very least I need a coatrack. My house is a mess.

Chris wants to be woofy. I say he already is, but I can't wait to see the developments of his scruff growth. Wuuuuf.

I carved a small grimacing pumpkin at Gurl's house Saturday night. I tried to put the pumpkin seeds in it's gums to give it teeth, but both the gums and the seeds were too slippery to insert that night. So I let it and the seeds sit for a day. The next day the gums and seeds were dry enough to handle and insert. It looked really cool, my pumkin with teeth. But today I find that squirrels ate all of my pumpkin's seed-teeth. Damn squirrels!

Posted by jimbo at 1:09 PM | Comments (3)

October 29, 2006

Scandinavian Words of Wisdom from Mom

Unite, and work for health!On the phone today with mom who just read an article about bug chasers and asked me if it was true, and I said, "Yep," to which she replied:

"I don't think people have enough to do."

Well there ya go. If you are a Scandinavian Midwesterner, WORK is the solution to all of the world's problems. So I'm going to write a grant for NIH for a public health campaign poster is going to depict a socialist realism interpretation of muscular gay men in the factory hard at work with headwraps, holding hammers and riveters, with the slogan "WORK = HEALTH" because that's how my Mom says it should be.

I kid, but perhaps there is some wisdom there...

Posted by jimbo at 6:26 PM | Comments (4)

October 28, 2006

R.I.P.: Little Black Kitty

There will be no crossing the black cat's path this Halloween, as Little Black Kitty, a local semi-feral cat, was found splattered on the road a block up Vermont Avenue this week:
nice kitty
From the looks of it, Kitty's death was swift, but gruesome. By today he's now a furry and meaty pancake about 4' in diameter and 1/8" in height. I photographed Little Black Kitty a month ago. He/she kind of hung around our house and probably came from The Cat Factory on 11th. I left out water for him and my neighbor fed him from time to time. He adored the cat, and will be devastated by the news. I knew feeding feral cats wasn't a good idea, and thought about trapping him and taking him to a rescue shelter. Now I know it was probably a good idea.

Anyhow, I'm less cranky today than I was yesterday, having cooled off a bit from my rant. As Josh said to me via e-mail, "It's probably not just uptight gay Republicans that bug you, but uptight people in general." He's probably right, it's just that a good number of the gay Repubs happen to be uptight. I've had similar negative interactions with 3 other similar types on our team before this one - gay rugby seems to attract those with something to prove in a lot of cases. I guess I have issues with people with issues. I think I had resolved to not interact with that type before for the sake of being happier, but forgot my resolution. Clearly, my reaction is consistent, but the attempts at friendliness continue.

We had a rugby match this morning, and I was feeling crappy when I woke up, but I thought it was just tiredness. But halfway through the first half where I was playing for the other side (they didn't bring enough players) I was just running low on energy. I'm comin' down with something again it seems, and the windy outdoor activity didn't help. At least I got some play in and some sunshine. Time for a warm shower and a long nap.

Posted by jimbo at 4:24 PM | Comments (3)

October 26, 2006

MLB scruff, issues with drag, and Republican angertwinks

OK, it isn't the woofiest World Series ever, and the teams are like the Detroit Tiggers and the Saint Louis Arches or something. Teams I've never heard of. But the Jimbo woofy picks from each team are Nate Robertson and Chris Carpenter, respectively:
RobertsonCarpenter.jpg

So I try to explain to this guy why I have done drag, because apparently it's quite loathsome to him. (Methinks dost thou protest too much...) So I try to answer his question as to why people do it, and the comment doesn't get approved. Hrmmm...question must have been rhetorical I guess. "Personally, it actually turns me off," he says, to which I respond: "Did I ever say I was trying to turn you on?" I know Charlene was cute, but I do not expect the average person to start humping my leg. I already get too much of that as Jimbo, and I tire easily.

Doing drag is sort of an accelerated study on Who's Got Issues With Gender Identity. On Tuesday during the race it was interesting to note that the straight guys (who have nothing to prove) were all over me and getting their pictures taken, whereas a sizeable number of identified gay men were standing away at a safe distance, shuffling their feet, looking warily at me, as if I was some kind of threat. Don't worry guy-gays: wearing drag or standing next to a drag queen will not make your penis fall off. In fact, I have a wonderful relationship with my penis and plan on having a glorious future with him. We talk almost every day - using sign language of course...

Anyhow, I have noticed that it is actually gay men who have the bigger problem with drag - not straight guys. Sort of like it's the really righteous fuckers that end up being the closet cases in politics. And usually it's the self-identified "'masc' (short for masculine), down-to-earth, 'straight-acting', 'gay doesn't define me'" types of guys - e.g. those with inherent masculinity issues and gender role conflicts.

I'll often use drag as a litmus test on dates, bringing it up as an item of conversation during a meal. If they freak out about it or choke on their food, there are deeper issues that only a shrink can help him with. Since I'm not a shrink, I'll conclude the guy is not an optimal mate for me. I do not want to sift through somebody's unresolved issues with bullshit definititions of what being a man is, masculinity, or with being gay.

I remember having issues with drag when I came out. Posters advertising the film "The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert" were out at the time, and I remember having a level of resentment against it, feeling threatened and having to reassure myself that that wasn't me. Well, it was a fun film, but still not me. Drag is simply a fun thing to do for me, like rugby, birdwatching and an occasional game of Scrabble.

