Archive for the ‘gay’ Category

GoatsbeardI headed out west for business and pleasure at the end of July. It was both my high school and family reunions. And I also wanted to help out with mom’s house.

My middle brother is the executor and lives next door. I discovered not much had been done since January, including the food in the cupboards, which I cleaned out first. There were bugs in it, and a stick of butter was still on the counter. Then I worked on getting rid of old books, salvaging what I could. Most of them were paperbacks from the 70s which not even the used book store wanted. Going through mom’s stuff was an exercise in learning what is suddenly useless when you pass away. Stuff is just stuff that someone else has to move when you’re gone.

I think my brother and his wife are not quite processed yet, nor ready to sell the house. I made a dent in clearing some stuff out, but there is still a lot to do. I think the only thing I can do is be patient.

I went on a bike ride on a former railbed now turned into a bike path going along the Mississippi River bottomlands. Due to state budget cutbacks from Wisconsin’s wonderful Republican governor, the trail is woefully in disrepair. Along the way I stopped at an old train depot, where there has always been a honeybee colony:
Bees at the depot
There have been bees in this building since I was a kid when there wasn’t even a bike trail. I hope they stay there for a while.

On the way to meet a high school friend, I discovered the high school track where I ran the 400m, mile relay, 1600m and pole vault events was being torn up. Admittedly it was old and crumbling, but I remember being in these lanes:
high school track
The class reunion was fun, but only about 8 people showed up. It was for our 27th, which they decided to hold due to the success of the 25th. But I think we will stick to one every 5 years from now on.

On the way back home from the reunion at the Legion Hall, I stopped by the public library to try to take the Pokémon gym there. While I was preparing for battle, this hot guy in riding leathers pulls up. Turns out he was on my same Pokémon team (Mystic) and we took control of the gym together. Like many people in Western Wisconsin, he looked like Alexander Skarsgård, but in black riding leathers. He was so hot it was unsettling, even hotter because he was a Pokémon nerd too:
I walk to the park in nearby LaCrosse revealed a lot more Pokémon players getting their exercise. Hate it or not, it is getting people outside who would otherwise be indoors with their computer or game consoles.

Then I went to Minneapolis to hang out with Woolgatherer, and also go to Paisley Park Studios in Chanhassen, Minnesota. People are still leaving tributes along the fence, some of them from as far away as New Zealand. It was quite touching:
In the tunnel that approaches the studios, someone made a Prince petroglyph amid the graffiti:
Prince Petroglyph
I think they will eventually turn it into a Prince museum.

Then I went to L.A. to hang out with Dingo. The smog wasn’t so bad this time, and I went to the La Brea Tar Pits again, and also to the The Los Angeles County Museum of Art Guillermo del Toro exhibit “At Home With Monsters.” It featured the directors influences, themes, and models from his movies:
Pan’s Labyrinth
BrettCajun joined me but we had to leave when he kept asking me to take his picture:
Kaiju Parasite
We then went to Ginger (Will) Rogers Beach in Santa Monica. I had picked out a Speedo before the trip and it recieved wide acclaim. I thought it fit nicely on a 45 year-old man:
summer speedo
I barely escaped LA because on the day of my departure, Delta’s flight computers blacked out all over the world. I was fortunate to make it as far as Raleigh, where I rented a car to drive back to DC (4 hours). But I got tired by Richmond, so I stayed in the 2nd grossest motel I’ve ever stayed in. Didn’t get much sleep, but made it back to DC in time for a phone interview, which resulted in an in-person interview next week. I also have another one for a different job as well. I have a new suit and my hair is done, so I’m ready for either interview.

Pidgey & Chris

Remember Chris from the Boys Briefs blog? Here he is trying to attract a Pidgey Pokémon with a cocktail. Nothing has changed.

Back in 1998 I was playing Pokémon Red/BlueYellow on the Gameboy. In the game you could travel to different places and catch critters, which would evolve into more powerful forms. Sort of like Dungeons & Dragons but with critters instead of swords & sorcery. You could trade your critters with other friends who had the same game. It was fun and a little addicting.

Later on Pokémon Stadium came out and you could bring your critters that you found on the Gameboy and export them to the Nintendo 64 game console, then fight them against your friends and in-game opponents. It made all your collecting efforts even more fun. Then Pokémon Snap came out on the N64, where you would travel on a golf cart safari-style and take pictures of the things you saw. Better pictures with more Pokémon in your frame got you more points. Being a birdwatcher, I loved that one too. In fact the whole Pokémon concept is merely a virtual version of birdwatching as far as I’m concerned. If you haven’t seen “The Big Year” yet, it’s a fun movie about birdwatching that will also help you understand all this Pokémon business.

