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July 31, 2005

no. more. boobs.

Boobs. The lesbionic sisters really love boobs here in Vancouver. Today I have seen flat boobs, perky boobs, big boobs, monoboobs, saggy boobs, sunburned boobs, and every kind of boob you can imagine. Today was the gay pride parade in Vancouver, and the weather was lovely (again) so all the lesbians kept their shirts off, so there were boobs everywhere I looked. And when I tried to avert my eyes, there were MORE boobs in front of me!No....more...boobs....please!

I swear there were a lot more hets at the pride parade than at any pride parade I've seen in the states. And Japanese tourists LOVE gay pride. They could watch a pride parade all day. Canadians smoke very acrid and stinky cigarettes. Lots of Caucasian drug addicts on the street, which is an odd contrast for me as I am used to African-American crackheads. Here the newspapers tend to focus more on hockey instead of ter'r and war. A little girl was recently attacked by a cougar on Vancouver Island and survived. The United States just initiated a drug bust on a Canadian pot seed distributor. I say we sic the cougar on the person who thought up the idea to waste our tax dollars on that sting.

Tomorrow gurl and I are going to see the really high suspension bridge outside of Vancouver proper, then to Grouse Mountain, which overlooks Vancouver. Then it's off to a red-eye flight back to DC. I hear the weather has cleared up back home, which will make it less shocking to return to from this dry, sunny weather going on here. Vancouver is generally lovely.

Rugby starts on Tuesday, and it'll be good to return to that. My back is mostly in order now too.

Posted by jimbo at 8:26 PM | Comments (4)

July 29, 2005

Ohmigawd I just had a conversation with Richard Hatch from BSG

me on davies
Please don't mistake the look on my face in this picture for boredom. I'm still a bit sleepy from the time adjustment, and at the time that picture was taken I was well on my way to being a little drunk. Yesterday I met up with Ken and Chris and with Gurl in tow, we went to a fun art opening for a counting book, and then off to Vancouver's finest drag bar, where a person of questionable lineage was doing her best Macy Gray impersonation.

Gurl: "Hmm...do you think she is First Nation or Latino?"
Jimbo: "Well if she's First Nation we'll have to call her Macy Gray Wolf."

It was good to meet Ken and Chris, but a bummer they can't hang out for the festivities for having to go to Europe.

Today I went to GateCon, which was a sci-fi convention for fans of Battlestar Galactica and Stargate. I began my descent into geek-related shock after walking into the lobby and immediately seeing Robert Picardo (Doctor from ST: Voyager) AND Battlestar Galactica's Richard Hatch, with whom I had a conversation with later on about his character and the new series' writing. I even said hi to Dirk Benedict, and got the autographs of the women who played Lursa and B'etor (sp?) the Klingon girls that gave Picard a hard time. We also saw Steve Bacic who is TOTALLY HOT in real life. I gained 2 levels of geek just from going to the convention and seeing all the actors.

Posted by jimbo at 8:38 PM | Comments (10)

July 27, 2005

greetings from vancouver, bc

Hello! Gurl and I made it to Vancouver via Phoenix. Every time Gurl left me alone in the airport a random sweet little old lady would sit next to me and talk to me. I swear I was genetically designed to work at an information desk. Then I wore a Wisconsin shirt out and about in Vancouver, and I get approached by even more people about it. So I respond in my nasal WI accent: "Heeey theeere, howw are youuu?"

Here, it is a lovely, dry 70 degrees (or 20), and the sun does not punish as it does in DC, it caresses. I picked a lovely time to leave that saunaswamp.

Posted by jimbo at 9:12 PM | Comments (7)

July 26, 2005

virtual fag hag

ohmigawd I love that song!
I made Gurl ("System Lord") and Hotti Princess dance for the photo. Note: my character Geardagh (right) has his hands above his shoulders, which makes him totally gay. Chrisafer points out that even in virtual reality, Gurl and I managed to find a fag hag to dance with.

Posted by jimbo at 12:15 AM | Comments (12)

July 25, 2005

captain crunk

I was a City of Heroes freak this weekend, playing any spare minute I could. Although I'm proud to say I got time in at the gym, on my bike, and running in the sunshine enough to get a decent tan this weekend. Although it will probably fade by the time I get to Vancouver on Wednesday. Anyway, in addition to my main character Geardagh the magic earth tanker on Virtue server, I created a few other characters to play, one of each archetype in the game:

Psister Shade - natural scrapper
Nurse Newtron - science defender ("Neutrino" was already taken)
Alpha Ant - tech blaster
Captain Crunk - mutant controller

If you see me in the game - introduce yourself before inviting me to a team...I'm still a little slow with the controls and if you just barge in without an introduction I'll probably ignore you...sorta like in real life I guess.

Last night I went to an release party for Bob's new album Body of Song. I will be meeting the cover artists for the album this week in Vancouver. It was fun but at first I didn't know if I should have brought a cake or cookies or something. Is it like a birthday? Anyway, many hipster bloggers there, including the pleasure of meeting the extra-cute TJ and his partner in person, in addition to Dan, 'boo, Carl and Waremouse.

Posted by jimbo at 10:18 AM | Comments (1)

July 21, 2005

gay, gayer, gayest, ex-gay: happy gay news

OK, OK. The "lawn dart through the head jimbo pic" is back. I am amazed at how many people cried out when I removed it. I'll keep it up as long as it's seasonal. What is wrong with you people?

