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March 31, 2004

hey now, I liked 'battlefield earth'

Does John Travolta have a career death wish? While I kinda liked 'Battlefield Earth', you should never, ever star in a movie based on a comic book that had already been done poorly in 1989 with Dolph Lundgren as the lead. While we are happy the genre is hitting the big screen (X-Men, Spider-Man, Daredevil) more and more often, we are afraid it's going the way of cheese. What's Travolta gonna do next, star as Skeletor in another He-Man remake? Oh yeah, that casting call has already been done. Anyhow, the new Punisher is a Hottie McHotterstein, even though it looks cheesy.

Sad news this weekend that I forgot to mention...I just learned of yet another acquaintance who has had to move away from DC due to being too enmeshed in the crystal meth network to shake off addiction by himself. This marks the third person I know who has had to relocate or else be unable to shake the Tina addiction. I guess it's just too easy to get more if you live down the block from the dealer or whatever. I saw him out on the street a year ago, and he was far too lean for someone of a formerly husky build. I knew something was up cuz he just didn't look right. And that waxy skin, perhaps it's from malnutrition, but I keep seeing it on people with Tina problems.

He's currently waiting for a new liver, as the old one is shot due to a hepatitis infection. The new liver is not likely to arrive in time. He now lives down South with his parents, who are taking care of him.

Perhaps if I keep writing about this shit, maybe people will get educated or more aware of what's going on in this city, in the gay community (gawd I hate that term). There is a BIG hyperactive pink elephant in the room, and her name is Tina, and everyone's trying very hard not to talk about her, but more than a few can't get enough of her, until she sits her fat ass on you and you can't get out from under her and you suffocate and die either in soul or body.

Posted by jimbo at 11:03 AM | Comments (9)

March 30, 2004

genie in my pocket

There is a genie that lives in my pocket. He always grants my every wish, but never quite gets it right.

This morning I turned in my first print job ever to the printers. I'd always wanted to do desktop publishing, but never meant to get here via HTML and web work. I just ended up working a lot with Photoshop, and then with Illustrator, and eventually InDesign and Quark.

It all started with my park ranger jobs, actually. Every place I had a summer job or park internship, they had always just purchased an image / document scanner and Adobe Pagemaker, and declared that I was the geek to learn / teach how to use it. They never purchased machines with fast enough processors and memory, however, so it was always cumbersome. It didn't help that I didn't know much about image optimization either...all my first scans were huge .tif and .bmp files.

These days it's a breeze...I got a beefy machine and the de-lovely Adobe Creative Suite. It's like skiing down a powder slope with a cool buzz going on on a sunny day.

Anyhow, I'm also involved with this museum project, creating exhibits and designs for old student / faculty engineering competition projects, like an old solar powered car, human-powered sub, and some robots that need to be put on display by our open house on campus in April. It's what I went to school for, I'd done an undergrad exhibit design project, and now I'm coordinating with an exhibit design company for real, and gettin' paid for it.

Except that this project sort of fell into my lap after I said I'd 'help' with it. I've learned at a university when you say you're going to 'help' it means the project is now yours. It's always been something I've wanted to do, and now I'm doing it, except that I have this huge newsletter deadline I need to meet at the same time. That's the downside of it all.

But, with boredom as my enemy, I am fairly certain I won't find much idle time in the near future, especially with a big, fat, out of shape website that needs a total overhaul and redesign. It's actually a project I can't wait to get started on. I'm talkin' a total info management enema to the thing, streamlining and reorganization.

Anyhow, after 6 months the job is going well.

Posted by jimbo at 10:19 AM | Comments (1)

March 29, 2004

monumental bitch

Yesterday I got the chance to go for a run down on the National Mall. To my surprise, the new WWII memorial was almost finished. The masonry is up and the fountains are on, and I'll have to say I'm really impressed. It's...monumental for certain. At first my concerns were that it would disrupt the view from the Lincoln memorial to the Washington, but the fountains and pools are sunken below the level of the reflecting pool. While I'm not a big WWII buff or fanatic, the monument itself is tastefully done, inspiring, and well worth a visit when you come here.

Exceptional Kia points out the hot-ass man of the week and I'll have to agree. If you haven't already, meet metrosexual poster boy from Maroon 5, Adam Levine. He's lean, he's twinkish, and generally far less hairy that I would normally pounce on, but I'm enchanted. Every once in a while I'll go out of my norm and go ga-ga over someone like that. Yes, it happens.

But this morning I noticed that on their recent video, Adam's nips and happy trail have been censored by cascading computer-generated flower petals during the sex scenes. We wouldn't want racy images of hot men on television now, would we? This country is getting more and more fucked up by the minute, I swear.

No-holds-barred attitude this week, or maybe just a continuation from last week. Look out for my honesty and perception, because I'm going to share it with you across the board. Really low tolerance bad behavior and repetition of flaws. I'm all about being in your face about it if it bugs me too...I've got no time for bullshit this week.

Posted by jimbo at 12:01 PM | Comments (3)

March 28, 2004

double entries

Hrmmm...double entries on all old archives. I think my export / import stacked entries. I'll have to go thru by hand and delete the old ones, but the new ones sans images got thru though.

Posted by jimbo at 2:52 PM | Comments (1)

cleaning house

Mmmkay...after finding numerous SPAM comment entries, webmistress Kiri put a plugin on this thing that prevents comments on entries older than 21 days or so. That should put an end to SPAM for penis enlargement and Propecia.

Let me know if anything looks funny...I messed around with a lot of code, and could have deleted a vital end tag or something.

I also went through the old entries and deleted any images that I embedded. One day I want to print out an export of the blog to keep as a hard copy, and the images screw up the formatting My whinings do have value to me, and a hard copy is a good idea.

