Dingo and his beard

You too can be a hot Daddy like Dingo, so grow a beard!

Longtime readers of jimbo.info may have read my rants and raves about beards in the past. Yep, I like beards. But I realized lately I’ve withheld some opinions I’ve had on the topic for years – mainly on the how and why you should grow one. I’ve felt the subject has been sufficiently covered over at Beards.org, which has been around since the Dawn of the Internet. There you can learn how to grow and groom a beard, and check out people’s success stories at growing their facial fur. There are also tons of additional articles out there on the Internet now that it’s been the trend (at least for the past year or so).

Steven – the tireless and dedicated author/webmaster of Beards.org – offers a nurturing and diplomatic tone on the subject. This is important because despite the current beard trend, a lot of guys are still really reserved about growing one. Friends, coworkers and relatives can be really mean about you growing a beard. That is until they get used to it and you shave it off. Then they complain that you don’t have a beard. I know this from personal experience.

So here’s jimbo’s slightly less sensitive advice on growing a beard from things I’ve heard from people and questions I’ve been asked in the past:

  1. woofIt itches! Waaah! I don’t care. STFU, sit down and listen: it’s a beard you’re trying to grow, not a goddamn patch of violets. Do you think a post-operative transsexual who’s growing a beard for the first time ever thinks about how bad it tickles? NO. He grows one out anyway and has more balls than you with that attitude. Much respect to the bearded trannies out there.

    I understand some people’s beard hairs do curl back in towards the skin and I don’t doubt that it does itch something fierce when you grow it out. But your skin will get used to it over time, and/or the hairs will mellow out with more length (more on that later). They will eventually stop growing back towards the skin, particularly with some conditioner and relaxing agent. Yes, a good beard requires product sometimes but most of all a beard requires patience Patience is the first lesson your beard will teach you.

  2. I can’t grow a beard because of my workplace/lawfirm/office rules. Bullshit. To date no one has produced a document to present to me that proves this. I want to see this in writing. And I’ll bet if the CEO has a beard you would grow one too. But this isn’t about following the herd, this is about AUTHORITY. Namely yours.

    woofCheck with HR. Go through your workplace documents. Ask around. Drop a few hints with management. I’ll bet it’s just you who thinks that. Beards are more acceptable these days and it isn’t the goddamn overshaven 90s anymore. People are staring at your beard in the workplace because your beard is awesome. Just ask Matt Fijko, Corporate Trader about his beard. He says, “You are a man and I think it’s your God given right to grow a beard.” Testify, Matt. This is the second lesson in beardism: your beard is yours. It belongs to no one else. Not your workplace, your friends, your partner, nor your family. A beard requires resolve.

  3. It’s patchy! If you would let it grow beyond three days you might find out that it’s not. Again, patience is a virtue, and you’ll need a lot of it. You might have to grow it out to wooly proportions to see if the look fits. If it doesn’t, then you can trim it back, but by Odin’s Beard please don’t do the corporate stubble and give up after a weekend. It may take a month or two of persistence and learning how to trim it to see if those pesky patches fill in over time. If you can find a reputable barber who’s good with beard trims, they may offer advice. Ask around for good barbers and give it a try after a couple months’ growth. And barbers who are good with beard trims are usually good at giving you manly haircuts like this guy, so it’s a win/win.
  4. Grizzly JimboIt’s grey! So what!? Maybe you waited too long to grow one out before it got grey, but it’s not too late. You don’t have to rely on Just For Men like some people we know either. This is a beard, not this summer’s hot horizontal-striped tank top fashion. It’s gonna be with you and it’s going to age with you too. OWN IT ALL. Even the grey.

    Hair coloring can look odd and sometimes obvious in direct sunlight, but that’s usually when men choose too dark of a color to apply. And like my mom says about body modifications and hair coloring, “If it’s obvious, you shouldn’t have done it.” If you must color your beard, keep in mind beards are frequently a different color than the hair on your head. When I grew beard out really long I was surprised to find it was almost auburn. The hair on my head is sandy brown.

    The other option is to snip those grey hairs until there are too many to keep up with. Or just let it go grey. Some people find that really attractive.

