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July 21, 2005
gay, gayer, gayest, ex-gay: happy gay news
OK, OK. The "lawn dart through the head jimbo pic" is back. I am amazed at how many people cried out when I removed it. I'll keep it up as long as it's seasonal. What is wrong with you people?
I have tickets to the Berlin/The Fixx concert tonight at the 9:30 Club. I have been running around so much lately that I don't care. I will take my time getting there tonight, and if it's hot or if I have a headache or if the sound sucks I'm going home. Just in one of those moods lately.
Josh comes out. Congrats! I always liken coming out to having dropped a big turd in the toilet, and Josh just clogged the loo and needs a plunger. But it feels sooo good to have let that out of you. Go send props to Josh. He likes the linklove.
Clickboo has a lovely story about coming out AND paying off debt! A great combo. Please come teach me about Quicken, 'boo.
Durban Bud, local gay hottie, likes to make out. Can you help him?
Straight dad takes kids to gay pride. Kids happy to get free lollipops. This is a guy from my hometown who has changed a lot, for the better, and props to him. It seems like those who leave my hometown tend to swing in an opposite outlook after leaving, like to more tolerant views after seeing how things are elsewhere. Then again, at my class reunion last summer nobody seemed to give a damn that I was gay, which was nice. He always posts cute pictures of his kids on his blog too.
Today am wearing a very gay pink shirt from Brooks Brothers with colors reminiscent of a bubble gum machine.
I will be going to gay pride AND GateCon in Vancouver next week with Gurl, and Corky & Co. is gonna be there too!
Regarding outing and ex-gays, talked about much of late on the above blogs and on others. I cannot advocate ex-gay conversion camps, especially retarded ones that frown on Tommy Hilfiger and A&F clothing as a source of gayness. I do not think ex-gays are as happy as they could be. I do not think closeted gays are optimally happy either. But happiness is generally a self-directed path, and you cannot force someone to be happy with themselves, their sexuality, or their level of honesty with self and others. Coming out is a very personal process, from which which not everyone comes out intact. Some people can't handle being gay. It's too tough. The gay scene is full of some very harsh and threatening realities. Sure, they are realities some straight people have to deal with, and are avoidable for anyone, but I think it's a little more concentrated in ours: drugs, disease, hatred, and mental constipation due to ghettoization. If you are not a resilient, flexible and self-aware person you either get caught up in one of the above issues or you despise it, yourself and the scene. You have to eventually realize it's a give-and-take buffet table, not all of which you have to partake. I have met some people who I think cannot ever be happy with being gay, or being part of a "gay community" and I think it's best for everyone to be as happy as they can be. For such folks, I often wonder if the illusion of being straight isn't better for them. No, it's not what they really are, but a lot of people out there construct their own realities for their own mental health and sustain themselves on such illusions. Such castles often come crashing down later, but if the option is there and they're gonna be happy with it for a while, let 'em try the ex gay thing. It's their path to take. As an experiential learner I cannot advocate any less for a person.
Posted by jimbo at July 21, 2005 4:25 PM
Comments
Jimbo, you're right -- the relief is almost overwhelming. I have a hard time seeing how I ever thought I was happy living so closeted.
Posted by: Josh at July 21, 2005 8:25 PM
Is this Kilen family the Troy Kilen who was the computer addict in his teens? I am amazed that you are still connected to him if that is so.
Posted by: First mom at July 22, 2005 1:30 AM
take lots of pictures in vancouver jimbo!! (i'll remind you again at the end of the week) :)
Posted by: Brechi at July 22, 2005 2:54 PM
And to think... all this time I thought the ex-gays were some sort of mutant superhero team with fabulous fashion sense. :-P
Seriously though, what's the alternative to not living your real life if you can't handle being gay? Living a fake life as a pseudo-heterosexual? Yeah, that's real easy. It's like telling yourself that smoking won't kill you sometime down the road. If you never come to terms with the truth, it eventually somehow comes to terms with you.
Posted by: palochi at July 22, 2005 3:10 PM
I agree, but you can't tell an ex-gay or a currently unhappy closeted gay that living life in another way can be nicer. They just don't know and have to find out the hard way. If it takes a journey in a stuffy closet or living another way, then so be it. It's the journey that teaches us the hard lessons.
Posted by: jimbo at July 22, 2005 3:42 PM
We'll be heading up to B.C. from Portland next Saturday to spend a couple of days. Maybe we'll see you there! Cheers!
Posted by: Stephen at July 22, 2005 5:27 PM
Great comments on this complex issue--it helps me understand a family member that has a real hard time with this. I'm glad I never pushed him, as tempting as that was, even if he's still not out to the family. Maybe someday.
On a related topic, here's an interesting Q&A with The Ethicist on political outings.
http://www.nytimes.com/2005/07/17/magazine/17ETHICIST.html?ex=1122350400&en=9da7e0bc5fe5fe66&ei=5070
Posted by: Troy at July 24, 2005 10:42 PM
Hey I really like the Jimbo with the bug-eyes picture - very hot - any chance of getting that one back?
Posted by: Andy at July 25, 2005 5:05 PM
I hear you on your ex-gay comments. Nothing was going to get me to come out before I did - and the same goes for people trying to convince people to not go back in... Personally I don't know how anyone could from out to in again... ever since i came out, my whole life is so different and now i can't hold things in at all (knowing how doing so was killing me when i was in the closet). I'm just thankful I had 2 best friends who were there for me, but just were there, they didn't push, they just waited :-) (Durbanbud and Mr. M) so patient, I wish everyone had the good experience I did...
Posted by: TOS at July 26, 2005 1:59 PM
Um, I'd like to offer a quick view from the other side of these comments. I'm not an "ex-gay," but I was out when I was younger, and now I'm not. Really, really not: I'm married (to a woman) and have children. I'm not advocating life in the closet, because it's probably much, much harder than being out: no matter what your environment, you still have to live inside your own head, and it's probably a lot easier to do when you're honest with people, regardless of their reaction. But, with that said, I have to endorse Jimbo's view that you can't force anyone, and shouldn't try. Because you never know the real, ultimate reason WHY they've decided to live the way they have. They might not have a reason that seems good to you, but it's obviously reason enough for them... and for me.
Posted by: Knott at July 26, 2005 3:25 PM