While I was poring through the entries, I found an odious line of code that I deleted. Surely it was malicious.

Weekend update: since everyone was out of town, I made time for some dates. On Friday it was with a guy I had been chatting with online for many years. Nice guy, works a lot, and very furry. I was a bit turned off by his hypermasculinity though. Y'all know how I feel about that.

Saturday evening I went out to dinner with a somewhat less masculine guy, who was more chatty, but just as furry. Nice car too. He did his jimbo homework and kept the goatee, and wore a very open collared shirt, with woofy salt and pepper chest hairs taunting me from across the table. Grrr...

To comlete the fur theme for the weekend, I went out to Blowoff, the newest rage for alternabears, replete with tummy rubbing and woofing around for all. As I approached the club, the Melissa Etheridge concert had just gotten out, and there were butch lesbians tottering around on the street. At Blowoff, Clickboo was there, and so was an old buddy Mike, who is a greater wallflower champion than I. And of course The Bob and his cohort Richard. After a few Guinesses, I was ready to get home.

I will go to the gym today! I will run! My friend and old Renegurls teammate Raimundo will be in town next week, and has asked me to go to practice with him. My heart is woefully out of shape, and while I've gotten positive comments recently about my being 'beefy', I know the cardio is lacking. It's gonna be a tough bunch of practices, that's for sure.

Posted by jimbo at 1:49 PM | Comments (6)

March 26, 2004

happy noruz

Happy Noruz! Rock on, Persian rites of Spring, t'all you Zoroastrians.

They celebrate Noruz in Kazakstan. It was an opportunity to party after a long, cold winter on the steppe. Then again, they partied at any opportunity. Think one nation under Toby. Not only did they celebrate Zoroastrian holidays, but former Soviet holidays as well. The Kazaks celebrated ethnic Russian Holidays, and vice verse. It was not uncommon for us to have 2 parties a week where I worked. My tolerance for shitty Russian vodka was at inhuman levels. Once, I could have drank any of y'all under the table. Now all it takes is one gin and tonic to get me completely wasted. But like I said to Mitzh on Wednesday, "That's a lot of carbs."

What's up with the Time Machine theme you ask? Still no lights at work, and I feel like a tunnel-dwelling Morlock. I went to look up Morlocks on Google to make a theme-oriented banner, and came across hunky pictures of the star from that movie, Rod Taylor. Furry chest, daddylicious 60's hair, and a chin that could cut down a redwood tree. 'swoon!'. So I pay homage to Morlocks and the hunks who keep 'em down in the tunnels.

Just as there are no physical lights here on campus, my spiritual light Chrisafer is away on the West Coast. All is darkness. No Bubbles either. Gurl is out to Denver, and Ghurielle is off in Cleveland. All I have to hold on to is The Tard.

Posted by jimbo at 9:36 AM | Comments (4)

March 25, 2004

that's not punk, it's hipster

mitzh invited me to go out and see xiu xiu perform at the warehouse next door. first we went to this groovy hipster cafe 'round the corner from the eagle, then we went 2 doors down to the club where xiu would perform.

at first i thought the black irish or jewish cutie with the bitch glasses and speedo bag in front of us was dancing like the cool kids dance, but mitzh pointed out that it was probably autism. plus we think he was gay. cute though. we knew of a cure for that kinda dancing.

the opening band, a solitary kid with a casio keyboard, strobe light and a drumset, was painful and it sounded like a cross between pink floyd and an extended purple rain 12" single. i kept hoping his drumset was on hydraulics and would extend at a 90-degree angle over the audience, but none such effects were to happen. i need to go see kiss in concert again.

smoke break at intermission with mitzh. on the way to a bathroom, i overheard a couple of early 20something grungebags discussing property values. hons, yer not punk, yer hipster if you have the cash at that age to think about buying in dc. i need to move to the west coast.

then xiu xiu came on board. lead singer was cute. by this time 4 or more beers and our age was catching up on us, as we were clearly at least 10 years older than the rest of the crowd. we could also catch snatches of echo and the bunnymen, erasure and nine inch nails embedded in their set, so it was time to go. post-punk pre-neo-new age is upon us, and we've heard it before. i got to hang out with mitzh anyway.

Posted by jimbo at 3:58 AM | Comments (8)

March 24, 2004

lights out, uh huh, flash flash flash

500 bonus points if you can catch that music reference.

Umm...I work in the school of engineering here at the University of Maryland. The lights are still out in my part of the building. My computer and fan work, but my lights are out. Sheesh. The lights are not expected to be fixed until Friday. Luckily, I'm fully functional at home, and I think I'm gonna work from there tomorrow morning.

Last night I had insomnia again, so I ended up watching the awful 'Fear.com'. It was a shameless knockoff of 'The Ring', and not scary at all. People see scary website, people die in 48 hours of seeing website. Bad, bad film.

Earlier in the evening, Dan and I were chatting online, and he mentioned an old Prince song from the Parade Album. I mentioned the film 'Under the Cherry Moon', for which Parade is the soundtrack. Dan questioned said fact, and my response was: "YOU DARE QUESTION MY ALL CONSUMING KNOWLEDGE OF HIS ROYAL BADNESS?!?"

Folks, don't be a Dan. Do not ever question me on my knowledge of birdwatching or 80's and 90's Prince Trivia. Just don't go there, you will flounder and skid your face on the pavement like Mary Decker did when Zola Budd tripped her ass.

Posted by jimbo at 9:45 AM | Comments (11)

March 23, 2004

2004 banned profile words & phrases

I didn't feel like writing today, but then I read Dogpoet and now I can blog again.

