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July 18, 2006
tourist season annoyances addendum
Addendum to what Sean and Scott said about the tourists that visit DC and the things they do that annoy us:
- While riding MetroRail in large groups, keep moving once you've gotten to the train platform. Do not stop at the top (or bottom) of the stairs. The same goes for the train itself. If you stop right there at the doors, I will run you over, or even better, practice my rucking skills since you're about the same size as a rugby forward anyway.
- A MetroRail train is not a playground for your child. Sit your ass down and leave the pole alone. As for you adults, I've seen the pole dancer bit a thousand times, and it is tired and you are not funny. And we know you're a strong kid, but avoid doing pull-ups on the bars as well.
- When in a large group and walking down the sidewalk, do not walk 4-6 abreast. Some of us residents need to walk in the opposite direction, or pass your waddling ass. In ancient Greece, this formation was referred to as a phalanx. Except that you are no Hoplite soldier.
- Spare us the display of your reading skills, sit down and relax. You do not need to show your geographical prowess by eagerly reading the MetroRail station names aloud (and mispronounced) each time we pass a new one. "Luh-EN-Fant Plaza!"
- I know I have a fly haircut and I look like a very approachable Midwestern boy next door on the MetroRail platform. But do not gather close to me in lieu of standing next to or anywhere near the perfectly nice African-American who is on his/her way home from work, who is also a DC local like me. It's transparent racism, if not simply embarrassing behavior. Just because I'm white doesn't mean I'm not packing a nine and am about to pop a cap in 'yo ass, or am looking forward to a nice warm can of Steel Reserve when I get home.
Posted by jimbo at July 18, 2006 11:26 AM
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Comments
Also as a very approachable Midwestern dad next door type with a fly comb over, I often get asked for directions from tourists. One thing I’ve learned when asked “How do I get to the White House?” is not to bother making a joke like “Well first you have to run in the primaries and receive your party’s nomination.” They will NOT get the joke. Trust me on this.
One dangerous habit I have noticed is that tourists will stop their car in the middle of the street and beckon you out into the busy roadway to give to them directions. PULL OVER! I am not risking my life to give you directions to I-495! And why are your driving your car in DC anyway?
Once an older gentleman and his much younger male companion in car with NY plates did this to me on E Street three blocks west of the White House. I was commanded to give them the “quickest directions” to the White House (why can't people find this place???) So I did. The White House is somewhere in Georgetown, right?
Posted by: Herb at July 19, 2006 1:18 PM
You guys only have a season. We have this all year round.
Posted by: sam at July 19, 2006 2:33 PM
Dunno Jimbo, this is all stuff I watched DC locals do all the time when I lived there.
Except maybe the reading thing. Which is so boring - it's more fun to listen to Americans doing it on the Paris metro. "George's Vee? Louver?"
Posted by: John at July 19, 2006 2:50 PM
This comes pretty close to how I feel about airport behavior:
1). People who go to the airport with lots of jewelry/belt buckles/machine guns on, and forget to take them off before they go through the magic anti-terror machines.
2). People who stand in the aisle, holding up boarding, while carefully folding their jackets before placing them in the overhead bin. Where I promptly smoosh them with my bag into a nice wrinkled mess.
3). Men who sit in the aisle seat and stand in the aisle while their woman slowly gets out of her seat, thereby holding up everyone behind them.
I swear, people lose 10 IQ points the minute they walk into an airport.
Posted by: homer at July 19, 2006 3:08 PM