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October 4, 2005

jimbo's appointees

OK, so like, if elected President of the United States of America, I will like appoint all my friends, family, casual acquaintances and those who worship me into the following positions and made up departments, because I'm, like, the President and stuff and I can just like appoint whomever I want, right?

- Mom: Headmistress of Knitting, Quilting, Crochet, and Home Improvement.
- Brian, my brother: President's Council on Fitness and Getting Stoned.
- Bruce, my other brother: President's Council on Lumber and Nice Decks.
- Gurl: FEMA Director (have you seen her untidy room? A DISASTER!!!)
- Chrisafer: Federal Communications Commission Chairman (she likes to gossip about media and stuff).
- Doug: Supreme Court (I think she's a lawyer or something).
- Homer: Bureau of Land Management Director and Head Archaeology Guy.
- Mari: Sovereign Queen of The District of Columbia
- TJ: International Make-Out Commission
- Eric: Anything Having to do with Flags, Scruff, and Pictures of Food.
- Fitz: Domes and Old Electronic Devices Department.
- Josh: Ultimate Emperor of the Rocky Mountain Region and Grand Instigator of Teeth Grinding
- Tos: Department of Caffinated & Salacious Banter
- Glennalicious: Director of Education (Mostly Math) and Champion of Simiankind.

Posted by jimbo at October 4, 2005 11:32 AM


Can I be in charge of the Secret Service too?

Posted by: homer at October 4, 2005 3:21 PM

I think you should also redo the entire West Wing so it's one large open space with cubicles, coffee bars, vintage 80's video games, a massage station and a big overstuffed pillow seating area around a fire pit. All very 90's dotcom. And less chance of a Monica Lewinsky-type situation (yes, I know it wouldn't be exactly like a Monica Lewinsky-type situation, but you get the idea).

Posted by: Boo Augustus at October 4, 2005 3:43 PM

Ohh, and first thing I'd do as FCC chair is encourage more Janet Jackson nipple coverage. Maybe even a whole channel devoted to it.

Posted by: chrisafer at October 4, 2005 3:48 PM

Wait, I'm not in charge of teeth grinding? After all we've been through?

Posted by: Josh at October 4, 2005 4:17 PM

I would like to toss (no pun intended) my hat into the ring for Dept. of Caffinated & Salacious Banter...

Isn't Dbud too scruffy sometimes for make out commission errrrrrr I forgot what site I was on... nevermind :-P

Posted by: TOS at October 4, 2005 5:14 PM

Can I be the Education Director? Every school would have happy hour and furry go-go boys....

Posted by: Glenn at October 4, 2005 6:46 PM

I'm honored but do you really want me, a mod-con, in charge of something?
First thing I'd do put public housing in Glover Park, Takoma Park, Georgetown, Foxhall, Friendship Heights, and McClean Gardens. Anywhere where well meaning, well to do people live, so the poor are their neighbors and equals and not some theory or group to be visited on field study.
Second, make half the bars in DC smokefree. Bars that want smoking must have a special license, that can be sold or transfered, and pay a higher tax.
Third, get Jimbo a house or a condo or something.
Fourth, fire 1/2 of the DC government, with special attention given to 911/311 operators who blow you off.
Fifth, I'd lower property taxes.
Lastly, I'd make the buses (and trains) run on time.

Posted by: Marie at October 5, 2005 9:10 AM

I have found putting people with opinions in positions of power usually makes for change. Plus it shuts up the people with said opinions, because it makes them too busy to have opinions.
>; )

Oh, and better bike trails from College Park to DC!

Posted by: jimbo at October 5, 2005 10:33 AM

I must point out that I am perfectly suited for Secretary of Snarkasm (snarky plus sarcasm--OK, so I cribbed it from last night's "Gilmore Girls"--at least I'm not asking to be in charge of copyright protection...).

Posted by: Jeffrey at October 5, 2005 11:25 AM

I accept that appointment and will have my staff set up my office dead center of the Senate Rotun.. uh, dome where I will scan visitors with flouriscopes and offer repair services to the aging Gore-Bot of 2000...

Posted by: Fitz at October 5, 2005 12:16 PM

Soveriegn Queen...hell, how about Mayor for InShaw? Love it.

Posted by: stebbins at October 5, 2005 1:05 PM

only 1/2 of the DC gov't Marie??? I guess you really are a moderate ;-) i'd go for 7/8ths and I'd just wipe the tax administration clean and start over - same for the dmv!

Posted by: TOS at October 6, 2005 5:44 PM