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April 14, 2006

dear ms. manfur

The most horrible thing I've ever read in the Washington Blade (next to Jeff Gannon's Tourette's Syndrome writing style) was in this week's Ms. Behavior advice column. One twink writes in to bemoan his partner's horrible condition:

Dear Ms. Behavior: My new boyfriend Eric is hairy all over and likes it. I prefer a smooth look. If he'd submit to an all-body waxing just once I know he'd understand the appeal. I can't talk him into it, though I've tried. Would it be unethical to give him a mild sedative or several drinks so that I could wax him? He won't budge, so I'm contemplating taking him by storm to prove my point. What do you think? - SMOOTHER IS BETTER

News Flash: you cannot change who you snagged for a boyfriend. It's been tried before and continues to fail as an approach to relationships. Accept him as he is, hairy and all that. I am horrified to think that someone would even consider drugging some hot furball and clipping or shaving him. Let me respond to this stupid twink's request for advice, piece by piece:

My new boyfriend Eric is hairy all over and likes it.
YEAH!!! Give him this e-mail: Jimbo3DC@aol.com and tell him to drop me a line. Thank you. I like a man who knows who he is and likes it.

I prefer a smooth look.
You and every member of N.A.M.B.L.A.

If he'd submit to an all-body waxing just once I know he'd understand the appeal.
Are you sure rashes and ingrown hairs are so appealing?

I can't talk him into it, though I've tried.
That's because he's already starting to ignore your whiney ass.

Would it be unethical to give him a mild sedative or several drinks so that I could wax him?
Umm...I'm not sure what the legal term for that crime is, but hopefully you're going to go through with drugging your boyfriend, get arrested for it, and then get thrown in a jail cell with not one, but THREE large hairy men (who like being that way too) who will sodomize you daily until you do get accustomed to being continually buffed by man-fur.

There will be many such sodomizers at Blowoff on Saturday. I saw Clickboo out on the street last night and he was already bouncing around like the Easter Bunny in anticipation. Perhaps someone like this will be there too:
Brian Schneider of the Washington Nationals
I like his bushy goatee.

Posted by jimbo at April 14, 2006 10:44 AM

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Comments

Are lesbians allowed at Blowoff?

Posted by: Sarah Jean at April 14, 2006 11:48 AM

>>>>Are lesbians allowed at Blowoff?

YES! I've seen many happy lesbians having a good time there. Fair warning, it is mostly (90+%)boys though, so I hope you don't mind sodomizers in your midst.

BUT be sure to introduce yourself to me and the blog posse and we will kick anyone's ass who gives you shit. But I don't think anyone will give you shit. It's a pretty live and let live crowd.

Back in the day Blowoff was quite the odd mixture of people, but it's kind of settled into mostly alterna-bear crowd these days.

Posted by: jimbo at April 14, 2006 11:54 AM

Dear crackhead: Come closer so I can smack you upside the head, without your consent.
I think it's a lot more troubling that he thinks it's ok to drug someone than what he plans on doing.

Although, if he already likes smoothish men, well I'm certainly a better candidate, and thus I'll be happy to take him off the crackhead's hands. ;-)

Posted by: copperred at April 14, 2006 11:56 AM

Let's find that boy and smear Rogaine on his back...

Posted by: homer at April 14, 2006 12:00 PM

Hands off Brian! He's MINE.

Posted by: ZZ at April 14, 2006 1:15 PM

I don't understand it. I'm a hair millionaire and I've just always assumed that anyone who wants me wants someone who's hairy - that's just the way it works. Somebody who likes the smooth look just isn't going to give me a second look - and I'm really fine by that. I think that letter's a fake...

Posted by: Andy at April 14, 2006 6:11 PM

So what did Ms. Behavior say?

Posted by: John at April 14, 2006 7:21 PM

Lawdy! I thought Homer said "...and smear Joe Rogan on his back..."

Posted by: Lee at April 15, 2006 2:42 AM

Its obvious Jimbo that the human who wrote this letter, is in need of serious therapy for truly only a sicko would dare write such a thing.

Getting rid of fur off a man.. thats heresy!

Posted by: Dax at April 15, 2006 7:37 AM

You know, I like man fur, but to me the really shocking part was that this guy is thinking of drugging his boyfriend to get him to shave it off. Wow, nice foundation for a relationship there.

Posted by: John at April 18, 2006 3:25 PM

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