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November 30, 2004

giving thanks to my fortune

When I was president of our campus gay/lez/bi/straight/trans/whatever group on campus back inna day, our organization served a bunch of functions, from being a support group to organizing fun campus dances to political action on campus. During the support group meetings, one thing I noticed that was consistent with gay people coming out, regardless of age, was concern about their relationship with God (Azuihotl, Kali, Wonder Woman, etc.) and their relationships with family. Even today, some of the most emotionally damaged people I know are that way because their relationship with God or family is or was fucked up during the coming out process. People who were initially rejected by their family, or continue to be rejected carry a lot of pain inside. That pain leads to damage, tearing people up inside, and draining a lot of mental and emotional energy. And those who came from religious backgrounds that eschew homosexuality aren't quite back together either. A lot of people have to come to terms with their families and with a higher power in order to achieve happiness. Either that or you have to say piss off to the family and assume that God made you that way. Not everyone is so strong, however, and most come out of such negative relationships with either at least a little damaged.

I am thankful that, for the most part, the majority of my family is cool with the 'mo in the clan. I don't think the middle brother wants to think much about it. And I'm guessing I don't want to know what he thinks his church says what he should think about homosexuals, even though that sect probably has a very liberal position on it. It's his interpretation of what he thinks the church should say that's coming through. Anyway, Mom is cool, she reads this blog. The oldest brother is cool and I think he worries about the shit we have to go through. Anyhow, I am also thankful I went to an apparently liberal sect of the Lutheran church, the Evangelical Lutheran Church of America.

Rule of thumb: avoid any sect of Lutheranism named after a state, such as the Missouri or Wisconsin synods. Those are the ones who insist you are going to hell if you're not part of their synod. Think frothing at the mouth and speaking in tounges. Anyhow, I don't recall hearing one negative rant about the horrors of being a homo either in church or when I worked at a bible camp.

I attribute much of my current happiness level to an an accepting family and an affirming church. A lot of it can be chalked up to pure stubbornness and a strong sense of self too. I don't know how I'd be today if I were kicked out of the house upon coming out at age 20, or if my pastor was foaming at the mouth about the sins of homosexuality from the pulpit when I was going through confirmation. Anyhow, I think I'm lucky in that respect.

Posted by jimbo at 11:32 AM | Comments (15)

November 29, 2004

geek la lane

Some nutrition tips from Geekslut:

"And you can't get enough fiber. I mean EVERY bottom in the world should be eating fiber like ALL FUCKING DAY. Make your tops happy. You'll taste better, feel better and you won't have to spend 2 hours hosing your butt out. Fiber. Fiber. Fiber."

GEEK YOU CRACK ME UP!

Posted by jimbo at 12:45 PM | Comments (4)

keep it simple, people

Here's the secret to not hating the holiday season: keep it simple, people. I had a really nice Thanksgiving dinner this year because it was simple, with a small group of people and a menu that wasn't intricately laced with excessive queenery and complicated preparation. No stress. That's the way to do it. Just because you're gay, or because you like Thanksgiving, doesn't mean you have to make a Super Martha Stewart Holiday Extravaganza Spiced Minced Super Duper Over The Top Broasted With Rare Eritrean Spices And Exclusive Napa Valley Wine And Appetizers To Die For Oh My Gawd!

And then why do people go shopping the day after when they know everyone else will be there? This is supposed to be fun? Unless it's for me, I absolutely loathe shopping. Actually, sometimes I loathe shopping even for me.

Same goes for Christmas. One thing I learned during the years I was unemployed was that it was really, really nice to have an excuse not to shop or travel home for the holidays during insane travel times. Don't get me wrong, I like going home. I've been home to Wisconsin twice this year already. But it was during off-peak travel times. Travelling during the holidays sucks. Why not just spend it at home with your loved one or your 15 baby fish, and then go visit Mom and Pop in February or April for some quality time?

This year I got a lot of holiday gifts purchased when I was in Alaska. I think about getting that shopping crap done long before the holiday insanity begins. As it stands now, I only have two things to get, and I'm DONE. HA HA!

One thing I learned in Peace Corps in a country that didn't run as efficiently as I wanted it to, was to only put three accomplishments on an agenda list on any given day. That way, if I got all three chores done (shopping, buy train tickets, visit Ivan and Marat, etc.) I was pleasantly surprised. If not, no big deal.

Then I moved to DC, which is run only slightly more efficiently than a former Soviet republic with its infrastructure removed. I stuck with the three-chore/day rule and it seems to work out. As it stands, three chores accomplished in a day is a lot more than most people get done.

Anyhow, this time of year, don't push it and try to get 38 things done in one day. Just 3. Keep it simple and you will keep your sanity and your holiday cheer, cuz that's the way it should be. Then spend the rest of the time drinking or playing computer games.

Jiminy Christmas this is so hot. I like the song too. Mmm...Navy boys.

Posted by jimbo at 10:52 AM | Comments (1)

November 28, 2004

i'm a daddy!

baby livebearers
I came home from a focused D&D session to find that someone had given birth in my aquarium to about 15-20 baby fish! After freaking out a little I realized the population was dropping before my eyes - the adults were munching away at the little ones, so I quickly improvised a safe brood chamber out of a media bag that would allow water to flow in and out but not the babies or marauding adults. By the time I was done there were maybe 10 babies recovered safely. Tomorrow I hope to get to a pet store somewhere and get a proper safety crib for the young ones, to hopefully see what they grow up to be. The parents could be the breeding pair of swordtails in my tank, or the recent batch of guppies I just put in there. I also got a very busy algae eater that has cleaned the tank far better than I ever could. I'm such a proud Daddy!