I have tickets to the Berlin/The Fixx concert tonight at the 9:30 Club. I have been running around so much lately that I don't care. I will take my time getting there tonight, and if it's hot or if I have a headache or if the sound sucks I'm going home. Just in one of those moods lately.

Josh comes out. Congrats! I always liken coming out to having dropped a big turd in the toilet, and Josh just clogged the loo and needs a plunger. But it feels sooo good to have let that out of you. Go send props to Josh. He likes the linklove.

Clickboo has a lovely story about coming out AND paying off debt! A great combo. Please come teach me about Quicken, 'boo.

Durban Bud, local gay hottie, likes to make out. Can you help him?

Straight dad takes kids to gay pride. Kids happy to get free lollipops. This is a guy from my hometown who has changed a lot, for the better, and props to him. It seems like those who leave my hometown tend to swing in an opposite outlook after leaving, like to more tolerant views after seeing how things are elsewhere. Then again, at my class reunion last summer nobody seemed to give a damn that I was gay, which was nice. He always posts cute pictures of his kids on his blog too.

Today am wearing a very gay pink shirt from Brooks Brothers with colors reminiscent of a bubble gum machine.

I will be going to gay pride AND GateCon in Vancouver next week with Gurl, and Corky & Co. is gonna be there too!

Regarding outing and ex-gays, talked about much of late on the above blogs and on others. I cannot advocate ex-gay conversion camps, especially retarded ones that frown on Tommy Hilfiger and A&F clothing as a source of gayness. I do not think ex-gays are as happy as they could be. I do not think closeted gays are optimally happy either. But happiness is generally a self-directed path, and you cannot force someone to be happy with themselves, their sexuality, or their level of honesty with self and others. Coming out is a very personal process, from which which not everyone comes out intact. Some people can't handle being gay. It's too tough. The gay scene is full of some very harsh and threatening realities. Sure, they are realities some straight people have to deal with, and are avoidable for anyone, but I think it's a little more concentrated in ours: drugs, disease, hatred, and mental constipation due to ghettoization. If you are not a resilient, flexible and self-aware person you either get caught up in one of the above issues or you despise it, yourself and the scene. You have to eventually realize it's a give-and-take buffet table, not all of which you have to partake. I have met some people who I think cannot ever be happy with being gay, or being part of a "gay community" and I think it's best for everyone to be as happy as they can be. For such folks, I often wonder if the illusion of being straight isn't better for them. No, it's not what they really are, but a lot of people out there construct their own realities for their own mental health and sustain themselves on such illusions. Such castles often come crashing down later, but if the option is there and they're gonna be happy with it for a while, let 'em try the ex gay thing. It's their path to take. As an experiential learner I cannot advocate any less for a person.

Posted by jimbo at 4:25 PM | Comments (10)

July 20, 2005

quick jaunt to NYC

Last weekend ended up being too hectic and I didn't take off for NYC until yesterday, getting in just a hair before the show, which went well. All I have to say is I'm glad I was never a girl going to summer camp, as at least three readers had vicious stories to tell of young female capacity for manipulation and intrigue while in small groups. The funniest story was read by a woman whose mother sent her to a camp for "gifted" children, really thinking it meant "above average." So she essentially ended up sending her daughter to 'tard camp, and didn't get a clue even when her daughter was picked up in a short bus. Frustrated daughter was actually sedated after multiple temper tantrums in protest of being at the 'tard camp. When mom came to pick her up, she was horrified. And when the now grownup woman is asked, "Your story is kinda sketchy...so how come none of the counselors could tell you weren't developmentally disabled?" And her response is, naturally, "Don't you think I ask myself that question EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE?!?"

Dogpoet was a gracious last-minute host after my housing plans fell through, and I discovered he has a remarkable sense of interior decorating style and a generally high level of tidiness in addition to his inherent woofiness:
The Mighty Dogpoet
Eric, like sheep, heads home to Hell's Kitchen on the subway.
eric, like sheep, heads home to Hell's Kitchen
After the show me, Dawg, Sparky, Hugo and Eric headed out with the rest of the bloggers for a few, and then headed home and crossed paths with Crash and Jase:
requisite subway shot
My train ride home sucked, as I arrived at Penn Station at 2ish, but my train was delayed for an hour as it needed a new engine. Then concerns over warped rails due to the head slowed the trip down even more, and I ended up getting home at 8pm. Ugh.

The story I read at the show is linked below:

After my sophomore year of college I got a job working as a camp naturalist at the same Lutheran bible camp I went to for 4 summers as a kid. Honey Creek Bible Camp was in Southwest Wisconsin, up a valley a few miles from the Mississippi River. We call the valleys in that part of the state coulees, a French term coined by early fur traders. The valleys are deep and usually have a creek running through them, and this one was no different, with bubbling springs feeding them here and there on the camp property.