I ran the drag race the first time as it simply looked fun to put a costume together and participate in a local event (I got 2nd!). The second time I did it was the Halloween after 9/11, and felt I was doing a public service to help distract people from the disaster and to make them laugh. Mission accomplished, as I wiped out during the race and made a spectacle of myself. This year during such dark times in this country's history, I felt it was important to run just to be a freak, since the current Republican administration is all about conformity and either disenfranchising anything that is not white, Christian, male and straight, or outright attacks against anyone outside these categories.

I did it because it was fun. I couldn't stop giggling while running from Corcoran to R Streets. Plus, it was just another form of drag, not unlike what I wear to work, the rugby pitch, or out at the bar. In fact, the only thing I think that is not drag that I wear is me in my boxer shorts, which are worn only to keep me from getting skid marks on my chair.

Another example of self-loathing bullshit that I no longer want to deal with in this town was with a young gay Republican angertwink last night at rugby practice. I try to be civil with these people with the knowledge that they are a mess inside and ultimately headed back into the closet, to rehab, or to many years of psychotherapy to deal with their unresolved issues with the need to be accepted by the "guy's team" of fucking Repubs. Anyway, I digress...this angertwink's apparent boyfriend was nearby, I was curious about the situation and asked in a completely harmless and lighthearted way, "So, is that The New Missus over there?" To which he snapped curtly: "I don't date women." To which I should have said, "Fuck you, you goddamn self-hating uptight motherfucking stick-in-the-mud." But I'm not witty that quickly so I just walked away. This wasn't the first uptight response I've gotten from this guy, or from fucking gay Republicans I've had the mispleasure of socializing with. You'll always get some kind of defensive, anti-feminine or anti-gay response, especially when gender or gay issues are involved in the conversation. Frankly I'm sick and tired of dealing with these headcases and their twisted perception of reality and their need to conform to a group that will never accept them. I've decided that after 10 years in this town and having been out for 15, I'm just not going to bother with these people anymore. It's like an excursion into the Twilight Zone every time you try to deal with social static like this piece of crap, and it just pisses me off every time. To save future frustration and such patronizing responses, I will limit my communication with this particular person and any future uptight fucking gay Republican unless absolutely necessary. I really don't want to interact with these Uncle Toms anymore because they are pathetic. It's just not worth the breath required to talk with these people, and certainly not worth my time.

Posted by jimbo at 10:17 PM | Comments (18)

regular blogging will now resume

And now back to our regularly scheduled woof:
PasdarHero.jpg
Screen cap of Adrian Pasdar by Fitz.

Run, Charlene, Run. Photo by Joe Tresh, who sucessfully captures the essence of the athlete as Greek god Hermes - but with Big Hair.

Kudos to New Jersey for paving the way for some kind of equality for partnered gays in the state. While it is not known whether it will be full marriage or a set of equivalent rights, it's still a step in the right direction. When I heard the news I thought, "Jersey?"

Trainer Bob is hot.

Babs say "STFU". Linky from Chrisafer.

Posted by jimbo at 8:20 AM | Comments (3)

October 24, 2006

the biggest hair on the block

Charlene and Rob
Charlene Hilton was a hit this evening with the biggest hair on 17th Street! People knew Charlene was from Texas right off the bat. Rob (at right) did the face.

Credits:
Face: Miss Veronica Blake
Hair: Miss Vicki Vox
Shoes: Payless
Pants: Chung

See more pictures at the break...

All the Jennifers who came to watch had to take pictures. There were spots in my eyes by the end of it:
Charlene and Rob
More disturbing to me than doing drag was the great white gut that hung over the tight Capri pants:
Charlene and Rob
Much thanks to Rob who helped put on the paint for almost 2 hours! Hair was done in a separate facility by Miss Vicki Vox using chemicals that put more diameter to the hole in the ozone layer, which the hair stuck through. By the end of the evening my face hurt from the tape that pulled my arching brows up higher:
Charlene and Rob
Although I started in the second row of many very competitive queens, I placed in the top ten, passing many on the way! Thanks to Piranha Sean for the cardio training and Renegades Rugby Team Coaches France and Risinger for the wind sprint anaerobic recovery training this fall.
Charlene and Rob
Photo by Blogstar Brettie, where Charlene tries to seduce the rugby team just like she saw the booty girls in the BellBivDeVoe video that she just saw on YouTube. "me and the crew used 2 do her"
that girrl is poison...

Posted by jimbo at 10:55 PM | Comments (36)

Watch the Drag Queens, Save the World

Last night's Heroes was a hoot as usual. I really like that show. Howabout that candidate Petrelli (Adrian Pasdar) hottie? His smile is devastating, and even though he's a lean little tidbit of a man, I think he's dreamy - and the man can fly. And don't forget: if you save the cheerleader, you save the world. Huh, whaddaya know - he's married to a Dixie Chick. Me want shirtless screenshots of the man.

And if you weren't floored by last Friday's Battlestar Galactica you are probably neurologically damaged in some way. Howabout Galactica's low-atmosphere Viper fighter deployment and subsequent jump into lightspeed? WOW that was the coolest special effect I've seen in years.

Tonight is the drag race, starting at 9pm. Be there early, like 1 hour in advance at least, if you want a decent place to stand and watch. Do not call me tonight to ask where and what time it is...if you haven't caught an ad or know it by now, please don't interrupt my transformation into Charlene Hilton, the illegitemate half-sister of Paris, who was exiled to Dallas.

