December 2009 Archives

The blinky animated .gif of Bubbles was even bothering me so I had to write another post to push it down the queue. I know I did a good job when I end up annoying myself with something I created. I'm proud of that.

(RAH)² (AH)³ + [ROMA (1+MA)] + (GA)² + (OOH)(LA)²

The New Gay staff won't stop pestering me to pimp out their events and I forgot to add it to the last post, so here goes:
DJ Natty Boom will be on hand at the Black Cat mainstage on Saturday, Jan. 2 to help spin some of the best indie, goth, rock, alternative, electro, retro and other music that is still somewhat unknown therefore tolerable to TNG staff until some common person hears about the band and then it's no longer cool.

There will be early morning birdwatching that day, so I don't know if I'll be in any condition to go out that evening. The initial birdwatching census was rescheduled due to the Snopocalypse*. My plans for New Year's Eve are pretty tame, just dinner out with friends. I long ago tired of going out to clubs and having to leap over that inevitable curdling puddle of vomit dropped before the ball did. Like my bearded buddy Xanthos says, "NYE is for amateurs." I save my party points to spread throughout the year.

Why is everyone hatin' on 2009, or the last decade for that matter? OK maybe the last decade started off bad then got worse with 8 years of Bush fucking everything up, but we survived. 2009 wasn't that bad. I would post a retrospective of the year but reviewing the past year's entries and linking to them and writing about my feelings about them takes time and you'll have to wait.

BUT I must mention that the BUTT Magazine interview with our Dungeons and Dragons gaming group did make the "Best of 2009" list of their online content. The BUTT link is probably Not Safe for Work. The story didn't make the 'zine's print edition but the online story was popular.

Anyway, back to hatin' on things. Now I'm no ray of sunshine but ever since I moved out of a basement and into a bedroom that faces the rising sun, I have been in a slightly better mood, and friends have noticed that. Perhaps a little dark magic was involved in some kind of mood transposition spell, or I dumped my negativity into the Mississippi river and it flowed down to New Orleans where some poor mangy nutria slurped it out of the mud.

Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes: and leap!

It's time to try
Defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
And you can't pull me down!

* FYI we never got the "thundersnow" the weather forecasters promised.

So I finally broke down and purchased a Verizon Motorola DROID smartphone. My ancient Verizon Razr cell phone was dying, with the battery running out quickly and an occasional black screen of death on the thing. It was probably over four years old anyway. But since Grindr is not yet available as an app for the DROID, my new purchase is basically worthless.

But when I have pulled it out amongst the iPhone crowd I've heard regular confessions that the iPhone's AT&T network connectivity sucks, and iPhone users have been regularly annoyed by dropped calls. This fills me with joy, as I have never been dropped on the Verizon network. Neener-neener, you smug iPhone users. That said, I don't recommend you ever try to get Verizon to install a land line in your home. Verizon is good for wireless, but horrible for land line installation and support.

Anyway, when I first got a demo of the DROID I learned that it interfaces with Gmail and Facebook quite well, and since I had a Verizon product beforehand, it was very easy to transfer my phone contacts to the DROID. And then I noticed it seamlessly integrated my Facebook contacts with my phone contacts, so when I call up a name from my contacts list, options for calling, texting or messaging on Facebook come up. Very nice.

It has lots of other apps that are useful but I'm still learning how to use the thing. So far I have only been able to make it play the Transformers transform noise when a notification comes in. I do plan on pulling out my DROID at inappropriate times during holiday gatherings, movie screenings, funerals, weddings, at nice restaurants, and in the middle of intimate verbal converstations. I may not be looking at anything in particular, but I hope to destroy all non-digital social interaction because now I can.

I had a nice birthday gathering at Nellie's the night before my actual birth date, which was on Monday. Going out drinking on a Sunday pretty much wiped out the early part of this week though, but my old bones are recovered by now. Anyhow, at one point in the evening Clickboo started giving me the spins on a bar stool, and I said "WHEEE!" and then threw up and everybody laughed:

Photo by M.V. Janzen. I took some photos he took of my friend Bubbles and made an old fashioned annoying animated .gif, which is that irritating blinky image at the above right that I uploaded for no reason other than to induce seizures in my readers.

As my 39th birthday approaches, I know that I'll get a full year to contemplate the official 'Gay Death' year of 40. I've already got the party planned out, and it'll be a good one. Or at least I have some ideas to start with.