When I heard a location-based app version of this game franchise was coming out for play on your handheld device I knew it was going to be big. The company producing the game had enjoyed success with the similar Ingress app. I never played Ingress but had a few friends who did. It encourages real travel to locations to check-in and compete against other factions. It’s clear Pokémon GO borrows a lot of concepts from Ingress. But this time you not only check-in but you collect critters along the way, just like in Pokémon Red/Blue back in the day.

Busy locations have been drawing a lot of app users since the game came out. You can even plant lures that attract Pokémon to your location for easy catching. While I was fishing for Pokémon at a lure hotspot at DuPont Circle today there was a dude there cruising like it was 1998. Back in the 80s and 90s that area was a popular cruising spot where you’d also try to find your own critter to take home. But with the advent of cruising apps like Grindr and Scruff, and the shift of the gay ghettoes in the city, few find much success at DuPont Circle anymore. But just like in the 90s, this guy didn’t have a handheld device, but he also didn’t seem to know what was going on with all the people looking into their phones trying to catch Pokémon.

He was trying to look for men to hit on who weren’t there, without the aid of a handheld device. Instead there were people there trying to catch imaginary creatures that weren’t there, using a handheld device. The contrast was fascinating and sad for everyone.

Shiner1It took a couple days to unpack and launder all my sweaty clothes after the Bingham Cup in Nashville. It was a good trip and our teams did well, one of them bringing home some hardware. My side (old people and new players) almost won our bracket but for a loss at the last game. It was quite warm there. I didn’t have much time to see Nashville but I managed to get some local barbecue. However I still favor Kansas City barbecue over Texas and Tennessee.

As you can see in the photo, I got a shiner that even looks prettier today. There’s a big bruise on my arm too, and I don’t know how I got either of them. Somebody probably stepped on me, but during the heat of battle you don’t feel much.

Back to serious job searching now. Only upcoming trips are back to Wisconsin for my 30th class reunion and also a family reunion in late July. May try to help out with mom’s house, which we need to prepare for sale.

According to one of my long time anonymous readers and commenters, I “need to grow up.” That means buying a house, having a boyfriend, and getting a job. And probably do things like go to the HRC gala in a matching tux with my boyfriend so I can get my photo posted in MetroWeekly. Because THEN you’re a real, grown-up gay.

And of course I have total control over all of these things. I just choose not to do them, right?

roselnylundSo in order to please my anonymous commenter, I occasionally try to date. This time it was supposed to be a lunch date with OlafDave on Scruff. Dave is from Coon Rapids, Minnesota, and has lived in DC for about 8 years. He went to St. Olaf, which is a real university.

Many people on the East coast think St. Olaf is fictional because the Golden Girls character Rose attended St. Olaf. I know it’s real because my high school friends went there. That’s where the good Lutheran kids go. Evil Satanist or pagan children go to the state universities like I did. Anyway, the people who went to St. Olaf are usually good midwestern kids, and I extended that presumption to OlafDave. We were to have a casual nonsexual lunch date.

Dave never showed up. Then he disappeared on Scruff. Possibly cancelled his account. He either didn’t have the balls to tell me he couldn’t make it, and/or his partner came back into town. His profile says ‘single’, but you know how it goes with partnered gays in DC.

It’s been a while since I’ve been stood up. It still smarts, and it still colors my opinion of people. People are shitty, deceptive and weak. I think I had learned to filter out the flakes and have gotten better at recognizing good people. OlafDave slipped through the cracks, and I’ll be sure to remember that when making assumptions about Minnesotans.

And if I see OlafDave with his partner at a party or in a bar, I’ll be sure to go up to Dave and have a very forward chat for a long time. I won’t leave and the situation will be very awkward and uncomfortable. So you’d better not go out, OlafDave, unless you’re prepared for a very awkward and uncomfortable conversation for a long time with a very obnoxious person.

Or maybe I just got catfished, and someone used his pic to front a fake profile. I kind of doubt that though, because OlafDave’s details were pretty thorough.

So commenter and long-time reader OldFartDC, that’s how it goes, and that’s one reason how I’m still not as grown up as you’d like me to be.

It happened again. We met at a party. We chatted online via Facebook. I did my due diligence and did a background check. All signs indicated he was single. Again, I should have just asked. I should know better and just ask upfront. But he wanted to hang out, go on a date.