And if I hear the words "Grey's Anatomy" one more time I'm going to puke in the face of whoever said it. No, I will not watch it. That is all.

Posted by jimbo at 12:24 PM | Comments (18)

October 23, 2006

scenic views

Yesterday I went to Skyline Drive with a friend to see the fall colors in the Shenendoahs:
skyline view
There were many International tourists there who appeared to have come just for the fall colors! I guess I take this local treasure for granted. Sort of like running on the National Mall every week with Piranha Sean - when you've been here long enough you just take it for granted.

Sad news today from my hometown in prominent sections of both The New York Times AND the Washington Post: drunk college students are walking down to the park by the river and drowning in alarming numbers. The same sort of thing happens to drunks in Moscow as well. Considering the other major news item from my state is the anti-gay marriage initiative there, you would think they could reconsidier their 'values' priorities and focus on responsible alcohol consumption instead of keeping rights from people. Gay marriage doesn't kill people, but binge drinking does. But I guess the acquisition of property protection, hospital visitation, and a partner's life insurance benefit is more frightening than actually saving young people from a cold, watery death. Perhaps some day soon this country will get its priorities straight...

Posted by jimbo at 11:08 AM | Comments (6)

October 22, 2006

Halloween Party Madness

carmen electrolysis & friendCarmen Miranda + Carmen Electra / Jimbo =
Carmen Electrolysis

Click on the thumbnail to see me make my move on the hottest chap at Fitz' pumpkin party here, including hot dance moves by Carmen Electrolysis.

The Annual 17th Street High Heel (Drag) Race is this Tuesday the 24th at 9pm. Show up early to get a spot, and you might get to spot Charlene Hilton, the illegitimate half-sister of Paris, who was exiled to Dallas as to not embarrass the Hilton clan. Full-body clipping began tonight in preparation for the race. The ball of fur pictured below in my toilet is merely from clipping my legs. Equal-sized balls of fur came from my arms and chest. Now my body looks all pink and white.
jimbo's leg fur

carmen.jpg

Posted by jimbo at 8:00 PM | Comments (8)

October 20, 2006

Asians of the world are flatulent today

Why are all the Asians farting today? Was there some kind of Chinese holiday involving legumes last night? In the copy room, on the shuttle bus, walking down the hall, today Asians everywhere are flatulating. Really, really thick and cloying fartclouds too.

like a willow, I can bendThis Saturday is your last chance to have your homosexuality cured by the occult arts of Stevie Nicks at the 2nd Annual Stevie Nicks Hallowe'en video party at Omega on October 21st. I'll try to make it and have a Stevie Nicks cocktail at 2122 P St., NW...

...at the rear entry of the address.

I am feeling much better today. Our high humidity of late is both a blessing and a curse. On one hand it keeps my sinuses flowing, on the other hand my entire body feels sticky even in October. And now I feel it getting dry outside again. DC schitzo weather.

It's Fitz' annual pumpkin party bash tonight, and as usual I have no costume. With the time I have available I've only been able to get ready for the Drag Race (Tuesday the 24th, 9pm - arrive early!). UPS Man is tired, and I don't have anything else and don't feel like it today. I know, lame. But don't forget, a lame costume is also one you've borrowed from your hobby or career. For example, guys who work in the military going out for Halloween in their military uniforms are retarded. Likewise, if I was to go as 'rugby player' that would be retarded too. I could whip up a Carmen Miranda outfit, but she'll have to be hairy tonight. Carmen Hairanda?

Posted by jimbo at 11:43 AM | Comments (5)

October 19, 2006

Cultural Learnings for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakstan

I first met Borat Sagdiyev when I was a Peace Corps volunteer in Kazakstan in '95-'96. Here's a dinner gathering with Borat on the far right, me 2nd from left, with 'stache:
dining with Borat
Kazakstan is a beautiful place - if you like it flat. It looked a lot like Montana or Wyoming, with mountains in the south, and absolutely flat plains everywhere else. One day in the winter I took a walk out on the steppe and took a picture of my town:
the steppe
It is interesting to note that the Kazak flag is sky blue with gold trim and seal, the same sky blue color as the sky. The Russian word for sky (light) blue (goluboy) is also slang for gay. The sky really was a vibrant shade of blue, but I didn't meet all that many gay people there.

Kazaks are beautiful people, with some of the most stunning eyes in the world. Here is a table of Uzbeks and Kazaks...I can't really tell the difference. The guy in blue, 2nd from left, is pretty hot, no?
dining with Borat
It gets pretty cold there in the winter. While I was there, the thermometer dropped below -40 every day for a week in December. A busload of travellers in my oblast (state) died when their bus broke down.
dining with Borat
I got some great bird species spotted there though, including the wild pink flamingo, a pink starling, a mynah, hoopoe and Eurasian lapwing.

Posted by jimbo at 10:10 AM | Comments (5)

October 18, 2006

when contractors ruled the world

I've been at home all stuffed up and sicky with a cold. A mere walk to the grocery store for vitamin C products had me all tuckered out. On the way there I noticed how contractors rule DC during the day. Every side of every block has a construction van or truck, gutting or fixing up this house or that. I suppose it's better than urban decay, but it's interesting how this city transforms between 9 to 5 and the evening during the week.

