So I just amicably ended a somewhat long (for me) relationship with someone who was “significantly younger.” It was working for me, but in the end he made another choice, which was not a surprise. Still, it was good while it lasted. We’d been seeing each other regularly since 4th of July. We got along well, which was a shock for my friends to hear. I don’t always say that about people I’ve dated, and it’s a big deal for me to say that. I actually wanted to spend more time with him, which is unusual for me to say. Maintaining the relationship while I was in job flux was nothing short of a miracle. And the fact that I not only survived – but enjoyed – a three-day wilderness camping trip with him was telling and a good sign. No regrets through, and it showed me there was still some capacity for intimacy in my cold, dead heart. We will still be friends.

I can now see the appeal of dating younger guys. They’re fearless, without so much history to make them cautious and bolt at the first sign of a flaw. But of course there’s a risk as they often don’t know what they want and are easily distracted. Especially in this age of apps that allow for instant selection of another partner.

I’ve been getting far more attention from 20somethings now than I did when I was actually 20. Part of it seems to be that “Daddies” are in fashion nowadays. Back in the 90s the reverse was the case, where everyone wanted to be, date or look like a hairless fetus. Now that I have some grey in my chin they’re all up in my kitchen. Which is funny because I certainly don’t feel “mature.”

It made me think about relationships between older and younger guys. I never saw myself as that older guy dating younger guys. In fact, I usually try to shoot for guys my age. I’ve always been attracted to men in their late 30s or 40s. But it’s tough in DC which has a lot of 20 to 30 something gays. As you approach your 40s, I’ve noticed it’s harder to date guys your age. They’re either partnered up and disappear to Virginia and Maryland, or are prickly and rife with trigger warnings that make them risk-averse. And/or they’re just comfortable in their singlehood and don’t feel like reaching out. I see how you can get that way. Regardless, I’ll continue to consider the younger pups but am still focused on other Daddies like me.
>; )

10 Comments

  1. brettcajun says:

    Argh. I am so sorry to hear this Jimbo. :( If you need me to, I’ll come up to DC and hang out. Hold your head up high. You are a great catch boo. BIG HUG. BEARD FUB.

  2. jimbo says:

    If you fub me then we’ll be married.

  3. brettcajun says:

    Hahahahaha. Sloooooow tender fubbing and fanny pats. Ahhh… :)

  4. Blobby says:

    Daddies went out of fashion in the ’90s? No one told me.

    The only sad thing about daddies not going out of fashion is I am now one. I am still not sure how I feel about that.

    Great that you’re expanding the dating pool. I find it sad when younger guys don’t get my cultural references, which probably says as much about me as it does about them.

  5. Blobby says:

    oh, and don’t let brett do anything to or with your beard. I’d say ‘you don’t know where he’s been’, but sadly you do….which is why the warning still is in place.

  6. brettcajun says:

    Ahem. Matt tells me that I am THE BEST lover he has ever had! And Matt is no saint. TRUST.

  7. jimbo says:

    Beardcrabs from BrettCajun.

  8. Sean Dilley says:

    Sorry to hear of the end of what sounds like a nice time with the younger fellow. I’m glad that you’re still friends.

    Once again, you’re writing about the sorts of issues that are on my mind. I’ve been single for over 3 years now, and I, too, find myself pursued by guys in their 20’s looking for a daddy. (If they knew how much of an imposter I feel as adult much less *daddy*, they’d steer clear.) I like young guys in some ways (such nice skin!), but I’m never able to forget the age difference, whether that’s because they don’t get my cultural references, or just because I have a mirror and I see all too clearly the maturity gap between us.

    And though it’s perhaps indelicate to say, I also don’t relish having a partner who can’t afford to go to nice restaurants without someone else paying. (Or, like some of my friends’ partners, has college exams to study for.) If I’m not comfortable as “daddy,” I’m for SURE not happy about “sugar daddy.”

  9. cb says:

    Sorry it went south. Especially since you were enjoying it. :-(

    I, too, seem to have crossed over some “daddy” threshold and I’m getting hit on by 20-somethings. It’s very disconcerting– especially since most are absolutely terrible at making the sex.

  10. Melvin says:

    A very astute observation that men in their late 30’s or 40’s are unavailable for dating. I would be categorized as one of those, “they’re just comfortable in their single-hood and don’t feel like reaching out”, men. I do on occasion, reach out to the community, but not many share my interest of hanging out at home a lot, high on their list of desirable characteristics.