Posted by jimbo at 11:41 PM | Comments (6)

November 27, 2004

gobble, gobble

Thursday I had a nice Thanksgiving dinner at Bob's with Rich and a nice group of folks. No turkey, but real cranberry sauce and good conversation. Later that night it was off to Blowoff live, which was a nice alternative to anything else in DC that evening. Beaverhausen John, Kyle and Brian were fun to hang out with and I even chatted with Andrew for a bit. But my people were cruisey! I was wearing a magic sweater that made me irresistable. Mental note: wear that sweater more often...I think it makes my shoulders and pecs look huge.

My gym was actually open on turkey day, and I've been a good boy working out every day now. Tomorrow is a day off, and we'll be geeking out with the D&D gang at 4pm. Today I'll be walking to the gym to get some requisite sunshine on my face, as I've been an absolute troll under a bridge at home, playing Civ every available minute. Just a little bit tonight, but no more! I gotta file my bills and work on The Mother of All Papers for Tuesday.

We need to send a gay porn virus to the House and Senate, just like the Italians did.

Posted by jimbo at 11:34 AM | Comments (2)

November 24, 2004

livin' in a cardboard box

Really, our economy is just fine, and minimum wage is not a problem for most Americans. People are having no problems finding affordable housing.

Posted by jimbo at 2:57 PM

fuck jude law

Arundhati Roy is more beautiful:

It's been seven years since Roy burst onto the international literary scene with "The God of Small Things," her semiautobiographical novel about a hard-luck family in southern India. Roy could have been content to stay within the confines of fiction -- and some critics say she should have -- but she was too restless for that. Her first big project: fighting dam building in India. Roy's celebrity helped generate media coverage of India's anti-dam movement, which objects to the way New Delhi's water projects have displaced millions of poor people. Roy has also opposed India's nuclear weapons capabilities and its embrace of capitalism -- issues that connected her with international human rights groups such as the World Social Forum.

Posted by jimbo at 2:34 PM

b'gawk

Gobble, Gobble, Gobble!

Interesting thought from last night's class discussion on the dialectics of rhetoric: it's often a case of liberal logic versus conservative values - especially recently. I used to percieve it most of the time the other way around, but it's true. How many of you bleeding hearts out there often find yourself sooo frustrated a the goddamn conservatives who just make no sense? It's yer Vulcan logic getting mad at the passionate Andorean values and feelings. For example, it seems to make perfect logical sense to most gays that we should get the same legal rights as het couples. It's the unnerving factor of homosexuality, and their supposed values that freaks conservatives out about gay marriage.

Posted by jimbo at 9:42 AM | Comments (2)

November 23, 2004

we've got woof

Finally, we've gotten our own baseball team here in DC. They picked a boring name in my opinion, The Washington Nationals. They could have picked more historic names such as our previous teams The Grays or The Senators, or even my favorite, The Washington Monuments. Imagine a tough little stone colossus mascot guy. That would have been cute.

Anyway, The Gays are hoping Joey Eischen remains on the lineup for Spring Training. We've got woof! Omigawd we're like the same age!

Posted by jimbo at 5:17 PM | Comments (4)

ignorant dumbasses

My Poison Pen letter of the day...it does not surprise me that this company is headquartered in Florida...

Dear Singing Machine, Inc.,

Today I tried to purchase one of your music CDs for your home karaoke product online at your website www.thesingingmachine.com. My niece will be getting one of your home karaoke systems for Christmas, and I'd much prefer purchasing your products online than to go to a retail outlet. I especially wanted to purchase the Pop Favorites CD so I could sing a few Kylie Minogue tunes with my niece.

Your online form for delivery and payment was easy until I came to the part where you select which state you live in. "District of Columbia" was missing from the drop-down menu on your form! Therefore, I could not complete the form since there were no options where I could type our state abbreviation 'DC' and enter my information. The last line of my postal address would read as follows: Washington, DC 20001.

Please fix this problem so you can include the 572,000 or more residents of the District of Columbia as your potential customers. While the District of Columbia has no representation in Congress, we are taxpaying citizens of the United States of America. Many of the residents of the District of Columbia work at federal agencies that take care of many aspects of your lives.

The District of Columbia lies nestled between the states of Maryland and Virginia, along the banks of the Potomac River. The District of Columbia contains many famous and historic sites, such as The White House, the home of our President George W. Bush. We are also home for the Washington Monument, Lincoln Memorial and the U.S. Captiol. We have also recently acquired the Montreal Expos baseball team, soon to be officially renamed the Washington Nationals.

Thank you for your time, and I hope to be considered a valued customer by your company in the near future.

Jim Bo

Posted by jimbo at 4:12 PM | Comments (5)

shut up star!

Nothing starts the day out wrong like coming out of an hour long dream early this morning featuring Star Jones whining and crying at me for some reason. Goddamn I was cranky this morning. Shut up Star!

