an ultimatum
Listen, people: when I text the words "Touch my body," you respond with the phrase "put me on the floor," then I text "wrestle me around." Then you text back, saying "play with me some more."
And I best not catch this flick on YouTube or I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN!
Now that's out of the way, I must report a relaxing weekend. Despite the unfounded rumours of Levi jeans being at the new Columbia Heights Target, I found nothing but screaming children and shelves depleted as if a plague of locusts flew in and headed out again.
Then over a fine cobb salad at Nellie's, I bitterly watched my ex-boyfriend Brett lead the Jets. I am so over him. He can't decide what the hell he wants to do. First he's in, then he's out, as if Heidi Klum were directing his thoughts. So over that.
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Why would Levi's appearing at a Target be traumatic - don't they sell them everywhere?
Yours in Mild Confusion,
J
Your ex-bf Brett text messaged me to ask me to intercede on his behalf. He promises, if you take him back, to not shave for a month.
Um... What are you taking?