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August 16, 2002

yellow-brown

There is a line between good and evil
That separates light from dark
But a colour now spells our end
And everywhere I see its mark, it's
Yellow Brown

In the city air, in all our seas
You can see every other colour bleed into
Yellow Brown

Jesus Jones - "Yellow Brown"
(PS: Still looking for the Satellite Over Tehran Mix for "The Devil You Know", by the way)

Sorry for the absence, I just got back from an all-expenses paid trip to the Pit Of Despair. Time in the Pit seems to last about two days; falling in is definitely event-triggered. This is the second unplanned foray into the Grey Wastes.

This time my ticket to despair came in the form of an informal postcard sent from APA's HR department. Normally a rejection letter wouldn't phase me, but I was at least expecting to get to the interview stage of the process, even though I didn't expect to be hired. I guess working on the project for which the position was made for, and having worked on an enterprise level website for two years doesn't qualify me for the job.

The rejection sent me spiralling downward into a pattern of thoughts that have no positive outlook, where there's no way out. Situational depression really sucks, and I'm very happy I don't have clinical, long-term depression. True despair is a very horrible feeling.

But there always seems to be a gem of insight at the bottom of the Pit, as if it's some sort of diamond at the bottom of a South African mine. This time the insight gained was that I need to ajust my life to the realities of how things are, rather than how things hope to be. I can't limit my job search to jobs that pay $50K or above just to pay for this goddamn pain in the ass car that I got (and I should have listened to my gut instinct when I was pressured to buy a new car...I will NEVER buy a new car again!). Mistakes made once, never again.

Therefore, the car must go. Last time I proposed the idea to the bank they sort of laughed me off. Time to play hardball, these are tough times and I'm no longer an Internet whiz kid. My guess is that they'd rather have a paying customer than a bankrupt customer. We either negotiate a personal loan for the difference of what I sell the car for and what the value of the loan is, or I simply stop paying and go default on the loan. Guido can come get the damn thing and kick my ass for all I care. I cannot afford having a car and I will get rid of it. Period.

Then, my job search can become more flexible, and I can seek out jobs that I'm better qualified for and more likely to get.

I cancelled a fishing trip for Saturday and a party in Baltimore that evening. Neither were necessarily expensive, I just need some Jimbo Time and some time to work on resumes and applications again. Sorry Kurt and Rob! Just D&D on Sunday and that's it. I need to chill the hell out.

Rugby practice started this week. Aside from the hellish weather, they have been going well. We have over thirty people practicing, with about a 50/50 ratio of brand new players and experienced ones. The new guys are young (heals faster) and fast. Some of them have pathetically low cardiovascular strength, and are tired out from the mere warmups. Umm...just because fat guys play rugby doesn't mean the fat guys aren't in shape. Jimbo trained at being a fullback last night. That's the very last guy on the side who catches balls kicked beyond the main pack, and who is the last resort when a particularly big or fast guy gets through the fat guys in front.

In accordance with jimbo's Adopted Kitty Picture Week, here's an article and cute picture of a lion cub abandoned by it's mother in a zoo. The zookeeper's solution: have a dog do a mama cat's work. Cute.

Posted by jimbo at August 16, 2002 10:14 AM

Comments

Posted by: mike s. at August 16, 2002 2:02 PM

Posted by: Mark at August 17, 2002 9:27 PM