  5. It’s going out of fashion. I don’t care. I’ll admit the beard thing has been big in 2012/2013 and is probably on the way out, but trends linger for a time and so can your beard. Plus, now is the time to do it since it is still somewhat cool. Then again, you shouldn’t give a fuck as to whether it’s fashionable or not because it’s your beard. But whatever you do, please don’t get a beard implant. I love you the way you are, even without a beard.
  6. Ginge, with 'stacheI don’t know how to trim it. Again, check with Beards.org on how to trim it or just do a search on YouTube for a how-to video. Then invest in a decent trimmer. You can get cheap starter trimmers at the pharmacy. I ordered a turbo trimmer from Wahl that my beard barber approves of. Sometimes I trim at home, sometimes I trust the barber do it. But trust in the trimmer. Yes, that’s the final lesson your beard will teach you. You must learn to trust your hand, your beard, or the barber.

A Special Note About Mustaches: Movember is coming up soon and I know it’s cool to try and grow a cheesy ‘stache from scratch for a cause, but that’s not how you do it if you want a decent mustache. To get an epic ‘stache you should grow the full beard out as long as you can stand it. This may take months and a lot of persistence and resolve. Then you trim gradually and carefully down to the mustache. Mustaches are good for those of you who honestly have a patchy beard. And they can look good and are definitely “in” right now. But I will admit that not everyone looks good with a ‘stache but I would still like you to try.

So there you have it. Growing a beard will not only make you hot as a beetle on a sand dune, but will also teach you the virtues of patience, resolve, individuality and trust.

21 Comments

  1. John says:

    Waah, I feel oppressed, because I have let it grow a long-ass time and it’s still patchy, so I think this is just genetics. Thus, the goatee. Respect my genetic heritage. Also, all you Just For Men users, JUST STOP IT, because it looks awful and makes you look older. Because nobody young would be messing with that shit.

  2. jimbo says:

    John I still love you even with a goatee. The important part is you tried and you get beardy points for that.

  3. brettcajun says:

    The BF prefers me darker than au naturel… My Beard. I can because I look 10 years younger (clean living, wholesome goodness, living right, etc) than any of my peers. Ahem. :)

  4. brettcajun says:

    Jimbo is a D*CK. He changed My Beard link! LOL

  5. jimbo says:

    That’ll teach you for posting in haste from your cell phone while driving!

  6. brettcajun says:

    I was actually at a Greek and Lebanese restaurant waiting for the BF to finish his chicken kabobs. I was battling getting the hyperlink right after he had finished. He rolled his eyes when I told him what I was doing… posting a comment on your blog. LMAO. :)

  7. jimbo says:

    1. You were texting at a restaurant.
    2. You were texting during a romantic date with your beloved.
    3. You were texting to comment on my blog.

    Lame. Lame. Lame.
    I did the right thing.

  8. photoplay says:

    …popcorn, anyone?

  9. brettcajun says:

    1. I paid for dinner.
    2. It is perfectly alright to play with iPhone while waiting on your slow eating OTHER HALF to finish.
    3. I am “Daddy”. He who has the gold, gets to make the rules. Ahem.

  10. TED says:

    I’m guessing there are other areas where Brett finishes long before his boyfriend is satisfied.

  11. Marc says:

    Have you seen this photo of Jake G on GQ?

  12. mark says:

    …wow
    Brett=Babyjane
    madcub= Stockholm syndrome

  13. Marc says:

    Thanks Jimbo. Excellent treatise on The Virtues of Growing a Beard. I have been following your bearded journeys for over 10 years now. always disappointed when you shave your beard off but excited when you start to grow it back.

  14. brettcajun says:

    Jimbo looks Amish

  15. napoleonva says:

    You might think the grey beard thing is OK, but wait until yours turns grey. It makes you look 20 years older.

  16. jimbo says:

    Then you can call me “Daddy.”

  17. brettcajun says:

    Daddies don’t queen-out to a Diva belting out a song. Just sayin’!

  18. mark says:

    hey jimbo, brett is putting up videos, i was wondering if you have a youtube channel too? while your blog writing is superior, in my opinion, his video sorta swayed me, ofcourse it is a 10 year old clip, but still, had a cute voice, so, can you add a video of yourself for comparison?

  19. brettcajun says:

    Imagine being awakened in the middle of night to a strange sound. You go outside morbidly fascinated by a creature walking around in circles. What is it doing??? Is it crazy? That creature is a rabid possum with red eyes, sharp teeth, and a big tail. That is essentially Jimbo.

  20. jimbo.info » Blog Archive » “Provincial” says:

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