In line at the DMV, we are forced to rub elbows and asses with people we wouldn't normally choose to hang out with. In front of me was a man who was so drunk he didn't know which line to stand in. Behind me was a woman whose cell phone ring was a couple measures of some unintelligble gospel song. It kept going off loudly...at least 8 times during my stay in line. Behind her were two gentlemen whose gum-chewing took me back to my younger days in Wisconsin. I was reminded of holstien cows chewing their cud furiously and loudly.

But I got through, surrendered my tags, and later had a nice long lunch at Annie's with Ghiruelle. I should just give up bringing my gym bag when I meet her up for lunch, as cocktails at noon are rarely a formula for motivation afterwards.

I got sucked into the match.com personals after their physical attraction match thingy was just too strong of a marketing draw. But I'm noticing a few things with most of the people I see on there. First, there sure are a lot of laid-back, masculine guys out there whose sexuality doesn't define them. Umm folks, your ass is being defined at the moment by conservative lawmakers who would like to legislate your str8 acting self back to the dark ages. Second, there are a few phrases that are just a bit overused. If you have a profile anywhere - on AOL, Bigmuscle or match.com - try to make your profile unique by avoiding the following phrases: Creepy discovery of the week: my formerly gay rugby team's website has pretty much washed the word 'gay' off of their website. I see 'sexual orentation' mentioned a few times, and 'gay' once when covering the history of the club, but apparently it's not gay anymore. I'm not quite sure what to think of this. We made a lot of strides in a very unorthodox area in terms of tolerance, and I'm proud that we were a gay team, and that they knew they were gettin' whupped (if only rarely) by a bunch of queers. There are more than a few straight guys on the team, and that's great, but it's still mostly gay. But I'm not happy we are on the down-low these days. What is the board afraid of, losing federal funding? I need to think this one through before discussing with former teammates who are now on the board...

Posted by jimbo at 9:22 PM | Comments (7)

March 22, 2004

closed on mondays

I get my ass outta bed on my day off, haul it down to the DMV, 6th circle of hell, and am greeted by the sign on the door that says "CLOSED ON MONDAYS". Just like it said on the website when I looked at it a dozen times, but I didn't see that part of course. It's going to be one of those days.

I will try to go to work and get that newsletter cracked out. I will try to work on this web job I got on the side. I will try.

Later on that day...oh, it gets better. I haul bike and ass to work up at U of M, cuz there's no shuttle from the metro as it's Spring Break. And there's a -25 wind chill or so. I get into work, and while the computer can boot up, there's no lights. I like need to read and type people! Grrr...perhaps I'll just stay at home tomorrow.

Even later...well, I got money shit taken care of today anyway. The financial transactions were finalized, so no auto loan on my ass now. Then I paid off some other shit, including my DC taxes and membership dues for the rugby team.

Yeah, yeah, I know I said my days were over, but the team can use support in the form of my membership dues, and perhaps I'll return in the fall once all my money, job and grad school stuff starts smoothing out. I've really been missing the opporunity to use my body for a purpose, rather than just keeping it in shape at the gym - which is starting to bore me. Plus, you don't get to tackle people at the gym either.

Posted by jimbo at 1:07 PM | Comments (4)

March 21, 2004

all of earl's friends are hot

Friday I watched the season finale of Stargate with Gurl. The reality of my new carless state set in as I hauled massive amounts of groceries home with me after that on my bike. This will probably mark a new era of fitness on my part, or at the very least an even tighter butt, as I'll be biking all over the place again. At the very least I should check out Peapod and get all the heavy stuff delivered. And I want the hunky guy on the website to deliver my groceries, by the way.

Saturday I did very little but play Civ all day, work out, and then met up with a hunky hunkerstein I had met via EarlGurl last weekend at Nation. Good food and good chat...true DC locals are always a better bet than overworked recent emigres to the city, as they seem to be more laid back for some reason. Later on we went to JRs for a few, and met up with Earl and all his hot friends. Another one of his hot friends who is also a blogger did not show up, fyi. Homebody.

At one point in the evening Earl and I were chatting about another one of his hot friends, a guy who may have been German, named Reichen or Reinhard or something. Earl was pondering why this guy was hot, and I pointed out the German schnoz. It's always about The Schoz, honey. Don't resist the inevitable...give in to your love of The Schnoz. Don't be afraid of Schnozalicousness...cuz you know what else is big on him, don't you?

While we have off for Spring Break tomorrow and Tuesday, I will be a busy boy, going to the dreaded DC DMV to turn in my tags, and then running up to work for some cherished time there with no coworkers. I have a deadline with a publication I need to get done, and I'm guessing 4 hours at work with no coworkers buzzing about the Terps game will equal 2 days of work with them there. Then I need to get this side web job stuff done too. I didn't plan on anything this long weekend, so that's a good thing. More extra money for new underwear.

Posted by jimbo at 1:12 PM | Comments (4)

March 19, 2004

snakehead terror

Watched a wonderful new horror flick last night on the Sci-Fi Channel. Snakehead Terror featured a beer-gutted daddlylicous Bruce Boxleitner (Scarecrow & Mrs. King) as a town sherrif who has to deal with hormone-frenzied snakehead fish, who are not only out for blood, but can crawl on land too. Just like the ones that terrorized Maryland a few years back. From the media's reaction to the real ones, it's no surprise someone wrote a pilot for a sci-fi / horror version featuring a 60' snakehead at its climax.