Now there are different types of Lutheran sects, and as a rule I generally advise people to avoid any Lutheran sect named after a state. While this camp was located in Wisconsin, it wasn’t part of the Wisconsin Synod, not to be confused with the equally uptight Missourri Synod of the Lutheran church. Both synods tend to claim the other one is going to hell. Honey Creek was run by the grooviest synod of all, the Evangelical Lutheran Church of America, or ELCA for short. It sounds scary, but is one of the most liberal sects of the church. While growing up never once did I hear a peep about the evils of homosexuality, especially from the nice female pastor with the crewcut. At Honey Creek, we were told that Jesus was all around us, and love was everywhere, and you’re like forgiven ahead of time and everything is just groovy, man. The walls of the worship center in the refurbished barn featured homemade craft felt banners and macramé crucifixes. Accoustic guitars were an essential around the campfire, and the coolest counselors had badass twelve string guitars. The Honey Creek Greatest Hits Soundtrack featured camp classics like “We Are The Church,” “All God’s Critters Got A Place In The Choir,” and we even got to sing pop songs like, “One Tin Soldier.” For diversity’s sake we got to learn Jewish songs! As I recall one of the lines in that song had the phrase “shalom alechem,” in it, which all the Scandinavian kids found really fun to sing along to.

As a camper I think I enjoyed the setting more than the teachings, which were pretty watered down anyway and mostly focused on lessons for good living interpreted from the bible, God forbid. At night you could fall asleep to a whip-poor-will song and wake up to a cacophony of other morning bird calls. We got to ride trail horses which was fun. We never got to play Capture the Flag, because one year someone got hurt. I remember the older kids got to play some mean game called Romans and Chirstians, which involved taking prisoners, but that got stopped too. Maybe someone got crucified by accident, I don’t know.

I don’t have many memories other than that of being a camper, but the fun started when I accepted the position as a naturalist during a summer off from college. I was going for an environmental education degree at the time, so the experience leading nature hikes and creating environmental education lessons would be good experience. I was told that I was to focus on the “creation” aspect of nature, and not so much about things like evolution. There hadn’t been an official naturalist position before me, so I was given a lot of leeway to work with. I was even allowed a ‘Creation Center’ space in the worship center barn where the camper groups could meet for lessons and I could store neat things kids would find on the trail like caterpillars and butterflies and things like that.

One weekend our camp director Mr. Severson brought in the severed head of an impressive 8-point buck he brought in from a roadkill. I didn’t ask how he got the head from the corpse, but hoped the scene wasn’t too gruesome. He suggested I get the skull ready for the Creation Center as a display. The head wasn’t reeking yet, and I wondered how I would get the flesh off as quickly as possible so I could display it in the Center. I hadn’t taken a museum methods class by then either, and had no idea what to do with it other than to boil the flesh and meat off the skull. By that weekend I managed to find an outdoor cooker, and by that Saturday I was ready to boil some deer skull. It had started to smell by then, and the boiled smell was no different. But most of the tough face fur and meat didn’t really boil off despite a good 8 hours over the cooker. So someone suggested I put it on the tin roof of the workshed for the next week, much to the dismay of the camp handyman. I let it sit for though a week of campers, and by the next weekend, it still wasn’t all rotted off, so I tried boiling it again. This time the maggots were floating to the surface during the boiling, but that darned skin still wouldn’t come off. By then I figured I needed a pit of flesh-eating worms, or simply time, so I let it be for the rest of the summer.

The nature games, hikes and environmental education lessons went well during the week with the campers. By the end of that summer I had the best set of legs ever from hiking up and down the coulee slopes. Sometimes I’d just take the kids raspberry picking, as I figured the best education about nature came when you could put your hands on it, and food in your stomach.

Meanwhile, Mr. Severson the Director thought it would be a good idea to start composting. Just as my museum animal display skills were untested, so was my recycling and composting experience. But by the next week we had a policy for all the campers to dispose of their waste food after eating in the communal mess hall – all of it. Now kids are fussy eaters, especially when they are eating food made by someone other than their parents. The waste food produced by 150 kids over the course of a week adds up, so much so that I had to dig a deep trench to put it all in after the compost bin I built overflowed. Over the course of the week I noticed animal tracks around the trench, and the food waste started to turn into a viscous slop. I read somewhere that you had to turn compost periodically, so I gave it a try. The disturbed soup produced a stench that could be smelled up and down the valley from a mere 5 minutes of turning. After that I filled in the trench with dirt and we changed the composting policy to only collecting vegetable waste. Much better.

One week the camp attendance was low, and my lesson schedule wasn’t too booked up, and I was assigned a new task by Mr. Severson. I was to build a trail from the base of the valley to an overlook, most of which consisted of clearing brush. But occasionally a tree was in the way, so I was given a chainsaw to use for the week. Now I hadn’t ever worked with a chainsaw either, but I’m clearly not afraid of failure, so I went at it with gusto. At one point I cut down a tree with a 10” diameter trunk, which didn’t fall all the way as it fell on a tree with a slightly smaller trunk. The second tree’s trunk was bent like a spring ready to snap by the weight of the first tree. But I didn’t think about that as I balanced carefully on the bent tree’s trunk and cut away at it. When it came, the break was lightning fast and the bent tree stump flipped back into its former position, firing me and the chainsaw into the brush. The chainsaw’s safety stopped it when I let go, and it wasn’t embedded in my chest, so I counted myself pretty lucky. The trail ended up being pretty nice, and the overlook gave an impressive view of the entire valley.

By the middle of the summer had to get out of there for the weekends, so I’d drive the few hours’ drive north to my hometown to spend the weekend with my family. Most of my friends from high school were away to their own summer jobs and internships, so I was pretty bored on those weekends even though I was glad to be away from camp. I was also being a good Christian and denying my sexuality for the most part too. One weekend I was at the mall and had to use the restroom. Scribbled on the wall of this particular set of stalls were phrases like, “Tap Foot for BJ,” and “Good Head At The Black Cat Reading Room.” I had read a few things here and there by then, and had a pretty good idea of what it meant, and I was interested. So I tapped my foot.

