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October 26, 2005

my dealer called me today

My dealer called me today to let me know my Girl Scout Thin Mints are in. She offered to get more (the first box is always free) but I declined, considering the Fat Feeding Season is upon us where every holiday from here until April involves high-calorie intake of one kind or another. I'm going to be strong this winter. Only one box of crack. Just one. Well, maybe one more...

The BEER TENT went well despite early fears that attendance would be low due to shitty weather. I think some press in the Post about the event spurred a lot of people to get out even though the rain and cold made it a generally miserable experience. Our BEER TENT was full of people and I hope it was worth the fundraising effort.

(Side note to the smarty-pants contrarian asshole who makes smarmy comments on my blog from your miserable cubicle at the Swiss Bank Corporation - 222 Broadway, New York, NY 10038 - of course I'm aware that not all gays are trannies and not all trannies are gay. And if you knew anything about our local event you'd be vaguely aware that those who run the drag race are often neither tranny or gay, you know-it-all fuckwad comment troll. It's simply a fun event for everyone, that is organized by gay people - thus categorized as 'gay stuff' in my book and on my blog. Don't you ever correct me on something I know more about than you, be it beer, trannies, birds, fish or Transformers (original series). I come from The Land of the World's Largest 6-Pack and I'll serve you every time, you overeducated cerebro-masturbator fuckhead loser.)

Moving on...three interesting stories from last night. The first was a valiant service to the community by a wise and vigilant doorman at JRs. While I was guarding the edges of our beergarden next to the patio of JRs I noticed a drunk Jennifer with her gay friends waiting in line to get in. I also noticed that much of her drunkenness was totally affected, as she believed she is allowed to cut loose since she's around gay people and can act like a jackass, as many Jennifers do. Then I spotted a long-time JRs doorman who identified her as potential trouble who would have none of that crap and nipped the problem on the butt by simply telling her she couldn't come in. Not surprisingly she miraculously sobered up enough to get bitchy with the bartender and was suddenly glib of tounge as well, proving she was just playing drunk to start with. Either way, score 1 for the hardened doorman for JRs, Jennifer 0. Fags don't let your Jennifers grow up to be sloppy drunks, or to look like one.

My second story is about a social experiment I performed analyzing interactions between competing queens on a half-gay rugby team. And I'm not talking about getting on the A- or B-side either. Here's the story: Jaded Jimbo inquires about the availability of Hottie A from Informant C, also stating that Hottie A is dreamy. Informant C responds by saying Hottie A is already taken by Teammate B, but Informant C also girlishly notes to Jaded Jimbo that she cannot reveal the name of Teammate B, gleefully reveling in the vital secret she keeps so dearly close to her heart. Jaded Jimbo rolls his eyes almost to the back of his head, knowing that he'll find out sooner or later, for Jaded Jimbo is omniscient of all homo goings-on within the Beltway. Seemingly unaware of the all-knowing powers of Jimbo, Informant C insists on being mum, smug in the knowledge that she keeps a not-so-secret so well.

So last night Jaded Jimbo tries an experiment that is sure to reveal the identity of mystery Teammate B who is dating Hottie A. Jaded Jimbo waits until Hottie A is mostly alone, then goes up to Hottie A for a chat, getting well within the normal zone of the American concept of personal space. This sends nonverbal messages to Hottie A and anyone observing (including mystery Teammate B) that I am in fact flirting, or at least getting uncomfortably close to Hottie A. It didn't hurt that we were also both trying to stay dry under an awning. Mystery Teammate B is expected to instantly appear due to percieved threat of me macking on his Hottie A, and in fact does instantly appear, literally out of nowhere. I'd swear he had mutant teleportation powers his appearance was so fast. While I can deal with the fact that Hottie A is probably taken by Teammate B, I can't stand a mystery, and was pleased to have it solved in such a fun way.

Third story: typical tale of a tragic queen with cell phone. I introduce myself and my teammate Brettie to a new teammate. We exchange salutations and begin conversation. In the middle of his first sentence of conversation to us, without an apology or aside, new teammate answers his vibrating cell phone and walks away. Not a word to me and Brettie excusing himself. I roll my eyes for the xth time that evening and Brettie can't believe what just happened. Probably the rudest abuse of cell phone ettiquette I've ever experienced. I may just point it out to him later if I can get a word in between his other cell phone conversations.

Posted by jimbo at October 26, 2005 10:45 AM

Comments

Jaded Jimbo? Thought you were Entrerprising Elfish Jimbo.

I need to study at the feet of the master of hottie interaction deduction. Teammates dating each other; doesn't that cause all sorts of potential drama?

Posted by: copperred at October 26, 2005 11:55 AM

Your powers of deduction (seduction?) would be well served by joining up with almost-but-not-quite-dreamy Patrick Fitzgerald.

Posted by: homer at October 26, 2005 12:14 PM

*BAMF!*

Posted by: johnny at October 26, 2005 1:55 PM

Cell phone Girl: *verbal bitchslap*. One of my friends knows me so well that he once said "I can hear your eyes roll" when something similar happened to me. His loss.

Posted by: copperred at October 26, 2005 3:41 PM

(snort), (chortle), (cough), coffee coming out my nose. Thanks, Jimbo. Your observations made my morning!

Posted by: fstclss at October 26, 2005 3:44 PM

I'm just impressed that you have a link to mutant teleportation powers.

Posted by: Boo Augustus at October 26, 2005 4:45 PM

Personally I've always been partial to the Samoas...

Posted by: Jeff at October 26, 2005 11:40 PM

WOW, all that fun and a high heel race!

Posted by: Dinger at October 27, 2005 9:34 AM

Jim you make me laugh when I'm feelin' sick. Keep'em comin'. (''''' -just a few extra apostrophes for good measure)

Posted by: 'monster [TypeKey Profile Page] at October 27, 2005 10:01 AM

Have no fear. I have an enabling order in to send for Christmas.

Posted by: First mom at October 27, 2005 1:38 PM