OK, so what's with all my friends stealing my personae? One lost it at work and dislikes his job, one is channeling my rage, and the other is withdrawing from society. 'Scuse me folks, these mood swings are MY domains! I'm gonna have to charge if you have to continue whining about your job, taking up my mantle of rage, or totally dropping off the radar. Meanwhile, despite a partylicious weekend, I had a fairly rage-free week where I enjoyed most of what I did at work, and even got out to socialize and kept in touch with friends. Go figure. I guess after three years of whining, bitching and raging, it's my turn to be understanding.

Posted by jimbo at 10:21 AM | Comments (4)

March 18, 2004

latest rugby obsession

Pretty busy at work today, until I found pics of the captain of England's National rugby team, Lawrence Dallaglio. Holy shit...my new fucking blonde Italian rugby daddy. He's got it all to press my buttons: huge thighs, thinning hair, super-scruff potential, visible evidence of chest fur, and a badass attitude:

That would pretty much do it for me.

And on a related note: GO TERPS!

Posted by jimbo at 2:17 PM | Comments (16)

March 17, 2004

my shamrock shake brings all the laddies to the pub

I totally forgot that it was St. Patrick's Day today, but then again I'm only marginally Irish. I think my last name is English anyway, and I'm mostly Norwegian, like everyone else from where I'm from in Western Wisconsin. I don't think I'm going to go out and perpetuate racial stereotypes tonight by swilling Guiness either. However, make sure to give a shout out for our favorite Hawaiian / Hispanic Leprechaun Tard, and of course Chrisafer McMilkshake as well.

That reminds me...best wishes to Miss Whitney Houston on her 34th trip to rehab. I still haven't heard any sort of 'Crack is Whack' remix yet.

I for one will be all about May 17th, the day Norway declared its independence from the evil Danes. In fact, my roomate and I will be having a party the Saturday before that, since it's also his birthday, we are now both employed and need to celebrate, and he's never had a housewarming yet. It'll be B.Y.O.B. of course, as we been 'po for quite some time. No fabu catering for us. Also, a house party is a good way to get shit cleaned up that you've ignored for too long. The party theme will be everything Norwegian, and I'll try to scrounge up some lefse, lutefisk, and maybe even some sunbakkles.

My mom arrives in NYC today for her Thelma and Louise trip with her girlfriend. Sadly I won't be able to make it up there to meet her, but I'm encouraging her to come visit me here some day in DC. However, she reads this blog, and I need to stop writing about all the 'hos and shootings in my 'hood first. It's all about the spin, baby. Thus far it's been mostly my friends from my hometown who have visited, with the exception of my oldest brother, who was a hit with all the gay boys and he didn't understand why. He was always shirtless during his visit as he is in his normal windsurfing hippie environment state of mind.

I just had to post this gratuitous pic of Ken Shamrock, just because it wouldn't be appropriate any other day.

Posted by jimbo at 9:35 AM | Comments (8)

March 16, 2004

check out mighty jimbo's hot ripped hairy abs

(Heh heh...watch that metrosexual mofo's hits go up once I post this...gurls check out this entry...)

Once upon a time I did a vanity search on Google for me and my weblog. I typed in 'jimbo' in the search engine, and I got some crunchy granola dude's weblog called "The Mighty Jimbo". At first I was incensed that some crunchy granola dude from the West Coast was getting more hits and was higher up on a Google search than MOI, but then I started reading his interesting posts and realized he was pretty cool for a breeder. He's kinda outdoorsy, is horny much like my older brother, and kinda schnozalicous like Fitz. So we corresponded a bit and now I'm calling him 'bitch' and 'honey', but not 'sweetie' just yet.

So anyhow, I was checking out his gayer than gayest metrosexual post of all time, where he shows off his collection of fabu clothing, and at the bottom is this SUPER HOT PIC OF HIS CHEST AND ABS OMIGAWD STRAIGHT OUTTA BIGMUSCLE.COM HOLEE SHIT OMIGAWD GURL GO CHECK OUT THAT PIC and I got all hot and bothered. Plus the bitch has better clothes than me, and she's straight.

Posted by jimbo at 1:40 PM | Comments (14)

March 15, 2004

step back from my porkchops

I had a nice quiet date with a very handsome 40something man at Duplex Diner (International House of Husbands) last night. It was remarkably quiet there as 6:30 seems to be better than 8, as that place gets really noisy sometimes when it gets packed. Bad accoustics as is typical with recent urban design style that does not account for atmosphere. But the food was great...pork chops and applesauce as usual. Anyhow, said date was hunky and handsome, with really great skin for his age. I know it sounds like an odd thing to point out, but I'm positive he has skincare secrets Kyan from Queer Eye would kill for. If anything comes out of this, I at least want some good skincare tips.

Internet dates are always funny, because if you have not met them yet in person, you will always project an image of what you think they will look like. Sometimes they are bigger, smaller, leaner or bigger than you initially imagined. In this case, I had pictured him as being bigger, but he turned out to be more of a yoga-slim, but not string-beany. Lean in a predatory jungle cat kinda way...and that's a good thing. Rrrowr. Or maybe I'm just projecting again.

So I'm having some good chatter with the date when this dude from way back when I was on the water polo team comes up all kissy and chatty with me. Normally all I gets is a wave and a very cursory 'hi!' from him. Sure, he's a woofy beefy hairy MuscleJew, but honey, the jimbo is clearly on a date, so keep your life stories short. And it's quite obvious he came up to also say hi to the date I was with. You slimy scumbag player. You know how David Boreanaz' face gets when he turns into a Vampire on Angel? That's how my face was getting when Mr. Eric Playerman's visit to our table was exceeding ten minutes.

