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September 6, 2005
my buh-bye plan
Last week proved one thing is certain in these uncertain times: the United States is not prepared for disaster, caused either by nature or terrorists. Somehow we are even less prepared than 4 years ago, despite the billions pumped into Homeland Security. FEMA is proven impotent in the immediate response category. Terrorists could have bombed the levees in Nawlins, achieving the same results: thousands of deaths, property damage, and a slow response from the clueless, tactless, careless President. And it is a Federal responsibility, and the rescue and recovery efforts were unnecessarily slow, regardless of what the apologists and contrarians insist. Immediate response is not rocket science, it is a matter of leadership. America is truly in trouble when I have the confidence to say I could have done it better, and/or we are more impressed by Harry Connick Jr's response. Immediately after rallying the troops for deployment several days after they were needed, Bush rallies his second most important trooper, Karl Rove, to protect his image and deflect blame and responsibility. Now that's priority! And Rehnquist isn't even buried and Bush is filling the position. That's classy.
Anyhow, in the event of a natural, radiological, incendiary or biological terror threat DC is pretty much fucked. Or to be more precise, I am fucked, because most evacuation plans are based on helping the middle-class and are generally auto-centric, and I don't have a car. Planes, buses, and trains will not be an option in times of emergency - they will be overloaded if they are running at all. There will be rioting and lawlessness, just like in Nawlins, especially close to my 'hood. I don't have a gun, I don't want one, I don't like using them, and the copper lightning rod I plan on using as a makeshift spear will be only so effective against looters. I am so outta here if disaster happens again here in DC, for if my friends with cars don't come through I am effectively stuck here. In the event of another terrorist attack or natural disaster in The District, here is my plan for the next three years should I not be able to mooch a ride out of here with a friend in a car West or South of here. Mom, take note because cell phones will be down, but not the Internet. I put it on the blog as an actual evacuation plan:
- Gather passport, birth certificate, etc. put in waterproof container. Assume all the rest of my property will be burned, flooded or stolen. It's OK, I have renter's insurance.
- Backpack is already packed for spontaneous backcountry tips, and that's a good thing. Pack includes small tent, sleeping bag, water purifier, warm clothes, and fueled up cook stove.
- Load up the panniers on the bike, fill up panniers with food and water, attach backpack to rack, and ride outta here.
- Head directly to the C&O Towpath bike trail via DuPont Circle and Georgetown.
- Ride to Hancock, MD, just north of Harper's Ferry. Check in to Hancock Motel. Get a massage at Berkeley Springs.
- If the motel is booked, I'll try to rely on the good graces of others, otherwise the tent is weatherproof and reliable.
- Wait one week until Bush realizes there is a disaster and begins recovery/clean-up efforts.
- I'll then wait and see if I can/should return to DC, or if temporary lodging in Assburn (Ashburn), VA with Burl may be an option, or even back home in safe, quiet Wisconsin.
Posted by jimbo at September 6, 2005 9:55 AM
Comments
You know, that's not such a bad idea. It's been in the back of my mind all this weekend, that I need to have a plan in case the evildoers of the world decide to take out such a vital target as St. Louis or the New Madrid fault decides to get uppity or, even, a tornado aims for the Arch.
Luckily, I have a car, otherwise I don't know what I would do with the dog and cats and would probably deteriorate into a blubbering mess when it comes time to get out of Dodge.
Posted by: Jeffrey at September 6, 2005 12:26 PM
I had an earthquake preparedness kit when I lived in LA (water, purification tablets, radios, foodstuffs, toilet paper ('cause you don't want to be without when the end comes), batteries, medical supplies, etc. That was the "passive" preparedness kit. I also had the "aggressive" preparedness kit which consisted of an aluminum baseball bat, a 12 guage and a Colt 45 (alas, I can't have these in D.C.). But I'm sure your copper lightning rod spear will serve you well.
Posted by: Boo Augustus at September 6, 2005 2:23 PM
Here's an interesting factoid:
$180 Million for Natural Disaster Relief and Preparedness
$20 Billion for Anti-Terror Relief and Preparedness
That gives you a sense of DHS priorities.
Posted by: rob adams at September 6, 2005 2:29 PM
I’m embarrassed to say it, but I was just watching Access Hollywood at the gym, and they showed Harry Connick Jr. rescuing people in New Orleans by carrying them through the water to safety. And he was shirtless. And that accent.
I’m full of outrage at what happened in New Orleans, but he is SO DREAMY.
Posted by: Eric at September 6, 2005 8:37 PM
you can come crash w/me jimbo
Posted by: moby at September 7, 2005 1:45 AM
You may have to bike through water. The Discovery show on Katrina commented how Isobel went through the Carolinas and sent up a backwash that went quite far northward. How about some outriggers.
Posted by: First mom at September 7, 2005 2:31 AM
My current emergency plan is to gather my roommates (I'm at college in Boston) and walk down Commonwealth Ave. until I get home (my parents live in Wellesley, 15 minutes away by car).
Of course, as I tell my mom, in the event of a terror attack, the terrorists will probably go after the giant natural gas tank, in which case we are all well and truly fucked.
Posted by: Justin Cognito at September 7, 2005 9:53 AM
Take exit 11 off the expressway. As you get off the exit you can take a left or right. Look right. See the 2-3 state trooper cars ?
Trust me. You can't drive, walk, or boat within striking distance of the HoChiMinh (blue stripe) gas tanks without being seen and closely watched and stopped.
If anything i think they'll use cesium-137-laced fire-crackers in the subway system. Imagine having to dig up the entire subway system's infrastructure; BigDig-2 anyone ?
rob@egoz.org
Posted by: rob adams at September 7, 2005 2:02 PM
I think that any car-centric plan will probably be a problem... remember 9/11? Everything will be clogged.
Make you a deal... If the roads are passable, you show a little leg and/or have a bottle of bourbon and I'll pick you up in my car ;-). Otherwise, you put my steamer trunk on your bike, and we'll bike the C&O together.
Posted by: JD at September 7, 2005 10:00 PM
Nothing like being stuck in a traffic jam, bumper-to-bumper, while armed terrorists drive up and down the median.
Posted by: rob adams at September 8, 2005 10:21 AM
Jimbo - this is a well thought-out post. My only thing to add: were we ever prepared for something on this scale? It seems that FEMA may have been getting by merely because there was always some infrastructure left intact. Thank God Brown has fianlly been sent packing.
Posted by: Patrick at September 9, 2005 4:43 PM