So the other night at the gym some Masshole just sauntered up to the television and changed the channel from the Packers to the Patriots game. This is what happens out here on the East Coast – all these reetahds out here think everything is all about some goddamn Boston franchise and they all wear their stupid Red Sox hats all the time and it’s kind of annoying how awesome they think they are. I want to drown them in a vat of batterfried cheese curds and then let their lightly breaded corpse freeze over on the 50-yard line at Lambeau Field and den put dem in da chipper and feed da rest to da giant nordern pike up dere in Hayward dontcha know.

I was about to have conniptions from being torn away from my future husband Aaron Rodgers but then I noticed that Patriots QB Tom Brady now looks like a cute baby caveman and half his teammates look like they just hopped off a Viking* longboat and then I made this Scooby-Doo sound like “URRRGH!?” Maybe the Patriots aren’t so nauseating after all.

Particularly fascinating was Matt Light’s large Kris Kringle beard. As one of the Patriots’ line of Viking raiders he has the best Viking raider beard of all, and I could listen to him talk all day with that rumbling voice of his. Rawrrrr….

*Not the evil kind of Viking that wears purple, but the real ones from Scandinavia and The Netherlands.


  1. moby says:

    I wish I could say something relevant on this post but I’m just here for the scruff. :)

  2. homer says:

    Evan talks like that.

  3. Steve in NH says:

    “Masshole!!!!” Being from there (and still living in the metro area) I can tell you Massachusetts is better in theory than in practice. Strange how such liberal-voting people can be so nasty in person. At least it’s the most blue state, that counts for a lot. You ran across the worst kind of Masshole — the sports fan. When I see Red Sox or Patriots stickers on the backs of cars I want to rear-end them and I always scream (to no-one) “FUCKING MASSHOLE BREEDERS”. Could be worse; could be New Yorkers.

  4. DougT says:

    As a dyed-in-the-wool Masshole I resemble this post. I’ll have to remember to wear my Bosox cap the next time I venture north of the Cheddar Curtain for some field work.

  5. Barry, South Wales: Ancient History: Part 2 | Our Arts And Crafts Blog says:

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