Since no one was in the stall next to me, nothing happened. Frustrated, I noted the name of the book store mentioned on the wall, and looked it up later in the Yellow Pages. It was an adult bookstore. I had never heard of a gay bar in my hometown or the largest one near it, so this was about it for Western Wisconsin at the time. That evening under cover of darkness I drove ‘round and ‘round the bookstore, finally finding a dark alley to park in, and entered through what looked like the back door of the establishment. Walking past a number of booths and noting a briny smell in the air, I wandered towards the nudie magazines and pretended not too look at the ones with men on the covers. (edited after this point for various reasons...)

The summer at Honey Creek Bible Camp was coming to a close, and a few counselors had burned out and quit. The last session of the summer was also going to be very busy, so the staff was stretched thin, and it was decided that I would have a group of 8 10-year old campers for a week. I found out there was a big difference between having a group of kids for an hour-long hike and having them for five days in a row. That and even at that age I just have to have my eight hours’ sleep or else I become a total bitch. But with crazy 10 year olds at camp, the counselor will not get sleep unless heavy narcotics are involved, and maybe not even then. So towards the end of the week with the campers I was getting pretty crazed myself. It didn’t help that one of the campers was picking on another one mercilessly, over and over again with the same taunts. I had been both the recipient and the deliverer of such punishments when I was that age, and didn’t like it and I did my best to stop it. Things like, “Now Gary, give two put-up’s to John with every put-down, mmmkay?” One evening Gary was on John’s case again, and I finally lost it with a grand-mal tantrum, throwing the bible down on the floor with a slam, I delivered they gayest castigation ever delivered to a camper at Honey Creek:

“CAN YOU JUST GIVE IT A REST FOR A MINUTE!?!? YA KNOW WHAT’S THE WORST PART ABOUT YOU PICKING ON JOHN?! HUH?!? THE WORST THING IS IT’S SOO GODDAMN BOORING. IT’S THE SAME GODDAMN THING OVER AND OVER AGAIN, AND YA CAN’T THINK UP ANYTHING NEW TO SAY, THAT’S WHAT’S DRIVING ME CRAZY! AND IF YOU CAN’T THINK OF SOMETHING NEW AND WITTY TO SAY, SHUT THE HELL UP!!!”

For the rest of the week Gary was very quiet, and very kind to John. When his mother picked him up by that Friday, she mentioned to me what a nice time he had had and what a fun counselor I was.

Posted by jimbo at 9:19 PM | Comments (3)

July 18, 2005

City of Heroes

Geardagh posesWhen I should have been rehearsing what I'll be reading tomorrow at the WYSIWYG Show, I had a friend come over and soup up my PC with a better video card and more memory so I could finally play City of Heroes. Naturally, I had to make a HOT superhero who is a Magic Tanker named Geardagh who wades into battle with his Stone Fists and then poses after he defeats the bad guys. Got my butt kicked a lot too, but oh well. See you on the Virtue server?

Tomorrow's show:
Greetings from Lake WYSIWYG: Summer Camp Stories
Tuesday, July 19, at 7:30 p.m. at
Performance Space 122
150 1st Ave. at East 9th St.
Tickets: $7

I'll be sharing my tales as a Lutheran bible camp naturalist raising awareness in the "Creation Center," chainsaw mishaps, boiling deer skulls, adventures in composting, and my short stint as an actual counselor and the resultant temper tantrum.

GeardaghThe WYSIWYG Talent Show, the first-ever all-blogger series of readings and performances, brings you a celebration of mosquito bites, bunk beds, toasted marshmallows, and makeout sessions behind the dining hall with “Greetings from Lake WYSIWYG: Summer Camp Stories”!

Posted by jimbo at 9:57 PM | Comments (8)

July 17, 2005

luau!

Ai'Chaiya
Yesterday's Baltimore Luau was pretty fun. I managed not to get too drunk and got some puppy kisses in for good measure. Thanks to Dax and Rob's for a well-themed party.

luaugurls
Lilo and Stich (aka Gurl and Bubbles.

puppy.jpg
"Hmm...is Ai'Chaiya a guest, party favor or snack?"

billiardgurls.jpg
After the party we went out to Grand Central, as we couldn't find any gay nudie bars in town for some good 'ol Baltimore teabagging.

Posted by jimbo at 11:51 AM | Comments (4)

July 16, 2005

i'm gonna barf

I know I posted recently that I had grown used to the weather here, but was also wise enough to add a disclaimer for the weather later in the season. That time is now.
DC weather
It's monsoon season with humid air driven north from the hurricane regions of the south. It's so humid here I feel like I'm gonna barf every time I go outside, and my head swells up to headache proportions. It's so humid my back door has also swelled up making it difficult to open. Bleach.

Going up to Baltimore today for Dax and Rob's housewarming, which should be fun. D&D tomorrow, and I gotta get to writing that piece for the show in New York on Tuesday!

Posted by jimbo at 11:34 AM | Comments (3)

July 15, 2005

cum on and jus shake it gurl

Today's blog entry is brought to you by the letters A., D. and D.

