Some thoughts on Manhunt
First off, here's a trick that will save you some dough if you're on Manhunt in these financially trying times. Let your account subscription run out. Inevitably about a month later they'll e-mail you and offer you a deal for $20 for three months, which is substantially lower than the "right now" fee for the same period of time. Sure, you have to sacrifice some time without Manhunt, but you'll probably survive. Not like it's all that effective for hooking up anyway...
I am aware everyone who is anyone is on Grindr these days but I don't have a goddamn iPhone and I'm not getting one just to see if some horny queer is a block away from you at any given moment. So STFU about Grindr and your goddamn iPhone. I don't want to hear about yer goddamn iPhone or its apps.
Yes, even I have to resort to trying to hook up with guys on an online service, although if it makes you feel better it doesn't seem to work any better than in real life. In real life I walk up to people and say hello and they're terrified and they run away. Online I say hello and get no response. Considering you are not allowed to say hello to other gay men in public here in DC, meeting guys is a frustrating situation.
This weekend a guy flaked out on me and tried to excuse himself by messaging me an hour later with a cutesy folksy Palinesque 'wink!' message sounding something like "Oh I guess I missed you! Tee hee!" Dudes: I am OK with a change of heart or plans that went awry, but let me know ahead of time. Do not waste my time, I am a busy man. Give me the respect and consideration you would (or should) give other people (like your partner or friends?) and let me know if you have to cancel. I'm OK with that, but when you waste my time you incur my wrath. Fail. You suck, you are a flake forever in my book. I have no time for rude little children.
I've been observing some strange new practices on there lately. The newest thing to say on your profile goes something like this: "Tested negative as of 07/14/2009." Well that's great and I'm glad you're getting tested regularly and know your status, but it shouldn't really be an issue if you're always playing it safe, right? Like you quoting when you got tested negative shouldn't make me want to immediately open my legs and let you walk right down my halls with no latex because I'm so sure that you're HIV-. Stating when you've been tested negative is about as reliable as you telling me you're HIV-. Either way I am never 100% sure you're actually neg, right? I guess if posting a statement comforts some people then fine. I hear some guys even have the home testing kit ready for when tricks come over. That's kind of paranoid and sexphobic if you ask me. I wonder if these new behaviors are a result of the young'uns not having the HIV education some of us old people got when we were coming out? So maybe since they're uninformed they tend to worry about the wrong things?
Translating some of the profile language is also fun. Here's how I read some phrases:
" Mild to wild... " This means WILD and he will beg to take your load.
" Curious... " This means he wants you to tie him up and beat him silly.
" Likes to cuddle " This means he won't kiss and he will cry after he cums.
" 'sup buds..." This guy is dumb.
" Normal guy here, like to kick back and have some brews... " Bottom.
" 100% top here " If he needs to say that he's probably a bottom too.
"Clean." So what exactly do you mean by that? You pick up your laundry or wash your hands regularly? And if you're implying being negative for some disease, again, how do you really know what anyone has? At some point one has to deal with the fact that we live in a world full of bacteria, viruses and multicelluar parasites, all of whom want to live with you intimately. Every time we trick we open ourselves to new possibilities in living with new diseases, but that's the risk we take. We also risk several other diseases walking down the street, but that doesn't keep me from leaving my house either. It's just that certain habits (like looking both ways or wearing a condom) will keep you safer than other habits.
Although I will leave my house more often now that I let my account lapse. Until the next discounted membership offer shows up in my e-mailbox.
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This is brilliant on so many levels.
My favorite response, from a guy that said, 'Ask me about my hobbies and interests," and when I did so, he wrote back "Not at all interested." What a douche nozzle.
In my naive days i arranged to meet 'Blonde , muscular build ,blue eyes' , well i was muscular build & blue eyes myself , so what's to lose ? My heart sank when mr.pipe cleaner man , walked into view , yep straight up & down not a muscle in site !!! I may have been naive but not blind mate !! And yes looking back it may sound kind of shallow but i was looking like for like, what was he expecting ? !!
ha
love the translations
DC, Columbus, Philadelphia ... I hear it's all the same.
You hook up with guys that say, tee hee?
Delightful post! Thanks, Jimbo. I needed a lift today and this was great.
I let my account lapse last year and I'm surprised that I've stayed away for this long, even after the discounted membership emails. I'm not going to pretend I'm above it all and won't ever go back, but, really, I'm shocked that I haven't used it.
Guys run away from you when you say hello? That I find hard to believe.
Jimbo, loved the statement"some of us old people", dang, if your old, I'm ancient, manly giggle!
So true, and so sad! It's a battlefield out there, things aren't what they appear to be and it gets frustrating and tiring to deal with all the illusions! Still, just as I prefer to leave the safety of my house on a regular basis, so do I prefer to keep on the lookout for guys who are honest and respectful. Biggest challenge is to stay honest and respectful yourself when surrounded by all the phoniness and BS...
AND, 100% agreement regarding the disclosure of HIV status...why bother unless you are going to believe whatever someone tells you and risk your health in the process?!?
The "clean" comments piss me off. It implies others are "dirty". While I sometimes like to use "clean" and "dirty" as funny euphemisms, as in "no amount of scrubbing is going to get you clean, you're a dirty dirty man" and such, the implication in these ads is downright insulting. "You be too" pisses me off also.
and P.S. - you're a scary scary man, Jimbo, you obviously frighten the gays with the sexy. Maybe you're not clean enough?? Or perhaps you'll have to come to their level and open with "'sup buds."
I have never heard of Grindr. You DC boys sure lead the trend in hooking up online. Whatever happened to going out to a bar and picking up a guy? Does that make me old fashioned?
I assumed that "clean" meant that they were freshly douched (or expected their hook-up to be).
I always thought "clean" implied that he had taken extra cleansing precautions to make sure there would be no crotch rot or fecal matter surprises. Apparently not everyone does that before a "date" so some guys want to stipulate it in advance. I think most guys would find that "refreshing."
I didn't know that in DC we weren't allowed to say hello to each other, but I can tell you that a few weeks ago, while walking down 17th street to Friday night dinner with friends, I realized that you had just passed me! I recognized you from your profiles. If I had noticed sooner, I *would* have said hello, and should I see you in the future, I *will* say hello.
Jim (RootBear on Bear411 and elsewhere)