jimbo.info

Oh hey it’s been a while. I moved and am now a housecub. I’m mostly settled, the new place is lovely, has no cats, and I get to have a garden plot. I’ve already planted acorn squash but have no idea how they’ll do in Oregon. This is a completely different growing scene than what I’m used to. I’m going to try potatoes for the first time as well.

I went to see my brother graduate from his nursing program, and of course I had to stop at Bonneville Dam to see more LAMPREYS!

They’re gross but cool in a way. Lamprey Pride.

It was Pride weekend here in Portland. I had fun! Because there’s a parade and a festival with cotton candy and I saw a bunch of people I got to catch up with. Of course it’s the season for dissent against Pride festivals for a few. This year’s article written by an angertwink is again about how we don’t need Pride celebrations. But it doesn’t speak for the majority of people who somehow manage to have fun at Pride.

This year I marched with the organization I’ve been volunteering with. The organization provides housing, medical services, and skills training to help homeless youth get off the street and back on their feet. Many of these youth are LGBT who were kicked out of their homes for being gay. Because that still happens even though some angertwinks still think we don’t need Pride celebrations. Anyway, a couple of heterosexual coworkers/allies brought their kids, dressed them up as small unicorns and put rainbow stuff all over their kiddie bikes and they all had a blast. I saw from pictures from DC Pride that a few straight allies marched with the Renegades to wave some rainbow flags and they also had fun. Perhaps we can learn from heterosexuals in these trying times: you should have fun at parades. It’s OK to have fun. And if you don’t think you’ll have fun then stay home.

BrettCajun keeps sending me lewd text messages. This is the most recent one – a pic of him giving me kissy-face:

Actually it’s a pic of a lamprey attached to the viewing window at the Bonneville Dam fish ladders. There were also shad and salmon running when Kiri and I stopped briefly to watch:

Yep that’s a salmon in the lower right of the image – a king or chinook I think. When fish are running it means that these fish are migrating upstream from the ocean to spawn, as they are anadromous. I like critters that swarm and migrate and stuff like that. Sadly I’m missing the cicada swarm back in DC! Anyway, I’d love to work there. I used to work with the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers at Lock & Dam #15 on the Mississippi River. There were a few positions open there I had applied to when I arrived, but the fucking sequester ended those options. The Army Corps is suffering even more brutal cutbacks than other federal agencies at this time.

Kiri had a conference in that area and I tagged along for the day. While she was conferencing I decided to explore the area around Hood River to check out the neighborhoods and outlying areas should I get offered the job out there. I must say the scenery is idyllic (click on any image to embiggen!):

My brother – who lives in that area and knows the dude I’ve been interviewing with – said I needed to make a follow-up call to continue expressing interest. I had already sent a follow-up email and bro said interviews are a lot like dates, and calling is better than texting or emailing. I rarely listen to him but this time he had a good point. So I did call and was promised a return call but it never came. Interviews are a lot like dates also in that you can get an impression from non-communication as well as direct communication. And non-communication is what they do best in this region. I don’t want to be stalky, and my guess is it’s not gonna happen. I would have taken the job, but part of me is also relieved. I’d be the only gay in the village if I moved there, however scenic:

I know, I know, I need a job but I’ve also lived in remote situations away from urban gay centers before. There are mistakes I don’t need to repeat again. I hate to think I’m dependent on gay ghettos, but no matter how many close friends you have it’s also good to be around people who “get it,” who are like you. With the Internet it’s a lot easier to be gay in rural areas but having the option to hang out with others of your kind in person is crucial to mental wellness. I remember how I felt out on the cold Siberian steppes of Kazakstan as the only gay in the village. Desperation is not something that comes easy to me. I guess I’m a city gurl at heart.

Four moves ago in DC, I hired the help of a Scottish-owned and operated moving company for some help. It’s a luxury for one with a bad back. During the move one of the Scottish guys looked at a piece of furniture I had planned to move and stated abruptly in a thick brogue, “Yuir furniture is crap! Are ye shore yew wont me to move this?!” Admittedly, it was crap, but move the goddamn furniture cuz I hired you to do so. On that particular piece of rotten particle board I relented. But still – STFU and move my crap!

Many years later as I pack again for another move, I realize the Scotsman was right. Most of my shit is crap. You realize this when you live with someone else for nine months and don’t really need most of it. Granted I’m living in a furnished situation, but most of it is still crap. Three large boxes are kitchen stuff that will come in handy once I settle, but most of my furniture is indeed crap. I guess I was counting on the likelihood that I would meet a guy with better crap. It’s 90% probable that a guy I move in with will have better crap than me. The hitch is I haven’t met a guy I want to move in with yet. So I settle with my crap and move my crap from place to place and will spend money to store my crap too.