I ended last week's Civ-playing vegetative state and got back to the gym last night. It was good to be back and moving myself for excercise, plus, my gym has gotten hotter of late. Lots and lots of hotties. Perhaps they are migrating back to the gym from the tired venues like Green Lantern's Shirtless Men Drink Free and the Eagle? I went out to the Eagle Saturday night and it was downright sad there. Two remotely hot guys out of hundreds there, but that was about it. I'm starting to believe all the hot men in DC are under cryogenic freeze in some warehouse, waiting out the Bush presidency, so they're fresh in 2008.

Posted by jimbo at 11:40 AM | Comments (2)

November 21, 2004

you're givin' me a heart attack

jimbo, Nov. 21, 2004, totally spazzing out on O.N-J merchanise.
First off, either Livvy made a pact with the dark powers, or she's got one hell of a plastic surgeon. But I suppose at 5'6", you'll look like a pixie for a long time. She's frikkin' 56 and had the cutest little butt, and looked NO DIFFERENT than she did in Grease. At least from the 120th row anyway. Or maybe she really is an ageless muse or a godddess?!

I could not say the same for the audience. We were the youngest people there by far, at least by half. Then it occured to me that this was a pops concert, which explained the profusion of septa- through octagenarians there. When I walked into the auditorium, I almost sneezed from all the Shalamar grandmaw perfume in there. It gave new meaning to her performance of 'Heart Attack'. From our vantage point in the back of the concert hall, there was a sea of blue and snowy white hair before us. No one rioted at least.

Olivia hit me with an orgasmic 1-2-3 punch of hits from Xanadu, starting off with the title track, Suddenly, and Magic. Then she went into her country stuff which I was not familiar with, followed by her 80's pop stuff, including an unplugged torch version of Physical, and then a big fun Grease medley. Only one person in the audience was standing up and dancing, you go girl. The rest couldn't get up from their seats. Then she closed with 'I Honestly Love You' and it was her last concert for this tour, right there in Baltimore! ~ sob! ~

Posted by jimbo at 11:01 PM | Comments (10)

November 19, 2004

my new car

I am a total blog entry spaz today. Go check out this car ad (I bloghumped mighty jimbo's entry today). Entertaining and ass-kicking CGI. Perhaps it's time for a CGI/live action Transformers Movie? Oh please, you powers in Hollywood, it would make my decade if you did that. That would be so incredibly cool.

UPDATE: Yes, it would be totally cool, as in a CGI Transformers movie is in the works.

And this guy has already worked on a VW/Bumblebee Transformer.

Posted by jimbo at 10:58 AM | Comments (8)

score at the Renegades yard sale this Saturday @ JRs

The Washington Renegades Rugby Football Club is having a yard sale this Saturday starting at 10am under the JRs awning. For those of you who haven't been, it's the place to TOTALLY SCORE on cheap PC games and DVDs, because one of our teammates reviews movies and electronics for a magazine and gets computer games and DVDs for free, and never even uses or opens them, and brings them to our yard sale in many boxes. It's also a good place to find retro dance CDs formerly owned by big 'ol queens.

Past scores:

The entire Aliens boxed set on DVD: $10 - MINE
X-Men II: $5 - MINE
Temple of Elemental Evil for the PC: $7 - ALL MINE

If you snooze, you will surely lose.

Posted by jimbo at 10:21 AM

why there is junk in our trunk

From a recent science article I read on Yahoo:

Among the features that set humans apart from apes to make them good runners are longer legs to take longer strides, shorter forearms to enable the upper body to counterbalance the lower half during running and larger disks which allow for better shock absorption.

Big buttocks are also important.

"Have you ever looked at an ape? They have no buns," said Bramble.

Humans lean forward when they run and the buttocks "keep you from pitching over on your nose each time a foot hits the ground," he added.

Fellas (yeah!), fellas (yeah!)
Has your girlfriend got the butt (hell yeah!)
Well shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it, shake that healthy butt
Baby got back
- Sir Mix-A-Lot

Posted by jimbo at 6:01 AM

November 18, 2004

keeping in touch

grrrrease
Photo taken at the NYC Eagle post-match social by Joe. The greasy tendrils are an attempt at french fries. You should have tasted the chicken. But after 3 rugby matches, you will eat anything. But that still doesn't explain how Joe was eating as much as me.

Yet even more Jimbo: blogjam footage thanks to Stephen. I haven't even watched it yet.

Men, men, men. Nothing but problems with 'em. I was a bit bummed out with men problems last night before meeting up for dinner with Shawn at DuPont Italian Kitchen, but the company and the half-carafe of red wine helped out, followed by catching up on my first viewing of Lost, simultaneously flipping channels to that Category 6 disaster movie, which kinda sucked. But it was neat to see that McKeon chick from Facts of Life play a badass survivor type.

Anyway, Dreamy Ron called the other day to catch up. He's working near my campus now, so that means a new lunchmate to fill the cold, empty void left by the now Downtown-Fabulous Chrisafer. While Chrisafer is no Dreamy Ron, the conversation is missed and a replacement is appreciated. Anyhow, after a season of dating-not-dating with him a few years ago, it's easy to chat and be friends now.

But that takes time, and is not always easy for everyone, which I can understand. Yesterday I tried to get in touch with a guy I was seeing last month, and got a thorough tounge-lashing from the guy. I guess I wasn't as graceful or well-timed with my honesty about my disinterest in him at the time, and he was hurt. It's clear now that he was also into me more than I suspected too. And I was the first guy he had dated, and the brand new queers are a bit more passionate and tender than the Jaded Ones. I should have been more sensitive and careful. Gurl sometimes calls me 'Rhinohide' due to my oft-bludgeoning honesty and complete lack of compassion, and this was no exception. I don't mean to be that way, I just don't see any point in saying anything other than the truth, which often gets me in trouble and hurts feelings. I'm workin' on it. I suspect once he irons things through, he'll be in touch some day.