This week I celebrate three years at a single job - the longest I've ever been in a job. Between Peace Corps, various seasonal park ranger jobs and a ride on the dot-com boom and bust, I have never been in a position so long. This longevity will certainly improve my resume, although I am unsure that my current workplace will become my career. I am currently comfortable in the position, and feel like I just got into the swing of things recently. My desktop publishing and media relations experience has really improved, and I'm happy to say I'm doing less HTML than in past jobs. I did not like being a code jockey. In general, I like my job, my work environment and coworkers, which I suppose is why I'm still there.

During a dinner discussion earlier this week with a person nearly 10 years younger than me, he mentioned coming out in the age of the Internet. I can hardly imagine the resources you can find and take advantage of when coming out today. Back when I came out all we had was the public or university library, or you would have to take a road trip to the big city to find gay periodicals. Now you can access it anywhere, from anywhere. Is it easier for youth to come out today? Will there be fewer closeted politicians from Idaho in the future? I'm not sure...a simple search on the Internet could reveal just as many harmful messages as positive ones to those coming out. And it's easier to hook up and remain closeted, and worse, not be exposed to safe-sex messages before you do. It is perhaps too easy today to dive into things without a good knowledge base, since there's so much information out there to sift through. I wonder what a closeted or questioning young gay person thinks when they come to view this blog?

Boise 2 Men:

One more thought on the dead-horse, beaten, issue of outing anti-gay gay politicians: there seems to be surges in these outings every decade or so, which happen when The Gay gets too pissed off. It seems closeted, anti-gay politicians should be aware of this sentiment if they want to remain closeted...one anti-gay vote too many, or too much pressure on the Queens, and The Gay unites and revolts - otherwise we're spending our time ripping each other apart, but that's another issue. If there's anything I've learned in this town is that DC is a very small place, and there isn't a whole lot of room for complete anonymity. Whatever you do will be seen, heard, talked about, embellished or outright fabricated, especially if you're pissing people off.

Posted by jimbo at 5:43 PM | Comments (8)

October 17, 2006

gay blog fatwa!

So apparently Mike Rodgers is dangling another tantalizing taste of who may be closeted in politics. Big deal. They all come out eventually. Plus if you follow BlogActive and take notes, Rodgers has a number of teases which he has not followed up on. I often wonder if payments have been made, then the threats retracted.

Regardless, it looks to me like conservatives and Republicans work regularly and knowingly with gays in politics (and the military), and as Andrew Sullivan comments, they will one day have to come clean about who they work with versus who they condemn. News is coming out that the Hill and the Pentagon is swarming with gays, which a lot of DC locals know to be true. That's why the whole anti-gay marriage and don't ask don't tell policy just seems like such a charade to many of us. The bottom line is that it's a charade to get votes and to maintain a boogeyman for voters to be afraid of. The politicians that demonize us are knowingly working with the very people they purport to attack. And it seems to be a cooperative and mutually agreed relationship on both sides, albeit sick.

That's why out gays get so pissy about this sort of thing, and hypocricy in general. When a person comes out to family and friends, they choose to walk a road lined with honesty and truth. When you begin to live a life based on honesty, anything else is abhorrent to you. So if you live your life making policy against what you are, or lie about who you are, you are percieved as weak at best, or mentally ill at worst by those gays who are out. We think you're mentally ill, and you think we're militant fanatics.

But I'm guessing closeted neurotic gay Republicans aren't reading this blog anyway, so my attempt to help them understand the actions of out gays is moot.

Similarly, when one writes a blog and features pictures of oneself on it, living openly and honestly, said blogger will tend to get a bit hissy when he starts to suspect another blog is false or plagarized. NorthWoodsGuys is one such blog, and one reason not to believe in the legitimacy of any blog you find on BestGayBlogs. The authorship is questionable at best, and they've recently been accused of outright plagarism. I'm sure more than one porn company could get them for using photos without permission. Kinda reminds me of a similar Bent Collective tizzy earlier this year (and it gets hilarious when one fake blog starts to argue with another - sort of like a schitzophrenic arguing with a person with multiple personalities). People will eventually find out if you're lifting content, writing under a false identity, or otherwise being untrue.

And rather than grumble about it behind the scenes, I declare fatwa on these false blogs. I'll always doubt a blog that uses fake names or doesn't feature photos of the author. And when you get a feeling that one blog or another is fake, you're probably right. Anyway, not much point to today's entry...perhaps I'm more annoyed by the behind-the-scenes grumbling about the above blogs more than by the fake blogs themselves, so perhaps this will stop the grumbling.

Posted by jimbo at 4:38 PM | Comments (12)

October 16, 2006

skid row

-Good morning guys - it is Monday the 16th.

-Our weather this morning is clear and crisp and the temperature is 55 degrees here in Washington, DC. Today's forecast calls for patches of clouds and a light breeze from 5 to 10 mph. Highs approaching 66. Southeast wind 5 to 10 mph increasing to 10 to 15 mph. No chance of rain!

Once I removed the greasy brown skid mark from my toilet seat early Sunday morning, the rest of the weekend went well. However, while my goal was to catch up on sleep, sleeping in until 1pm really makes you feel like you blew the day away. Oh well, I'm rested up anyway.

My apologies to any of the nice people who came up to me and said hi at Blowoff. You are all very nice and most uncharacteristic of typical DC gay aloof behavior in clubs. However, I won't remember you as it wasn't that you weren't memorable, it's just that I was really drunk. That's probably why you approached me, because I have this stupid drunk grin on my face that makes me more approachable, as opposed to my usual sober scowl. Anyway, say hello again sometime, I'd love to meet you again.

