I get this a lot on Scruff and in real time:
“Oooh I like your beard.”

I’m flattered and respond by saying, “Thanks!” but what I really want to say is:
“Thanks, I like beards too. SO WHERE THE HELL IS YOURS?”

Admittedly I am an avowed beardist and pogonophile, but I live in the worst place for beards in North America. I remain because I have a job and I like it, and DC as a whole isn’t bad either. But it’s a terrible place to live if you like beards, want to see more of them, and would like to date guys with decent beards. DC is the clean-cut capital of this continent. Austin, Portland and Toronto would be better places for me in that respect.

And I tend to hear this a lot in DC: “Oh I’d love to grow a beard but my boss/girlfriend/boyfriend doesn’t like it.” Bullshit! They’ll learn to live with it, and I challenge anyone who says it’s against work policy to show me the document that says so. My coworkers get upset when I shave mine off because they’re used to it. Your friends, coworkers and loved ones will get used to it too.

I’ll accept the excuse that sometimes beards feel itchy for some people. I’m lucky in that mine doesn’t feel itchy like that. From what I understand it drives some people crazy. You people are forgiven for your lack of beard.

Now that we have a black president, I’d like to see us get back to a bearded president like in the good ‘ol days. We currently have no viable bearded candidates, but one can hope. Then maybe the guys in DC will grow decent beards again. Until that time I must suffer for lack of beards in the Nation’s Capitol.

Oh and by the way not shaving for 3 days in preparation for Otter Crossing at the Eagle doesn’t count. That is stubble and is not a beard.

For beard inspiration, visit beards.org for beard growing tips and success stories. And here are some other worthy beards you can aspire to:

Images can be removed at owner’s request, but if you’re one of the above guys and you contact me, I’d rather you ask me out on a date.


  1. Jim says:

    My husband was being interviewed for an office job with a major parcel delivery company that I shall not name (cof cof Fedex cof cof) – albeit the Canuck arm so it the US version may be OK. The job wasn’t parcel pickup/delivery – pure home office work with literally zero customer contact except via phone. The interview went well and then the shoe was dropped:

    Interviewer: Oh, if you’re offered the job, you’ll have to shave off the goatee and mustache. You’re Ok with that, right?
    My Sweetie: Pardon?
    Interviewer: You’ll have to shave. We don’t allow any facial hair on employees. It just looks cleaner that way.

    He told the interview not to bother herself any further and asked her to give him back his resume. Smart man, my husband.

    As for me, I’ve had various goatees and full beards over the years but my ‘stache has been in place since it grew in at age 16.

  2. Glen.h says:

    I used to have to shave for work, but that was because I wore a breathing mask and it wouldn’t seal properly. Now mine is small but perfectly formed! http://www.flickr.com/photos/glenhsparky/7144479575/in/photostream

  3. J.P. says:

    Beards rule (even though I have monster stache right now). Any man that can be told by his SO or job that he’s not allowed to grow a beard needs to grow a pair. And I agree, three day growth at the bear run does not a bear make.

    I have always enjoyed your beard, by the way. You wear it well.

  4. HSimpson says:

    Mine is small and perfectly formed too!!

    Oh, Glen meant his beard. Nevermind.

  5. homer says:

    Any company that has a stupid dress code- wouldn’t work for them ever.

  6. Mari says:

    A friend who lives nearby likes to fool around with his facial hair, and apparently the other men in his office do likewise. One time they were all growing these long muttonchop things when a South Asian coworker remarked that they looked too much like the Raj or the time of the Raj. Not to give the impression that they supported the colonization and subjugation of India, that style went away.
    Right now he’s sporting a tame Grizzly Adams, until his wife gets sick of it.

  7. Sean says:

    Some of us must be admirers for genetics has cursed the growth of our facial hair. Now, if you want to run your fingers through a furry chest, I’m your man.

  8. Greg says:

    Beards do interfere with a special kind of health care worker mask called N95 (used for suspected exposure to tuberculosis, bird flu, or SARS). Discrimination lawsuits by Sikhs and Muslims against OSHA (who wear beards for religious reasons) have largely failed. Most bearded guys shave to get fit-tested…then grow them right back after they’re hired. The only alternative is a Boba-Fett style device that runs about $800. Until the next pandemic, I’m not shaving…

  9. jimbo.info » Blog Archive » The Virtues of Growing a Beard says:

    […] too can be a hot Daddy like Dingo, so grow a beard!Longtime readers of jimbo.info may have read my rants and raves about beards in the past. Yep, I like beards. But I realized lately I’ve withheld […]

  10. Snurfer says:

    You have to leave DC – beard hostile zones are no good, especially with winter coming. I snowboard in my backyard (love the classic Snurfer) a lot and a beard is absolutely necessary as a face protector/windshield/manly-maker. If you’re in a place that doesn’t appreciate beards, the place has got to change. I just started growing my winter one to prepare for the snow and the cold!