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January 23, 2003
i'm like a bird
Ben and I have bad taste in films, or at least make very poor choices. Four years ago we went to see 'What Dreams May Come', a very pretty Robin Williams film about death and the afterlife. A foolish choice to go take a guy whose love-of-his-life partner had died. He was crying and I felt like a heel. Then last spring we went to see 'Black Hawk Down'. Before the film I was in the mood for some nookie. Afterwards I wanted to rinse my cranium out as those images of a blown up soldier thigh wouldn't get out of my mind. War flicks make bad date flicks, unless you're into that, which I'm not.
He's so sweet though, and in fantastic shape for a man in his late 40's. Soft-spoken, muscular, hairy, not a bad bone in his body. No edge or grit, however, which was why we never went anywhere. Birds, creatures of the air, still have stones in their gizzards. The grit keeps them grounded ( and regular ). I need one with some grit so I don't have to worry about him flying away to realms where I rarely frequent. Someone who knows what it's like to have had his wings clipped from time to time.
He wants to hang out again, go out to dinner and all that. I'd love to - he's a joy to be around and easy on the eyes. Maybe this time I'll hear the grit grinding in his gizzard. But he wants a boyfriend badly, and I think it's me. I don't want a boyfriend right now at all, but I'm having fun poking around. I'm just not interested. No intensity about it or anything like after I came out. Am I growing up or is it the antidepressants moderating my desires? Or maybe I'm so content with the stable status quo I don't want to rock the already heavily rocked boat any more for a while. Something the ex never understood was my need for periods of stasis...the need to just coast for a while and enjoy the ride. That's what we're here for anyway, isn't it?
Posted by jimbo at January 23, 2003 10:09 AM
Comments
You were in a dream of mine last night Jimbo. See what happens to people when they read your blog every day :)
Posted by: Scott at January 23, 2003 11:24 AM
From swoon.com:
River:
if you jumped in, you are being warned against hasty actions. To dream of sitting on, or walking along, the bank of a river is a sign that if you continue along your present lines success will follow.
Lake:
A dream of traveling around a lake or observing one from the air is a sign of passive stagnation; try to find some new interests. To dream of wading into a lake indicates unnecessary anxieties; take life more calmly.
Posted by: jimbo at January 23, 2003 11:49 AM
Wow, personalized dream analysis, thanx! :) But now I am just more confused cause I both walked along the river/lake and jumped in. Maybe that just means I am in a state of complete non-clarity ... which is probably right. Who really wants clarity anyway?
Posted by: Scott at January 23, 2003 12:19 PM
If you were a bird, what kind of bird would you be?
Posted by: Babwa Wawaa at January 23, 2003 12:54 PM
I'd be the arctic dipper bird...it has feet like a woodpecker, oil glands like a duck, a song like a mockingbird and nictitating membranes over its eyes. It nests in nice mossy rock walls in arctic regions, and can walk along the bottom of the stream underwater, yet still flies well.
Posted by: jimbo at January 23, 2003 1:09 PM