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March 30, 2003

8th-level Cleric of Jesus Christ

An actual conversation from my high school years, where my cousin from Mississippi and I were working up a D&D character for him to play:

Jimbo: "OK, so what kind of character do you want to roll up?"
Cousin: "I want to play a Cleric of Jesus Christ."
Jimbo: "Umm, you can't do that..."
Cousin: "Why not? Jesus performed miracles."
Jimbo: "Jesus was an avatar of God."
Cousin: "Well, he walked on water and healed people."
Jimbo: "Yeah, but none of his followers could do that."
Cousin: "Well then, how do you explain Moses? He parted the Red Sea and called down plagues on the Egyptians."
Jimbo: "Neither Jesus nor God are part of the Greyhawk pantheon of dieties."
Cousin: "I still want to play a Cleric of Jesus."
Jimbo: "But...OK fine then."

Don't anyone ever say I'm not flexible. Rumour has it that D&D is the shit in Hollywood. I'm not holding my breath for Colin Farrell to come knocking on my door during an intense session in the Forgotten Realms, however.

Posted by jimbo at 6:58 PM | Comments (8)

March 29, 2003

gurls vs grrrlz

It was the gurls versus the grrrlz today somewhere in Silver Spring. We played much better against them than last year, and they put up a good match. I don't know the score but we beat 'em and had lots of fun. I got to play both outside center and scrumhalf and did well with both positions. I got quite a few good runs in, and kept my head on my shoulders as scrumhalf. Here's a pic of me and our Scottish teammate after the match. It was good to play again and I hope to get some game pics soon.

Posted by jimbo at 9:12 PM | Comments (8)

March 28, 2003

stingers

Tomorrow we play the Maryland Stingers in a friendly scrummage. It's a women's team, and I guess it would be redundant to say we were playing a lesbian rugby team. Wouldn't it be my luck if I made my first try in a 15s match and have to perform my Zulu duties in front of the women's team. More news on that tomorrow, unless it rains. That would be fine, as I have a ton of chores to do.

Posted by jimbo at 5:23 PM | Comments (4)

March 27, 2003

tax time

Terrified of the eight tax returns I have from various temp jobs, I went to a tax service dude this year. I was underemployed pretty much over the entire 2002 tax year, and earned barely $30K...that's less than what I earned on my first job in DC, and not even counting what mom loaned me over that period. Damn, that shit was tough. I'm amazed at my resilience...although some of you would argue that having read my whinings over the course of that year.

Posted by jimbo at 12:25 PM | Comments (6)

March 26, 2003

name that tune

This tune popped into my head today, circa mid- to late-eighties:

Out on the tar plains...the glides are moving. All looking for a new place to drive...

500 bonus points to the 80s geek who gets this one.

Today my coworker Tony and I were cleaning out a storeroom of old computer stuff, and hauling it down to the communal office building dumpster. I stayed in the freight elevator while Tony waited at the dumpster. As the elevator rose to the next level, I couldn't resist belting out:

"COME ON GIRLS! DO YOU BELIEVE IN LOVE? CUZ I GOT SOMETHIN' TO SAY ABOUT IT, AND IT GOES SOMETHIN' LIKE THIS..."

Tony asked what I was singing. I had to explain that every time I get in a freight elevator, I feel compelled to sing out lyrics from Madonna's "Express Yourself", because freight elevators remind me of the scene in that video of her in the freight elevator.

Posted by jimbo at 8:59 PM | Comments (10)

March 24, 2003

DC geek & bf moving to NYC

Hey all you NYC bloggurls and readers: a cute guy in my D&D group has been accepted into the NYU medical program (or something like that) and is moving to NYC in a month or so. He'd prefer to move near work, near Chelsea or NoChe, as they say. He comes with a hunky former rugby player boyfriend, also a big, giant sweetie, formerly on my team. Jimbo highly recommends them both, and they're quiet, have no pets, and they don't poop on the carpet or anything.

Posted by jimbo at 9:54 PM | Comments (5)

dawg range

The Dawg has moved. Update yer links.