But after all that chatting, texting, and 2 hours into a date, he didn’t mention any of these three useful pronouns:

US, WE or BF.

It’s that simple. Pronouns are easy, and can be helpful. Try these phrases to help drop a hint:

We went grocery shopping the other day.”
“I saw that movie with my boyfriend.”

I’m not slut shaming. I’ve given up being upset about the prevalence of open relationships in the gay community. I think I lean towards monogamy, but I’ve been known to play* with partnered guys. It’s just that partnered guys are not always upfront about their relationship status, to the point of being shady.

It’s just when I don’t know the whole story I get pissed off. I like to have all the cards on the table before proceeding. I think it’s a polite thing to do, to let the other guy know you’re in a relationship. If I don’t know you’re partnered, I assume you’re single and available.

I think it’s some kind of east coast Victorian propriety thing. It was much simpler in Portland. Those boys were very upfront and honest:

“Hi I have a boyfriend wanna fuck?” I am not kidding that’s how it went. It was refreshing, communicative and simple. I knew what was up and could make informed decisions accordingly. And I never got pissed off when they were upfront and honest about their relationship status.

Here in DC there are those ruled by perceptions of propriety, or something. I don’t know what the fuck it is here. I guess they think I won’t find out** or they think they will be perceived as slutty***.

Either way, next time I need to simply ask because I cannot assume they will disclose their relationship status.

*the verb to play – I loathe the term. I think it devalues the act of sex.
**I will find out. I’ve lived here for 15 years and I know everyone. I will find out.
***Do you think you’re the only slutty person in DC?

I had a work trip to New Orleans last week, my first for this new job. They kept me busy, and the hotel was good but this traveling thing isn’t as easy as it used to be. I’ve noticed between backpacking and sleeping in tents, and hotel stays, that I just don’t sleep well outside my own bed anymore. I think next time I will look into some sleep aids or something.

I got the weekend free there and for some masochistic reason visited Mémère BrettCajun, who has aged considerably. I couldn’t find the box of Just For Men in her medicine cabinet, as it was either all used up or hidden well. Here I am about to throw up in her presence:
totally grossed out
We visited one of the old cemeteries, where I considered bricking her into one of these handy mausoleums:
When that didn’t work, I considered the dark arts, but she already had her own ideas and started twirling around like Stevie Nicks as soon as we got to the American Horror Story: Coven house:
thinks she's Stevie Nicks
Then at the Aquarium of the Americas I was going to feed her to the big albino alligator but the reptile didn’t bite (too squishy). And the pretty budgerigars didn’t attack her a la Tippi Hedren:
And she was tired and cranky the whole time, and always needed a nap, shower and costume change at every turn:
tired ol cow
We tried to perk her up at Cafe du Monde with some chicory brew, but all she did was wharf down 52 beignets in one sitting, which of course made her tired and cranky again.

On a brighter note, long-time blogger Sturtle came out to visit. We had not yet met in person despite knowing each others’ blogs for almost a decade.

It wasn’t too swampy when I got there but got more humid as the week progressed. It got me prepared for the humidity in DC, which appears to be back in force.

With same-sex marriage up for debate in the Supreme Court and Ireland, there’s been a lot of news and Facebook rants about the subject. We hope for the best, and it’s been an amazing change in public attitudes.

And yet there are those gays who vote against, remain silent, or otherwise host anti-gay presidential candidates in their homes. It’s always Schocking how they could support such candidates, or otherwise remain neutral on the issue.

Of course same-sex marriage is about equality, but I’ve always argued that finances and economics are at the core of the issue. The ability to build up (or legally divide) equity, protect your property in the event one spouse dies, and tax benefits for couples is centric to a civil arrangement.

Rich gays have the finances to make legal arrangements in the absence of same-sex marriage laws. They can hire a lawyer to protect their assets, but it still won’t help them with visitation rights in hospitals and other details. But in the end the legal aspects aren’t a big concern for power couples. They’ll just call their lawyer about it.

Gays with low- and middle-incomes don’t have this option, or it would be very expensive for them to get legal support. They’re essentially powerless in the eyes of the state if the relationship goes downhill or one partner dies. That’s why marriage equality is more important for the rest of us.

That’s about all I have to write about lately. Sorry I missed a whole month! I write a lot at work and when I get home my fingers have nothing to contribute to the keyboard. 4 months into the new job and when I get home I’m often drooling and staring at the wall.