At first I thought it would be cool to have an all-night shirtless dance party on the generally unused 2nd floor of the T.G.I.F. in the National Hall portion of the new(ish) National Airport. But then I realized it would be a fishbowl situation with lots of stressed-out returning air travelers gawking at all the shirtlessness and saliva exchange, which would be a bit of a buzzkill.

So then I thought I could settle for the nice space at Club Zei at 14th and I NW DC in 'Zei Alley' just outside the McPherson Square MetroRail station on the Orange Line. We used to have good times there with my club kid posse back in tha day just after the turn of the millennium. But then I read it's closed, with the last review reading like so:

"This was the best club ever to pick up Asian girls. Every time I went it was always packed with pretty women. One of the reasons It closed down was near the end too many shooting between black and Vietnamese gang members."

OK scrap that idea too. You'll all just have to figure out where to have my 40th birthday bash yourselves. It had better be special and MetroRail accessible too. Start saving up your pennies, because I also want to have a hot scruffy shirtless tripartite of DJs Dingo, Robbie Martin and Bravehound flown in for the occasion. They can tag-team throughout the night. I was thinking a starting set of upbeat dance versions of my favorite pop songs (Dingo knows what to do), then through the evening with a more West Coast easy feel with Robbie, and then some dark and broody shit with Bravehound into the morning.

All three must remain shirtless throughout the event and cannot shave a week in advance of the occasion.

I have survived the holiday season. Man it was brutal, and that work trip in early December didn't help either. By the time Christmas Eve rolled around and I had a moment to work out at the gym, I could only lift about half as much as I normally could as me old bones were sore from exhaustion. I've felt better after a full rugby match. Or maybe the rugby helps burn off the stress, and this time of year without it I get sore all over anyway. I swear there was something going on every evening for the past two weeks, usually having to do with the holidays. This year's resolution is to think about how to manage holiday tasks and stress for next year.

But I was able to get a disco nap in and got a ride with Clickboo and Dr. Jeff* to the annual Baltimore Bear Orphan Party and Feast, which was a lot of fun as always. I'm glad I was able to make it, and Dr. Jeff* took some nice photos*. Here's me and Tom playing out the nativity scene with fabulous cashmere pillows and shawl:

Clive the anteater-dog was a sweetie:

*Both of the above two photos copyright Jeff Smith Photography. OMG you'd better credit Jeff Smith if you use his photos or you'll definitely hear about it later.

• Auto-tuned vocals
• Sarah Palin
• Put your fucking iPhone away
• Mold
• Heterosexuals with litters over a half-dozen
• Carpetbaggers
• Magic underpants (2nd year in a row!)
• Lady GaGa parodies
• Farmville gift notifications
• Jaded gays at Kylie Minogue concerts

I'll have to admit, Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus has been given a reprieve due to 'Party in the U.S.A.' and has been lifted from the 2009 banned list.

But I am happy about:

• Glee
• Yet more 'staches
• The prospect of gay marriage in DC
• A raise
• Not living in a basement
• Personal debt down to levels I will soon pay off
• Sam Worthington and his woofy neck scruff

On Friday I scoffed at the initial predictions of record snowfall as apocalyptic news sells ad space well in this region. Even as it was still coming down Saturday morning, I didn't think it would continue, but it did until late Saturday night. Fluffy and dry too, but the ground was still above freezing so it made the roads very slushy. Nellie's was open Saturday and Sunday nights, and I was delighted to learn Sunday evening that Federal government was closed Monday. I'll have to give props to the OPM for not trying to test road capacity in this area before closing down in the middle of the day like they did in the former administration. Otherwise people just spend 2 hours stressing out driving to work and back again, and otherwise spend the work day stressing about getting back into their cars. We just don't have enough snowplows to go around here, and people simply don't know how to function in the snow here, so just call off the whole day.

I made a point to sticking to my commitment to hike over to TJ and Rob's place Saturday night, and I saw so much foolishness along the way I was totally exhausted from judging people by the time I got home. People in high heels walking in the slush, driving front-wheel Dodge Neons around the city, walking down the middle of the street amongst sliding cars. I mean really, where is it that you absolutely have to drive to in such weather? You never shoulda left home. All toilet paper and eggs jests aside, there's a lot you can do in your snug home, so you should stay there when it's snowing, or else walk to where you have to go. Don't burden city services just so you can go to your foodie party.

