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May 26, 2005

goddamn west coast hippie rudeness crap

OK, maybe I have a lot of freaky friends/family over on the West Coast, or maybe I've just become a prissy East Coast ettiquete queen, or maybe I'm just bitter that a last-minute wedding PHONE CALL from my brother telling me that he's having his wedding piggybacked on my Vancouver vacation. Actually, the phone call was with my mother, who told me about this last-minute wedding during the conversation.

No "save the date" notice and only what, 2 months warning? Logic would tell me that if two people are REALLY planning on living together forever, as marriage implies, that there is no rush. Which begs the inevitable question: What is the fucking rush? I just may not go.

And what is it about this whole duuude attitude out there, this casual bullshit that disconsiders anyone else's schedule, time, or personal needs? Duuude. Fuck that shit. Drop everything and host your fucking friend of a friend of a friend, or just drop all your plans to go to some goddamn ill-conceived shotgun wedding? Please, treat the institution of marriage with the respect that some of us aspire it to be, rather than something like some goddamn spur of the moment trip to fucking Dairy Queen.

AND WHILE I'M AT IT...what the fuck kind of result do you want when you wink at me on Match.com or say hi from your Bigmusclebear account and you either have no face pics or no photos at all? WTF?!? Yeah, I really love a total crapshoot when I meet up with people. That whole random, not-knowing what a guy looks like it totally hot, and I just love spending my time begging you for a fucking face picture. Pictures of your penis are JUST FINE WITH ME and I never ever care what a person's face looks like. REALITY: all penises look the same, faces don't.

And for those of you with faces on your profile pics, handsome at that, would it kill you to smile in at least one of them? Smiling makes you approachable and shows that you have emotions other than "duh." Also, smiling will not make you any less masculine, so just relax.

Oh, just one more thing. Posing with your camera phone in a profile pic is NOT SEXY. It looks fucking stupid. Plus, the resolution of your shitty cheap-ass camera phone has not yet risen to the quality of that of a digital camera. Fuzzy pictures of your face, dick or even chest is not sufficent. Those pictures suck. Get a digital camera and use it.

I just had to rant. I feel better now.

dude.I have a new boyfreind. I dumped Matthew Fox. I Hurley. He's the only one with good lines in Lost, makes me laugh every time he's on screen, and never gets any credit for all the shit he does on the island, while that sniveling scruffy hunk Matthew Fox gets all the credit. It's just not right. WHAT, NO HURLEY WALLPAPER FOR YOUR PC?!? This is bullshit, I'm e-mailing ABC. Body facists. I also kind of Sayid, because he's got a great schnoz, beard, and can like do anything with any gadget like some kinda Iraqi MacGyver.

Dear ABC:

I went to your website for your prime time show "Lost," and noticed that there is no desktop computer wallpaper for the character Hurley from the show. Everyone loves Hurley, and I would like to see Hurley included along with the other characters' images too. We love Hurley.

Here is the page on your site I am talking about:


Posted by jimbo at May 26, 2005 9:51 AM


Go on, girl! Your stuff on online dating is killer.

But you really need to lose that east-coast stick from your ass on the etiquette stuff. You're not in the Coulee Region anymore, sweetie, where people are early to everything and announce their wedding 18 months in advance. People don't plan anything on the west coast. I kinda like it.

Posted by: Dunner at May 26, 2005 12:59 PM

how 'bout them Others, huh?

damn pedos.

Posted by: johnny at May 26, 2005 1:39 PM

Gee - are these pre-move jitters showing?


PS - Where are you moving to?

Posted by: EdwardZZ at May 26, 2005 1:58 PM

I still loves me Doctoer Fox the best. I'd have a shotgun wedding with him and call you two days before and ask you to be my man of honor, I'd even throw the bouquet and make sure you caught it.

Posted by: homer at May 26, 2005 2:16 PM

Uhh, Sayid is Iraqi, Persians are from Iran. (Yes, there's a difference.) Just don't write a big rant tomorrow in here about me, okay. :0

Posted by: Chris at May 26, 2005 2:22 PM

It couldn't possibly be because Hurley is rich as filth isn't he?

As for the wedding - maybe I'm missing something in the translation, but doesn't it sound like they're scheduling the wedding for *your* conveninece so that you don't have to make 2 West Coast trips?? It would totally suck if they happened to schedule the wedding for 2 weeks after your planned trip. If I were you I'd be flattered...

I promise I'll smile for my next BMB pic. Promise..

Posted by: Andy at May 26, 2005 3:32 PM

I think the West coast self involvement thing is generational. I suspect it formed earlier there than here because the first residents were people who fled the strictures of the East. Early groups (Boomers in their sense of entitlement especially) resisted social and cultural mores, and subsequent generations weren't drilled in civility and manners, both of which faded further with each new wave of children. Such instruction didn't completely vanish from child rearing on the East Coast 'till the MTV generation started to breed. The core of civility and manners (and I don't mean the dance steps and ritual of etiquette) is simply that other people exist, that your words and actions affect them, so you should think before you do and say. This doesn't occur to a child's ID. It's getting worse everywhere. In no time, I think we'll see the "laid back" mode of being concerned with nothing beyond one's own immediate needs and desires increasingly the norm. There. I feel so much better now. Ed T.

Posted by: circleinasquare at May 26, 2005 11:25 PM

"west coast hippy rudeness"? Huh? Is there another west coast that I'm not aware of?

Oh, and Sayiid is Iraqi, although I think the actor is British of Indian descent.

Posted by: rob at May 28, 2005 2:38 PM

I could mention several crude comments in relation the 'no pic' thing but I won't. I'm just glad someone else sees it the way I do.

My motto, no face shot (for whatever reason) usually means more drama than I'm willing to put up with.

Posted by: moby at May 30, 2005 10:39 PM