Posted by jimbo at 11:05 AM

March 23, 2003

party OVER, man!

Posted by jimbo at 11:57 AM | Comments (3)

March 22, 2003

bulletproof woof

arms
This morning I saw the trailer for Bulletproof Monk. Seann Scott + Chow Yun-Fat + Science Fiction/Fantasy + wuxia. What could be a better combo for jimbo?

Today I finally got my voter registration card in the mail. I haven't voted since I moved to DC 6 years ago. I'm sorry, this is all my fault. I will vote next time.

Posted by jimbo at 5:48 PM | Comments (4)

March 21, 2003

with strings attached

Is there a 'protest cam' or some kind of online forecast for the DC area, so I can avoid them whenever possible? I've been having to drive out to the Hellmouth a lot lately, and I have to change routes whenever there's something going on down at the protest playground.

In the computer game 'Civilization III', if your empire is under Democratic rule and you declare war on another country, your people will start rioting if they aren't happy enough. Reality mirrors fantasy in this case, except that I'm playing a particularly aggressive Mahatma Ghandi by making Japan pay for its arrogance during the Dark Ages. Soon the great and powerful Mahatma will rule the continent.

I'm still fence-sitting on this whole war issue. I think W is going to pay for his failures in public relations down the road, as I'm still not quite clear as to why we're doing this. Of course it has something to do with the control of oil (He Who Controls the Spice Controls the Universe), and perhaps the whole bio weapons thing, but I haven't seen much evidence of this. I think that's why so many people are pissed off about this war, regardless of the fact that he's a tyrant amongst many tyrants, and that he lights oil wells on fire, doing severe environmental damage to fragile desert ecosystems.

More disturbing and annoying is the media war on the people. Jimbo suggests the 'OFF' button on your remote for starters, or stick with the Cartoon Network. It's more enligtening.

Dating wierdness across the board this week. I had a nice dinner on Wednesday with K, but just dinner. I'm never really clear on what or how another guy thinks at times. He's somewhat of a comic book geek though, which is always hot in my book. Then a good phone conversation with R, who finally brought up the subject of him being in a decaying relationship with another in NYC. That's cool...I was keeping him at arm's length anyway. I often forget that there's a genie in my pocket who grants me my wishes...I usually get what I want, and I do recall whining about wanting to 'just date with nothing serious' not too long ago. I wish the genie would remind me about those things I said though.

It's high time for a weekend away from DC. Gurl and I agree that we need something new, something different. Our haunts and relationships seem stagnant, and these times call for a road trip. Once my weekends clear up it's either Philly or whatever super-cheap fare turns up on Thursday night, and it's off on Friday to wherever. Camping is in order too, probably in May. There's also the possibility of a trip to Houston to give Bubba some kind of housewarming gift.

Posted by jimbo at 12:18 PM

March 18, 2003

Tractor Siege: Day III

The DC Tractor Siege continues yet a third day. This man has the power to paralyze the entire city with but a John Deere and a jeep...a power equivalent to an anthrax attack to the Capitol, a plane crash into the Pentagon, and a snowstorm. John Deeres rock. Fords rock too, but Chevy sucks. Anyway, if we can't handle a redneck in a tractor, how does anyone expect to handle true threats? US Park police get a D- for this one. They are notoriously dumb from what I hear. Ask me about the beaver attack on the cherry trees and how Park police handled that one.

Capricorn
Work could be a real drag today, dear Capricorn. You might be expected to put in more hours than you usually do. Your heart isn't in it right now. You have interests of your own that you would rather be pursuing, plus you might be planning to get together with friends, or with the man in your life. It's best to finish everything quickly, perhaps postponing non-essential tasks - and then go and enjoy yourself.

Umm, thanks sister, you're right on with that one. I snuck out of the Hellmouth a bit early this evening to make sure I got some rugby time in.

