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November 16, 2004

craigslist personal ad

Hunky Steve from San Fran sent me this Craigslist entry from the Bay area - Dem seeks Rep for a good time. I especially like the ANWR metaphor:

Looking for gloating, sanctimonious Republican hypocrite who seeks having their ass drilled like it was the last parcel of unspoiled ANWR (Arctic National Wildlife Reserve) land in North America by chagrined, angry, disillusioned bay area Democrat and soon to be Canadian dwelling expatriate.

You: a self-loathing, Lexus worshipping, closet case hell-bent on believing your obsession with cock is just a ‘phase’ that you’ll pass through until you can muster the requisite finances to dupe your hometown sweetheart into marrying you. Special consideration allotted to knuckle-dragging, church going fundamentalist who preys (oops) prays for the souls of underage choir boys while jacking on your prayer stick like some aging, closeted, morality touting Bishop at a boy's 5th grade swim meet. Extra points if you’re a nelly, Log Cabin apologist that jerks off on pics of Milton Friedman. You’re a poseur - and you know it. A hypocrite - and you know it. A big, nelly faggot that wants his ass stuffed harder than a Florida ballot box.

Me: Older, cocky, mid-40s loud-mouthed faggot with a general contempt for tight-assed, closeted Republican pretty boys seeks to re-educate you with my own version of ‘supply side’ economics. I'm versatile. You’re lame. You know one sexual position and that’s lying on your puffy, spine-free backside with your feet in the air while you fantasize getting poled up the pooper by John Maynard Keynes and recite the stations of the cross like it was some goddamn ‘Friends’ re-run that you’ve watched for the 17th fucking time just to take your marginally functioning brain off the fact that you like cock. Admit it pussy; you want Demo dick. The blue meat.

I'm not a '10' and am not seeking one. In fact I eschew such creatures-unless you're married and there's a remote chance that I can ruin your marriage and shame your parents. General interests include fucking and then 'outing' closeted members of the clergy after burning tires in front of the local RNC office and playing 'scratch the Mercedes.'

The possibility of a companionship situation with you is fairly unlikely seeing as I’d probably stab you (or myself) in the throat after the first week of having to suffer through your monosyllabic tirades about how queers are ruining it for everyone.

You get the idea.

If this sounds interesting to you drop me a line and we can discuss things further you pathetic asshat. Look forward to hearing from you.

Posted by jimbo at November 16, 2004 9:57 AM

Comments

I want a table with a great view of their table on the first date!

Posted by: wyocwby at November 17, 2004 4:22 PM

I want a table with a great view of their table on the first date!

Posted by: wyocwby at November 17, 2004 4:23 PM

This made my day. Thanks Jimbo.

Posted by: copperred at November 17, 2004 7:46 PM

Is it bad that this post gave me a boner?

Posted by: Jake at November 18, 2004 10:35 AM

Too damn funny. It was nice to see you all so briefly this past weekend.

Posted by: ruggerjohnnyd at November 18, 2004 3:44 PM

that is without question the best personal advert i have ever ever read.

Posted by: the mighty jimbo at November 18, 2004 7:44 PM

it's something to think about. jesus I'm not sure if I will follow jerusalem through with my urge or not. If cross I do, it must of course be done tattoo relentlessly. I can relate, as christ I feel myself distancing myself holly from this tedium, far more interested holly

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