ColtBrennan2.jpg

Broke again this week – the preceeding two weekends full of too much fun (and an iPod Nano replacement) tends to add up.
But at least I still have a gym membership – and today while I was chatting it up with Gurl and Bubbles at the WSC I spied The 9th Annual State Farm College Football All-Star Challenge on ESPN. I’m sorry I missed it the other 8 times, but it was a pleasure to watch, especially University of Hawaii quarterback and 2007 Heisman nominee Colt Brennan, who is thoroughly stalked by kenneth in the (212) here, here and here.
Anyway, I couldn’t help but notice that a good majority of the quarterbacks had single-syllable names like Colt, Matt, Drew, Josh, Deuce (seriously), Chris, Troy, Greg and Vince. I suppose the names as shown on the program feature captions needed to be shortened for space, but a quick search on each of them shows that they all usually go by the shortened name. Aside from sounding like the first name of any random gay porn star, I thought it was an unusual coincidence.
I just finished reading Next, by Michael Crichton, a work of fiction that proposes a lot of interesting ideas about genetics. But a lot of the issues and advances in genetics that he writes about are happening right now. Things like corporate ownership of genes and patented gene sequences. Did you know that 20 percent of human genes have been patented in the United States, primarily by private firms and universities? Kinda creepy. I’d like to hope the JiM80-2 sequence, found only in my mitochondria, belong solely to moi.
One of the issues the novel touches on is the genetic predisposition of certain human behaviors, like addiction, sex drive and leadership. One character with a drug addiction problem in the book inadvertently inhales a retrovirus intended to “switch” the maturity gene in mice, thinking it was nitrous oxide or something that he could huff. The next week his addiction is kicked and he’s applying for a job in a bank.
Colt BrennanAfter reading the book and watching all the single-syllable-named quarterbacks on ESPN today, I couldn’t help but wonder if their skills as a quarterback were simply nurtured, or if they had a genetic predisposition for leadership, Alpha-male status or naturally gave off stud pheremones. Pheremones or some effect that made people want to refer to them with single-syllable caveman names. Perhaps the STUD-3 gene sequence is turned ‘on’ in these people’s cells or something.
Conversely, have you ever noticed gay men with the same names refer to themselves with the multisyllabic version? Like “Michael” instead of “Mike,” Matthew, Johnathan, Joshua, TJ, Andrew, Christopher, and Vincent? I believe one day they’ll find out that there is indeed a gay gene, and perhaps some sociologist may figure out there’s something to do with the naming of the gays and studs as well. I have no proof but it’s a thought to put out there and discuss.

9 Comments

  1. fitz says:

    Fitz and Will aren’t sold on this theory…

  2. Dax says:

    In regards to names. It all has to do with demographics of age and the persons background. For example with the exception of my nickname, I always go by Daniel or Dan.. never never ever Danny (those who callme that get killed on the spot in th emost painful of manners)
    I only respond to Dan , Daniel, Dax or Dude, most of my friends call me either Daniel or Dax
    The recent trend amoung Americans in the past 20-25 years is to give names that can be “shrunk” down for example names like Chris, Mike. Or one or two Syllable names like Chet, Brad or Ryan, Amy for example. But that trend is slowly changing.
    Scary thing is that the latest trend in names is naming children after products or fictional characters. (I new a little girl names Cheetara.. no joke)
    In regards to ALpha Male and Pheremones. It is possible, males that naturally produce higher amounts of Testoserone tend to be more in command and in charge or social groups. They also tend to be more sexually agressive, meaning that they hunt down more mates.
    Of course the only absolute rule of genetics is that there is no absolutes. Genetics is a very chaotic critter

  3. elle says:

    What about DICK?
    Know anyone who goes by that these days?

  4. Ohio Tom says:

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  5. 207guy says:

    Hey Jimbo,
    Don’t get too hung up on genetic patents. All patents have terms that, when completed, will allow anyone to access and utilize the technology (like generic drugs).
    207guy

  6. Sean says:

    I had a housemate in grad school, a cherubic-faced little queen and a total whore, who had been “Jim” until he came out, and after that point he was James.
    It was terribly jarring to me when his family or old college friends would call and ask for “Jim.”
    Oh, the Jim who grew up in Madison, WI, but now goes by James, thank you very much, and speaks with a slight Oxford accent? Ugh, the pretension of it all.

  7. cb says:

    Just so you know, my name is Christopher but I go by Chris. And personally I can’t stand it when guys use their whole name and won’t let you shorten it. I recently met a Michael and I tried to call him Mike… that didn’t go over well.

  8. PG says:

    But oh! doncha wanna get tackled by Colt? Woudja wanna get tackled by Anthony or Jonathan? Wadda mouth to start with!

  9. Dave or David says:

    Here is a link to the sentencing of a former police chief (how’s that for alpha-male status?) who was born James C. Sullivan, but who goes not by “Jim” or “Jimmy”, but “Jimbo”:
    http://www.usdoj.gov/opa/pr/2009/April/09-crt-365.html
    Serving a sentence for raping a 14-year-old girl at the time he was sentenced for his abuse of power in another matter, Jimbo Sullivan seems to be (a creepy) heterosexual.