Anyhow, said date was great, but mention of working the accursed "weekends and evenings" came into the conversation. Anyone see a pattern here in this town? The problem is that I picked up this really bad work ethic when I lived on the West Coast in Portland, Oregon, that doesn't really match up with the East Coast work ethic. I believe you should have your own life, friendships and recreational interests on the weeknights and weekends. Work is left behind at 5pm and on weekends. I know, I know, it's not in line with the whole Good American Work Ethic thing, and it probably makes me a slacker. But that's why I went to work for a university. My coworkers come in at 8:30, and leave promtply at 4:30. I think that's healthy. It's also often called good wellness. Sure, I don't get paid as much as a slave, indentured servant, contractor but I have a work schedule I can rely on, and plenty of leave time.

My car is out of my hands as of today. It is now at the dealership, and I await checks and loans and all that to clear to zero, which should happen a week from now. Spiritually and mentally, I feel like I just took a big giant shit after being constipated for three years. Or, as most people would say, a great weight has been taken off my shoulders, but I prefer the constipation metaphor. It feels more like a weight outta my innards than a weight offa my shoulders, actually.

Ironically, remember when I was like trying to look for side web jobs and stuff to help pay for the car? Of course, one offer for a potental $3000 small side job came in TODAY, right after I came back from the dealership ridding myself of the car. Isn't life just goofy that way? Oh well, it will be used for new underwear and socks and stuff like that, since I haven't bought new clothes in almost three years. Not $3000 worth of underwear, mind you, but it'll be extra income for stuff like that. I'm going shopping with Mitzhi, lemme tell ya. That gurl knows how to shop, so I'm going with a pro.

Posted by jimbo at 10:09 AM | Comments (10)

March 14, 2004

there's a brand new dance, and it's called The Bird

Yesterday I got to meet up with Jeff from Clemson for lunch, at it was good to finally meet up with a longtime online bud. Thanks for the Clemson rugby shirt! Like I said, very butch. Grrr.

Then it was a most unfocused D&D session with the gang. Cocktails, 5 queens, a faghag, and fantasy role-playing do not mix well, especially with a bunch who are so heavily A.D.D endowed. But at least we got caught up on gossip and the latest Sean Cody porn videos.

Disco nap, then off to retro night at Nation. Apparently all the big gurls were down at the White Party, and I could count the number of guys described as 'woofy' on only one hand, present company included of course. Good to meet you Earl! And say hello to Chad for me...I was shy. Anyhow, it was a very young crowd, and Ghurielle and I felt geriatric at times.

Bonnie Pointer of the Pointer Sisters performed, and I was confused that she was there as a single Pointer Sister, but it was advertised in the plural form. Whatever. The highlight of the evening was this very well coreographed dance troupe that did a tribute to the Purple Rain soundtrack, with 80's dance moves included. They even did The Bird! Who were those guys? They rocked.

However, it was my third time listening to this particular DJ doing retro, and he had the same track lineup as before...to the song. So I was bored after only about 2 hours, and hightailed it outta there. Ghurielle and I capped off the weekend with a fun brunch at Annie's today.

Congrats, Dawg! We knew you could do it. Big fat schoarship too. Rock on.

Posted by jimbo at 2:13 PM | Comments (6)

March 12, 2004

hi, i'm bjorn from botswana, and i think you're hot

Hmm...just got my match.com thingy in by e-mail. I'm too cheap yet for a full subscription right now though. Their search / profile match wasn't quite on target for what I'm really into. Howcome I didn't get the same matches as Jocko? Better to just surf thru the profiles it seems. Same guys as on bigmuscle.com, Yahoo, AOL, and The Onion, and the Washington Blade local personals. Plus, the only 'wink' I get is from some guy in Botswana. I'm not kidding.

My apologies to Ben for not connecting the Ben I get introduced to at the Eagle last year by John of Beaverhausen and the Ben of Beaverhausen. We have met, but I still think you're cute! I do have a shitty memory, but good visual match skills. Next time I see you I'll stick my toungue down your throat like you asked. Was it you who asked me that? I'll do it anyway. My apologies in advance and belated to everyone for repeating my inane stories to you, forgetting your name, e-mailing you several times about the same subject, and totally forgetting about appointments. Especially lately, with all my $$$, car, grad school application and workload stress. No more drama. I just wanna cut out shapes outta construction paper today. Y'all have a good weekend, I'm all about 5pm right now.

Posted by jimbo at 10:15 AM | Comments (7)

March 11, 2004

the man with the wooden toenails

Oh no. He's here at the gym again. The Man With The Wooden Toenails. Look up, don't look down...don't look at them.

Imagine tan bark chips growing out of your toes where the toenails should be. That's what his toenails look like. Clearly it's a fungal infection of some sort that has gone untreated for at least a year. Add to it that he just doesn't seem to have a sense of personal hygene, as he often lets them grow up to 1/2" from his toes. He's there mainly to go desperately in and out of the dry and steam saunas, cruising heavily as people flee them both in horror when he enters. When he's there I walk on my heels for fear of contracting his fungal infection, and I keep my eyes as far from the floor as possible, lest I spy his vile toenails and feel the bile come up in my throat.

On a brighter note, I'm not going out tonight or tomorrow in order to store up my party points for the weekend. It's retro night at Nation, with a reliable retro DJ. Me and my gurl Ghuirelle are goin' out to shake it. It is my wish to hear a Shiela E. song, Touch Me (All Night Long) by Cathy Dennis, and whatever surprises Ed Bailey, former DJ at Tracks, has in store for me. He always pleases me.

I had a scary thought the other day. When Germany went all Hitler and shit back in the day, it was fortunate that it was a relatively small country, and the rest of the world was able to unify and squish 'em. What happens if the greatest military power in the world today goes (has already gone?) facist? Who would stop us and how?

