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May 10, 2005

iPod Tarot

Jimbo's Magical iPodFrustrated across the board yesterday for a variety of reasons, so like most rational people in times of stress, I turn to the occult. To hell with those musty tarot cards or the plastic 8-Balls - I shall set my pink iPod on shuffle as a font of divination.

Here's how it works: we all have our favorite artists or albums we tend to listen to a lot, so these are the suits of the Minor Arcana, much like Tarot's Swords, Pentacles, Rods and Cups. Remixes of any of the suit's singles are considered a reversed reading.

Any single track not in a larger grouping by artist or album is considered Major Arcana, much like The Fool, The Tower, and The Devil (not necessarily a bad card, fyi).

Readings are based on the Celtic Method of Tarot reading, adapted to the Attention Deficit Disorder generation. Initialize your iPod so that the Apple icon reappears. Set to random shuffle. Then select:
Browse > Songs > All. The next 5 randomly determined tracks read your past, present and future. Here's a sample from my ominous iPod reading yesterday:

1st Track: The Significator. This track symbolizes the nature of the question, which in this case was, "Will anything go my way this week?" Track 4, "Be Careful" of Mutual Admiration Society (Minor Arcana) comes up. The lyric "Be careful, be gentle to yourself, cuz no one else will." presents itself to the reader. A "no shit" reading here.

2nd Track: The Opposing Forces. Track 4 of Björk, "Army of Me," plays and Iceland's Diva tells me "You're on your own now, we can't save you..." which tells me no one is going to assist me with my problems but me.

3rd Track: The Past. What has already happened. Track 12 from Side B of the soundtrack from The Color Purple - "Maybe God Is Tryin' To Tell You Somethin'," by Quincy Jones. "Can't sleep at night, and you wonder why?" Well, I didn't get much sleep this weekend.

4th Track: What May Be. Track 6 from Oleta Adams' best, "Many Rivers to Cross." Sing it, Sister: "Such a drag to be on your own..."

5th Track: Sum of All Track Readings. Victor Calderone feat. some dance diva asking, "Are You Satisfied?". As a sole single from the artist, clearly this card is the equivalent of the Diva/Empress of the Major Arcana - a trouble card if there ever was one. Since it's a remix, the meaning is reversed: "Got myself together, even got a new love now. There's no need to wonder of what, when or how. Fate has given me time to move on." Saturn Return - graphic by jimbo Ouch...the dance diva sings of confidence, independence and having it together, but the meaning is reversed cuz it's a remix! Eeek! The reading basically says I'm doomed to toil through my numerous troubles this week alone and with difficulty! Not since my Saturn Return astrological chart reading have the stars been so auspiciously ominous.

Maybe I'll just stick to my iPod for help with workouts and cleaning around the house.

Posted by jimbo at May 10, 2005 10:51 AM

Comments

oh my Goddess do mine! you could charge a lot for these readings.

Posted by: WindReader at May 10, 2005 8:58 PM

to me, this post epitomizes all that is good and jimbo in the world. you rock - roc to the ing. i will attempt this method of divination this evening with itunes - as my ipod is temporarily defucked.

Posted by: kiri at May 10, 2005 9:41 PM

Jimbo, you have way too much free time.

Posted by: Clever Monkey at May 11, 2005 3:16 PM

I saw the virgin mary in my #6 from wendy's the other day. She's not that cute in reality, not so much a wonder that she was a virgin.

Hope your lonely week goes better than the portent delivered by your I-Pod.

Posted by: Kevin at May 11, 2005 7:49 PM

I don't understand a word of this.

Posted by: Eric at May 12, 2005 9:29 AM