Still haven’t heard back from the design firm in Hood River after my second interview last week, so I’m planning on moving in with two friends outside of Portland by the end of this week. Most of their furnishings are not crap, so I will bring very little of my crap into their home. All I really need for the short term is my clothes, outdoor equipment, computer, bike and Dungeons and Dragons books.

Picture of me was taken last week while I was showing a friend the neighborhoods of Portland. I look skinny, but have been in excellent health during my time in Portland. This is fortunate since I haven’t had health insurance. The bike rides to and from my volunteer gig have kept me trim and I’ve had plenty of time to work out at the gym as well. I’m at a weight I haven’t been in a long time. I hope wherever I land I’ll be able to continue to bike to work. It’s a lot nicer than driving or taking a bus and is good for my mood.

My sometime dungeon master for my other D&D group I’ve been playing with in Portland is moving back to SF. He’s the third person I’ve gotten to know who is moving or who has moved. It’s a tough town to settle down in as you may have gathered by some of my posts. A lot of people come and go. The difference between a newcomer and longtime resident is who you know. This weekend I caught up with an acquaintance who helped me get my first interview when I got here. He’s recently jobless but said he’s had 17 interviews since he lost his job a few months ago. SEVENTEEN IN TWO MONTHS. I’ve only had five in nine months. I pointed out this difference and we’re meeting up later to discuss my job approach and some options.

Anyway Tom wanted to see some sights before he left so I showed him Ape Caves where I went a few weeks ago. This time I wanted to try taking more pictures deeper in the cave, where light conditions might be challenging. Some of the pics turned out all right. Here I bumped up the ISO on the camera for this spooky shot of the lower cave:

Here’s me at the entrance. It was super-rainy outside and I thought it would be dryer inside, but the cave is close enough to the surface and plenty of water was dripping inside too.

Here’s Tom looking at the glittery Fool’s Gold (iron pyrite) in a nook of Ape Caves. If you look closely (click to embiggen) at the reddish area you can see the sparkles:

In other job/life/chaos news, I will be moving from my current place soon. I had to ask my hosts (who were originally from DC) “So at what point am I imposing?” Which I think was considerate question since they’ve been allowing me to live here rent-free. They need to get working on renovations so my time here is short. Moving again, no fun.

But of course as life would have it, I have a second interview with an interactive design firm next week. It’s for a project manager job, not public affairs, but uses a lot of my skillset. The catch is it’s in a town up the Columbia Gorge, an hour’s drive from Portland. If I took the job I would not commute from Portland. I don’t even have a car, but would have to get one if I lived there. The other catch is my tricorder detects very few gays there. I wanted a life change and life hands me change. Anyway I will certainly be moving out, but as to where we shall see. I have other lovely local hosts in town, or I may end up moving to the Gorge.

I have a great blog interview in the works with an out gay NASCAR driver from my hometown, but am waiting for him to get back to me with the final draft. Thought it would be relevant with the whole Jason Collins coming out thing. Stay tuned for that…

In the meantime, we’ve been enjoying spectacular weather in Portland with nothing but clear blue skies for weeks. Apparently last spring was so cold and wet for so long they speak of it in hushed tones and refer to those dark months as “Juneuary” and “Julyember.”

The recent weather reminded me of when I arrived in September, when it was about as warm and sunny as it’s been lately. And that reminds me of how long I’ve been here. I’m going on nine months here now and still no job. This is starting to get ridiculous. Granted, I have had four interviews with four different companies or agencies since I got here but don’t know how close I was to be considered for each job. But news coming out about the “New Unemployables” over 50 scares the crap out of me. Fortunately I’m still young and hip at 42 and hopefully still employable.

So I’ve expanded my search northward to Seattle, south to San Francisco and Los Angeles, and even back east to DC. At least in DC there are jobs and a robust network I’m familiar with. And good friends and a city I’ve gained a better appreciation for since I’ve been away. If by summer’s end I don’t find a job, it’s time to head back to more familiar territory.

Portland is a marketing town, with companies to work for like Columbia Sportswear, Nike, Intel and Adidas. I’ve done some marketing in the past, but my strengths lie with public affairs jobs, but those kinds of jobs are few and far between in Portland. I’ve seen and applied to many of those kind of positions in Seattle, where the economy is better, but Federal public affairs jobs with public lands and forests have all but dried up with the government cutbacks. And getting a foot in the door with Federal jobs is daunting these days as I suspect most agencies have internal candidates and a huge number of applicants with veteran status. Hindsight is 20/20, and looking back my timing may not have been the wisest to quit my cushy federal job and go follow my heart.

