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May 27, 2004
republican national convention schedule
New York 2004
6:00 PM Opening Prayer led by the Reverend Jerry Falwell
6:30 PM Pledge of Allegiance
6:35 PM Burning of Bill of Rights (excluding 2nd amendment)
6:45 PM Salute to the Coalition of the Willing
6:46 PM Seminar #1: Getting your kid a military deferment
7:30 PM First Presidential Beer Bong
7:35 PM Serve Freedom Fries
7:40 PM EPA Address #1: Mercury, it's what's for dinner.
8:00 PM Vote on which country to invade next
8:10 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh
8:15 PM John Ashcroft Lecture: The Homos are after your children
8:30 PM Round table discussion on reproductive rights (MEN only)
8:50 PM Seminar #2 Corporations: The government of the future
9:00 PM Condi Rice sings "Can't Help Lovin' Dat Man"
9:05 PM Second Presidential Beer Bong
9:10 PM EPA Address #2 Trees: The real cause of forest fires
9:30 PM Break for secret meetings
10:00 PM Second prayer led by Cal Thomas
10:15 PM Lecture by Karl Rove: Doublespeak made easy
10:30 PM Rumsfeld demonstration of how to squint and talk macho
10:35 PM Bush demonstration of trademark deer-in-headlights stare
10:40 PM John Ashcroft demonstrates new mandatory Kevlar chastity belt
10:45 PM Clarence Thomas reads list of black Republicans
10:46 PM Third Presidential Beer Bong
10:50 PM Seminar #3 Education: A drain on our nation's economy.
11:10 PM Hillary Clinton piŅata
11:20 PM Second Lecture by John Ashcroft: Evolutionists: The dangerous new cult
11:30 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh again.
11:35 PM Blame Clinton
11:40 PM Laura serves milk and cookies
11:50 PM Closing Prayer led by Jesus Himself
12:00 AM Nomination of George W. Bush as Holy Supreme Planetary Overlord
Posted by jimbo at May 27, 2004 12:29 PM
Comments
when's the descent of Cheney in his secret alien craft hiding hole?
Posted by: kiri at May 27, 2004 12:51 PM
Yeah, no duck hunting lesson?
Posted by: Schorsch at May 27, 2004 1:06 PM
Oh, you missed the burning John McCain in effigy demonstration at 11:11.
Posted by: homer at May 27, 2004 1:14 PM
When's the Ann Coulter Story Hour?
Posted by: Greg at May 27, 2004 1:57 PM
what..no time for shopping? crap, i ain't goin then.
Posted by: mitzhi jean at May 27, 2004 5:33 PM
Is the "Log Cabin Republican's Blind Mans Bluff Touch Football" off the schedule?
You made my morning Jimbo.
Posted by: Timothy at May 28, 2004 12:01 PM