Posted by jimbo at 11:54 PM | Comments (5)

March 17, 2003

a shout out to all my peepers

Man Drives Tractor Into Pond on Mall: Police were in a standoff Monday with a man they said drove a tractor into a pond near the Washington Monument and Vietnam Veterans Memorial shortly before noon.

Not being familiar with tractors, the entire DC Metro area shuts down in a frenzied panic, as Jimbo drives home through it all from the Hellmouth of Northern Virginia. Now what did I say 'bout wreckin' shit? NO DRIVING TRACTORS INTO PONDS! It scares the duckies.

Speaking of ponds...when I got out of the Hellmouth by sundown what would I hear? SPRING PEEPERS!!! So I stripped off all my work clothes and ran towards the forest to hear their delightful peepings. I was also able to hear the chorus frog amongst the joyous cacophony. Oh yeah, I put on running clothes and shoes before all that.

Posted by jimbo at 9:48 PM | Comments (3)

March 16, 2003

it took two

The whole purpose of me missing rugby yesterday and having to go to work took a total of two hours. However, my less organized and enthusaistic coworkers decided it was a good idea to show up at the Dulles mail facility at 8am. Followed by 5 hours of standing around until the gadget install happened at 2pm. GRRRR! I had a nice lunch with Vonnie, once I settled down and stopped fuming. He saw me in a scary state.

Once said machine broke it took another half hour to convince the coworker that our time there was done. He just can't seem to conceptualize life spent doing things with family, friends, etc. I hate to say this, but it seems to be the heterosexual coworkers that absolutely relish being away from home and family. I just don't get it. Me? I get the work done, don't fuck around, and GO HOME. Most of the folks I've ever seen working long hours are either fucking around or on the phone for hours with their angry spouses. It's just not productive and not worth it. Time spent at work does not necessarily equate to productivity.

I also loathe the assumption (and it's been made by others at work) that as a single man I'm more available to work stupid-ass hours, just because I don't have a family to be home to. It's bias plain and simple. So, because I don't need to pick the baby up from daycare at 6 mean that my life and spare time is somehow less valuable? I am a human being with needs too, and just because I don't live a 'mainstream' lifestyle doesn't mean I don't value my time away from work any less. gnash. seethe. fume.

Thankfully my second auto inspection today took a total of two minutes. Thanks Geico for your efficency. Now I want my money.

I was vegetabli immobilis today. Long night, much sleep, much spooning. Just goes to show that I'm not limited to guys with furry chests...what he lacks in fur is made up in the nookie and skillz department.

Posted by jimbo at 5:59 PM

March 14, 2003

bring it on

Yo, here's a shout-out to my little buddy who I'm so proud of:



Yo! Pump it up yo pump it up yo pump it up you pumpit!
You da gurl you own da worl' and grab the prize and take it!
You may be small and you may fall but ya gotta git up and shake it!
So don't be afraid, you got it made and you da gurl and you'll make it!

(Jimbo performs a triple sow-cow and a shushunova backflip and splitz for you.)

On the down side, I won't be playing rugby this weekend, due to work commitments this Saturday. Piss and vinegar! I should be able to play next Sunday though.

Last night during our muddy practice at Meridian Hill, one of my teammates complimented me during a rucking drill: "Wow, Jimbo, you really smell nice."

Why thank you. The benefits of showering BEFORE practice. Not everyone goes by this rule.

Posted by jimbo at 3:28 PM | Comments (6)

March 12, 2003

geek, dork or 'tard?

People frequently approach me and ask, "Jimbo, are you a geek, dork or a 'tard?" I have developed a system that helps me answer that question, based on the McBride soil composition taxonomy chart.

The McBride Method involves tactile sampling of soil types based on the composition ratios of sand, silt and clay in the sample. An experienced soil scientist can determine a soil type by touching dry and moist samples of soil. For example, most of the soil in Washington, DC is a silty clay, as it is composed mainly of clay with some silt, and very little sand.