But I’ve looked at my experiences and thought about what skills are applicable to marketing and have rearranged my resumes and applications to adapt to this region and what jobs I apply to. I can no longer afford to be so picky. I’m also exploring contract-to-hire and headhunter options as well.

It’s funny how fast time flies when your savings are trickling away. The past nine months have gone by like lightning. Granted, my current debt is miniscule compared to recent college graduates, but I sure do like having little to no debt and want to keep it that way.

There is some good news lately. My oldest brother lives up the Columbia Gorge near Hood River. After nine months he suddenly comes up with an idea to contact a company there that does PR for Portland firms. He knows the CEO and even washed up on his shore after a kiteboarder rescue, and told me to mention that in an introductory email. So I did that and dropped my new skillset buzzwords and will have a meeting with them on Tuesday. It sounds more like an informational interview so who knows how it might go. But it’s something and the company does interesting work. This is the view of that area from the Washington state side of the Columbia River, so it would be a very scenic place to live and work:

So keep yer fingers crossed. Otherwise keep your eyes and ears open for jobs in public affairs where you know a person there who can put my resume on someone’s desk, ya hear? Thanks.

Heeey! Sorry for the long absence, I was in a K~hole all last week. The national news was not pretty as you all know and personal news fit with that theme as well. I finally did get a notification about the one job I was waiting to hear about (negative) and there was a 2nd phone interview that I was looking forward to with another organization that was cancelled. Back to square one. This is getting ridiculous.

Anyhow, on a good note Prince was in Portland tonight. Of course I had to go. He had his 3rdEyeGirl backup band, a bare-bones affair with just a bass, guitar and drummer. The venue was smaller and the band was an intimate fit for the setting. But if you’re a longtime Prince fan you know his music comes with a lot of keyboards and background vocals, which were mostly absent with this setup. Still, the song lineup fit well, which I think went like this:

Let’s Go Crazy
Endorphinmachine
Screwdriver
She’s Always In My Hair
Dolphin
I Could Never Take The Place Of Your Man
Guitar
Plectrum Electrum
Fixurlifeup
Colonized Mind
Bambi w/ Joshua Welton (cowbell)
2Y2D w/ Joshua Welton (cowbell, vox)
Cause And Effect
Sign O’ The Times
Forever In My Life
Purple Rain

Some dude with a cowbell. OK. And “Dolphin”? That was weird but I’ve never heard it live so it was fun. Anyway, he did offer a some old tunes, but the most alarming thing to me was the flat response from the audience. Flat as a pancake. Portland, I think you smoke too much weed. For a minute there I actually felt sorry for Prince. I mean, how do you not know the words to “She’s Always In My Hair,” “I Could Never Take The Place of Your Man,” and “Bambi”? They were rocking out to his new tracks but I counted maybe two people up by the stage who were going nuts to his old stuff. The audience was not really familiar with Prince but were there anyway for some unknown reason. Maybe it was the 8pm Gresham/Beaverton crowd and the 11pm show will rock out more, but it’s clear that while Portland does indie well, it does not know the funk.

Earlier this week Darth Jersey alerted me to my actor doppelgänger, woofy Canadian actor Geoff Gustafson. He was on a recent episode of Cult (which I’ve never watched) and was in Hot Tub Time Machine, a film with a ridiculous premise but was oddly endearing. I am flattered by Darth Jersey’s comparison but that doesn’t forgive the fact that he routinely kicks my butt at Words With Friends. I hear tell there are apps that will maximize your word strategy with the game and I often wonder…

In other doppelgänger news, I may go on a date soon with a guy who looks disturbingly like Durban Bud. I mean, he even purses his lips in all his profile photos. But of course I would never go on a date with a BrettCajun doppelgänger. Eeew…

I had a busy week starting my volunteer job. It’s only two afternoons a week but after six months of casually going out for coffee after waking up at 11am it’s a bit of an adjustment. We already had a violent “incident” there while I was working. Nobody was hurt but it was disturbing. I have encountered bouts of rage during rugby matches but when that happens during play you’re all kind of riled up at the same level of aggression so it doesn’t seem so bad during play. But when you’re sitting there answering phone calls and somebody flips out it’s another thing. I’ve already taken bloodborne pathogen training, and will soon get training in “de-escalation” for similar incidents, and training in identifying potential overdose patients. It is certainly unlike anything I’ve done before.

