According to one of my long time anonymous readers and commenters, I “need to grow up.” That means buying a house, having a boyfriend, and getting a job. And probably do things like go to the HRC gala in a matching tux with my boyfriend so I can get my photo posted in MetroWeekly. Because THEN you’re a real, grown-up gay.

And of course I have total control over all of these things. I just choose not to do them, right?

roselnylundSo in order to please my anonymous commenter, I occasionally try to date. This time it was supposed to be a lunch date with OlafDave on Scruff. Dave is from Coon Rapids, Minnesota, and has lived in DC for about 8 years. He went to St. Olaf, which is a real university.

Many people on the East coast think St. Olaf is fictional because the Golden Girls character Rose attended St. Olaf. I know it’s real because my high school friends went there. That’s where the good Lutheran kids go. Evil Satanist or pagan children go to the state universities like I did. Anyway, the people who went to St. Olaf are usually good midwestern kids, and I extended that presumption to OlafDave. We were to have a casual nonsexual lunch date.

Dave never showed up. Then he disappeared on Scruff. Possibly cancelled his account. He either didn’t have the balls to tell me he couldn’t make it, and/or his partner came back into town. His profile says ‘single’, but you know how it goes with partnered gays in DC.

It’s been a while since I’ve been stood up. It still smarts, and it still colors my opinion of people. People are shitty, deceptive and weak. I think I had learned to filter out the flakes and have gotten better at recognizing good people. OlafDave slipped through the cracks, and I’ll be sure to remember that when making assumptions about Minnesotans.

And if I see OlafDave with his partner at a party or in a bar, I’ll be sure to go up to Dave and have a very forward chat for a long time. I won’t leave and the situation will be very awkward and uncomfortable. So you’d better not go out, OlafDave, unless you’re prepared for a very awkward and uncomfortable conversation for a long time with a very obnoxious person.

Or maybe I just got catfished, and someone used his pic to front a fake profile. I kind of doubt that though, because OlafDave’s details were pretty thorough.

So commenter and long-time reader OldFartDC, that’s how it goes, and that’s one reason how I’m still not as grown up as you’d like me to be.

9 Comments

  1. brettcajun says:

    As someone who has had the pleasure of meeting you in person, I say shed the Desperina Gay Man syndrome. That means pretend to be normal and be chill. No mature male wants a thirsty single person in their 40’s acting like a Twink. GROW UP! That means putting your precious IN YOUR POCKET on dates instead of hunting for more beards. Also, you are a tad on the arcane rulesy side, which can be off putting. Your demeanor and behavior may give an impression you are forever on the hunt and aren’t relationship material. I suggest working on seeming less sketchy and try your darndest to be a regular chill dude. That is the key. Less Desperina… more chill.

  2. jimbo says:

    More beards.

  3. Jeffrey C says:

    Sketchy < Etch-a-Sketchy

  4. Dumplin' Honeychild says:

    Maybe you should try a man bun. They seem to be all the rage. Could attract a quality guy.

  5. Homer says:

    Always interesting to get relationship advice from anonymous people. If they truly cared they wouldn’t be anonymous.

  6. FearsomeBeard says:

    More Beards! Never enough beards.

  7. TED says:

    I’m not sure why you’d even want to date someone who likes exactly like Betty White, but I don’t judge.

    You’ve been around the Internet too long to let some troll commenter get under your skin. I’m referring to Brett, of course, but the same would apply to OldFartDC.

  8. brettcajun says:

    You are already old as dirt. Stay ornery, Jimbo. :)