I was flirtmonster supreme that night too. Again, sorry to all of you people who I pestered to take your shirt off - but then again you did take your shirt off, and you liked it. And you liked the attention too. I also worked very hard to get people hooked up, my pink shortbow and cherub wings were showing. Someone also kept hoisting me over his shoulder and spanking me. The evening was generally out of control.

Random cute straight guy on Friendster. Nice eyes. Very healthy hair.

I'm a little confused about this news article, which perhaps shouldn't have been posted until all the details were out. So Kolbe goes on a rafting trip in the Grand Canyon with staff and former pages, and it's up for investigation? Granted, Foley is a troll, but once people are 18, anything's game. Plus, can't a homo go on a camping trip with your staff? Are we immediately suspect unless chaperoned? I think there's more to the story, so maybe I shouldn't fly off the handle on this one.

Take care and Ciao!

Posted by jimbo at 10:34 AM | Comments (7)

October 15, 2006

drunk blog post

Blowoff was a hoot. I sensed it would be a crazy night early in the evening - and my psychic divinations turned true.

All I want to know is: what nasty queen left a skid mark on my toilet seat?

That is all.

Jimbo.

Posted by jimbo at 3:17 AM | Comments (13)

October 13, 2006

5 Things to be Happy About

  1. Regularity: "in colon" and in thought;
  2. Paul Rudd, bearded or not!
  3. Karma for the righteous...and "foley feelings" inside of me!
  4. It's only prosthetic fat on Jamie Bamber;
  5. A perfectly ripe armpit to "dive into."

It's a terribly bright and clear day, kinda like on 9/11. Oh my!

Wow, what a week - and I met two deadlines under the threat of firing! But we all have tonight's episode of Battlestar Galactica to look forward to. Will Roslyn survive the Cylon Centurion firing squad? Will Gaius ever redeem his pathetic life? How will Apollo lose all that weight? I just can't contain the excitement inside, it's almost overpowering that foley feeling in me.

Have a fantastic day...enjoy your Friday...have a blessed day and most of all love your pets. Don't overfeed them, exercise them daily, and sing to them too!

Here are some other positive, joyous smart healthy happy people in my cirlce of friends!

Posted by jimbo at 11:16 AM | Comments (4)

October 12, 2006

Jimbo's Guide to Peapod Grocery Delivery Service for the Single Person

I did not receive dry ice with yesterday's late Peapod grocery delivery. In fact, they've downgraded their plastic delivery cartons to plastic-fortified cardboard. However, I'll use on of their cooler boxes for beer on Saturday...

Anyway, a number of people were astounded that I use Giant Food's Peapod grocery delivery service. I'm interested in what they are thinking, because I'm taking a marketing management course right now and consumer perception of a product or service is always interesting. Apparently a lot of people think Peapod is only for rich people with money to spare, or for old ladies who can't make it to the grocery store. I am neither, but have good reason to use the service.

I don't have a car, I am not rich, and I live about 7 blocks from the nearest decent grocery store. Whether it be Whole Foods, Giant, Safeway or La Tienda Mercado, they're all about the same distance away. I'm not against carrying groceries by hand, but that takes time. Time, like money, is an investment and an expenditure to me. I sometimes dangle my plastic grocery bags from my bike handlebars, but this looks dorky and can be unsafe. Sometimes for big shopping trips that require lots of groceries I will take a cab back to home with the groceries.

But the cost of a cab from the Safeway on 17th Street is about the same as the service charge on a typical Peapod grocery delivery. Plus I save time, and don't have to lug anything around. The deliveryman brings it right up to my fridge, and sometimes I get to gawk at a woofy deliveryman as well.

Anyhow, it's about convenience for me. I do go to Safeway and sometimes Whole Foods for things, especially for stuff like eggs, milk and bread from the former, or specialty items from the latter. But every few weeks I need to do the 'big shop' and get lots of things, especially heavy or bulky things like a jug of water or whole fryer. You have to order an amount over $50 from Peapod anyway, so it's best to save up your 'big shop' for your Peapod delivery.

When you make a Peapod order you have to think ahead - expecially if you're single. It's actually sometimes challenging to select a list of groceries that exceed the minimum $50 order. Plan your meals and order all the ingredients and fixin's ahead of time.

I recommend you get an early delivery slot - the earlier the better. I shoot for the 6-8am slot, and they are on-time over 90% of the time. I think the later slots reserved get more no-shows, due to the accumulation of delays over the course of the day. Plus your groceries haven't been in a truck all day in the DC summer heat. With the early slots I have never had food that wasn't fresh. But these slots fill up quickly, often 3 days in advance, so again, you have to plan ahead.

If you are not there when the delivery arrives, either because you're sleeping or they show up late, they leave your groceries at your door in chilled cardboard boxes.

Think about number and volume - when you can't see what you are buying ahead of time, such factors will come into play. Like clicking '1' on "bananas, green" will result in the delivery of 1 banana, not a bunch. If you chose an item that normally comes by weight, sometimes your acorn squash will be HUGE for a single person. Or your fryer chicken will arrive more the size of a turkey or small ostrich. I usually buy these things in-store after a few too many steroided-chicken deliveries. I need the really small ones or else I eat chicken forever.

And don't forget the Peapod extras: sometimes your frozen foods arrive with DRY ICE! Put the dry ice in a glass of water and wait for the fun to begin! Also, your delicate items like eggs are wrapped in bubble wrap. I have a huge supply of bubble wrap saved up now...