But I felt bad about me too...there wasn't anything wrong with this guy...furry, schnozalicious, hot beard, well-educated, level-headed and a bit geeky. Perfect for Jimbo, right? But I just wasn't feeling anything for him, which happens, no judgement on the other guy. But one tends to wonder when offered something that appears to be perfect match, and you don't feel a thing. Anyhow, I'm taking a hiatus from dating until I'm either so desperate for sex that I'll start again, or until my friends drive me crazy so I seek company elsewhere. Neither scenario is ever far on the horizon.

And then I hear tell my neighbor who lives a block away has a vacancy in his house, which was normally filled by a long time aquaintance of mine who has been struggling with meth/alcohol addiction the past year. This set off alarms in my mind. Thus far, he has been the only person I know in the DC Metro Area who has both admitted to having a problem with Tina and has made efforts (in his case herculean) to get through the problem. He is supposed to be my hero. Everyone else I know has continued with the lies, the physical and spiritual deterioration, or have had to move away to get out of the dealer network. I can count the number of people who have been wrecked by Tina on two hands now, and it makes me sad to think about them.

But apparently this guy's recovery has not been clean nor complete, and he is now moving into a recovery house for additional help. This makes me sad, as I thought he was on the way out of the shit. But at least he's still doing something about it, so there is hope, and he's trying very, very hard. From what I've seen, the odds are against him. From what little I know about recovery, this may not be an easy process, but I'm wishing on my hero until then.

Posted by jimbo at 10:40 AM | Comments (7)

November 17, 2004

moving to the islands

There is a place we can move to from 2004-2008:
The Island of Misfit Toys
I'm betting the immigration policies there on the Isle of Misfit Toys isn't as strict as Canada's either.

And I don't really know what this is, but I found this series of...storylines while I was searching for the above pic:
Mrrraaawrrrgh!
Oh, and this Sunday me and Brettie are going to see O.N-J up in Baltimore, this the banner change this week. I'm so terribly excited!

Posted by jimbo at 3:55 AM | Comments (7)

November 16, 2004

chrisafer has arrived

Sort of like when Mariah Carey did MTV Unplugged and like totally arrived on the scene, Chrisafer has now got her brand name into Metro Weekly's Hearsay, a gay DC nightlife gossip column. She is now officially Dandy.

Media whore. Well, it was the Bear edition of MW, so I'm not really surprised.

Posted by jimbo at 11:15 AM

craigslist personal ad

Hunky Steve from San Fran sent me this Craigslist entry from the Bay area - Dem seeks Rep for a good time. I especially like the ANWR metaphor:

Looking for gloating, sanctimonious Republican hypocrite who seeks having their ass drilled like it was the last parcel of unspoiled ANWR (Arctic National Wildlife Reserve) land in North America by chagrined, angry, disillusioned bay area Democrat and soon to be Canadian dwelling expatriate.

You: a self-loathing, Lexus worshipping, closet case hell-bent on believing your obsession with cock is just a ‘phase’ that you’ll pass through until you can muster the requisite finances to dupe your hometown sweetheart into marrying you. Special consideration allotted to knuckle-dragging, church going fundamentalist who preys (oops) prays for the souls of underage choir boys while jacking on your prayer stick like some aging, closeted, morality touting Bishop at a boy's 5th grade swim meet. Extra points if you’re a nelly, Log Cabin apologist that jerks off on pics of Milton Friedman. You’re a poseur - and you know it. A hypocrite - and you know it. A big, nelly faggot that wants his ass stuffed harder than a Florida ballot box.

Me: Older, cocky, mid-40s loud-mouthed faggot with a general contempt for tight-assed, closeted Republican pretty boys seeks to re-educate you with my own version of ‘supply side’ economics. I'm versatile. You’re lame. You know one sexual position and that’s lying on your puffy, spine-free backside with your feet in the air while you fantasize getting poled up the pooper by John Maynard Keynes and recite the stations of the cross like it was some goddamn ‘Friends’ re-run that you’ve watched for the 17th fucking time just to take your marginally functioning brain off the fact that you like cock. Admit it pussy; you want Demo dick. The blue meat.

I'm not a '10' and am not seeking one. In fact I eschew such creatures-unless you're married and there's a remote chance that I can ruin your marriage and shame your parents. General interests include fucking and then 'outing' closeted members of the clergy after burning tires in front of the local RNC office and playing 'scratch the Mercedes.'

The possibility of a companionship situation with you is fairly unlikely seeing as I’d probably stab you (or myself) in the throat after the first week of having to suffer through your monosyllabic tirades about how queers are ruining it for everyone.

You get the idea.

If this sounds interesting to you drop me a line and we can discuss things further you pathetic asshat. Look forward to hearing from you.

Posted by jimbo at 9:57 AM | Comments (9)

November 14, 2004

scrum into my world

New York City is always exciting. You can feel your pulse quicken a bit when you enter Manhattan. But maybe it's the overcrowding and the traffic. Even if you've been there before, you think you recognize this street or that, but then you realize you haven't really scratched the surface yet. On this trip I couldn't help noticing all the 1940's style ironworks on the bridges and things. I think they look cool, like something out of the movies Iron Giant or Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow, which I'm sure were inspired in one way or another by the big city.