So I just amicably ended a somewhat long (for me) relationship with someone who was “significantly younger.” It was working for me, but in the end he made another choice, which was not a surprise. Still, it was good while it lasted. We’d been seeing each other regularly since 4th of July. We got along well, which was a shock for my friends to hear. I don’t always say that about people I’ve dated, and it’s a big deal for me to say that. I actually wanted to spend more time with him, which is unusual for me to say. Maintaining the relationship while I was in job flux was nothing short of a miracle. And the fact that I not only survived – but enjoyed – a three-day wilderness camping trip with him was telling and a good sign. No regrets through, and it showed me there was still some capacity for intimacy in my cold, dead heart. We will still be friends.

I can now see the appeal of dating younger guys. They’re fearless, without so much history to make them cautious and bolt at the first sign of a flaw. But of course there’s a risk as they often don’t know what they want and are easily distracted. Especially in this age of apps that allow for instant selection of another partner.

I’ve been getting far more attention from 20somethings now than I did when I was actually 20. Part of it seems to be that “Daddies” are in fashion nowadays. Back in the 90s the reverse was the case, where everyone wanted to be, date or look like a hairless fetus. Now that I have some grey in my chin they’re all up in my kitchen. Which is funny because I certainly don’t feel “mature.”

It made me think about relationships between older and younger guys. I never saw myself as that older guy dating younger guys. In fact, I usually try to shoot for guys my age. I’ve always been attracted to men in their late 30s or 40s. But it’s tough in DC which has a lot of 20 to 30 something gays. As you approach your 40s, I’ve noticed it’s harder to date guys your age. They’re either partnered up and disappear to Virginia and Maryland, or are prickly and rife with trigger warnings that make them risk-averse. And/or they’re just comfortable in their singlehood and don’t feel like reaching out. I see how you can get that way. Regardless, I’ll continue to consider the younger pups but am still focused on other Daddies like me.
>; )

In July of 2007 I went up to see Xanadu on Broadway with Aaron during the show’s preview period. The jukebox musical was clever and the music was great, as expected. It featured Cheyenne Jackson, who had been the understudy until the main male lead had a tragic rollerskating accident during rehearsals. 30 Rock’s other star Jane Krakowski was in the workshop productions in its early stages.

After the show a Bear in a trenchcoat approached me just outside the theater doors and asked, “So, what did you think of the show?” His question was so pointed it was clear he wasn’t hitting on me. This guy was looking for feedback. I wished I had a more eloquent response, but all I could say on the spot was, “It was a lot of fun, I liked it.” It turns out the Bear was a producer of the show and was surveying the crowd for feedback.

That encounter stuck with me years later. My only musical theater experience was in high school with time-tested scripts like Annie and Oklahoma. It seems obvious now, but I had no idea the production of a new show was an evolving thing. The script, musical numbers and blocking change over time. You long-time musical fans may say “well duh” but I thought the fact that a producer might change a show based on feedback on the street fascinated me.

Then came “Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark” on Broadway. Before it was even in production comic book nerds were hysterical with rage, including myself. Spider-Man doesn’t sing for one thing. He cracks jokes, but never exhibited any penchant for song in the comics. But the musical wasn’t for comic fans, it was designed to sell very expensive tickets.

It turned out to be the most expensive musical ever produced, with the longest running preview period due to excessive technical difficulties and numerous stunt-related injuries. There’s a fascinating book written by one of the co-writers of the show that is a page-turner and documents the hubris involved with the show. I didn’t see it, but learned that the writers created a new villainess that was never in the comics. Totally unnecessary in a universe rich with existing options. Plus it was just too ambitious. When the stunts worked, they were fantastic. But when they didn’t, it was awkward at best, but too often dangerous to for the cast.


Art by Chris A. Tsuda

Between Xanadu and Spider-Man, I was like, why didn’t they do a musical about Marvel’s answer to disco in the 1980s, the Dazzler? She is a some-time X-Man with the mutant ability to convert sound energy into light. She is still featured in comics today, and was one of the first to publicly come out as a mutant. Stories were one of the first to focus on the personal life of the hero, and the comics were also the first to be released exclusively in comic shops rather than on the magazine racks at the local convenience store. As you might imagine, the character has a gay fan base and is a popular subject for cosplay.

Dazzler wasn’t always a hero. Her first dream was to be a star, but villains and thugs kept interrupting her big breaks. Eventually she had to make a choice – one that we all face on a daily basis: am I a hero or a star?

Now isn’t that a compelling story? Wouldn’t theater gays go nuts over such a theme, that also involves disco and flashy lights? I think so.

