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June 27, 2005

"Ask not what your partner can do for you..."

E-Vites are boils on the otherwise smooth face of summer. Just when you've either committed to a party 600 miles out in Gongwanaland, Virginia, or struggled with the ethics of ducking out of another in a remote part of West Virginia, yet another E-Vite comes in for a party in less than a week.

Sorry, the excuse not to come is easy in this instance. I'll be chillin' out.

I'm thinking about cancelling my E-Vite account - just to get away from it. I know I abused it in the past annoying my invitees for a party a few years ago, so I'm guilty too. Or perhaps I just need to "Just Say No" more often. For some reason the electronic missives seem demanding and that I'm compelled to say 'yes', even when I can't. Plus, I'm more likely to say 'yes' when I don't have to get some sort of transporation to go to Gongwanaland, VA 600 miles out in Virginia to celebrate someone's work promotion. Being carless sucks when you get invites to Gongwanaland, VA, or for grocery shopping.

Speaking of boils, the topic of popping zits came up during an e-mail exchange with Brent (BMW) the other day in relation to my posts last week about my bad back and good boyfriend. (Brent references my mention on Archerr's podcast about hardly being able to wipe my own ass when I threw my back out last week.):

BMW: "I'm sorry to hear that you could barely wipe your ass, lol! Now you know how I felt having two broken arms."

Jimbo: "And how did you do it? Right now I can wipe from the front, but not from the back, and you know how you sorta need to wipe from both sides to do a really good job."

BMW: "LOL, OMG I know EXACTLY what you mean. I could not bend my arms, so reaching around to the back was too difficult. I had about as much trouble reaching between my legs, but it was hard to get all the way back there. About the only thing that saved me was a boyfriend that didn't mind soaping and scrubbing me in that area every night in the shower. Try it with the guy you are dating."

Jimbo: "We're only at the neckline hair clipping stage of the relationship so far. I'm hoping next is the whole popping zits on the back thing, and then maybe ass scrubbing when we're at a more intimate level. But not just yet, we're not anywhere near ass scrubbing at this point."

BMW: "I love you Jimbo."

Jimbo: "I love you too Brent, but I'm not ready to wipe your ass yet."

So I pose this question to you, blogstalkers and bloggers with boyfriends or girlfriends, what gross things will your partner do for you in times of crisis, ranging from trimming the neckline to wiping your ass? It seems like there is a continuum of tolerance and level of intimacy for such primate behavior between loved ones.

Posted by jimbo at June 27, 2005 10:36 AM

Comments

I'm not sure how an evite is so different than a plain old invitation. Although the last time I used them I found out about 1/3 of the people didn't get them - probably spam filter issues - so I swore off 'em.

It's also depressing to find out how many of your friends just don't bother to say "yes" or "no" to a social invitation. The percentages tended to improve, though, and nonrespondents tend to not get any more invitations.

Posted by: John at June 27, 2005 12:44 PM

I hestitate to mention this given your tastes, but here goes :After a year and a half of my ex trying to shave his back patches (odd little tufts of coarse hair) and whining I agreed to help him yank it off. He'd annoy me enough so I was pissed, slather on the Nads, tear up an old work shirt and I'd yank.

He once was so drunk he shit in the bathtub, but he had to fix that on his own...

If he needed cleaning back there I'd buy him a stick with a cloth on it, unless I really, really loved him. Then I'd think about it.

Posted by: copperred at June 27, 2005 1:30 PM

Ewwww. I'm willing to point out blackheads, ear hairs, nose hairs, and the like. BUT I'm not willing to take care of those problems on someone else. Get yer own personal hygiene! I couldn't date someone once because they wanted to pick at me. Blech.

Posted by: homer at June 27, 2005 1:51 PM

Him for me...working on a zit on my ass...Me for Him...working on some of his ingrown hairs. Most of the time I just tell him about stuff. Like..."Either shave that ear hair or braid it!" Ewwww.

Posted by: fstclss at June 27, 2005 2:39 PM

What's that saying, "Love means never having to say you're sorry."? Well, I think love means you're willing to pluck ear hair, shave back hair, rub ointment, pop zits and even put up with ass water. In the larger scheme of things, its not that big a deal, especially when you think about what some of our community has had to do for their loved ones dealing with AIDS.

Posted by: stebbins at June 27, 2005 3:39 PM

So I'm laying back on the couch watching TV with this guy I've been dating about maybe 4 weeks or so snuggled back between my legs, and suddenly out of the blue he takes my right foot and starts to give me this awesome pedicure. I decided then and there that I would keep him. After that there's nothing he couldn't ask me to do for him and nothing that I'd be embarassed to ask him to do for me - it just doesn't get any better than that.

Posted by: Andy at June 27, 2005 3:41 PM

My boyfriend will do pretty much anything for me, and vice versa: tending to pimples, hair, boils, buboes, whatever.

I mean, once you've licked someone's asshole, do you really have the right to find anything else disgusting?

Posted by: Eric at June 27, 2005 4:56 PM

I think its cute when couples groom.... though the butt wiping thing shows real devotion... Id probably figure out a way to help...wouldnt want my man smelling bad walking around town.

Posted by: GURL at June 27, 2005 4:57 PM

I love my husband so much that if his arms were both in slings I would get a hotel with a bidet in the bathroom, like the ones in Europe. quite possibly in Europe. using his charge card. no, I am willing to do my own grooming in exchange for him doing his. all I ask is that he occasionally tell me which moles on my back are starting to look cancerous. death is more important than butt zits.

Posted by: WindReader at June 27, 2005 8:05 PM

We're at the ass-shaving stage; if he wants my ass shaved, then he's gonna have to do it.

He won't take out the trash, but that chore he doesn't seem to mind at all.

Posted by: Ron (Out There) at June 27, 2005 8:47 PM

I don't seem to have a problem with these things. And not just with boyfriends. If a good friend pukes on themself and no one else is around, are you NOT going to help clean their drunk stupid ass up and put them to bed? I may not be jumping to wipe a friends ass for him, but I've wiped young nephews asses when they were too young to do it themselves. I pick up dog poop regularly (with a plastic bag). And for men I date or care about, yes, I have plucked hairs, shaved backs and butts, popped zits (though you really aren't supposed to), and even wiped and cleaned ass cracks in the shower. For lovers AND friends. Especially if I am going to roll my tongue all over your ass for a half-hour, I don't mind making sure myself it is clean.

Posted by: Chris at June 28, 2005 11:25 AM

I think you're onto something. By complaining about people wanting to share time with you, you can alienate them enough that you won't have to worry about getting any invites.

Posted by: chrisafer at June 28, 2005 12:58 PM