We arrived late into Manhattan due to crappy weather which slowed traffic down to a crawl all the way up 95. Remember: rain kills, so drive 30mph below the speed limit, mmmkay? By the time we arrived, few were willing to travel to the pre-match social, which I'm sure was a blast. I was in bed by 10 or so, my roomate coming in later and noted the next morning that he thought I was dead, as I sleep without making a sound. I guess I needed my sleep.

It was snowing when I got up for some breakfast. Food is remarkably cheap there, at least in comparison to DC, and you can always get fresh cafe or deli food to pack, which is great. I'm glad I did get some stuff to go, as the day would be a long one in the cold.

The Renegurls had an A- and B-side ready, and I was set to play on the B-side, and surprised that I was to play scrumhalf. I was a little nervous about it as I hadn't played that position in years, but I'm glad I did. I was told I played well, and the guy I've had some friction with in the past played flyhalf, who plays closely with the scrumhalf. Surprisingly, we were the picture of peace and cooperation, and we played well together. My passes from the asses of the forwards were very clean, and I had a lot of energy that day to dig the ball out from the rucks, mauls and scrums. We played well as a team and won against the Gotham B and Toronto teams, but lost against a skilled and very large Atlanta team. It was a good tourney overall. I noticed I'm a lot less beat up today than after I would play on the backline, as I have to deal with fewer people who've gained inertia. Fat Dude + Velocity = Pain.

Joe stopped by with a friend to brave the bitter cold and ogle some beef, and took some of pictures:

In addition to the lack of an on-site ambulance (a good idea at most day-long tourneys with multiple teams and dozens of injuries), a set of port-a-potties were absent, and there were no discrete forested areas in which to poop or pee. In most sports, athletes get worked up and the intestines and bladder tend to tense up before the game. Since the tourney was running from 9am to 3pm, that adds up to a lot of rugger piss and shit. Everyone from our team, and possibly others, were using the tiny receptacle in the tour bus we rented. Soon, a thick stalacmite of shit began to form from the bottom of our bus toilet. This would become a nauseating factor on the bus trip home the next day, which I will touch upon later...

After the tournament, it was off to the NY Eagle for a post-match social. While I was wandering around, I heard this noise like Cookie Monster having a feeding orgasm ('AWWMP CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP!') I looked over and there was Joe, positioned at the buffet table stuffing himself silly. Considering his reputation, I was surprised to find him pigging out there instead of under the bar or upstairs in the naughty area. Or perhaps he was just carbo-loading for a marathon later in the evening.

During the evening, I finally worked out a good come-back for when people come up to me in a bar and say, "Smile!" or "Cheer up!" Apparently I look like I'm pouting or pissed off when my face is relaxed, or in this case when I'm tired. I may very well be thinking happy thoughts of butterflies and rainbows or puppies or of my pouty face buried between a set of hairy ruggerbear pecs. I wouldn't go out if I was cranky, believe me. So when the inevitable ocurred, I said, "I am happy, my mouth just goes this way," which was followed by a cascade of very apologetic remarks.

The bar was jam-packed with ruggerbears and their camp followers, but I am rarely up for elbowing for space in a bar after a day of edging out beefy legs during the day. Plus, I figuratively shot my load during the tournament, so despite the hotness and interest, I was back in my hotel and out like a light by 9:30.

After 11 hours in a regenerative coma, I got up for some more lovely deli food, and a stroll around Midtown to see the sights and loosen up my leg muscles. Boarding our bus by Noon, the beat-up team was on their way home. The bathroom was somewhat stanky by then, so visits to the small room in the back of the bus became taboo. Then someone noticed a blue fluid flowing down the right side of the bus towards the front, under our seats. Those of us in the back created a hasty waste contianment boom out of newspaper to contain the spill. Then I opened up the bathroom door to see what the problem was. Blue goo with tawny chunks was percolating up through a drain in the floor, which I stoppered with a thick copy of Sunday's New York Times. Within the hour, the bus driver stopped at a rest area to drain the excess effluent, which helped a little. But the bus still stank for the remainder of the trip, and I felt Unclean, as in Old Testament Unclean, by the time I got home.

Posted by jimbo at 7:00 PM | Comments (4)

November 12, 2004

big gay rugby tourney in nyc this weekend

Hey Big Gay Rugby Fans:

Here's the deal for the Big Gay East Coast Rugby Tournament stuff for this weekend in NYC:

Saturday, Nov. 13 from 9am to 4pmish: Big East Coast Gay Rugby Tourney - Randall’s Island, New York, on fields (pitches) 17 and 20. I have no idea where that is.

A social will follow the tourney at the Eagle around 5pm. It will be fun, I can guarantee. The gay teams from Philly, DC, Boston, Toronto, Atlanta and of course NYC will be there.

This will be my last hurrah with rugby, I'm done with it after this weekend. I am losing enthusiasm for it, and I am also tired of feeling like grampaw on Sundays. That and I'm counting my blessings that I can still run and bike and gambol through the forests without a permanent limp.