So I did some research. One superfan recently did a Dazzler music video. Back in the 80s, Bo Derek was set to play her, with an insane script idea starring Cher as the Witch Queen, Donna Summer as the Queen of Fire, KISS, Robin Williams, Rodney Dangerfield, and The Village People. I applaud their creativity, but I think we gotta scale it back a bit.

So I started writing a script. Yeah I know I’m not a script writer. The most I do are these here blog posts and achingly dry press releases for the federal government. But I had two years of un- and under-employment and looking for jobs only takes up so much time. Plus I had this idea in my head, an idea that was like a pustulent zit that had to be popped desperately, or else it would just sit there and fester. And the idea wouldn’t go away.

The idea is based on the earliest Dazzler comics where the simple theme was her trying to make it big in spite of interruptions by supervillains. It’s about expectations, or the failure to reach them. It was a theme I was – and am – very familiar with. Perhaps this script is therapy. But I’d also like to see it work, if only on a small stage.

In the fall I learned about a theatrical reading of a Batman graphic novel. A reading is when you read from a script without a lot of props or blocking. They did a great job, and I got in touch with the director. Sadly we haven’t gotten together about it yet, but I think he’s one guy who could help me out, if only for suggestions.

I met with a producer friend of mine for some advice. His main tip was that unless this show is satire, I definitely had to get in touch with Marvel for permission, or it is all for nothing. His other advice was that NYC is filled with aspiring writers, and what was I thinking that I could also do such a thing? That was disappointing from a person I had initially introduced to showbiz. But I had asked for advice and for him to read my script, which I’m not sure he’s done yet. Not many have, although one theater critic and Dazzler fan has and gave me some constructive advice that I plan to implement.

I reached out to Marvel Comics’ licensing team, which was surprisingly easy to do. I got a swift response: “Hi Mr. B: We are not interested in licensing out our character for this musical. Thank you.” At least they got back to me quickly. Not sure what to do about that just yet. The show is definitely not satire, and is in fact is heavily based on the early Dazzler comics. Dazzler wouldn’t have it any other way.

Dazzler was an aspiring disco star, and a show without music wouldn’t be right. So I delved into the music from the year the comic was conceived. Much of that music was played at the roller rink where I spent a lot of time when I was nine years old, and I have an eidedic memory for lyrics, especially from when I was a kid. 1979 was a fantastic year for music, many of the songs having to do with light. Perfect for a musical about a person who can transform sound into light. Many cringe at the thought of a jukebox musical, but these songs are appropriately woven into the plot. I’ve even written one original song for The Eleven O’clock Number.

I’ve done a lot of research into script writing, and plan on taking a class once I get my finances back in order. DC has a remarkably thriving theater scene, and there are opportunities for small stage productions. I even have a local 80s cover band I’m in touch with to perform the music. “Glitterlust” seems an appropriate name for a house band doing music for Dazzler.

For the most part I’ve kept this idea to myself for many years. It’s a crazy idea, and putting it out there has been interesting. I’m mostly met with bewilderment and sometimes doubt even from close friends, which has been a little hurtful. But from what I understand rejection and roadblocks are part of the business and I’m going to keep trying. Is it a hobby or a dream? I’m not sure yet. But just like Dazzler it is yet to be determined whether I’m going to be a hero or a star.

Well the Miss Adams Morgan Pageant was a lot of fun. Much love to Miss Veronica Blake for doing up Charlene. Actually the process for getting made up was made efficient by an assembly line affair before the show. At one station the heavy foundation was plastered to my face. At the next station the fine details for a fine lady, and finally the wig was put on at the last station. Charlene was a hit, as the people expected and demanded. Don’t be jealous. In the photo to the left we see the lovely Jim Lande and Miss Charlene Hilton in all her smoky glory.

I must note that the production value for this pageant seems to get better every year. It’s quite a DC institution. DC doesn’t have a reputation for being a crazy town or particularly artsy, but when we do put on a show it’s well-organized. In a town full of Type-A personalities this is an inevitability. Like I always say, “Maryland is for crabs, Virginia is for lovers, and DC is for former class presidents.”

Now the beard will grow back again. My dry, featureless face hates me for shaving.

Oh I want to point out that our painfully cisgendered blogger friend BrettCajun is OBSESSED WITH CHARLENE. He was constantly asking questions about her, offering makeup advice, and lewd comments about what he wants to do with Charlene. Brett just do drag already and GET. OVER. IT.