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May 12, 2003

wrathful and righteous

I'm trying not to be wrathful and righteous, I really am. I make resolutions throughout the year, not just on January 1st. Some time about a year ago I made a resolution not to be so judgemental, as I was wrong on one account, and get up on that high horse way too much, only to fall just as far. It's more often 'Do As I Say, Not As I Do', but sometimes I just can't help it.

My buddy Seamus has been complaining about getting stomped on by this guy he's been dating recently. Now, it takes two to get stomped on, but I still don't take kindly to my friends getting walked on.

I happen to know this guy Seamus is dating. Bronco (Americanization of his given Croatian name) used to hang around the water polo team, making no qualms about not setting foot in the pool, reserving his energy for mouth to mouth and other activities outside the pool. I was under the assumption that Bronco was in his mid- to late-twenties, judging by his appearance and youthful vigor. There are certain things I'll chalk up to youthful energy and pent up sexual repression at that age.

Well it turns out that the gay deities of youth have blessed him with good skin and a boyish face, and he is far beyond his twenties. It seems he's gotten away with a lot of youthful behavoir in his time. My only problem with that is when it upsets my friends, and when Bronco does things like skipping a dinner date with Seamus due to an impromptu trick, I start to get mad. Special Note: missing a date, dinner, workout or some other appointment with Jimbo due to having tricked or gotten quick nookie is never an excuse. That behavoir is for tragic sexual addicts. You will be summarily judged. Considering I think fungi and certain bacteria are fascinating, you will be ranked somewhere below such life forms for your crimes.

So I'm set to meet up with buddies Seamus and Keith Sunday afternoon at JR's, which was remarkably tolerable for a Sunday happy hour. Seamus informs me that Bronco is coming, and I try not to scowl. I've heard too much about their relationship, and I don't lie very well. It's going to be a challenging evening.

I finish my first gin and tonic and Bronco arrives. I can't make eye contact with him at this point. I start into my second drink and now he's eyeing up Keith, asking me about him, right in front of Seamus! By my third cocktail I can't contain my castigatory self, and give it to him:

"So Bronco...how old are you?"
(Croatian accent) "Umm...teurty-tree."
"Hmm...interesting. That's how old I am. I had guessed you were younger considering your behavoir with my good friend Seamus."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, let's just say there's certain behavior I expect from a gay man at your age. To expect any less is to accept a lower quality of life from my community. I understand you've been a bit of a free spirit in regards to respecting my friend, and if you're going to continue dating him, I'm hoping you will treat him better."

Lame, spineless, typically male protests followed my admonishments. I remember the same responses from a friend in college who was dating two female friends of mine. "Oh, I'm so confused...oh, there was a misunderstanding...oh, I'm so sorry." Well, shit or get off the pot if you're confused, get your shit correct if there's a misunderstanding, and if you're really sorry, don't do it again.

Sorry, just venting. As a Capricorn and an Iron Dog on the Chinese calendar, I've got loyalty issues. Don't cross my friends.

Posted by jimbo at May 12, 2003 11:00 AM

Comments

Please note that I am not the Seamus in the story, although I do know all the parties involved. I am neither dating Bronco, nor was I flirting with Keith last week. Much.

Posted by: stebbins at May 12, 2003 12:27 PM

How tacky, Seamus needs to move on to better guys than this loser.

Posted by: Burl at May 12, 2003 1:07 PM

True: Stebbins is not the Seamus in this story.

Posted by: jimbo at May 12, 2003 1:08 PM

let's all get co-dependent now, and figure other people's problems for them...evidently Mr Seamollusk likes the orality of Mr Pinto enough to ignore the minor detractions, and will dispose of the kleen(ex) in the appropriate time. This a gay relationship after all, hence utterly narcissistic and self-serving. Disposal upon need.

Bitter?

Posted by: bnhxd at May 13, 2003 12:04 AM

Hey now, I also respect mollusks as well. Let's leave mollusks out of all this.

Posted by: jimbo at May 13, 2003 9:53 AM