- Big Gay New York Rugby Team Website: www.gothamrfc.org

Posted by jimbo at 10:26 AM | Comments (6)

November 11, 2004

frikkin' cool ass graphics

Wow...our world may be going to hell in a handbasket, but at least we got good graphics. Check out this trailer for the World of Warcraft computer game. It was so unbelieveably cool I got shivers just watching it. We've come a long way from Bard's Tale on the Commodore 64.

OK people, when yer commenting, just hit the 'Send' button ONCE. One time. Not twice, nor three times. I know you may be getting errors, or it seems to take forever to send, or it doesn't seem like it's been sent, but it's been sent, OK? So just click 'send' and wait, or move on, cuz it's been sent, believe me. I've been cleaning up multiple comments for months, and I know it's from schitzo mouse-clickers like yerself. Patience, hyper instant-gratification people. Just send and have faith, cuz it got there, mmmkay?

Nothing says "I'm an uptight prick!" like a bowtie. Why do Republicans feel the need to express this trait through fashion? One would think it's obvious without the use of cultural symbols like bowties. A bowtie just warms us up to the fact that you're a prick. I suppose that's the point then - a bowtie is an early warning accessory for prickishness.

This group uses the f-word more times, and far more eloquently than I possibly could.

Posted by jimbo at 10:10 AM | Comments (10)

November 9, 2004

dealing with men's "silent agony"

portrait of a man's quiet agony
Dear Andrew:

Hemorrhoids need not be a man's "silent agony". About half of the population have hemorrhoids by age 50, and it is nothing to be ashamed of. But before a National television shoot, I'd recommend the following home remedies:
  • Warm tub or sitz baths several times a day in plain, warm water for about 10 minutes;
  • Ice packs to help reduce swelling;
  • Application of a hemorroidal cream or suppository to the affected area for a limited time;
Try to soften your stool by eating high-fiber foods, or those that induce softer stool, such as bananas. Should symptoms persist, see your physician for further treatment.

With concern and empathy,
Jimbo

Posted by jimbo at 12:58 PM | Comments (21)

November 8, 2004

set me off

Omigawd...Queen Latifah is set to play Auntie Em in the Muppets version of The Wizard of Oz. It's going to be a made for TV movie, but Muppet specials usually rock. I am still mourning the cancellation of The Muppet Show.

In related Queen Latifah news, I've decided if things get really bad in this country I'm going down like her character Cleo in the movie Set It Off. There's nothing like waking up to my radio alarm clock and the first thing I hear this morning is that Bush is planning on another push to amend the Constitution to make same-sex marriage illegal. And here I thought it was just a campaign strategy and wedge issue.

But I'm not sure if that beats waking up on the wrong side of the bed yesterday. Looking forward to sleeping in on Sunday, I happily do not set the alarm Saturday night. At 9:30am Mr. Leaf Blower starts his day right across the street. Grrr! There's a special place in hell for those that use motorized lawn equipment before 10am, I'm sure of it.

The day got even shittier as I had to field the usual flurry of hysterical, delerious and thoughtless calls a few hours before D&D that I usually get before a gaming session. The requisite cancellations, and of course the most annoying reason for a call, the hated question, "What time are we playing again?" usually followed by the brainless question "What time is it now?" This is after a reminder two weeks and a week before by e-mail, which clearly stated the time and location of the gaming session. This question is asked by people with digital PDAs and personal assistants, who have advanced degrees. And we always play at the same time on Sundays, and they always call right before we play. Total thoughtless knee-jerk cell phone abuse. Not one, but several people do this, all of whom have a reasonable I.Q. What bugs me is that they don't bother to even make a mental note of it, when I had been prepping for the gaming session for almost 4 hours of my own time over the weekend. I've said before I've been reconsidering this group a lot, because it seems like an afterthought for most of the players. I know it's for fun and just a game, but it does require minimal commitment, either in thought or time.

I blame cell phone addiction. People have become lazy with cell phones... they think if they can call someone impulsively and without thought, why bother writing something down or even taking a moment of cognitive silence to remember a simple fact? I am not asking for an eidetic memory here folks. You see this with people travelling or tourists in DC...easier to just call on your cell phone than to plan in advance, get an address beforehand, or print out a map. For example, minutes before BlogJam was to begin, I actually got a call from someone asking, "What time is BlogJam again?". Missy, I just might be busy if I'm organizing the thing. Impulse has replaced politeness and having to plan.

And don't get me started on public cell phone use. Nothing says, "I'm totally bored with you people," than someone text messaging amongst a group of friends. If a guy answers a cell phone call during a date, it's over cuz he's a flake, period. If he makes an obvious gesture to turn off his cell phone just before a dinner date, I'm in love. Or howabout the "I'm driving cross-country and I'm bored so I thought I'd give you a call," phone call of aimless yammering? And of course, we all want to hear the details of your personal life from your loud cell phone conversation on the bus or subway.

Posted by jimbo at 9:34 AM | Comments (10)

November 5, 2004

like my rod?

Here's yer shirtless pic, bitches. Now shaddap.
Potomac fishing

Posted by jimbo at 2:58 PM | Comments (14)

and now back to your regularly scheduled shallow entry

Omigawd like LANDON from Real World Philly is like the messy drunk of the cast this year but he's like soooo cute and even though clearly it's not the whole milk from America's Dairyland that gave him those pecs we still like him anyway but is that is naturally curly hair it's kinda hot when he gets sloppy drunk like that...it gives me ideas... so like please send drunk shirtless Landon pics you find on the Internets to Jimbo3DC@aol.com thanks and I'll post them to this entry today. Omigawd Kylie has a new line of panty hose!!! WE LOVE HER SHE'S SUCH A CUTIE! Mmmm...so like here's a pic of scruffy sweaty Seann William Scott for everyone today! He's got like a goofy look on his face in this pic but he's like sooo cute! No politics or armchair psychoanalyses today sorry
mmmm...scruffy sweaty Seann William Scott

Posted by jimbo at 12:13 PM | Comments (9)

November 4, 2004

R.A.I.D.A.

