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August 16, 2005
hazzardous viewing
"Jimbo, be sure to lower your expectations for this one."
I shouldn't have needed the reminder from my buddy Shane as we approached the theater to go see 'The Dukes of Hazzard,' but I was still shocked at how bad it was. They lost me on the opening scene, where for some reason they needed to use FAKE SCRUFF on Seann William Scott's face. Apparently he had some smooth twink emaciated John Basedow crystal meth-look photoshoot that day and/or the film crew couldn't wait for him to grow out his scruff in 2 days. It looked REALLY bad, like mud or poop spread out on his face. And believe me, I was looking closely at it, and I know these things. I'm watching all of y'all's scruff, all the time. Your scruff is under my excruciating scrutiny.
None of the actors could handle a Southern accent, even Jessica Simpson, who is originally from Texas. At some moments you could even hear Seann William Scott's MINNESOTA* accent through the weak attempts at sounding like a redneck. It just didn't work, and was occasionally painful to watch. However, Johnny Knoxville continues to grow on me, and has now eclipsed SWS in hotness. He was one of the few fairly decent actors in the film, actually.
The sets were cheap. I guess they spent most of their money destroying Chargers during the filming. Anyhow, this movie is not even worth renting through the mail via NetFlicks. Wait until you are channel-flipping and there's nothing else on and you're totally bored.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MADONNA!!! OH MY GAWD SHE IS SOOO FABULOUS AT 47!!! I just had to say that.
*Seann Scott, who played Bo Duke in the film, is from Cottage Grove, Minnesota - about as Northern as you can get and 2 hours' drive from where I grew up. The original Luke Duke was played by Tom Wopat of Lodi, Wisconsin, a mere hour south of my hometown. Both Northern Americans were ironically chosen to play Georgia redneck icons.
Posted by jimbo at August 16, 2005 10:25 AM
Comments
I tried my damnest to like the movie. I really did. Hotties or not, the movie just plain sucked.
Posted by: mark at August 16, 2005 11:13 AM
Haven't seen the movie, but I might use one of my NetFlix slots. I thought Jessica Simpson was doing a pretty good imitation of Julia Roberts doing her southern accent. This observation, however, is based entirely on previews. Johnny Knoxville seems to be looking more and more like Donny Osmond. I'm not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing.
And, speaking of places two hours away from Cottage Grove, MN, where would that be? I was about 2 - 3 hours from Cottage Grove last weekend -- Morris, MN. I swear to God time moves slower there amongst all the corn and soybeans.
Posted by: Boo Augustus at August 16, 2005 12:32 PM
The Old Grey Mare just ain't what she used to be:
Madonna's birthday a bust
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
Updated at 1:39 PM EDT
Associated Press
New York — Madonna's 47th birthday celebration was marred when she suffered several broken bones in a horse riding accident at her country home outside London, her publicist said on Tuesday.
The superstar was hospitalized with three cracked ribs, a broken collarbone and a broken hand, according to Liz Rosenberg, her spokeswoman based in New York.
The accident occurred Tuesday at Ashcombe house, her estate outside of London.
Madonna and an assistant were riding horses, when Madonna, on a new horse she wasn't accustomed to riding, took a tumble. Her children, Rocco and Lourdes, were at the home but were not with their mother at the time, Rosenberg said.
“The whole family was out in the country, celebrating her birthday,” Rosenberg said.
Her husband, director Guy Ritchie, took Madonna to an undisclosed hospital, where she was treated. Rosenberg said the entertainer was expected to be released later in the evening
*********
In other news, "Sin City" came out on DVD today. If you haven't seen it yet, run, don't walk...
Posted by: Andy at August 16, 2005 2:25 PM
I also heard there are no shirtless scenes of Johnny or Seann! What the freak?! Of course, they have plenty of gratuitous Jessica shots of her in her bikini top. Hrmph.
Posted by: R-R at August 16, 2005 3:15 PM
Fake scruff should be outlawed. We need Rick Santorum to speak up about that ungodliness.
Posted by: homer at August 16, 2005 3:36 PM
I'm slightly saddended that you wasted time out of your life to watch something called, The Dukes of Hazzard. You ARE better than that. You must repent. Please don't do that again. Thanks.
Posted by: durban bud at August 16, 2005 3:58 PM
I feel so privileged to share a birthday with the blond one. Pluse we both date filmmakers, what an eerie coincidence. Now if I just had her money.
Posted by: Burl at August 16, 2005 5:26 PM
Tom Wopat? WOOF.
Posted by: ZZ at August 16, 2005 5:29 PM
Johnny Knoxville...sigh...
"my age"...
Posted by: Eric at August 16, 2005 8:27 PM
I haven't seen the movie & I'm glad after reading the reviews. Of course, I hate the movies that exaggerate southern redneckness (for obvious reasons) and I could detect how bad the accents were just from the trailers.
BTW - It's no wonder that johnny changed his last name to match that of his home city in Tennessee. It must have been hell going thru life as Johnny Clapp.
Posted by: myke at August 16, 2005 8:48 PM