You can modify the McBride chart to determine your type by replacing the sand, silt and clay terms with geek, dork and 'tard*, respectively. For example, most of the people in my D&D group are geeks with differing levels of 'tard and dork. Jon is a 'tardy geek, and My'ra is simply a dorky geek. I would call myself a dorky 'tardy geek as is Fitz. Cory is clearly a geeky 'tard, and Matt is 'tardy dork. Is this clear to everyone?

* geek: overly focused on some obscure hobby or passtime; dork: prone to saying or doing inappropriate things; 'tard: frequently misunderstood or avoided.

Posted by jimbo at 8:21 PM | Comments (8)

my baby's got a secret

Interestingly, while my insurance company couldn't find any information on the idiot playah who hit me on Saturday, I could. You see, I'm wonderfully positive and outgoing with the neighborhood cops, so was able to have them do a tag search free of charge, just for jimbo. As they say, a pinch of Charisma (and wanton lust for cops) is worth its weight in private detective fees. But thanks anyway, Fitz.

Tuesday was Truly Terrible and I was so Tired. The drive out to Southern MD didn't help, and the estimator dude at the shop told me there was $1500 in damage to the car. Then I hear I have to go to yet another estimate appt. just for the other insurance company. It all burnt me out. So I skipped rugby practice and got some much-needed rest. Turns out they ended up playing on the pitch for the first time though. I'm still feeling a bit Terrible today, so I'm hitting the sack early again tonight.

Dang it, fuck...I may have to work over the weekend, possibly missing the our first rugby match of the season AND Children of Dune! I'm currently forming a coalition to staff our site in shifts, therefore guaranteeing jimbo some rugby and geek time. Please...I'll stay at work until 3am, but just let me play rugby!

I have a secret, or I'm holding a secret for another blogger, who I'm so proud of! But I can't tell. I'm trying so hard not to tell. No, Jocko is not really a trannie dyke, nor is Don a spy, so don't ask that.

Posted by jimbo at 2:49 PM | Comments (4)

Da Man is NOT in DC

Ahh...Spring in DC. The cherry blossoms, the allergies, the protesters. Yesterday I saw two enthusiastic activists parked outside the Farragut North Metro station at a booth promoting some libertarian/green/independent candidate for president. We love you, sweetie darlings, but there's a few things you need to know:

- DC residents have no representation in Congress. Your protests and recommendations fall on impotent ears;
- The legislators that you really need to be contacting by mail or in person do not work in downtown DC nor do they live anywhere near DC;
- Most DC residents (especially the natives - see comment below on Shaniqua) don't give a shit about your issue. Last week issue du jour was Owners of Black Labrador Retrievers Against Biplane Abuse, and the week before it was Agnostic Anarchists Against Anything. We are a bit jaded and the marching and screaming tends to blend into the background by now.

Y'all know how I feel about protesters 'Shutting Down Washington'. See above three points as to why that's a pointless idea. Plus, think of Shaniqua. Shaniqua is a black unwed uninsured mother of four children (all of different fathers) working as an office assistant in downtown DC. When rich white punks from Indiana shut down the District for a day, Shaniqua misses a day of work, and thus a day of pay. A single day of pay means a lot to her, and it may mean the difference between Kraft Macaroni & Cheese or Top Ramen for the kids. I'm totally serious.

There is a big, giant playground in DC designed just for protesters. Formerly a test plot for USDA agriculture experiments, it's now called the National Mall. You can get a permit to go there and scream and stomp as loud as you want, and you won't be bugging Jimbo or fucking up Shaniqua's life.

And don't be wreckin' shit here. Some of us are really proud of where we live, and it's been a long road to recovery in this town since the elected crackhead mayor was wreckin' shit before you arrived. Why don't you wreck shit in your upper middle class suburb? Ahh...you don't want to wreck shit where YOU live. I see.

Having worked in the legislative and nonprofit process in the past, I've seen a lot of wasted effort on the part of protesting visitors to DC. I'll tell you what really works: write a clear and concise letter to your Senator or Representative, sign it, and make sure you give them your contact information. E-mail is even better. It really works...and they actually do read your mail. They really give a shit about what their constituents think. You can also make an appointment to personally meet your Senator or Representative and talk about your concerns. They can actually make time to meet you. Really! No shit!