RE: BORF (clever urban grafitti "artist" in DC)
Chrisafer: "NEWS FLASH: BORF is from the suburbs."
Miss In Shaw: "Get a rope."
The Sean Show: "Duuude."
Jimbo: All street cred went out the window when I heard he is 18, and lives with mommie and daddy in Great Falls, Virginia, just outside DC proper. I'm avoiding calling him a "Punk-Ass Bitch" since calling him 'punk' would be a misnomer. Instead, the term 'poseur' comes to mind.

But his stuff was clever. But like Miss In Shaw, I resent any person who enters The District to come here just to defecate in one way or another, be it a drug dealer from Maryland bringing his hos to 6th and T or a kid coming in to deface property. I took a picture a few years ago of some stencil art on some vacant property near my old place...is this BORF?
6th and T, NW DC
I have to wonder, where did the money come from that financed his spray paint and playbill poster equipment? Mommie and daddy I would guess. I think I need to take a trip to Great Falls and tag some homes in order to express my rage and angst against ageism, conspiciuous consumption and suburban poseur kids. News Flash to BORF from GenX: we do not care about your art or your angst. We never care about anything. Never did.

Madonna & GuyNext most important News Flash: Guy Ritchie is kind of woofy. Latest Madonna pics from the August issue of Vogue from JustJared.

A sparrow, trying to drink from my outdoor pond, fell in and could not get out, drowning in the process. Happened during the day while I was at work. I'll have to provide a means of escape lest my backyard become an urban La Brea Tar Pits.

Do any of you really think anyone is going to be accounted and punished for this Plume/Rove thing? No one in the current administration has yet to apologize or take responsibility for anything negative that has happened during this administration.

Whenever Missy Elliot's video for Lose Control is on, I cannot avert my eyes. I am totally fixated by that video. Genius play on Super Mario Brothers at the end. Who's that leather dude at the end of the video?

Also excited about Sufjan Stevens. Free song about the Ivory-Billed Woodpecker by Sufjan here on NPR. Props to Josh for the tip.

I am giving up on umbrellas. I lose them like a snake sheds skin. No crime in getting wet.

Tonight is the season premiere of Battlestar Galactica. Can't. Wait.

Read on another blog: "Bears have jumped the shark." I couldn't agree more. Just be yourself! Pick your very own mammal to emulate, preferrably one without pack mentality.

I have nothing to wear for my NYC trip. I also have nowhere to stay! Requirements: a firm, hard mattress. Spine-splitting hide-a-ways will not do. My back is still in recovery.

I am going to stop reading evil blogs that make me feel ill and reveal to me just how messed up people really are. I mean it this time.

Posted by jimbo at 9:42 AM | Comments (7)

July 14, 2005

things scandinavian

bork bork!arf arf!So is it racist if The Swedish Chef's opening theme song pops into my head whenever I see a Swedish guy's profile on Bigmuscle.com? I can't help it.

Brechi Eriksson, a hot Scandinavian here in DC. Or at least his last name points towards the fjords. What's the scoop on the lineage, Thor? He looks half-elven to me.

"...my next-door neighbor is an elf woman," declares Hildur Hakonardottir of Iceland. "She lives in a cliff in a rock in my garden."

From Homer: trouble with elves and real estate in Hafnarfjordur, Iceland.

Posted by jimbo at 11:41 AM | Comments (6)

July 13, 2005

Greetings from Lake WYSIWYG: Summer Camp Stories

Next week I'll be camping it up at
Greetings from Lake WYSIWYG: Summer Camp Stories
Greetings From Lake WYSIWYG

Yup, I'll be travelling up to NYC again for a show...in the performance space formerly used to film the TV show "Fame". Glennalicious may even be chauffering me up during his travels in a fine BMW. That would assuredly be better than Amtrak. I'll be sharing my tales as a Lutheran bible camp naturalist raising awareness in the "Creation Center," chainsaw mishaps, boiling deer skulls, adventures in composting, and my short stint as an actual counselor and the resultant temper tantrum.

Tuesday, July 19, at 7:30 p.m. at
Performance Space 122
150 1st Ave. at East 9th St.
Tickets: $7

The WYSIWYG Talent Show, the first-ever all-blogger series of readings and performances, brings you a celebration of mosquito bites, bunk beds, toasted marshmallows, and makeout sessions behind the dining hall with “Greetings from Lake WYSIWYG: Summer Camp Stories”!

WYSIWYG performers for July include:

* Susie Felber (http://felberfrolics.blogspot.com)
* Claudia Cogan (http://getthefoutofhere.blogspot.com)
* Jim Barrett (http://www.jimbo.info/weblog)
* Sarah Weinman (http://www.sarahweinman.com)
* Jonny Goldstein (http://www.jonnygoldstein.com)
* Jess Hulett (http://www.blindcavefish.com)

Performer Bios:

>Susie Felber (felberfrolics.blogspot.com) is a writer and comedian who has written and/or produced for Comedy Central, Lifetime, ABC Development and MTV Specials. She's written for Cosmopolitan, Women Who Rock magazine, co-authored a CD-ROM game for Simon & Schuster and has been a contributor to US Weekly’s “Fashion Police” since dinosaurs ruled the land. She's appeared on MTV2, Oxygen and multiple times on "Late Night with Conan O'Brien" as a whore. By day, she's Copy Jockey at Court TV. By night, she dons a bit more powder and performs her socks off.

