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May 18, 2006
panic and terror in Northern Virginia (again)
"AAAAGH! THERE'S A WILD BLACK BEAR LOOSE IN NORTHERN VIRGINIA!!! OUR CHILDREN ARE IN DANGER*!!! PREPARE AN EMERGENCY RESPONSE PLAN*!!! WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE!!!"
* Actual response by several Prince William County townsfolk as seen on television news item regarding the bear rampage in Northern Virginia.
I've written a Serenity Prayer for the people of Northern Virginia:
God grant me the Serenity to suppress the rising tide of constant panic in my soul;
the Strength to protect my children from bears, homosexuals, poison ivy, light precipitation and traffic on Hwy. 66;
the Fortitude to work 10-hour days and on Saturdays;
and the Alacrity to find my way through the twisting roads to find T.G.I.F. for their Sunday dinner specials;
forever and ever, Amen.
In many parts of the country aside from the zoo-ignorant Mid-Atlantic region, people live with wildlife all the time without panic and terror.
But admittedly bears do get a hankerin' for some primate from time to time.
On a completely unrelated note, bravery still exists in today's panic-stricken world. Our Mayor Anthony Williams had the balls to ask for an apology from a hate-mongering local pastor. Standing up for stuff like that helps a lot. I said "Thank you, Mayor Williams!" out loud today when I read that.
Posted by jimbo at May 18, 2006 9:50 AM
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Comments
Good for Mayor Williams. Now he should start towing those double-parked cars.
Posted by: Joe.My.God. at May 18, 2006 10:43 AM
Here in Arizona the state Game and Fish department regularly shoots bears, mountain lions, and bobcats to "protect" people who insist on building houses out in the forests.
Posted by: homer at May 18, 2006 11:11 AM
I found it odd that the Post failed to mention that in the very same issue, there is an "apology"
from the Bishop in the Opinion section. Well sort of...mmm...not really...
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/05/17/AR2006051701905.html
Hmmm...
Posted by: Herb at May 18, 2006 11:59 AM
Wasn't there a Simpsons episode about citizens overreacting to an urban Bear spotting? I seem to remember a "Bear Patrol" being formed. I guess these folks never saw it...
Posted by: Fitz at May 18, 2006 12:47 PM
Williams was awesome! I wish he didn't apologize to the faith community though... 'Goddamn' isn't exactly a big deal - I mean if he had said For Chrissakes or something like that then maybe... I'm so sick of the "faith community" and their influence... Geez! ;-)
Posted by: TOS at May 18, 2006 1:08 PM
:::jerri blank voice:::
"The bear's killin' a monkey!!!"
Posted by: johnny at May 18, 2006 2:23 PM
Love your amendment to the st francis prayer. gonna appropriate and i'll certainly give you credit there jimbo. reuben :)
Posted by: Reuben in Arizona (Homie's pal) at May 18, 2006 4:27 PM
1. your prayer left out the all important protection from Lyme Disease ticks, and those new mega mosquitos which threaten our very existence.
2. Nice touch how you managed to insert a gratuitous whack at the mid-Atlantic. "Zoo ignorant"? Do you really think people in Milwaukee, Minneapolis, or Seattle for that matter would be any less unreasonably panicked? I think you have conflated an urban vs. rural issue with a Mid-Atlantic vs. ...'everywhere else?' issue.
Posted by: ZZ at May 18, 2006 5:22 PM