Most rallies and protests organized by nonprofits in DC serve three purposes, in this order of importance:
- Gain media visibility for the organizing body;
- Gain more revenue for the organizing body;
- Allow people with similar ideas to gather and exchange information.

Only the last point has anything to do with whatever issue is in question. Keep that in mind when being invited to DC by HRC or whomever. Most nonprofits, even the liberal ones, are primarily self-interested. YOU are the one with the opinions that count! Most of the work that needs to be done is performed by the individual. You can do what needs to be done at home, and it will have a greater overall impact towards the cause. Concerned about depleting salmon spawning habitat? Contact your local officials and voice your concerns. Attend city, county and state meetings. You'd be suprised at what you can do without the assistance of a governing body behind you.

Posted by jimbo at 10:21 AM | Comments (6)

March 10, 2003

a more pleasant accident

We had arranged to go to one of those events frequented by those who, in the words of Margaret Cho, also happen to attend Renaissance festivals and Star Trek conventions. So after work I drove to his place and we made our way to an endearing hole-in-the wall vegetarian Japanese restraunt. Despite my lack of sleep due to the weekend and newly aquired cable television, I was remarkably upbeat and glad to be there with him.

After dinner we drove to the 'seminar', and he put his hand on my thigh and I returned the affection. As the turns in the road became fewer, he was able to put his hand on mine, and it was nice just to do that. It's been a long time since I've done such a simple, good thing.

Oh. I'm on a date. They told me things would work out this way, without me looking for it. Kind of like a car crash that you don't see coming. We laughed at how boring the demonstrations were, and agreed that it was good that we left early. He invites me in for some apple juice and things move along simply and in a good way. I tell him he has a cute nose. No, it's not another fetish, more of an appreciation. I couldn't stay, but we arrange for a longer evening together later in the week.

Posted by jimbo at 11:45 PM | Comments (8)

children of dune

Ooooh...terribly, terribly geeked out and excited for Sci-Fi Channel's follow-up to Dune: Children of Dune. Will be watchin' it on Sunday at Gurl's place. Supa-psychic kung-fu, fabulous sets and Susan Sarandon! 8pm, Sunday on Sci-Fi.

For you non-geeks, here's a brief synopsis: The adventures of Paul Atreides, heir to a political dynasty, began in the year 10191. In the midst of an ongoing power struggle among the Great Royal Houses, the Emperor Shaddam IV sent House Atreides to the desert planet Arrakis (also known as Dune) to oversee the production of Spice. Spice is the most precious substance in the universe because it makes possible interstellar space travel; extends life; and enables people to see into the future.

Soon after the Atreides' arrival on Arrakis, Paul's father, Duke Leto Atreides, was assassinated by rivals from House Harkonnen. Paul and his mother, Lady Jessica, a mystical "Bene Gesserit" witch with powers of mind control, were forced to escape into the desert.

Rescued by the Fremen, a fierce desert people who believed the young Atreides to be the Mah'di ˇ the messiah of their legends ˇ Paul began to recognize his power to shape the future. Under his mother's tutelage, he honed his own considerable Bene Gesserit talents and began to see into the future.

Eventually, Paul accepted the mantle of his fate. Marshalling the Fremen "desert power," Paul ˇ now known as Muad'Dib ˇ led the Fremen in a successful revolt against his enemies, the corrupt House Harkonnen. He seized control of all Spice production on Arrakis and forced the emperor and other Great Royal Houses to accept him as their new ruler.

Muad'Dib preserved peace and united the ruling houses by marrying the Emperor's daughter, Princess Irulan. But it was a marriage in name only, because Muad'dib's heart belongs to his concubine, Chani, the future mother of his heir.

