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April 13, 2004

straight talk on dungeons and dragons



Finally got the last shipment of books from our lovely benefactor Jeff to complete all the new edition conversions for our next D&D campaign. All of their characters are at such high levels that I can't kill them anymore, so we have to start over at a lower level. The gang has decided to be a freaky bunch this time around and have chosen characters such as an earth element dwarf druid, half-dragon, air genasai monk and psionic half-giant. Can't anyone role play a simple elf or human fighter anymore? Freaky geeks.

In a recent comment, Nert asks: "How do you actually play D&D? Forgive my ignorance, but is it a board game?"

Well, Ed, that's a good question. Especially considering that the ultra-Christian bigots and uptight self-hating facist Republican fuckheads are probably going to start hunting down D&D players like they are with the queers, jihad-style, like they did back in tha day, I think that's a rather timely question. Oh, there I go again bashing Republicans and ultra-Christians. I keep doing that a lot lately.

Anyway, back to your question, Ed. Dungeons and Dragons is a lot like Monopoly, without the board but you still use those little pewter miniature pieces. In addition to property and money, your little characters also have personalities, physical and mental statistics and career and skill focii. Each player has these statistics in numeric form on a sheet, then acts out that character with me, the game facilitator, and the other players. To continue the Monopoly analogy, the 'Dungeon Master' (me) is basically the banker, the game facilitator, doling out awards (treasure, experience points, death) and meting out punishment in the form of evil opponents and offering scenarios that the players must get through. Instead of going 'round and 'round on a Monopoly game boardwalk, the characters travel across worlds and towns, meeting friends and enemies while trying to gain power, wealth and prestige.

Most of the players in my group are in their early- to mid-thirties. Clearly the geek factor is not enough to keep 'em coming back to play every other week or so for a 6-hour time period. So we try to keep the role playing more silly, catty or more mature. And with a mostly-gay gaming group, the interaction can get pretty interesting. I try to encourage the player's characters to have motivations, goals, fears and unique personalities. For example, in the most current game that we will be ending soon, we have a nympho monk who is afraid of snakes, a closeted gay bard with a small dick, and a thief who is constantly tempted by the powers of shadow.

Also keep in mind that most of us in our gaming group are totally coked up on Oreo cookies and Dr. Pepper the whole time we play, which adds to the latent Attention Deficit Disorders in the group, making for some very unfocused but extremely social gaming sessions. On particularly bad gaming nights, we'll talk a lot about tricking, going out, who's doing who, or the latest movies for up to half of the gaming time. I must often yell "FOCUS!!!" to bring us back to the game. Imagine a big hyper gay bridge club on too much caffiene, with gay men instead of old ladies (although we often act a lot like gossipy old ladies).

In short, it's an excuse to get together and chat, be creative, and have fun. There are some things that we are not or that we do not do, contrary to popular belief. I'd like to dispel some of these beliefs:

Posted by jimbo at April 13, 2004 10:42 AM

Comments

"uptight self-hating facist Republican fuckheads"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE IT!!!!!

Posted by: Ken at April 13, 2004 10:48 AM

So are you the Dungeon Master?

I use to play with my ex boyfriend all the time while he was sick. Gave us both something to do together. I tried to understand what I was doing but couldn't grasp the whole concept. I know it takes a good imagination, and I'm so much of a visual person.

Posted by: mark at April 13, 2004 10:51 AM

Thank you! I appreciate knowing that. I have been reading your D&D comments for a year now and I always wanted to ask what the game actually involved. Thanks again.

Posted by: Ed at April 13, 2004 11:11 AM

By the way, I had forgotten the "side dish" blog. It was fun reading that again.

Posted by: Ed at April 13, 2004 11:14 AM

Yup, I'm the Dungeon Master, but occasionally I step down so I can play a character too.

Posted by: jimbo at April 13, 2004 11:36 AM

PS - Only Jimbo gets to handle the little pewter minature pieces.

I made that mistake which is why I only have four fingers on my left hand now...

Posted by: Dwight at April 13, 2004 11:44 AM

I cannot resist the urge to comment, so I must say, my, that's a lovely sword you have.

Posted by: Jeff at April 13, 2004 12:10 PM

Do you guys play strip D & D?

Posted by: homer at April 13, 2004 9:02 PM

I can not knock it. I used to play D&D all the time even throughout college. I only stopped as our group went their separate ways and I never was able to get in with another.

What is it about that picture of Jimbo with the sword that says 'hot, hot, hot!'????

On the other hand ... pink ain't his color!

;)

Posted by: myke at April 13, 2004 9:55 PM

"we do not go on expeditions into the local sewers"

Is Jimbo referring to the classic, early Tom Hanks made-for-TV-thriller "Mazes and Monsters?"

Posted by: Brian at April 14, 2004 12:51 AM

500 bonus points to Brian from NYC, and Tom Hanks will be depicting you in a biography of you written by Rona Jaffe herself.

Posted by: jimbo at April 14, 2004 9:15 AM

Does Chris Makepeace get to play you?

Posted by: Brian at April 14, 2004 1:11 PM

Die, bitch.

Seann Scott is going to play the part of jimbo. With a full beard and he'll let his chest hair grow out for the part too. Is it wierd that I'd jerk off to my biography if the part of me was played by Seann Scott?

Posted by: jimbo at April 14, 2004 1:42 PM