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November 24, 2005
happy (stress free) holidays
The turkey is in the oven in a bag, rinsed, patted dry then dabbed with olive oil and sprinkled with pepper and salt. There are onions in the cavity. Cook for two hours at 375 degrees farenheit.
It's really that simple, despite all the complex suggestions given freely by others when they heard I was cooking the turkey - mostly from The Gays who seem to enjoy stressing out over the holiday season insisting on making things waaay more complicated than they need to be.
My favorite suggestion was for me to "Use a turkey fryer," followed by the caveat, "but it's dangerous." They would always say the last part with a crazed twinkle in their eye. I'm amazed at how many people consider playing with pyrotechnics to be fun on days other than July 4th. Here's some reasons why I won't be using a turkey fryer:
- We eat enough fried foods - and I don't wanna hear about how fried foods make you fat after you chow down on a greasy-ass turkey leg;
- How am I gonna bring a big-ass turkey fryer, a propane tank and several gallons of grease home on my bike? You should have seen me hauling home the turkey and other groceries on the handlebars of my bike;
- Huge grease fires are not my thing on a holiday;
- Keep it simple - that's what ovens are for.
I've turned off my cell phone until my part of the celebration is over. When the turkey is out of the oven I may consider turning it back on. I have been receiving hysterical calls from The Gays every 15 minutes about what I have or should have or what someone should bring. We have food, we're OK, we will adapt if need be.
Today I'm thankful I'm not on a plane with screaming babies, not trying to make a fabulous gourmet feast a la Queer Eye or Martha Stewart, and in a very quiet city at the moment. The same will hold true for the Christmas season. Keep it simple and you will also be thankful for those around you, rather than what you think you didn't get done the right way or the way everyone says you're supposed to celebrate the holdiays.
Redhead Hottie Holiday Scruff Alert! A special Hallmark Hall of Fame movie, "Silver Bells," will premiere on Sunday, November 27th on CBS TV, 9-11 PM ET/PT, starring crazy woman Anne Heche and scruffalicious Tate Donovan (from The O.C.) starring as a hottie scruffy Christmas tree farmer.
This holiday season, do your duty to grow out your holiday scruff. It will make me happy.
Posted by jimbo at November 24, 2005 11:44 AM
Comments
Happy Turkey Day Jimbo!
Posted by: moby at November 24, 2005 3:33 PM
Taking a quiet moment after a very simple but delicious holiday meal to say Happy Thanksgiving.
We awoke to snow this morning in CT. Couldn't have been a nicer day to cook a turkey. Hope yours was delicious.
Posted by: timothy at November 24, 2005 3:40 PM
Hope the meal went well. I'm sure it did.
You're right, Tate Donovan is scruffalicious. Do you remember him in "Love Potion #9"?
Posted by: archerr at November 24, 2005 10:47 PM
Hmmm, stuffing Tate Donovan- what do you recommend? Hey, he's only nine days younger than me!
Posted by: homer at November 25, 2005 9:28 AM
Americans will deep fry anything, given the chance.
Posted by: sean at November 26, 2005 10:22 AM