Posted by jimbo at 9:41 AM | Comments (13)

March 10, 2004

giving up the goatman

Yep, Chrisafer took me on a tour of his hometown area of Prince George's County yesterday to and fro the auto detail store. It was near where I go birdwatching, although I have never spotted the Goatman of Hyattsville even though I'm the first birding geek in 5 years to spot a red-headed woodpecker in the area. I gots eyes like a hawk I do...harr.

I gave up the goatman and got the skid mark on the car professionally removed, now she looks good as new. Now if only I could get a call back from the dude at the dealership and seal the deal. I had one potential interest via e-bay, but we both were kinda sketched out on the whole private sale deal, especially since he was from NC. Blah blah blah I'll spare you the car drama and I can't wait to get rid of that fucker.

In a search for some old academic writing samples for grad school application, I had my mom look through some boxes in the closet where I used to hide back home in Wisconsin. She found the diploma I was looking for, plus some old trophies from track & field and public speaking competitions, and my old pressed flower collection from biology class. I wanted her to mail it with the diploma, but she was worried it would get crushed or lost, so she offered to take it with her on her trip to NYC next weekend and leave it with my friends up there. Now, this pressed plant collection has a very aromatic sample of skunk cabbage (Symplocarpus foetidus) in it, which gives the container of pressed plant specimens an aroma similar to that of a big box of pot. I immediately imagined my sweet 'ol mom getting busted in the airport terminal by the U.S. Customs drug-sniffing beagle and being arrested. I promptly told mom that I didn't need the flower collection that bad, and that I'll get it when I come home next Christmas. Momma doesn't need to get busted on her first trip to NYC now does she?

Posted by jimbo at 9:47 AM | Comments (3)

March 9, 2004

bitch, I'll cut you if you hit on my ecto-mesomorph

I just took the match.com physical attraction quiz, bloghumping Chrisafer's entry. The results were predictable, but it takes a while and a high-speed connection to finish. I was pleased to see a 'back hair' question included on the survey. However, fu-manchu mustaches, rednecks and rugged jocks with beer guts were sadly absent from the survey pics to choose from. And I don't know how Chrisafer got 'hairy chests' in his list of likes, and I didn't.

Favorite Qualities:
Your photo choices suggest a man over 45 is probably getting a little old for your tastes. You seemed interested in dating a man at least 35 or older. You have a preference for very handsome men, so-called "Ecto-Mesomorphs," with narrow chins and nicely angular faces, hazel eyes and light brown hair.

Favorite Looks:
Some may call one of your types "Pretty Boys," but all you know is that they're gorgeous. The combination of classic good looks with small noses, beautiful eyes, and full lips is hard to resist. These guys tend to be clean shaven, have clear skin, and get good hair cuts. They're taking good care of themselves so they can be "pretty" just for you!

Another of the "looks" that you consistently noticed has been described as "The Boy Next Door." He has an open face, with big eyes, and a big grin. He has a youthful or boyish quality that will follow him throughout his life. Typically this look is associated with light brown hair, a close shave, and blue or hazel eyes. These guys convey a warm, trusting impression, but watch out for that mischievous side!

I don't know where Saul (left) came from in this survey, but then again I do love the Jews. Biff is predictable (center) and Dogpoet's pic was in the survey and I like clicked on it like every time I saw it:

And clearly, y'all know I love my fur:

So how does this match with the blogworld? You and You and You need to look out cuz I'm comin' to get ya. You and you need not fear the advance of the Jimbo, it seems.

Posted by jimbo at 11:22 AM | Comments (12)

my milkshake is bigger than yours

Posted by jimbo at 9:56 AM | Comments (2)

March 8, 2004

attitude in sepia

I have artsy friends with fierce digital cameras and all we do is hang out at the most fabulous gay hotspots in DC and front attitude:

This is Sweetie from Seattle. She is as fierce as she looks, and we share a common bond of compulsive tidiness and a liking for hairy daddies.

And lastly but not leastly, Bubbles and his longtime partner Chrisafer, poster children for gay marriage. They have been together longer than any of my straight friends, but Chrisafer doesn't want to brag about it or put out a press release like Rosie. So I will.

Posted by jimbo at 9:54 AM | Comments (9)

you don't own me, bitch

My weblog owns 31.25 % of me.
Does your weblog own you?

Posted by jimbo at 9:39 AM

one of those evenings. or: why i went home

Nice hotel, 'cept for the Marilyn Monroe statue in the lobby. Your name really isn't Greg? Dammit, stop pawing me, let me take off my coat first! Umm...I see we're on some kind of rigid script. Mmm...that felt good, so why did you stop? Oh yeah, the script. Gotta stick to the script. No free-flow I guess. Yes of course I use a condom, but you shouldn't use baby oil for lube. You want to eat dinner...now? Damn, I hate the smell of baby oil. Yeah, of course you're an exclusive top. Flip. Ho hum...glad I stretched out my lower back today. OK so if I'm such an awesome top, how come you ain't hard? Stop hoppin' up and down on my cock, let me do the work and you just sit back and enjoy. Oh no, he wants me to pound him hard. OK, enough with the accolades on my fucking, you're starting to embarrass me. Jeezus, when's the last time you got fucked? I'm taking a piss now, leave me alone. Again, paws off the jimbo. Umm...snuggling is fun and is supposed to be relaxing, why can't you stop squirming and shifting? You are now cutting off the flow of blood to my arm. No, that thing down there ain't gonna rise for you again, I'll tell you that much. I really do have a headache, and I'll bet it'll go away when I leave.

But I didn't say that. I smiled and kissed him goodnight. Shoulda stayed home and played Civ. Time to shower off that nauseating baby oil smell.

Posted by jimbo at 12:00 AM | Comments (8)

March 7, 2004

you know you're ___ when...