>Claudia Cogan, the comedian behind getthefoutofhere.blogspot.com, lives a double life. Trapped in an office for eight hours a day, she then unleashes her rantings, tortured and fantastical, to the audiences of New York by night. A writer as well as a stand up, she believes that the personal essay is the quickest way to get rich in our society and can't wait for the checks to start arriving. She encourages everyone except her bosses to Google her.

Originally from Wisconsin, >Jim Barrett (www.jimbo.info/weblog/) has been a resident of Washington, DC for about eight years. He has a checkered past as a park ranger, ferry naturalist, and Peace Corps volunteer in Kazakstan. After spending some time spinning his wheels on the .com skid row, he landed a nice job at the University of Maryland doing web and newsletter stuff. He finds it challenging to focus on his work, especially during the generally shirtless and sweaty la crosse training camp in August right outside his office window. Jim has been blogging on Jimbo.info since 1999, and had an early proto-blog long before that.

>Sarah Weinman started blogging at www.sarahweinman.com in October 2003 to procrastinate writing her master's thesis. Though the thing got finished, she couldn't stop blogging and it led her down some strange paths, like freelance book reviews for the Washington Post and the Globe and mail, stories published online and in print, and a monthly crime fiction column for the Baltimore Sun. She's moved far too many times to count but after two years in exile, she's back to where she belongs: living in Manhattan.

>Jonny Goldstein is a comedian, TV host, and narcissist, living in New York City. Jonny regularly unleashes his comedic inner beast on stage, cable, and his videoblog, jonnygoldstein.com. His inner beast does not bite, and that drool on your socks will come right out with a little hand soap.

>Jess Hulett started www.blindcavefish.com in the Spring of 2003 because she was bored at her temp job. These days, she writes promo copy for a dot-com. She wants to be a rock star when she grows up, but she'll settle for a book deal. Her work has appeared in Bitch Magazine and McSweeney's, and she whores herself out, both literally and figuratively, on Cosmopolitan's Bedroom Blog at www.cosmomag.com.

About WYSIWYG:

“Urban Storytelling for the Internet Age” -- The WYSIWYG Talent Show is a monthly series of readings and performances by bloggers living in or visiting NYC. The first WYSIWYG event was the messy, spectacular and wildly successful “Worst. Sex. Ever.: An Anti-Valentine’s Day Reading” in February of 2004. It has been followed monthly with variously themed evenings including June 2004’s “That’s So Gay: Tales of Extremely Gay Gayness,” and March 2004’s “The City That Never Shuts Up: New York Stories.” Each installment is an evening of funny and touching stories, songs and performances from some of the best writers and most interesting personalities on the Web. More information can be found at >http://www.wysiwygtalentshow.org.

Performance Space 122 is located at 150 First Avenue at 9th St.
(accessible from the #6 at Astor Place or the L at First Avenue).
>Greetings from Lake WYSIWYG: Summer Camp Stories” will be held on July 19, 2005 at 7:30 p.m. Tickets are $7 and can be purchased at the door or in advance by calling 212-477-5288 or online at www.ps122.org.

Posted by jimbo at 10:26 AM | Comments (1)

July 12, 2005

"seed me."

Sometimes I'll leave obnoxious messages on Gurl's work phone, and I always hope that he'll have his speaker phone on in the office when he checks the message:

"Hey you giant nelly pig bottom, this is Jimbo. After you are done being seeded, give me a call, OK? Later Gurl."

Here at jimbo.info we in no way advocate unprotected sex. But Gurl and I totally love the euphemisms and metaphors The Gay make up when describing unsafe sex. Many of them are quite clever. Let's make a list, shall we? First, we have to write down all the synonyms for the noun 'semen':

semen; sperm; cum; load; DNA; seed; pud; jizz; jism; juice; spunk; issue; ejaculate; paste; ball-bearing oil; beef gravy; cocoa butter; comings; cream; dick drink; doll spit; dolly; face cream; french dressing; fruit juice; gism; goo; hot lead; hot milk; jelly; joy juice; liquid hair dressing; love juice; mahu-pol; man-juice; man oil; maria; mayonnaise; meco en tu boca!; mecotero; milk; milky load; oyster; pearl; pearl drop; protein; rice pudding; rich cream sauce; royal jelly; queen bees; sauce; scum; seeds; snake venom; snow storm; soul sauce; spunk; starch; sticky; turnip seeds; vitamins; wad; whore's milk

And then the verbs or phrases that help explain the act of depositing semen in one's rectal cavity ("breed me" another favorite):

seed me; take my load; fill my gut; take my cum; breed me; squirt

Hmm...I'm sure there are more phrases and verbs for the act of depositing semen the above list seems so limited! Please add your Two Cents! Thanks to Homer and Chrisafer for helping compile these lists and conducting field studies.

Posted by jimbo at 11:31 AM | Comments (17)

July 11, 2005

lily pond

Sea gave me a small above-ground pond (tub) for my backyard. I am waiting for the water to settle before I put guppies in it, but the lily has already bloomed today:
small pond, lily
I am playing hooky today. Just didn't feel caught up on sleep and other things, so it's a mental health day. Spent much of the weekend with Sea, as this will pretty much be our last weekend together here before he goes off to his Ph.D. studies in Florida. Yes, it probably does not bode well for is, and the issue has been discussed, and we are both sad. I wrote more about it in an entry that will remain personal.

We went to see War of the Worlds, and it was very intense. Mass destruction on a huge scale, and a little disturbing too. Cruise's character was pretty much running through the whole movie, and got lucky about six times at least. As for his acting, before the alien attack he was as annoying as usual, but he was pretty good with the post-attack stressed-out look.