British Lions rugby legend Gareth Thomas came out publicly in a moving article this weekend. While he is still an active professional athlete, he has high hopes with continuing his career while being out. His teammates have known about it for at least three years and apparently don't give a shit. U.S. gay athlete poster child and former NBA player John Amaechi predicts he will have a hard time, but comparing U.S. basketball to U.K. rugby attitudes is like comparing apples to apricots in my opinion.

We'll see how it goes. After being on a gay rugby team for 10 years I can assure that people get over it. In fact we only get a few instances of homophobic slurs anymore each year. "The Gay Team" or gay players are yesterday's news in our league, a tired topic, next subject. And it's hard to tell whether an opponent would have said that if they knew the team was gay or not. Did the slur just come out of their mouth because they say that crap all the time, or was the gay thing at the forefront of their thoughts before they said it? You never really know. The funny thing is we're now about half gay, and it's the straight guys who often get the slurs. It's great outreach for giving a non-homo audience some perspective!

Anyway, here's to hoping [again] active U.S. athletes have the balls to come out while they're in the midst of their career. I believe it's becoming less and less of an issue, and once somebody does it, more will follow. Somebody in baseball, football or basketball just has to step forward and do it [during their career]. If you have the strength to persevere with your training and athletic development, you also have the strength to be who you really are. Once that is done the two will complement each other and you'll be a better person.

I'm going to see 'Avatar' in 3-D tomorrow. I've heard great things about it and it will be nice to stare at Sam Worthington for an hour as well. He's also going to star as Perseus in the remake of 'Clash of the Titans'. It seems Gerard Butler set the bar for teeth gnashing in swordfighting flicks, since you now must gnash your teeth as much as possible while wielding a sword. P.S. I'd kill for a high-res .jpg of Sam Worthington's woofy neck scruff if any of you come across better pictures. [ fingerbang ]

On Saturday during the snowstorm I heard some scratching noises from the skylight, and looked up to see a few starlings drinking melted snow water from our roof skylight. Despite all the precipitation, birds have a hard time finding reliable sources of drinking water when it snows and freezes, but like the skylight starlings, they find a way.

Congratulations to scruffy Grant Cleveland for winning this year's MetroWeekly Coverboy of the year at age 39. That's awesome for two reasons: 1.) because he's not in his 20s, and 2.) he has natural unshorn body hair (well it's clipped here and there, but still...). Could it be that the Age of the Smoothie is over? Is natural body hair finally coming back? My prayers might be answered. But then again every time I get my hopes up I see a guy with ridiculously sculpted eyebrows and then I become sad. Anyway, 2 out of the 3 finalists for the contest had scruff and that's a good thing.

Today on Twitter @MyTrainerBob Harper from The Biggest Loser asked "What do u think about my full beard?" I had to respond positively of course.

Tomorrow morning I'm supposed to go on the annual Audubon Society's winter bird census, but snow is predicted so of course everyone is in extreme panic mode. Thankfully I have enough toilet paper so I'm not gonna die. But Tomorrow's Headlines from WhyIHateDC might read: "D.C. Paralyzed by Snowstorm. 'Divine retribution' for gay marriage says local pastors" or "White House Buried in Historic Snowstorm as Obama Attends Global Warming Summit."

If we don't all die of snow inhalation before then, I have been invited to dine at TJ's house on Saturday evening. TJ doesn't leave his house much anymore, so that's about the only time we get to see him, and we cherish those moments. He's sorta become a lot like Willy Wonka, who never left the factory until everyone won the golden tickets. I think he's getting plowed by Oompa Loompas on a regular basis too.

Our awesome mayor Fenty just signed the bill supporting gay marriage. Now all we have to do is clear it through Congress. There will be hell to pay if some obstructionist Republican prick blocks it. Not only is this next step a big gay issue, but it is also an issue for the citizens of the District of Columbia's ability to rule ourselves, which is just as important to me.

I went to see 'Invictus' last night starring a much-beefed up Matt Damon and Morgan Freeman as Nelson Mandela. It was a great story and I learned quite a few things I didn't know about the Springboks and South African politics. It was a great sports movie far less preachy than Clint Eastwood's 'Gran Torino'. Between that film and 'District 9', this year South Africa clearly wins the World Cup of movies.