A friend of mine told me some time this summer, "The only time I've been on antidepressants is during Republican administrations."

Now that we're under a double-dog-dare-ya Republican administration, it can only get worse. The religious right is now galvanized and justified, as it seems the American public agrees. Gays were in la-la land during the Clinton administration, complacent with a few nods but even less legislation on our behalf. Even during W's last term, we seemed to be satisfied with some exposure on cable and network television. But like I said before, they may seem to like us, but it doesn't matter beans unless the protection is on the books. During a lunchtime conversation yesterday at work, some of my coworkers were surprised that gays do not yet enjoy workplace protections in all states. They are just not aware, and don't seem to care. Perhaps now we won't be such a polite and well-dressed oppressed minority. Again, whatever happened to Queer Nation and Act Up?

The reality of what the majority of the nation thinks of us has been shocking to many of my queer friends. Gurl is not answering her phone, the bad news having come on her birthday yesterday. Bubbles was too enraged, chomping on her mousepad, to have lunch with me yesterday. Seamus' voice has shifted to baseline monotone for the week. But I understand.

Strangely, I'm not as angry or depressed as you'd think. At least we know what people are thinking now, and what needs to be done has become clear. Better the devil you know than the devil you don't, as they say. We now know that the country is unnerved by equality for gays, and that for some reason up to 23% of gays don't seem to mind that W has worked hard against their equality. I don't understand it at all, but at least now we have some hard data to work with.

On an individual level, this calls for emotional toughening and a mental health plan for all of us. Believe me, I know. This spring I was wracked with intense anger and frustration over the Federal Marriage Amendment, which we now see has blossomed beyond their wildest expectations. My anger was affecting my relationships with some members of my rugby team who worked with conservative legislators or organizations. My anger destroyed a few friendships as well. I didn't feel good about that. Some of these people were kind to me in the past, and they are good people, I must believe that. This belief that they are good, and their political views and affiliations really twisted me up inside. I discovered that my ELCA Lutheran upbringing teachings of forgiveness sunk into me more than I'd like to admit. I didn't want to live in anger, lest my ass blossom into a giant hemorrhoid the size of a chrysanthemum, or a hole form in my stomach lining. And I prefer my molars ungnashed, thank you. Dental work is expensive, and shattered molars are for crystal meth abusers, not angry people.

So I decided to check out the Faculty Staff Assistance Program at work, where I found we get 10 free appointments with a mental health counselor. The sessions went well, and I think my counselor is a lesbian, so she understood. She pointed out that I was very politically-minded, and that I should consider politics as a career one day. I told her it's a career dirtier than garbage collection and I prefer making things like web sites and glossy brochures for now. I like the smell of new publications - it gives me a buzz.

We also discussed strategies for approaching the situations that make me angry, and mental workouts that prevent cyclic negative thinking and promotes positive affirmation. To date, they have worked, and I am less angry in most cases. The damage I did with friendships and some of my teammates has been hard to reverse, but at least now I can offer the ones I originally could not look in the eye a bottle of water on water breaks during matches. This is an improvement.

When I went to the counselor I vehemently told her I did not want to go on antidepressants. I had tried them before when I was deeply depressed due to my 2 years of un- or underemployment. I didn't like them at all. The drug I took (I forget the name) made it difficult to get an erection, much less come, which I sometimes have a hard time doing on good days. Tricking was awkward at best, so I avoided it altogether. That and antidepressants make you feel very wierd...they shave off the lows, but also the highs as well, making you feel like an android devoid of any emotion at all. I quickly understood why people on strong antidepressant regimens go off them and then go off the deep end. Eventually, I decided to give up those drugs and just tough it through. Not everyone has that luxury, however.

My point here, if you've read this far, is that it's going to be a tough 4 years. People in positions of power are going to say and do very mean things to gays and lesbians, and it's going to hit you inside more than you think. You will get sad and angry. Anger isn't always bad, but overwhelming anger or depression can destroy you inside (Feel the hatred flow within you, Young Skywalker...). So I offer a few pieces of wisdom I've gained through dealing with depression and from my counselor sessions that will help you deal with Republican-Administration Induced Depression & Anger (R.A.I.D.A.), to help your inner Darth Vader throw the Emperor down into those power coils, thus freeing you from the Dark Side forever:

Sorry for sounding like Miss Mary Sunshine today, but I'm worried about my many friends who are depressed this week.

Posted by jimbo at 12:12 PM | Comments (14)

November 3, 2004

who got my vote

all hail queen latifahYesterday all the bloggers were saying who they voted for. Despite my obvious inclinations, I'm reluctant to say who I voted for. OK, I voted for Queen Latifah. All Hail Queen Latifah.

Earlier this week I offered a link that helped you find your polling place. Here's the latest helpful link for gay Americans. Or any American I guess.