Sea gets a discount at the museums on the National Mall, so we went down to several museums to go shopping for stuff. I had a few events coming up to buy for, but nothing for myself. I'm still having issues with putting my current crap away, much less new crap to put away. Anyway, it seemed to be Hot Dads Get In Free weekend with the Smithsonian museums. Hot Daddies with muscular legs and furry forearms all over the place.

Posted by jimbo at 11:12 AM | Comments (4)

July 8, 2005

colby misses me

colby4.jpg
"Hmm...my scruff is growin' out. I remember when Jimbo would get all excited about that when we were dating..."

I went to see George A. Romero's Land of the Dead last night with My'ra and Jon. It was better than I expect a zombie movie to be. The storyline and writing were pretty darn good, and even the zombie actors performed better than Natalie Portman and Ewan MacGregor combined in all three of their Star Wars performances. But that might not be saying much. Eugene Clark delivered his lines as the lead zombie Big Daddy with a passionate "MWAAAAAAAAAAGH!" His delivery almost put me to tears. The film contained all the gore you could wish for in a zombie movie, much of it wonderfully gratuitious. It also featured one of my favorite actors, John Leguizamo.

As opposed to the steaming pile of Bruckheimer shit King Arthur (2004), which I had borrowed from Gurl to watch during my back recovery. Even though it also featured lots of gore, swordplay, and the insanely handsome Clive Owen, watching it was a chore that spanned 4 breakfast sittings. And bad, bad writing with a predictable and cliche storyline. At one point the Gaul leader, plerformed by some guy with an American accent dressed like an Old Skool Metallica dude, announced the start of one battle by saying "Bring it on," in a gravelly evil voice. And of course all the Celts are starving, downtrodden, fecund, and adorably hardy in the film, in standard victimist stereotype spending their time either drunk or oppressed.

I'm hoping Fantastic 4 is at least fun, but I keep hearing horrible things about it. I saw the trailer for The 40 Year-Old Virgin last night, and it looked kind of funny. And the lead actor in it, Steve Carell, is a bit of a furry little hottie in my opinion too.

London is more accustomed to ter'r attacks that Ummerca, living so long in seclusion with our only two neighbors to the north and south of us. They're clearly not as shocked as we were after 9/11. And they won't transform into a nation of NASCARites overnight either. There's a bit of a necessary patriotism upswell going on right now, but I don't think they'll be throwing around the term "towel head" anytime soon. On this side of the pond, I am most afraid of the general populace and the pig-bottom Bush-fisted media becoming even more succeptible to chimpnotization than before.

Posted by jimbo at 3:14 PM | Comments (8)

July 7, 2005

world's largest crack crystal formed at UMD

crack, whackI have only one theory to explain what happened this morning at work in that troublesome lab with the megalomaniac director: crack.

Let's imagine that the workers in the lab were so wrapped up with what was going on in London this morning with the horrible terrorist attacks that they weren't paying attention to the chemical mix brewing on the lab counter. As they watched the television with their backs to their chemical project, the mix wrongly transformed into the World's Largest Crack Crystal, which lasted only a few seconds before sublimating into gaseous form.

That was all it took to put the entire lab/center on crack, and a good dose of it too.

Now two weeks ago the same lab had a real chemical spill that nearly permanently disfigured, and did burn a student lab worker. Now you'd think they'd pay more attention to safety procedures since then, but when their fire alarm went off this morning (on the day of a terrorist attack on one of our allies, mind you) they chose to ignore it and remain in their offices, happy to inhale crack fumes. What if there was a real fume problem?

Not only did they ignore the fire alarm, which might possibly have been warning them of a coordinated attack or a mundane chemical spill (again), but when the fire marshall came into their offices to find them working there, the Iranian woman at the front desk gave the marshall attitude and refused to leave! On the same day as a terrorist attack! I am not making this shit up. CRACK.

Posted by jimbo at 12:43 PM | Comments (3)

July 6, 2005

bush is bad

Hmph...no Washington Post Express newspapers this morning during my commute. Perhaps they decided to not print anything that wasn't actual news, thus discovering that there was nothing to publish today?

This morning I took some time to clear my nether regions of fur. It's just too hot out for Hair Down There, and once you clip you can never go back to bush. And we all know bush is bad. So anyway, I'm in a bit of a hurry, and I usually leave such delicate grooming for weekends or evenings when I can take my time, so I tried to do an express job of it. I was reminded why I should not clip quickly down there by two significantly bloody nicks with substantial blood loss. I'm glad I was doing it in the shower so the gore was easily rinsed away. Reminder: do not clip in the morning. I'm wearing dark underwear now just in case my clipper nicks did not staunch themselves properly.

And speaking of blood loss, I took an HIV test yesterday which came out negative. I didn't have much to worry about from the past years' activities, but it's a little annoying thing in your mind that's good to get off, and a nice thing to share with the partner. I usually get tested every six months whether I need it or not, as I have been since I came out in 1990. But the past year has been kinda busy, I just don't whore around like I used to, and there hasn't been a whole lot of unsafe activity going on - other than bloody clipper accidents that is.

It's lacrosse camp time on campus. Sweat is flowing freely out on Abercrombie & Fitch Field, at a distracting proximity to my office. It's also football and band camp as well, with noticeable differences in attendees. The irony of growing up near a town called La Crosse is that while we celebrate the sport with a commemorative statue, no one there knows how to play.