And I had a phone interview with a recruiter from a major outdoor clothing line in Portland. It seemed to go well and the recruiter and I chatted for a long time. By now I have a lot of interview questions down pat and did a lot of studying in advance. It’s a job I’d really be well suited for and am eager to hear back from them.

I had applied for that job independent of any contacts or leads, but later corresponded with two people who helped get my application on somebody’s desk at that company. Thank you loyal blog readers and you know who you are. Contacts are key, especially in a market where recruiters are getting hundreds of applicants. Earlier this spring I was chatting with a friend who was also looking for work who had been seeing a career coach. His coach confirmed the importance of leads and contacts over cold applications. He said something like 80% of jobs are found through networking so spend 80% of your time doing that and only 20% of your time responding to ads. And aggressively expand your contact list. It is essential to keep assembling your comprehensive list of acquaintances from all current and past associations. Do not leave anybody out. Through the graces of another blog reader I’ve also got some good leads from the Seattle area as well, and have been following up on those too.

But after three weeks I still haven’t heard a peep from the city job where I interviewed in person. This is the second instance in this region where an organization has invited me in their offices for an in-person interview where I never hear from them again, even after following up with brief messages of continued interest. I understand and am getting used to non-responses from initial online or email applications, but when you invite me into your house for a chat I expect a little more interaction later on. I don’t think it’s that I’m awful and abhorrent in the interviews either. I will remember this when I am on an interview committee and in charge of follow-up. Even if it’s disappointing news, it’s good to hear back from an interview committee. And it doesn’t take that long to get back to the eight people you spoke with for an hour each, no matter how busy you are.

I wonder if this behavior is part of what is interpreted as passive-aggressive in the Pacific Northwest. Rather than potentially disappoint someone, people here simply cease communication. That’s interpreted as Pacific Northwest Passive-Aggressive, but I call it conflict avoidance. People here don’t seem to know how to negotiate conflict, and/or are afraid to disappoint anyone. Sometimes people get disappointed, and that’s a part of life. It’s called communication.

Oh hi! The sun came out last week in Portland and everyone – including myself – went absolutely bonkers. The temperatures went beyond 70 and the sky was absolutely clear. When that happens you go outside no matter what and absorb as much sunlight as possible, because the next day is likely to be grey and dreary. But I think we actually had three solid days of wonderful sunlight. I hear tell it’s been a merciful winter and spring in terms of cloud cover and precipitation. I haven’t found it to be that much worse than winters in DC, which were almost as gloomy and certainly more grey. But then again I have the time to go outside every day even on cloudy days, which still helps with winter blues.

Before the bike ride on the sunny day where the above photo of Mt. Hood was taken, I went out snowboarding again with Kiri, on the slopes of the same mountain. Since it was the second trip of the season my body was in better shape and I had fun, but I still board on the safe side as an accident would be catastrophic. I suppose I could cloister myself in my room to be absolutely safe, but that wouldn’t be good in terms of mental health either. So I recreate. Lord knows I have the time for it. I don’t think I’ve been in this good shape in a while.

And I went hiking with some pals up the Columbia Gorge at Starvation Creek State Park, which had a lot of purdy views. Here’s me being bossy or making a point or something:

I had a chat with my friend who owns the house I’m living in about housing. They’re friends from DC and I’ve been able to crash at their place in a small room rent-free, although I do help out with the utilities. But it’s going on seven months and I was wondering “at what point am I imposing?” So I asked. They want to move forward with renovations by June, and will need the space I’m taking at the moment. So I gotta move on, job or not. I have some options. I’ve been avoiding temping in lieu of keeping up a focused job search for something that I really want to do and get paid well for, but little has come up.

I haven’t heard from the place where I interviewed last week, but it’s only been a week. I followed up with a nice thank-you note and continued interest in the position (and I really am interested in the position). So we’ll see. But it was three months between job interviews, which isn’t a promising rate.

“Give it a year,” someone said to me recently. I’d rather not have the second half of that year doing a job I don’t like, but it may become a necessity. I’ve been looking back to DC for Federal jobs like the one I left, but even those aren’t opening up due to government cutbacks. And I’d rather not move back, but if there’s work I might have to. I worked hard to forge a career path that I enjoy and pays well, and I don’t want to sully my resume with job experience at Dairy Queen or Kinko’s Copies.

