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November 22, 2002
just say 'thank you'
Listen. Iíve let the issue sit for a while. Iíve turned it over, inside-out, and gave it some thought. Today Iím grumpy due to the weather and lack of sleep, and ready to speak my mind.
So I called you a ëhottieí in a web log entry this summer. Yes, I was being lascivious, but you are a muscular, handsome, post-A&F suburban rugby player with pecs like cannonballs and you definitely earn the title. Yet you squeal ìdefamation of characterî when a gay man finds you attractive, and you go so far as to iterate ìIím not gay.î
I didnít think you were, Hot Stuff. Donít insult my sagacity by thinking lust clouds my objectivity. I was just giving credit where credit is due, but I know enough by now not to bark up the wrong tree. I fell in love with a straight guy once and it hurt worse than a stiff-arm to the face, and Iím not going there again. Itís simply a waste of time, and Iím no deluded, dizzy queen that thinks anyone changes overnight. Conversion of straight jocks is mostly a thing of fictional gay porn stories.
Granted, if this blog was a workplace-related tool, Iíd be fired for sexual harassment in an instant. Yet itís not like grabbing someoneís butt in a bar or delivering a wolf-whistle across the street either. Weíll have to play you guys on the pitch again some day, and the simple fact is youíre bigger than me. However, thatís never stopped me from fighting back in the past. Think pit bull or Jack Russell TerrierÖI wonít stop even against a rottwieler twice my size. Remember my nice solid tackle that prevented you from making a try this summer?
So I choose candor and diplomacy over freedom of speech and remove the offending blog entry to ease your terror. My best friend gets upset and calls me an Uncle Tom jock, a Log Cabin Renegade for giving in to threats. Maybe so, but it comes down to simple politics in the end.
God forbid any creature other than a female Homo sapien finds you attractive. You are a Hottie with a capital ëHí. Donít tell me youíre not fighting off the women harder than you tackle other teams on the pitch. Donít tell me theyíre not throwing themselves at you like maidens sacrificed to a smouldering (read: hot) volcano. There is no question that you are a big manly stud. So why does it freak you out when another man finds you attractive?
I think itís for the same reason that my older brother canít even say the three-letter ìgî-word. Itís a threat to your world view, of how things you think they should be, rather than how they actually are. In your world, men have sex with and only love women, and thatís it. Thereís little else in the world where you live, which is why you live outside the beltway anyway. Anything different is a threat to you, regardless of your coat of thick muscle armor. Yet I got through a chink in the chainmail and the knight freaked out.
Margaret Cho told a story in her recent stand-up comedy show ìNotorious C.H.O.î where her father, as a younger man, reacted to his best friendís admission of love with a punch to the friendís face. Their friendship died after that, and Choís father regretted reacting violently ever since. His lesson learned after many years: ìWhen your best friend tells you he loves you, donít punch him in the face. Say ëThank Youí.î
Posted by jimbo at November 22, 2002 12:56 AM
Comments
Hey Jimbo,
Not sure if it's me just having a chink in my macho-poof armour of late, but your posts have been really moving me. I really loved your RuPaul peace corps entry, and today's is so touching in a "frank and in your face" way. Keep up the good work buddy.
Steve
Posted by: Steve at November 22, 2002 5:39 AM
Yo, Jimbo...
I'd have to agree with Steve up there. Lately I can't just rush through your weblog 10 minutes before I teach my 1st graders. I save it for my lunch break where I can take my time reading it. Good job.
And as for that "boy" who is causing you trouble. I don't look very big, but I happen to have very big, gay-loving, (though straight) better rubgy player friends who might just happen to play against them. And things like that can never be traced back to the source. Or if you want nude pictures, I can manage that too. Just give me a ring, buddy.
fuck-o the dicktard
Posted by: dicktard at November 22, 2002 9:07 AM
You.
Go.
Gurl.
My brother is as straight as they come but he has accepted me in some ways more than I have accepted myself...so there is hope for the hets of the world. We have to live the way it is not the way they want it to be and they'll catch on.
Posted by: Michael at November 22, 2002 11:52 AM
the CHO has it just right - Mommy thinks everyone little bit gay (ungh). Let me tell you story about gay Daddy!
No really - I hate to be the one stating the almost tired line here, but if even getting a compliment from a gay guy freaks this other guy out so much, doesn't anyone else think that there may just be a few "issues" with his sexuality he needs to work out?
My straight friends who are totally comfortable with their sexuality don't give a flying rat's ass if I tell them they look hot or I compliment them on their suit or haircut. They say "Thank you" and at other times return the compliment to me, not just as a courtesy, but because that's what they think.
Mister Straight & Uptight Man, if you read this - give it a rest, okay? Jimbo's got way too much going for him to waste any more time on you.
Posted by: Rob at November 22, 2002 12:01 PM