Not all the numbers are in right now, but it's clear this country is well-fucked. All 11 anti-gay marriage measures passed, Republicans now control everything, and fucking TOM DASCHLE lost his seat! And this time the numbers look irrefutable.

"With a bigger majority, we can do even more exciting things!" says House Majority Leader Tom DeLay.

Yaaay! Well, America, you chose to believe lies and fearmongering over truth and logic. What you are going to get is increased investment in contracting companies associated with Iraq (not you!), more faith-based everything (money dumped into unregulated religious organizations), further alienation and scapegoating of your gay friends and relatives, even less funding for national and international AIDS efforts, further diplomatic alienation from the rest of the world, and no investment in the health or employment of the middle- and lower-income people. Translation: war, disease, starvation. What was the fourth one? Oh yeah, locusts. I always forget that one. We had our locust plague in May.

Too bad! You voted this way, you chose. Now just watch it get even worse.

To the youth who didn't turn out at the polls: I want you to quit your goddamn neo-goth punk-wannabe whining right now...if I hear you bitching I'm going to smack your non-voting ass into the middle of next week. Lazy douche bags. To the DNC: you took the wimpy way out and chose to front a Bush-like candidate, which wasn't really a choice at all. You made Nader look very attractive. To middle-America voters: scared of terrorism? I didn't see a plane crash into the Wal-Mart in Bismark, North Dakota. What the hell are you scared of? And I would have liked to have thought that the latest music video of Osama may have shown that Bush is incapable of catching a storky-looking, 7' tall Arab with a droopy face. Despite all our technologies and freedoms, he can't, but that doesn't seem to matter to American voters.

The single bright spot I could see was that Democrat Barack Obama defeated that kooky, hateful Republican Alan Keyes. That's it, that's the only bright spot I can see right now. Hmmm...that opens up his district in Illinois for possible places to move. Illinois and Vancouver, B.C. Watermelons and corn grow really well and taste very good when grown in Illinois soil, and the climate there ain't bad either.

I'm going shopping for new shoes tonight. That might help.

Posted by jimbo at 10:33 AM | Comments (11)

November 2, 2004

pull my shirt off and pray

guess the bandI woke up this morning, turned on the TV and made coffee, and saw on the news how long the lines were at the polling sites. So I thought, "Hmm...I'll bet the lines won't be so bad at 11am." So I went back to bed, woke up again at 10 and was in line by 11. A very short line, mind you. And I was the only white person there, which was good too. I wasn't very informed about a lot of school board members to vote for, but of course I knew exactly who I needed to vote for for President-Monarch-Dictator-CEO of this country. I got lots of exercise too, as my polling place wasn't really close to any subway, so it was a long walk there, and then to the subway to get to work.

Naturally, Tuesday being the night anything cool happens, I have class during all the election night huzzah. Maybe that's a good thing, as I'd just drive myself crazy watching it. My neighbor Hunky Austin's having "laid-back liberal Democrats" over at his house tonight to watch the hullaballoo. If it were a house full of uptight Republicans I still might have gone, as the host is so hunkalicious.

After I voted, I went back to campus to get to work. It's a fine, warm, humid fall day today, and lots of students were relaxing out on the commons and greenspace today. Then suddenly I walk into a frikkin' A&F commercial where three BUILT guys were playing football in the leaves, completely shirtless with big pecs and shit. One had a furry chest and a 3-day growth of stubble. I was visibly shaken. I really need a raise if I am expected to tolerate this sort of environment in the workplace and be expected to behave like an advanced primate, and not a slavering reptile.

I have been reading Empire by Hardt and Negri for the Conciousness Change section of my Persuasion and Social Movements class. 3 words: OVER MY HEAD. Anyone have the Cliff's Notes version of this shit? It's something about postmodern imperialism or somesuch stuff. Empire: discuss.

Posted by jimbo at 1:24 PM | Comments (7)

November 1, 2004

i am beautiful, in every single way

We are beautiful no matter what they say
Yes, words won't bring us down oh no
We are beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring us down oh no
So don't bring me down today...

too...much...flash
chrisafer pretends to be entertained by jimbo's antics

Posted by jimbo at 4:03 PM | Comments (4)

vote, people

Don't know where to vote? You should by now, scrumpkins. Go to MyPollingPlace.com if you need to find out. I am so there tomorrow. And Way To Go Green Bay Packers!

We had a staff appreciation Halloween party on Friday. I won a floral arrangement for the raffle. Other prizes included plane tickets and $100 gift certificates for Home Depot. But I usually win small things, being just to the left of lucky. I tend to win things like bags of sugar, $1 lottery tickets, and free pest inspections.

You know what keeps mean neighborhood kids away from your house on Halloween? Do your furniture staining project in the front driveway in short running shorts. The kids and their parents just kept walking by all night for some reason...The few who did show up were in costume at least, but left a trail of litter as they walked away, eating their candy as they received it.

Mighty Jimbo, crusader for the queer folk. Rock on! Mighty Jimbo's efforts are applauded, but the pictures are indicative of a resurgence of homophobia in this country, propigated by Bush and America's need to find a scapegoat in poor economic times. Terrorism is too amorphous, so gays make a nice target for scared and angry public. I'm afraid we're back on a time warp to 1994, or perhaps even 1984. It's gonna get even worse if Bush is elected for a second term and gets 4 more years to fuck this country up even further.

Posted by jimbo at 10:49 AM | Comments (2)