You know you're a geek when: you and your best friend refer to each other in terms of Dungeons and Dragons character classes.

Jimbo: Gurl, is it supposed to rain today?
Gurl: I don't know! You're the druid!

This weekend the weather vacillated from humid to dry to sunny to rain and windy and back again. Each time the varying pressure fronts changed, this druid's head would throb. Must have been a clogged sinus or something. It felt like when I took my PADI scuba diving test with a sinus infection, and I ascended too fast and something busted up there in my head. Please remove the ninja stars from my cerebral cortex!

A gigante iced coffee and a haircut helped a little, and on Saturday Jon, Gabriel and I went to a photography exibit at the Kathleen Ewing Gallery on Connecticut Ave. Aquarium featured photographs of public aquaria from around the world. Looks like I need to go to Lisbon and Vancouver, as their fish tanks rock.

Later in the evening I tore myself from some Civ, and went to Rimmington's, DC's premiere country/western bar cuz my buddy Keith just started working there. He took the job to get some socialization as his normal job workin' from home was driving him crazy. I normally don't go there unless it's to play pool during the week, and last night was another reminder why I don't go there on Saturdays. Too crowded, I don't line dance or two-step, look-but-don't touch faux military look atmosphere, and I don't recall the last time there was a cattle drive in the District of Columbia, so I find the pretense a bit amusing.

Then I went over to the Eagle to meet up with Pascal from Montreal. Mitzh was there too and we did our wallflower act for a while. Looks like I have a place to crash in Montreal with a very charming Frenchman anytime. Pascal and I had a good time talking, and you know you're getting older (or more mature) when you both agree during the chat that neither of you really wants to sleep with each other, and you both find it amicable.

But you know you've got a drug problem when: you are cracked out of your gourd amongst the patrons of the Eagle with a minor beer buzz, and Jimbo has to steady you and ask if you're OK. There was an aquaintance of mine there who's a bit outside my circle of friends who seemed to be on some heavy combo of G, E, K and/or Tina, tottering about with pupils the size of dinner plates. Hon, couldn't you wait until you got to Nation? At least you would have blended in a bit better. And gurl, people were talkin' and shakin' their heads at you. Reminded me of Addaboy's entry from last weekend that kinda haunted me after reading it.

Posted by jimbo at 2:05 PM | Comments (5)

March 6, 2004

free martha

Jeez Louise people, lighten up! I made the Free Martha graphic a year or so ago when the issue first popped up. I'm not really concerned with Mz. Stewart's emanicpation, but since she's a Domestic Diva I had to crack a joke at it. If she broke the law, she broke the law, and I agree her sentence will probably be cushy. Plus, I was experimenting with the block letter layout in the style of those 80's tee-shirts that said 'FRANKIE SAYS RELAX' and Wham's sweatshirts that said 'CHOOSE LIFE' or whatever. Did anyone catch that?

Good news on the car front: I took the thing to the dealership up the street from work, which is part of the chain from which I bought it. The dude said he'd take it from me without a trade for a little less than my current loan value. I got an offer for a small loan from my other credit union which will cover the difference. The remainder of that loan will go to my overburdened overdraft account, and the rest to savings and all that. While it will be a great burden off my shoulders, I am sad to get rid of it. When I got canned from my first job years ago, I made a vow that I would not lose the car, and I don't make vows lightly. However, this will allow me to breathe easier, work on the credit card debt, and not have to sacrifice my weekends with a part time job. Plus, DC is a fairly easy place to live without a car anyway, and I'm an aggressive driver and driving burns me out in this town.

Jimbo weekend! Very few commitments, but I want to finish the grad school application now that all the letters of reference and transcript requests are done with.

Posted by jimbo at 9:43 PM | Comments (6)

March 5, 2004

small, cute, fuzzy creature

So there's this image some people have of me, which usually revolves around something small, cute and furry. In college my best friend called me 'Teddy Bear'. When I got to DC someone immediately started calling me 'Care Bear'. An ex referred to me often as 'Monchichi'. A few weeks ago a friend from rugby poked my tummy and said "Poppin' Fresh!" I don't know what to think about this, as you know I'm really mean and nasty and bitchy, and I'm not cuddly and cute and furry at all. Not surprisingly, Kenn had too much time on his hands one day, and made this picture independantly without knowing my past small-cute-furry references:

Apparently now I'm some kind of gay Ewok / Carebear mutation that gives out hearts and warm fuzzies to people. Despite this apparent cuddly image, I still can't get one goddamn gay 'Bear' to give me the time of day in this town. What's up with that?

Posted by jimbo at 5:03 PM | Comments (14)

March 4, 2004

feelin' the vibe

I was a bit late walkin' to the rally last night and didn't know it, so I got unnerved by the sight of too many 17th St. gurls walkin' in the WRONG direction from the rally. However, as I approached the rally site, it was both good and bad to see such a large crowd. Good that so many people showed up, but bad in the safety category. The small square in front of the new HRC building just isn't big enough to support a large group of activists - especially during rush hour at the cross section of two major streets near downtown DC. So people were spilling onto the streets, across to opposite blocks. Me and several other people were frequently concerned that someone was gonna get run over by a car. Just like the last rally I was at for Matthew Shephard, HRC was most concerened with it's own welfare and issues, not of it's members and supporters. Let's hope their next public event will show concerns for the people. Folks, we have plenty of large parks in DC, and if the rugby team can find an alternate field due to weather and unexpected cancellations, so can you. To hell with showcasing your new building, I'm not down with smooshed queers or traffic problems.