Posted by jimbo at 10:56 AM | Comments (10)

March 9, 2003

expeditions

Well, the weekend had some extreme ups and downs. Our rugby match was cancelled due to a number of reasons, but we made lemonade from lemons and held a social anyway, since the keg and bar were reserved beforehand. Afterwards I used the extra time to get stuff done around the house. Following gardening and chores on Saturday I took my disco nap and then headed out to pick up Jon, Gurl, Chrisafer and Seamus. While driving southbound on 14th street we were going through a green light and was smashed in the side by a slow-moving Ford Expedition doing an illegal left turn filled with Eurotrash yupsters from Maryland who were gabbing away on a cell phone. I was driving and Gurl was behind me in the back seat, and it was amazing we didn't get smooshed...the frickin' bumper of the Expedition was as tall as me. Luckily they were just moseying along and couldn't do much damage at their speed. There is some damage, but the doors work, as do the locks and power windows. I'm quite grateful to be in good health.

So we headed out to Nation, and probably the only thing that could have negated the auto accident was a retro mix of 'It Takes Two' vs 'Like a Prayer'. I was truly not worthy, but accepted the DJs blessing with decorum and a big 'ol girly squeal. The evening rolled along at that pace for some time. It turns out my buddy Keith is no stranger to the disco sub-sub-culture, but had to head home early anyway. I kept busy being my flirty self and had a lot of fun. As we drove home we narrowly avoided an auto jam caused by a piece of rubble which had fallen from an overpass. Only in DC. The unexpected detour allowed me to find a long-sought Brigadoonesque way to get home quicker, however.

Posted by jimbo at 10:08 PM | Comments (3)

March 8, 2003

nature and nurture

Today was warm and promised the return of milder weather. I can feel the sap flowing already, all over. The sun is shining outside again and it's time to plant.

As soon as I put my hands in the soil the processing begins. I'm like my mother that way: discount Scandanavian psychotherapy through solitary manual labor. Whereas mom processes via plaster removal and drywall additions (No, I don't think she's a dyke - I asked already) my dirt is dug up when gardening. One could chalk it up as the magic of the Earth Mother or something, but I think it's just the busying of the hands that frees the mind. I've been doing it as long as I can remember.

This year we're doing away with the whole Amazon floodplain theme, and going subtle and simple. I don't think it's going to be a harsh summer. This is the year to try something new, yet challenging. No more pernicious and extreme climbing gourds or monstrous castor bean plants. Just small flowers and grasses and things. Pretty and nice.

As opposed to perfect. The processing continuesÍhe would set up the perfect backyard arrangement for the perfect display for the perfect party, and then walk away from it all. Once it's set up, the maintenance was forgotten and left to me. No watering once the appearance was established. It looks good enough for presentation, and there's more goals to achieve elsewhere, so half of the initial plantings would die. Later in the summer when the humidity hit the roof at a hundred degrees, the surviving plants would wither and many more would perish. Watering and weeding was left to me. Much like our relationship. He never understood the importance of ongoing maintenance and nurture.

I'm filling up the peat pots with soil and seed. Alyssum and achillea, wildflower assortments and more. Some of them won't even germinate, but it's a start.

Posted by jimbo at 10:39 PM | Comments (3)

March 6, 2003

2003 jimbo awards

Portland. Portland, Oregon. I feel like I'm in Portland again, or perhaps Vancouver. It's been snowy and wet and drippy here for weeks. It's gonna be a lovely green spring, that's for sure. And spring is here! House finches spotted a few weeks ago with the robins, and yesterday a first sighting of the purple grackle and red-winged blackbird. Hello daffodils, and tree buds, and stuffy head.

Randy rugby player attacks clean-cut jock after shave and haircut. Jocko gets an A+ and a gold star for erotic writing today...any piece about shaving that turns me on is an impressive feat indeed. Y'all know how I feel about beards, fur and scruff...gurl says she can glue fur on a 2X4 and I'll start humping it. I pounce on you like a jungle cat in heat. Please put your PhD to good use and start writing porn for me.

