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January 15, 2004
shady scumbag man-pigs
Goofing around on the webcam with ICUII last night, I got IMed by a guy whose profile stated that he was from Washington, DC. There was no mention of his marital status. However, after a little investigative web searching which resulted in other profiles found, it turned out he had a partner...and he lives in Falls Church, VA. Honey, Falls Church ain't DC, it's FALLS CHURCH...a totally unhip Virginia ecto-suburb outside even the Beltway. As in an hours' drive from DC. And no jaded ghetto-livin' Shaw-Howard queen like me is going to trek out to the hinterlands for some sex-starved married bear tail. Plus, I am not someone's side dish, I am the main entree. Goddamn shady misleading man-pig.
Which made me think about a buddy of mine who just found out that the guy he was dating was simulaneously dating some other guy out on the West Coast. As in posting a web page with gooey couple pictures and everything for quite some time. I feel bad for my friend, and am very disappointed with the other guy, who I thought I knew well. What is sad is that my buddy was really 100% into this guy. All the way dedicated. This guy he was dating was always a bit distant, evasive, and oftentimes emotionally unavailable, and now we know why. Being duplicitous is hard work...maintaining two separate relationships even harder. Why bother? Honesty is easy and takes far less energy, yet remarkably hard to find in men at times.
I was thinking this morning how lucky I am: I got my health I got my faith I'm in my right mind. I got through a potentially dangerous relationship with the above three items intact. Being single and dating is hazardous...there are so many roadblocks, potholes and road-raged people out there on the dating scene. You really have to be totally cognizant and aware of who you are with.
Don't really know where I'm going with this rant, other than that I somehow feel lucky to have a good sense of what I want and who I am, and the wisdom to see dangerous curves ahead.
Posted by jimbo at January 15, 2004 10:42 AM
Comments
if you were going for a Kim English lyrical reference...you were *this* close....
"I got my health, I got my strength, I'm in my right mind"
Joe - the lyrical pedant
Posted by: joe at January 15, 2004 3:15 PM
Joe: When KimE (she's 'KimE' to me...always and forever) and I got together to collaborate on the lyrics (which was going to be so hard after her 'Unspeakable Joy' hit) for her next hit single, the original words we used were what I quoted on this blog entry...which remain in my head today. The goddamn suits wanted us to remove any references to faith from the lyrics, so Kim and I had to change 'faith' to 'strength'.
Posted by: jimbo at January 15, 2004 3:50 PM
Jimbo
you need to get out more - Falls Church is inside the beltway - just on the other side of Arlington - less then 10 mins from the Teddy Roosevelt Bridge...
but I agree with you -partnered guys who cheat on their partners and otherwise set themselves up as single for the purpose of "play" are scum. One of the definite hazards of online dating. I find if they don't mention their marital status upfront it's usually for a reason...
Posted by: Andy at January 15, 2004 5:20 PM
JIMBO AIN'T NO SIDEDISH....that's totally absolutly my favorite phrase right now
Posted by: donald at January 15, 2004 6:56 PM
So that's why you blew off my party? Cause it is across the river?
sheeesh. You ain't never getting no suburbs tail here!!
Dating is hard - trusting is tough - but you gotta trust your gut - if someone gives off unavailable vibe - I say ask em about it and walk away.
Posted by: Dan at January 15, 2004 8:08 PM
Amen. Falls Church is the original home of White Flight, so I don't blame you one bit for not wanting to go.
And there ain't no way to slice it so Upper Suburbia, VA = D.C.
Posted by: BionicleChronicle at January 16, 2004 6:38 AM
You seem awfully critical of the 'burbs. I don't live there either but, please, must you dis with such venom those who make that choice?
So, anyway-- you didn't have sex with him because 1. he lied, or 2. he lives "far away"? If he lived in your 'hood and/or had been honest about the partner would it have turned out differently?
I hope you get some this weekend, so you're less cranky.
BTW, seems you worry and think way too much about "dating."
Posted by: David at January 16, 2004 9:04 AM
yes. 1.) yes. 2.) yes. perhaps. me too. probably.
Got no problem with Falls Church, but it is not DC. And in this weather, I'm unlikely to even leave my house. Been thinking about moving closer to work in College Park, Hyattsville, or Mt. Rainer myself. But anything out on Hwy. 66 is a hemorrhoid waiting to happen.
Posted by: jimbo at January 16, 2004 9:49 AM
NOOOOOO...I take 50 and it takes me 15 minutes. I agree that it's pointless to take 66 anywhere. I will even agree that I wish we were in the city and someday maybe we will be again. But I suppose that it's my karma to be bridge and tunnel kinda guy. It's my fault, I wear too much make up and I wear my hair way too big.
Posted by: Ed at January 16, 2004 11:08 AM
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james
Posted by: james at May 26, 2004 7:35 AM