But it was a good rally overall if you ignored the safety problems. The highlight of the evening was listening to the 13 year-old son of a lesbian couple speak out about how marriage restrictions to his parents affected him. Dan showed up but quickly disappeared into the crowd, but was very warm and cuddly. A friend from Montreal joined me, and we quickly joined Mitzh, Chrisafer, and Gurl to watch from a safer vantage point kitty corner from the rally. Kitty as in catty, to tell the truth.

A special shout out to the cutie who came up to me and said hi and that he read this blog: my e-mail address is in the lower right corner of this blog...clearly you're not shy. Keep it up and e-mail me.
>; )

Later on we all went to Windows for a few. Mitzh and Gurl were charmed by my French friend, and are gonna have my head if we don't meet up again. I certainly will, but I was beat from a long day. I dropped him off at JRs and walked back home up 17th street, and felt a vibe on the street that I hadn't felt there in a long time. Many of the rally attendees were sharing dinner up and down the street, and there was a tangible feel of excitement in the air, one of hope and progress. And that's a good thing.

Posted by jimbo at 1:58 AM | Comments (8)

March 3, 2004

what are we fighting for?

Just a few quick notes before I get into my rant. Henry Rollins is comin' to speak on campus tomorrow. I just might go. See recent Rob Clarke illustration I spotted this weekend in a porno mag at Lambda Rising. Got my letters out to professors of yore last night for grad school application. Damn, if the application process is any indication of how the studies will go, it's a good thing I've cut back on the extracurriculars. Say hello, to Paul who comes out of the woodwork.

See you at the protests tonight. Yeah, it's an HRC thing, and I don't like that they're the dominant force in a monarchy of gay rights groups, but it's good to show up and see if the movment is starting to roll. In case you were clueless, here's a list of what we're fighting for (contrary to popular belief, it's not just the fabu weddings that we're interested in):

Posted by jimbo at 10:23 AM | Comments (5)

March 2, 2004

my preciousss presidency

Hey, for all you gurls in DC: make sure you bring your STRAIGHT friends with you to this rally tomorrow. This is not just our issue, and we ghettoize ourselves if we keep hearin' the sermon from the preacher without bringing new folks into the fold. Those on middle ground must be made aware too!

Check out the new feature on the sidebar to the right: entries categorized! It's a coolio feature of Moveable Type. Be wary of the 'rants' one, as it's really big and takes forever to load. But the 'woof' and 'music' categories are manageable.

Sparky made this graphic (left) and it made me laugh - apparently the power of the Presidency has changed our precious W. Beware of the corrupting influence of absolute power!

Sparky's kinda my blog daddy, by the way, and thus sort of a blog grampaw to many of my blog children. jimbo is my blog mamma.

It's cloudy today and kinda humid. Definite swamp ass action going on in the stuffy office. I'm meeting up with a furry frog from Montreal tonight. He's cute and perky and bearded, so this is a good thing.

Oh, my roomate finally got a job, after like a year of being unemployed, overlapped with my yearish of unemployedishness. I want to have a party. He's never had a housewarming. It'd be BYOB, of course. I want to have it before it gets all hot and shit here in DC. I'll keep ya posted.

I have an interview at Garden District tomorrow for part time work. I'm hoping the retail aspect pays more than the landscaping aspect, and that I get the retail position. I'm not looking forward to sacrificing my weekends and evenings, but these are the sacrificies one must make in this lovely economy. I'm thinking I might actually like the job though, despite it taking up the rest of my time. I've always wanted to work at a landscaping place, or to do landscaping.

Posted by jimbo at 9:41 AM | Comments (4)

March 1, 2004

'v' is for vicissitude

This morning another fish in the aquarium was dead, and the coffee pot blew up and sent grounds and silty dark water everywhere. Spent much of the morning cleaning it all up. It's starting out to be one of those days/weeks, I thought. Little problems all over, just wade through them to get through the week.

Grumpy weekend as it's the beginning of the month, which may prove to be a generally cranky time of the month for me. The bills are paid, which means no, no money until the 15th. I'm not exaggerating. There is no money to be spent other than what's currently in my wallet. Totally broke until next payday. The car is now up for sale on E-Bay, the Blade and in the City Paper. No one can say I haven't tried to rectify this situation.

To add to this weekend's pall, I get a call from an ex this weekend who complained about a blog entry I may or may not have written in reference to him. Lately he only calls with tales of woe or to brag of weal, or to yell at me for one thing or another. All of these calls usually leave me feeling both worn out and unhappy. Apparently there is some stalky bitter tattletale queen who has nothing better to do in her meth-induced frenzies than to scan all my entries month by month and then report them to others, and has decided it's her job to report to this ex about my writings, in the style of a little girl in a gossipy middle-school clique. To both you and the ex: do yourself a favor and stop reading the blog if it bothers you. I've found I'm much happier when I avoid reading boring, verbose or angry blogs that affect me negatively. I may link to them, but I don't read them. And do me a favor and stop calling me. As I discovered long ago, there is your reality, and then there is mine...which I why I left you. Your reality is now and has always caught up to you in the end, and I'd like to keep my reality clear of yours.

While walking to work, I saw several 'V'-shaped flocks of cormorants flying north. Bulbs are poking up out of the ground, and I have an interview for weekend and evening work (joy) at a local landscaping business. I had a nice phone call with the very woofy Mark this weekend, who really does have a hunky Southern drawl. Wooof.

Hey, what did Annie Lennox win her Oscar for last night? I must have missed that part, and Mitzhi's report didn't mention her. She looked very pretty, by the way. So did all the hobbits. OK, I admit I have a thing for Sean Astin. It's no surprise, as he's been a total furstud even since 'Rudy'. Scruffy last night too.

Posted by jimbo at 10:43 AM | Comments (11)