Anyhow, simply put, it's a convenient service for me every few weeks or so when everything in my fridge seems to be running low. An occasional trip on my bike to 17th street serves my beer and milk needs, but every once in a while Peapod really rocks. Any questions?

Posted by jimbo at 2:09 PM | Comments (13)

October 11, 2006

Happy National Coming Out Day!

OMG I'm Gay! gay, Gay, GAY! A homosexual! A fudge packer! A fudge packee! A Green Bay Packer packer (I wish)! I'm, like, totally gay. I'm so gay I'm on a published list of homos in the student newspaper at the academic institution where I work. I'm so gay I'm in print, muthafukkas.

There, I got that out of my system. I feel better. No better time than the present to celebrate such an idea as being open and honest about one's orientation, as recent events on the Hill show what closets, secrets and hubris can to a person's psyche, party and career. People have an amazing capacity for creating their own versions of reality, regardless of what actual life calls on you to do. For more insight into the secret world of closeted gay Republicans here in DC, check out the second paragraph in this insightful piece by Andrew Sullivan:

In Washington gay life, the real Republican closet cases really do seem to exist in their own little, separate social bubble. You don't see them out in gay parties, gyms, cafes, restaurants or bars much. The worst are so screwed up no one would want to socialize wth them anyway. The openly gay Republicans, in contrast, are everywhere on the social scene... In my experience, the divide in DC is not between gay Democrats and gay Republicans; it's between those who are out and those who are not.

More sound words on closets here. I came out when I saw that a gulf was growing between me and my family and friends. I was able to forsee a time where they wouldn't know me, and I didn't like that version of the future. The things I thought I had to keep quiet about where making me a mystery to both me and them - and that's just not my style. Secrets are a kind of mental constipation - and an impacted psyche is just not pretty. Eventually, it all comes out one end or another. While it was challenging managing my 'out' status at first, these days it's been no great sacrifice.

In a sad display of intolerance, students at Gallaudet University here in DC, a major sign-language academic institution, have been protesting the appointment of a non-impaired university president. Apparently similar appointments have been protested before because the candidates were "not deaf enough". A university president has to wear many hats, from spokesperson to HR to development coordinator. Administrative experience should trump the presence or absence of being able to hear, in my opinion. Talk about a quiet riot.

This quote from John Stewart made me laugh so hard I cried:

I actually feel sorry for [Ann Coulter]. Once your career is based on denigrating 9/11 widows, what's your second act? Unless you dig up Mother Teresa and stick a dildo in her eye, nothing could be more offensive,
- Jon Stewart on the drag-queen who pretends to be a conservative for money.

My Peapod grocery delivery did not come today! This is the first time this has happened. However, when they arrive with the groceries and you are not there, they leave your groceries in a crate...packed with DRY ICE! I hope I get home in time after work today and there'll be some left for me to play with.

I'm looking forward to another Blowoff this Saturday. No rugby this weekend, so I plan on sleeping in both Saturday and Sunday. Aaaah....

Posted by jimbo at 10:06 AM | Comments (9)

October 9, 2006

Fat Apollo Jokes

So last Friday's Battlestar Galactica premiere was awesome. I was really wondering where they would go with the New Caprica storyline. In fact I didn't believe it was happening and thought it was a dream sequence. But it appears that New Caprica is clearly Iraq, and they Cylons are the U.S. occupational forces. I preferred seasons 1 and 2 where this metaphor was a bit more subtle. They all but screamed it at us on Friday.

We won't be seeing Jamie Bamber in his full hotness due to a large amount of prosthetics to make him fat. You can only wonder what the scuttlebutt on the Pegasus deck sounds like...

"How did Apollo get so fat after he got command of the Pegasus?"
"Nobody showed him where the gym was..."

"Did you hear that we have a new Battlestar in the fleet?"
"Yeah, our fleet now consists of Battlestars Galactica, Pegasus and Apollo."

"Did you hear that the secret Cylon project to create a replica of Lee Adama failed?"
"Really?! What happened?"
"They couldn't find enough resources to build a life-size model..."

"How many Cylon Centurions do you need to take down Commander Apollo?"

Finish this punchline or add your own Fat Apollo jokes in the comments section.

Posted by jimbo at 6:44 PM | Comments (13)

October 8, 2006

what concerns us today


OprahSuri.jpg
Photo by BlogStar Brettie on the way back from a cold and rainy match out in Winchester, VA, hometown of Patsy Cline. 'That guy' in the background is Chip, scrounging for Twix. We did not win the match, but I'm not sure if that discounts us from the finals for the season. We'll have to see. In the photo, Scott is most upset over Oprah's fate, while I celebrate the joy of newborn Suri Cruise-Creature.

Today I went to the Maryland Renassance Festival again, this time with Chad, and we took lots of pics of men in kilts. Woofy pics after the break...

Chad, next to his namesake Renassance shop:
-
Camp of my namesake, en route to the Faire:
-
Dreamy kilted guy. Note furry legs, which don't show up well in the pic. I thought he looked like Daniel Jackson from SG-1:
dreamy
Woofy kilted guy. Sorry for the bad exposure, I had to use the zoom:
dreamy
Kilted woofer was a groupie for this bagpipe gang:
bagpipers
On the way back we went across a low road in Maryland that is occasionally flooded at high tide, which Chad bogged across with ease:
OprahSuri.jpg

Posted by jimbo at 10:22 AM | Comments (7)

October 7, 2006

a new adjective

foley - fo·ley. adj.