From today's Onion: a geological survery team recently discovers a region called "Midwest," located between the East and West coasts. And a classic Onion story is back - Why Do All These Homosexuals Keep Sucking My Cock?

Posted by jimbo at 10:22 AM | Comments (3)

July 5, 2005

chavo now white, denounces heritage

Chavo before and after making peace with The Man

WWE Raw superstar hottie and wrestling scion Chavo Guerrero, dressed like Carlton from The Fresh Prince of Bel Air, blames Hispanics for his success not measuring up to his talent. He denounces his Hispanic heritage, and said he would join middle class America. He is no longer Chavo Guerrero but has legally changed his name to Kerwin White.

A case of fantasy mirroring reality? Sure, it's a professional wrestling schtick that should be taken lightly, but I've seen it time and again in real life. Like the former Jew turned gay Catholic Republican and other such nonsense I've come across in the past.

Been loving The Washington Post's panoramic views (with audio!) and audio/video story features, fyi. They get multimedia, they really do! On the 4th of July panorama, you really get a feel of what it would be like on a hot muggy night with ten bazillion cranky dehydrated tourists on the National Mall.

Posted by jimbo at 12:25 PM | Comments (7)

July 4, 2005

The Land of Pleasant Living

glider wings

Happy 4th! I'm a little pooped from all the action and a little flu I caught over the weekend, but overall it was fun. Here's the breakdown: Friday night was a going away gathering for 4 guys on the rugby team either retiring or moving away. It hit the spot to get out of the house and hang out with people. I've been a bit of a troll lately, going straight home to my comfy cold dark and quiet hobbit hole from work, and some socialization was in order. Here's me and the coaches' wife, who made us pose until a decent picture of both of us turned out:
do not mess with either of them

Saturday was a productive D&D game with the gang...carbs, cola and bundt/pound cake was had by all. I can say with confidence that you pose a much higher risk of losing your figure than to losing your soul to Dungeons and Dragons.

Sunday morning I got up to meet Sea to go to Eastern Maryland, to his brother's hang gliding training/flying school near Denton. Pretty easy to get to, just over the Bay Bridge. I wasn't ready to fly myself, as I'm still reluctant to try anything that'll mess up my back just yet. Maybe some day in the future. Although it was fun to watch the gliders get towed into the air via retrofitted ultralight or old cropduster planes. Around the airstrip were some interesting sights, like an old fire truck for sale, gaily painted stunt planes, and the water lilies and garden Sea had planted there. Lots of people hanging around talkin' air and waiting for a decent thermal to form, sometimes biding their time training young padowan Jedi lightsaber technique via mortal combat against bubbles.

There was talk about a good 'ol Maryland crab boil that evening, and I was not let down:
crab feast

Although I had done a crab feast years ago, I had forgotten much on how to dress the things and get some meat out of their shells. By the time it was over I felt a bit Unclean, having had beer and crab guts spewed on me. It's best to eat beforehand, as you don't get much out of them, but it's mainly the social value of doing it it seems.

When the sun set I could see stars above, something that is a treat due to the light pollution that blocks them from sight in The District. Two pyromaniacs had an impressive fireworks display for us all, and it was just as fun watching them light the rockets as it was to see them going off. The next morning Sea and I went for a nice hike at Tuckahoe State Park, where I learned from him the true difference between damselflies and dragonflies - the former rests with its wings straight up, the latter with its wings to the sides. Both are very beautiful, the differences small, but wonderful in each others' eyes, to be sure.

Posted by jimbo at 6:21 PM | Comments (2)

...the pursuit of Happiness.

I doubt if there are many breeders out there who read my blog and are also contrary to the concept of gay marriage rights - in most cases with blog readers it's the choir listening to the preacher. But if there are, I challenge you, and all my contrarian queer readers too, to give deep thought to a portion of the Declaration of Independence of the original 13 Colonies, signed in Congress on July 4, 1776:

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness."

The above statement could be interpreted in many ways, and often is, despite its original intent. The Pursuit of Happiness may not necessarily include PnP, wild gay orgies, or the need to walk around in only a jockstrap, but it probably should include our desire to form long commitments, binding unions, visit our ill partners in the hospital, and to form mutural contractural agreements. And to be allowed to love each other in peace and in Happiness.

In 1787 I'm told, our founding fathers did agree to write a list of principles For keepin' people free:

"We the people of the United States, in order to form a more perfect union, establish justice, ensure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare, and secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America."

Back inna day I'm sure there was little knowledge or recognition of powder-wigged gay couples, or ornery lesbians living together sewing flags or churning butter. But things have changed, and there is much to consider on July 4th in addition to enjoying the fireworks and time with friends and family. What is this Monday for, and has America truly been honoring what should be recognized on this day?

I believe in the Liberty of gay people, and for Americans at large. The Liberty of gay couples who desire a formal union is as of yet unmet, and should be, since I also believe we are also created equal in the eyes of a Creator, and deserve equal portions of Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness just as every other citizen of the United States of America.

Have a happy 4th of July. According to John Adams in 1776, you'll be advised to work it with “pomp and parade, with shows, games, sports, guns, bells, bonfires, and illuminations from one end of this continent to the other from this time forward forever more.”

Posted by jimbo at 11:08 AM | Comments (5)