And I got my H1N1 shot today but now my kids will die of autism because Jenny McCarthy & Kirk Cameron said so.

Oh hai I just wanted to announce that my boyfriend Ben Cohen has released yet another ~sigh~ beefcake calendar:

He finally let the scruff grow out and has the promise of a decent beard too. He's such a wonderful proto-Bear, and we love it that he's totally shameless about it too.

OK I'm a bit more calmed down from the holiday stress but that work trip threw a wrench into things so close to the holiday season, and a week away made me feel like I had too much shit to catch up with. I still have too much shit going on, but it's manageable now.

On Monday I went to a marriage equality rally at the Kennedy Recreation Center to support our city council's vote on gay marriage, the “Religious Freedom and Civil Marriage Equality Amendment Act of 2009,” which was a success on Tuesday. But the fat lady hasn't sung yet - right now she's in her party dress getting ready for her feature performance. I think the city bill has to go through a 30 legislative day review period. If the bill passes review without congressional interference, the bill will become law and same-sex couples will be able to marry. However, one of the people on the DC overlord committee is a Mormon Republican prick from Utah. However he's a freshman and may get his ass kicked if he's a dick about it, so we'll see...

At-Large Independent DC Councilmember David Catania speaks at a marriage equality rally at the Kennedy Recreation Center on Monday, December 14, 2009.

I think I enjoyed Christmas for about 4 hours last week, then it was over. The constant stream of holiday music, a never-ending demand for you to be cheerful at all times, and in-your-face consumerism squeezed any remaining joy out of me and now I can't wait until January.

The holiday season is a lot like getting fucked in the ass by a bad, hasty top: it could really be pleasant but instead it's always forced and too fast with no time to actually enjoy it. Because here's how my head is running at the moment:

"OMG I have to finish cards and get that one last gift at PetCo and remember to bring a dessert for the work party and OMG here's another CFC campaign e-mail please give more more more bake sale and how many parties are tomorrow at work and what day is training and Christopher Aaron Clements keeps sending invites for shit every goddamn day and then reminders that he wants us to read the invites and reminders of reminders for reminders then there's everyone else DEMANDING and RSVP NOW and what are you going to bring and oh by the way there's a rally tonight for gay marriage sorry for the late notice but this is like the age of social networking so you don't need advance notice and this is a really important action item NOW and you should keep your evenings free for last-minute activism if you're really dedicated to the cause and did you get back to that one guy about the ride to the event on Saturday and don't forget we're gathering on Sunday and are you bringing a dessert for that too oh by the way one guy is a vegetarian so you can only buy soy product..."

And that's why I retreat and sink into a depression this time of year. Too many demands, too many things I have to do before this day or that day and not enough jimbo time. It stresses me out and I want to withdraw completely. Hmm...I think I'll start doing that starting today! I hereby declare that I don't have to respond, reply, attend, confirm, affirm, RSVP, donate, or check in until January.

For some insight into the charm of certain DC neighborhoods, to www.googlemaps.com and type in 517 H Street NE Washington, DC. Click on the A pushpin and hit 'Street View."

MTV to recast the 1985 film 'Teen Wolf.'

Photo Galleries: Snowbound in Idyllwild, 25 Stories of Culture Shock & Irish rugby fur.

On Saturday, December 12 Omega hosts a Shakira CD release party with videos of the shaggy popstress by V.J. Tre. Click on the image to the right to view better.

I'm still in Kansas City for my work trip, and have sampled the city's fine barbecue at Jack Stack Barbecue. It's a lot of food but it was tasty. I also ventured out on Saturday night to check out Missy B's, which wasn't far from my hotel. Like many gay bars in the Midwest, the crowd was diverse, as opposed to the highly segregated bars in DC. It was a refreshing night out and the gays and lesbians can and do share the same space without conflict.

On my first night here I was starving and all the restaurants near my hotel were packed with a one-hour wait, but I finally stumbled into the right place, a restaurant called Cafe Trio, which apparently is gay-owned. I discovered there was no wait because it was kind of expensive, but the food was great and they had an impressive wine selection. So my first impressions of the city were that there is a fairly good-sized gay population which I wasn't expecting.

The boys here are indeed corn-fed and nicely rugged too.