1 : describing lust for a younger thing:

"That new guy Matt on the team makes me feel all foley inside."

Posted by jimbo at 7:24 PM | Comments (2)

October 6, 2006

daily beatings

Today's rain and last night's beatings at practice have me kinda uninspired, so I'll just list stuff:

We have an unprecedented 3-1 record for the season. If we win Saturday's match, we'll like be in the playoffs in our division for the first time ever. And we can beat this team. This is very exciting because back inna day the other teams beat us by dozens and dozens of points. Then we started to win, and then we started to really beat the snot out of some teams. Now they take us seriously. The team has developed a lot in the 7 years I've been with it, and this is the pinnacle so far:

Washington Renegades RFC vs. Winchester RFC

Saturday, October 7, Winchester, VA

Kickoff at 1 p.m.

Directions are on the link above. We really appreciate fan presence, as always.

Today I feel like hitting hypocritical closeted gay Republicans who spurt out excuses as they spurted on their keyboards while chatting with teens. I want to hit people that say gays are preoccupied with sex, are naturally alcoholic, are zoophiles, are pedophiles or always have been molested by preists. I want to hit all these dark ages motherfuckers who perform all the acts they condemn. I want to hit politicians who are wasting time and my tax dollars fucking around with moral shit. I want to hit the people who aren't filling in the potholes because they're too busy moralizing. I want to hit self-important smug shitheads who produce nothing but gas.

Tonight: Battlestar Galactica premiere!

Saturday: OMG DJ TM™ spins at Cobalt...it will be packed by Midnight as it always is, I assure you. And he's got another kickin' set ready for you.

Gratuitous shallow cute jock picture posting du jour - Detroit Tiger Matt Mantei:
a little oily, but cute
His MLB stats state that he's been "on the DL" since May. This is exciting news! Now if I could only get him from being Down Low to Out of the Closet, and we'd be a nice match.

Posted by jimbo at 10:26 AM | Comments (2)

October 5, 2006

"the essential gay experience"

OLIVIA!!! Last year at the ON-J concert in Baltimore
With the promise of a spring 2007 launch of the off-Broadway musical version of 'Xanadu', my early 90s gay genes kick in and start screaming "OMG fabulous"! But what Olivia Newton-John, Kylie Minogue, Madonna and Xanadu mean to me may not mean very much to either the young'uns or the older folks amongst Our People.

Uffish had an interesting post where she talks about a young gay coworker who didn't know who Erasure was. Yes, it's a ghastly crime to be ignorant of such things, but when Chris and I proselytize about "the essential gay experience" required to retain your 'gay card', we are being no different than those who forced me to suffer though the two-hour movie classic 'Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?' and memorize all the crazy one-liners, or a grating all-night Norma Shearer film festival. Yes, they are camp classics, I understand. But camp is...so 70s. I came out in the 90s, where Vogueing, Freedom Rings and spiked hair was the thing. I could not relate to Bette Davis films, the importance of disco classics, and speaking with a constant stream of sexual innuendo inserted into every conversation. People my age and younger less likely to act like Charles Nelson Reilly or Paul Lynde. People my age are different, and people 10 years younger than me are different too. "The gay experience" means something different to each new generation of queers that comes out - which kinda proves that subscribing to any such set of cultural artifacts and norms is kinda moot. In a conversation last night with a very handsome and insightful bearded hottie, we talked about the things we did when we came out, how hard we tried to "be gay," only to find out in the end that we still liked the things we used to do when we thought we were straight. In the end, you still are who you were, just with a taste for man-cock and hard, hairy bodies - at from my experience anyway.

And for the Celtic experience, I'm going to the Maryland Renaissance Festival this Sunday with Chad for some kilt action hopefully as hot as this:
Drink my mead...
Anyone got a kilt or two me and Chad can borrow? Hot picture of woofy drunk kilted hottie stolen from Josh & Josh Are Rich and Famous, top ON-J photo by Blogstar Brettie taken last year at the fucking awesome Olivia Newton-John concert in Baltimore.

Posted by jimbo at 10:25 AM | Comments (7)

October 4, 2006

I 'heart' Jason

Scruffy Jason
BUTT Magazine, a fantastic pocket-sized magazine for homosexuals, features my scruffy buddy Jason as the promotional poster boy this month. They use Courier font on their website, so you know it's an underground 'zine and all that.

Posted by jimbo at 9:11 AM | Comments (7)

October 3, 2006

taking it to the bridge, chorus, and city hall

Sometimes in the morning when I wake up, I have to think: should I take it to the bridge, or take it to the chorus? Life is full of decisions...

Taking it to the background chorus on my new fave show Heroes last night was Wendy & Lisa of Prince's Revolution. Apparently they've been making the rounds on scores and soundtracks lately, from Dangerous Minds to Showtime's Carnivale. They've also apparently worked with Doyle Bramhall, said to be a great CD that shows their influence as backup. They're also all over Neil Finn's (Crowded House) "One Nil" or "One All" CD from a few years ago.

I love all the stench coming from The Hill these days. The sound of party implosion is DELICIOUS! Say it again for me y'all, slowly, with feeling: DEE-LICCH-USSS! Just remember, when the evil empire has crumbled, don't make the same mistakes you did before. The Class Matters website has some really interesting insights for progressive activists, whether they are low-income, middle class or rich white folks.