I start my volunteer job next week at a homeless LGBT shelter in Portland that provides services and training to get the kids off the street. I will be working the front desk answering the phone and directing the clients to services available at the center and elsewhere in Portland. It took a couple months for them to put me in a position to fill. To give you an idea of the job market in Portland for just volunteer positions, here’s how it went: I went to an orientation session with 20 other people, mostly college-age kids looking to get some experience in social services to boost their resumes. All of them were attentive and eager to work. But all they could tell us in the orientation that all current volunteer positions had waiting lists. I filled out an extensive application with a background check, and went through two interviews, followed by a two-hour long training session, and another to follow. It was a more extensive process than a lot of positions I’ve filled for pay. So in other words, the job market is so bad in Portland the competition is stiff even for jobs without pay.

I went snowboarding at Mt. Hood Meadows this week with Kiri. I also have a ’stache now. Click to embiggen:

Strangely, the ’stache looks gingery without the rest of the beard. Or perhaps I’m turning ginger? That would be awesome.

This article about a resurgence of masc gay bros is pretty good – I mean from the point of being good investigative journalism. I’m not sold on ‘gaybros’ concept though, but the article is well-written. You should read it all the way through though before judging. The money quote is towards the end:

“As Michael Warner writes in The Trouble with Normal, ‘queers do not have the institutions for common memory and generational transmission around which straight culture is built. Every new wave of queer youth picks up something from its predecessors but also invents itself from scratch. Many are convinced that they have nothing to learn from old dykes and clones and trolls, and no institutions … ensure that this will happen.’ Take that with the generational void caused by AIDS, and you have a perfect recipe for a generation who rejects “gay culture” while knowing little, if anything, about it.”

I remember one of my first ventures into a gay bar in Madison, Wisconsin around the age of 20. As I leaned back against the wall defensively I recall thinking “I’m not like these people.” I eventually got over it. Granted, we don’t have to all embrace camp culture and RuPaul’s Drag Race, and our true interests, hobbies and lifestyles are our own. But I think being gay is special and it’s important to embrace being unique in a world that is predominantly heterosexual. We are different, and no amount of trying to pass as straight will change that. Modeling your life after a heterosexual male gender stereotype while eschewing a perceived stereotype of homosexuality seems like a waste of time, and rather dull to boot.

Getting off my butt and posting as ordered by Dr. Brett Cajun. Of course he also asked for a prostate exam with the consultation but I refused. I’d rather be probed by an alien. Same thing actually.

Anyway, it’s National Peace Corps Week and I posted an old pic of me on Facebook from when I served in Kazakstan. Seeing my fellow volunteers’ posts this week reminded me that I lived in Portland before I went to serve overseas.

The economic situation at that time was very similar to today. Clinton was making cutbacks in the government and federal job openings were hard to come by. I was set in my mind to be a park ranger at that time and was having difficulty finding full-time, permanent work in that field. I was working at Kinko’s Copies and an athletic club trying to make ends meet and it wasn’t working. Peace Corps service offered a degree of preferential hiring status with the federal government, although I don’t recommend you try Peace Corps for just that reason alone. Several of my friends from college had joined Peace Corps at the time and I thought it would be fun. The other part in the decision was job panic.

Looking back had I not done Peace Corps I may have set on a different career path, similar to the one I ended up with anyway. I was doing graphic design at Kinko’s and could have moved into that position had I not fled Portland so fast the first time. But hindsight is 20/20 as they say. The path that took me indirectly to DC was a good one, and I developed some good skills and a Master’s degree along the way.

Back then no one told me it might take dozens, if not hundreds of job applications to get a better job. I think I had sent out less than a dozen when I was in Portland the first time and was freaking out that I wasn’t getting any bites.

Fast forward to today, my job search is a little more focused. While I’ve widened my search to non-federal jobs in the area, I’m still trying to stay in my field of public affairs and social media. I’ve worked too hard to develop my career to drop it and take a job in another field. Plus it took me a long time to realize that’s what I like to do, and know what kinds of jobs I wouldn’t like to do. From past work experiences I know I can’t just go to work and fake it – I need to be interested in what I’m doing and then I enjoy doing what I do more.

Now with this sequester bullshit, there are few federal job openings, and I’ve noticed a dip in openings elsewhere too just like back in ‘95. Everyone is holding their purses tight and not hiring. There aren’t even job openings back in DC in what I did with my previous federal job.

The urge to freak out and flee again is strong. Security is a warm and welcoming thing, and I don’t have much of that these days. But I try to remind myself on a daily (if not hourly) basis to hold out and keep looking. 15 years later I hope I’ve learned some wisdom along the way, and that this wisdom pays back for a change.

The other day the lovely Dingo asked me to dig up a post I wrote when I was previously unemployed so he could send it to his newly unemployed friend. It was good to go back and read what I wrote in 2009:

It’s not the end of the world. You will survive. You will work again one day and you will regret it.

I’m such a ray of sunshine.