More blogger accolades: Rookie of the Year goes to Chrisafer, and not just because his partner plays in my D&D group. He's got theme, he's got content, he shares, and he's got new technology. You go gurl. Now if only the sexy voiced bloggers Bubba and Dawg would make their hot voxes available thru audblog like the technologically advanced 'Fer. Me knows as a fact that Bubba's got this super-hot deep-voiced Southern drawl that just...well it's just...mmm....and anyway we'd all love to hear Dawg's kindly soft-spoken but way hotter than Mr. Rogers voice too. Anyway, where was I? Best new blog title goes to Beaverhausen. Gurl had to explain the Anastacia Beaverhausen concept to me (Will and Grace reference), and I find it just perfect for a blog title. But John, we're going to have to have a chat about blog voce and self vs. media and what is news.

Welcome: Darren. Who the hell are you anyway? Methinks you're a big gurl from London, but I can't be sure.

Stupid DC Park and Rec doesn't inform us that our practice field is not available on Tuesday, inspiring me to want to run for mayor and completely can that entire department. Practice tonight likely to be cancelled due to precipitation.(Remember: precipitation kills in DC.) Just like Krushcev says: "Ya tebe pakazhu KUZKENU MAT!" Bang my cleats on podium.

Rot and Corruption. You will pay for naming my super hero alter ego 'Hemorrhoda'. Horrors never seen before on the face of Faerun will reach up from the bowels of hell to bring you low.

Giving up stuff for Lent? BWA HA HAAA! I'm raised ELCA Lutheran. We give up nothing. Off to snack on some pickled herring...

Posted by jimbo at 10:06 AM | Comments (11)

March 4, 2003

throw hands above shoulders

Keith is recently single, or claims he will be. Keith wants to go out with Jimbo all the time. But Keith is a realtor with a flexible nap schedule. Jimbo must preserve and spend his energy wisely, else become sick due to burnout. Keith wants Jimbo to take him out at least three times a week. But Jimbo is very old and bent and must preserve his energy.

Keith also wants to go to Nation. Nation is a big gay disco venue held on Saturday nights. Jimbo doesn't think the union will go well. There are many cracked-out big 'ol gurls there, and Keith is a bit more subdued. Keith is 'Down to Earth' as they say on AOL profiles, but unlike what they say on profiles, he actually is to a degree.

Keith is very enchanted by the hypermasculine mystique thing. Truck drivers, grungy ballcaps and burly furry manly men and all that. Jimbo I can relate. Jimbo suggests watching rugby at Fado Saturday morning would be more his speed.

But Keith wants to go to Nation. Keith has seen Jimbo in drag, so maybe he won't be too wierded out by Nation. Perhaps this is a new chapter in Keith's book. We shall see; Jimbo will oblige Keith's wishes. Jimbo will not hold back, however. Jimbo will remove shirt, Jimbo will squeal with delight when the retro DJ Ed Bailey plays classic Madonna. Jimbo will pretend to be Belinda Carlisle when any Go-Go's song is played. Jimbo will lip-synch any and all Shiela E. or Prince songs that are played.

Jimbo will guide Keith to the cabalistic cluster of hot cracked-out shirtless circuit boys. Keith will be new meat, and will be very popular, as Keith is hot. But Keith will be warned about the dangers of accepting drinks from others, leaving one's drink unattended, and the wisdom of moderation. Keith will do as he chooses. It will be interesting to watch, but I will watch vigilantly.

Posted by jimbo at 4:49 PM | Comments (6)

pseudonyms

Drag Names: Salsa Juarez, Nellie Olsen
Porn Star Name: Brent Diamond
Teammates Call Me: Princess
Boyfriends Name Me: Monchichi, Care Bear, Ewok
Gurl Calls Me: Gurl
Bubba Calls Me: son
Don Calls Me: Pixie Darling
Many Now Call Me: Callipygean

Couldn't make it to San Fran, and probably can't make it to Nawlins for cocktails tonight. Thanks hons for the invites though. Will somebody start working on advanced teleportation technology for me? I'm missing out on so many vital social events.