Dan 'Eyes of Smouldering Emeralds' TangherliniThere are some good, effective bureaucrats out there, however. Take DC goverment uber-hottie and all-around effective guy DanTan. Now that MetroRail can't have him, we will be blessed with his efficiency, clean-cut woofishness, and mezmerizing blue eyes for Fenty's term as Washington's city administrator. The Shallow Party of DC supports this appointment, and also the election of adorable cutie-pie Sam Brooks of Ward 3, especially in lieu of his crazy-ass megalomaniac Internet stalker opponent of the same ward...sadly, there are no equally cute candidates in my ward.

Speaking of an anticipated groundswell of hotness and cuteness, here's all of your answers to questions regarding the opening of Nellie's Sports Bar in the OFFICIAL NELLIE'S PRESS RELEASE after the break...

November 13, 2006

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Contact: Douglas Schantz: 202-297-1476

New Sports Bar to be One ‘Nellie’ of a Good Time

WASHINGTON—It is no longer uncommon to hear of a new business opening in DC’s vibrant U Street corridor. Nellie’s Sports Bar, however, will be the first establishment in the area to combine sports, good food, and fun in a welcoming and inclusive atmosphere.

Local fundraiser and former ad exec Doug Schantz has partnered with Silver Spring restaurateur Rocio Anzola, of the popular “Cubanos,” to bring this exciting sports scene to the Dupont/Logan/U Street community. Located in an historic former photography studio at the corner of 9th and U Streets, Nellie’s Sports Bar will be open seven days a week, serving a wide array of fresh food and drink. Schantz said that Nellie’s will also host events for local sports teams, alumni groups, and charities.

“Nellie’s Sports Bar will be the premier local venue to catch the game, no matter what the sport,” Schantz said. “We care about our customer’s viewing tastes. Our web site will allow sports fans to request their favorite sporting events and to reserve space on one of our many large plasma screen TVs.,” he said.

The name “Nellie’s” is a salute to Schantz’s great- and great-great-grandmothers, who were both named Nellie. The new sports bar was inspired in part by their whimsical and hospitable personalities.

“Nellie’s Sports Bar will be a great spot to grab a drink, even if you aren’t into watching sports,” Schantz added. The restaurant features soaring ceilings, antique décor, and an expansive roof-top deck that will allow guests to absorb the sites of the city from above.

“At Nellie’s, our goal is to be a great spot for friends to gather, relax, and enjoy a few drinks and some excellent food,” Schantz said. Co-owner Rocio Anzola has used her flare for cuisine to design an eclectic menu that will feature both sports bar favorites and lighter fare.

Nellie’s sports bar will open in mid-November of 2006. In addition to providing both indoor and outdoor spaces for private gatherings, the sports bar will feature weekly theme nights as well as larger events such as a Super Bowl party and a monthly “Hearts” card tournament that will benefit local charities. The restaurant is conveniently located at 900 U Street, NW, one block from the U Street/African American Civil War Memorial/Cardozo Metro Station. For more information, contact Nellie at nellies.sportsbar@gmail.com or visit the restaurant’s web site at www.nelliessportsbar.com.

Posted by jimbo at 9:45 AM | Comments (10)

October 2, 2006

Ariel, Thundarr and Ookla respond to the Mark Foley Incident

Ariel Maf54 (8:08:31 PM): get a ruler and measure it for me.
Ookla MWAARRRGGGGH!?!
Thundarr Demon Dogs! Ariel, stop talking to Ookla like that!
Ariel Relax Thundarr, it's not like I'm some creepy 'ol hypocrite.
Thundarr Umm...Oookla is 16 years old.
Ariel Oh. Crap. Sorry 'bout that Ookla.
Ookla>:' [

Posted by jimbo at 10:38 PM | Comments (6)

October 1, 2006

a view from my tent

On Friday me and my buddy Steve left for the Dolly Sods Wilderness area of the Monongahela National Forest in West Virginia. Weather reports were mixed, and we got our share of rain, but luckily most of it was in the evening. Here is a view from our tent Saturday morning:
a view from the tent
Here's me upon arrival on Friday. If I had gotten my ass going a bit earlier that day we wouldn't have arrived at the campside in the dark:
monongahela, say it 6 times fast
Steve's tent was nice and cozy despite all the precipitation:
steve packs the stuff sacks
On a hike along Red Creek, I was surprised to see a northern watersnake (Nerodia sipedon - thanks Sea!)
in such cool weather, but it was not crazed nor did it attack me a la Snakes on a Plane. I don't know what kind it was.
snakes on a rock!
There was also a pretty purple flower (Closed Gentian or Bottle Gentian - thanks BearLeer!) we couldn't identify, that seemed to be waiting for a break in the clouds to bloom:
a purple puccoon?
The tentsite we were at was remarkably free of campers, despite the threat of a Cub Scout party we spotted earlier in the day. Here's the stream right by our campsite:
word
When we got back to the parking lot, we discovered that there was a mist-netting project on a trail that I had ignored for years. Apparently the project has been going on for decades, I had walked past it all the times I had been there:
word
Mist netting helps ornithologists take a survey of migrating birds. They tend to place them at mountain overpasses where migrating birds are likely to travel. Proof of how high we were in the Allegheny front.

My back is a mess as the hard ground and cold weather did a number on it. It seems my old Ridgerest just isn't going to do the trick anymore, so I have to put out the dough for a Super-Deluxe Princess Edition Therm-a-Rest some day soon.

Posted by jimbo at 6:36 PM | Comments (11)