There are also lots of museums here as well, but work responsibilities will keep me from seeing everything. I don't get to travel much for work and usually enjoy my few opportunities away from the DC Metro area, and Kansas City has been no exception.

We got a snowstorm here last night and temperatures have become truly wintry. Right now the weather seems cooperative and I hope to get back into DC on Friday without a hitch.

I was all hyped up over this image of Ryan Reynolds as The Green Lantern and thought it was a sneak peek for the upcoming movie version, but then my extra-nerdy friends informed me that it was a very clever photomanipulation done by super-geeky fans. Those killjoys ruined my holiday season!

I am going to Kansas City next week for a work trip and will arrive Saturday and want to check out what the city has to offer. So earlier this week I sent out a few messages through a few online gay services asking what's hoppin' in the KC on a Saturday night, and have received no response to my queries. Perhaps there simply is nothing gay going on in KC on a Saturday night. But I hear the barbecue there is good so I'll go eat some ribs by myself. If any of you readers who have lived there have any suggestions on where and/or where not to go out there let me know.

I like it when they're playin' my song and the butterflies fly away, then I'm noddin' my head like yeah, and movin' my hips like yeah.

But in space that will never happen because the butterflies can't fly away. Therefore there would be no noddin' of my head nor any movin' of my hips.

On that note, I just finished Arthur C. Clarke's 2001, 2010, 2061 and 3001 quadrilogy. The late futurist was a good writer and it's interesting to see how some of his fictional ideas actually happened and what didn't. For example a data search on 2061's equivalent of the Internet took the character an hour to find what he needed. Today in real time it would probably take less than 10 minutes. By 3001 they had to take on the Obelisk, and brought it low with the equivalent of a Kindle and a trojan virus.

Clarke also identified himself as an atheist and many of his fictional characters seemed to serve as a writing device for his position on spirituality:

"One of the great tragedies of mankind is that morality has been hijacked by religion."

He frequently described religion as a form of insanity that helps people deal with the unknown and things they fear. But he has hope for a future without insanity:

"Perhaps it is better to be un-sane and happy, than sane and un-happy. But it is best of all to be sane and happy.

Whether our descendants can achieve that goal will be the greatest challenge of the future. Indeed, it may well decide whether we have any future."

With priests in Uganda pushing for death sentences for gays, and Catholic priests elsewhere stating that gays lack salvageable souls, I see Clarke's position clearly.

OMG NATIONWIDE EGGO WAFFLE SHORTAGE!!! Goodbye, Butterstick.

Last Saturday I went to The New Gay's SHIFT venue at Cobalt to check it out and meet up with a couple of friends. The music might have been good but I couldn't distinguish lyrics due either to the high volume or something amiss with the sound system. Usually at Cobalt I can discern lyrics and raise my hands up in the air like I don't care but all I could make out was "OOM-thumm-OOM-thum-OOM-thumm-mumblemumble..." and so on.

Anyway, the requisite hipsters were in attendance, and I noticed the meager beginnings of a few folks tryin' to rock the 'stache. As often as with the occasionally bearded in this close-cut town, it was a facial hair FAIL. In most cases they appeared to be a feeble post-Thanksgiving attempt at a caterpillar, and in a few cases I'm guessing perhaps a month of growth dedicated to raising awareness for prostate cancer. That's an honorable cause, but we have a lot of catching up to do in this town if we want to get even close to the level of mighty 'stachiness in other cities.

It's easier to grow out a full beard and then shave it down to a 'stache of your preferred size. It's almost guaranteed to go through an awkward-looking phase if you try to grow one from a clean-shaven state. And then let it grow and some day you might rock your 'stache like me, Mark, Pete Kuzak, Lee or Rob some day. Or just keep your beard at epic proportions like Stephen.

Anyway, back to Wednesday Woof:

• Cleveland Indians center fielder Grady Sizemore has a rockin' body.
• Some hot guy named Shawn Roberts nekkid in "Black Rain."
• I totally missed the sometimes shaggy 2009 US Open Tennis Champion Juan Martin Del Potro this summer/fall while I was looking for a new place to live. The place is still very nice I must add.
• Josh Ritter is cute too.
• Yet another hot rugby calendar for 2010.
• And here is a fun and furry parody of Lady GaGa's 'Poker Face' as performed by a bunch of adorkable otters declaring their love for fonts and typefaces.