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January 28, 2005
newly banned practice: the artificial happy trail
A good rule of thumb when making alterations, additions or subtractions to the body is that if someone else can tell it happened, then it wasn't worth doing. Like overly whitened teeth the color of an arctic whiteout, contact lenses the color of some kind of copper-compound chemical spill, or a snap-on hairpiece that comes off during rugby practice. Because of that, I have now banned the tackiest new movement to have spread throughout dozens of gay boy online pics lately: the artificially constructed happy (treasure/pleasure) trail.
Those of us who pay very close attention to such things can quickly and easily tell that you spent hours sculpting your former wonderfully luxuriant growth of belly fur into some retarded standard for the latest gay look. What was wrong with your belly fur in the first place? Honestly, I'd have much more fun with a happy autobahn than a spindly artificial treasure trail that looks like your pubes are having a protest and doing a civil rights march up your chest. Please, I need something to floss my teeth with. Plus there's the belly stubble to contend with. Discomfort for vanity? Don't bother, honey.
So let's take a close look at the latest retarded trend in idiotic obsessive body image alterations for gay men. Paste the URL of your latest artificial happy trail spotting in the comments section. The more obvious, ludicrous or artificial looking the better.
Posted by jimbo at January 28, 2005 9:42 AM
Comments
Just paste the link like this...don't try adding a link tag!
http://www.bigmuscle.com/body_get_photos.phtml?pid=1011886
Posted by: jimbo at January 28, 2005 10:02 AM
Um...but I want really white teeth...they make the green tinge on my skin look so lovely.
Posted by: Ed at January 28, 2005 10:44 AM
The fake treasure trail is as old as I am. I remember them back in the 70's, when they used to lead all the way down to a pair of platform shoes!
Posted by: Seamus at January 28, 2005 10:57 AM
What's even scarier are the straight boys (OK...maybe not so straight) at my gym who do that. Of course, they also have adorable highlights.
Posted by: Bubba at January 28, 2005 12:18 PM
Hey. Wait a minute. Mine does that ALL BY ITSELF. And the rest of my belly is comfortably furry on its own.
http://bigmusclebears.com/getphotos.phtml?uid=3619&pid=539426&me=photo_list.phtml
Harrumph.
Posted by: joe at January 28, 2005 1:33 PM
Why haven't James Dobson and Jerry Falwell spoken on this immoral and life threatening body disfigurement???
Posted by: homer at January 28, 2005 4:24 PM
while a fan of selective manscaping, I have to agree with you Jimbo. this is a bit silly. trimming two inch long chest hair down to a managable half-inch is one thing. artificially constructed topiary belly hair is another. and the stubble can be so damaging to those of us with sensitive skin.
Posted by: WindReader at January 28, 2005 8:15 PM
The sad part is no matter how good you 'trim', it still looks fake. I'm usually attracted to guys because of their natural looks. Fur or no doesn't matter to me.
Posted by: moby at January 28, 2005 9:40 PM
Homer - BEcause those two are secretly doing it themselves.
Posted by: Lee at January 28, 2005 11:41 PM
Ugh, I am a loather of the body stubble. It is the only drawback to shirtless men, and has about the same thrill as rubbing up and down on a cactus.
Jimbo, you should out the shavers, and re-educate them into natural hair growth living.
My rule is: "Where there is hair, there is no nair." Leave it alone.
Posted by: copperred at January 29, 2005 11:39 AM
"Where there is hair, there is no nair."
Spoken like someone with no nose or ear hair. I'm sorry, but I am trimming that shit until the day I die...
Posted by: Eric at January 29, 2005 3:59 PM
Oh yes, the never-ending struggle against nose and ear hair is allowed. I gotta trim that shit at least once a week.
Posted by: jimbo at January 30, 2005 12:49 AM
My treasure trail is all that I've got. You better believe I'm gonna hold onto it.
Posted by: WeHo Mark at January 30, 2005 11:24 PM