Chatting at the gym sterday with Matt, who is a bad gym influence because I talk with him far too much and lift way too little. Well, it was Monday, which meant you had to get into a tae kwon do duel with Jennifer just to get on a machine, so it's no great loss. Anyway, I'm bitching about my newest bitch - the trials and tribulations of dating, and Matt asks why a good catch like me has to rely on the Internet to meet people. Honey, you're so cute...you've been together with your BHI 3.5 for so long you've forgotten that people don't come up to you and ask you out, and if you do go up to people in DC to say hi, you're forever labeled a stalker. Or everyone else is in a relationship, because being single is so bad. We must keep up appearances at all costs, regardless of compatibility.

On that note, I'm seeking enlightenment on how to remain positive in a statistically depressing dating situation. Sean had some good thoughts, perhaps 'Tard can work out the math for happier living while dating. His dating life has certainly been prolific of late. It's not the being single part that sucks, it's the dating part. Dating is hard work, you waste lots of time, and really see what kind of turds are out there.

Posted by jimbo at 1:33 AM | Comments (4)

March 2, 2003

predictable

Jimbo3DC: Hey, saw your profile on bigmuscle.com...I play rugby too.
ClosetedRugbyStud: cool
Jimbo3DC: I'm back at playin' scrumhalf after a year away from the team.
ClosetedRugbyStud: nice.
Jimbo3DC: Which DC team are you on? I play for the Renegades.
ClosetedRugbyStud: hey, i really can't chat right now. i'm working on some work stuff. maybe we can chat later. sorry

Muh huh...I'm sure I'll hear from you real soon, but I'll make sure I won't say hi to you around your buddies during the match.

Posted by jimbo at 9:50 PM | Comments (8)

your love's comin down like...rain

Jeez louise, enough already! We had a hard rain last night to complement all the snow we've been getting. It's going to be a very green spring here in DC. We needed it though.

Thursday: shirtless night with Chrisafer, Gurl and Jon. Same 'ol same 'ol. I think I'm taking a break from that joint. Friday: skipped the screening of Xanadu due to the snow chaos, stayed up far too late playing CivIII. Saturday: breakfast with Gurl, then a successful shopping trip where I got a new comfy pair of work shoes, much needed linens and some used Nintendo 64 games. Decompressed from the shitty traffic, then went out with Gurl and Honest Jon for some fine Rosslyn sushi. Then off to the play 'When Pigs Fly' put on by the DC Gay Men's Chorus. Remind me to skip any future offers on going out to see any more GMC concerts. It's fun and all to camp out on occasion, but their performances usually involve the perpetuation of gay stereotypes and schlocky self-victimization in the form of constant numbers to the tune of "We Shall Overcome". Call me when you're not singing to the choir. Didn't make it to the Eagle after that, sorry Pixie, I was too worn out from trying to Overcome.

Speaking of camp, I was all inspired last night on a cup of coffee downed far too late in the evening. I wrote up some feats for evil and egotistical characters in a D&D 3rd Edition setting. Inspired by The Exorcist and B-movie sci-fi and horror flicks. Comments are appreciated...I'd like to submit them to Dragon Magazine.

I'm still stewing my opinon about the local Catholic school dean getting booted from his job for not-so-clandestine involvement in the leather community. Knowing how frightenly efficient Google can be, it was bound to happen to him sooner or later. Wasn't he aware that Catholic doctrine has a huge problem with straight sex, much less kinky sex? Yeah, I know the Church is no stranger to thinly vieled kinky homoeroticism. And it's sad that he lost his job, but I woulda been searching for a safer vocation that would be more compatible with my bedroom habits. Devout Catholic and frequent Eagle visitor Andrew Sullivan is remarkably silent on the subject.

Speaking of kink, TardEx: do you give references to cast-off UPS drivers? I like do contracting work for USPS now, so like we have something to talk about and all that.

I'm off for a much-needed run and workout now that there appears to be a break in the killer precipitation. The rest of the day will be spent not driving amongst the panicked locals and enjoying Jimbo Time.

Posted by jimbo at 9:53 AM