August 2008 Archives

"These aren't the oysters you're looking for...they're MINE, bitches!"

We are having a blast down here in South Carolina. The surf is like bathwater and the food and scenery are great. There are giant spiders and alligators here too, but my connectivity sucks at the moment and one photo is all the line can handle at the moment.

OMG Gustavo: there is a hurricane that is supposed to hit SC soon, I wish they would let me stay here and set up an incident command center and have it ready when Hannah hits. The peaches are ripe and the seafood is fresh - I could hold the fort until then.

I am all over the 'net today, in a MetroWeekly feature article about bloggers in DC. They even linked to an article about the Blogjam open mike prose reading event we had in 2004. Good times, we should do it again.

Anyhow, go grab a copy of MW from the stands today (I'm glad they didn't use my photo on the cover). Other bloggers featured in the article include:
Lara Varlas and Ben Carver of The New Gay
Terrance Heath of The Republic of T
John Aravosis of Americablog
Andrew Sullivan of The Daily Dish
Mike Rogers of Blogactive

TJ also writes about the new fruity rating system for exotic produce, based on a rating of 1 to 4 jimbos. Is it because I'm so sweet, or so bitter?

Yesterday I discovered another holocaust out in the pond. The other day the water spontaneously emptied itself, but I suspect foul play. Then we filled it up, then somebody got into it again, as the plants and pump were all discombobulated when I got home from work. I suspect it's kids again, now that school has started they stop by Lake Shaw to try to catch fish with dixie cups and chopsticks. Two goldfish and all the guppies died in the upset. I even found dead baby goldfish, as the adults must have spawned in the spring - life springs anew only to be struck down by ghetto-ass punks. I think I'm gonna give up on the thing, as we are clearly not allowed to have nice things in Shaw due to frequent barbarian incursion.

To add to my sour mood, I discovered my cowboy boots which I rarely wear were completely covered in a layer of mold. They were back in the closet which is basically the crawlspace in my moldy basement unit.

I'm not completely convinced my tiny basement that is infested with mold and vermin, with a cheap Home Depot EZ-Bake Oven, and an air conditioning unit that sucks greasy oven exhaust from the upstairs kitchen into my unit is worth $1,000/month. Sadly, I signed a 1 year lease so I'm here for a while, but will seriously consider buying my own place once June comes around again. I realized a while ago that I was caring for the place with an effort that would equal work I would spend on my own place, so I might as well dive in and buy my own place once and for all.

Anyway, I'm off to the beach today, so the barbarians, mold spores an other vermin can piss off.

I suppose it is your right to vote like a douche bag. But here is the 411 from me, who has lived in DC for ten years with friends who are lobbyists or otherwise are some kind of vermin doing their vile work up on Capitol Hill (I still love you even though you are a despicable rodent, fyi).

I've heard a lot in my time here, sometimes more than I care to. I have some insight on politics and how things work here. Maybe people tell me things because they know I don't give a shit, but here's what I know:

Politics are a lot like rugby. You can beat the crap out of someone, punch them in the 'nads, stomp on their face with your cleats or otherwise abuse somebody for 80 minutes. But when it's over, you go and have a beer together and hope to do the same to them next year. Politics are brutal like that too. When you're pushing an agenda or running for an office, you will shit down someone's throat, stab them in the back, or cut their Achilles' tendon. But when the lobbying or campaign is over, you have to be friends because you might need your opponent's support some other day.

Both Clinton and Obama know this. They've both been at this game for some time. I would have been fine with either candidate, but one lost and one continues on. And last night the one who lost urges you support the other. Her pleas were sincere. Your option is four more years of gross overspending, more government (despite the fact that Republicans claim they are against more government) and more profiteering on fraudulent levels.

If you are pouting and stomping your feet that your candidate lost, and vow to vote for the other party or not vote at all, you are a dumb shit and you don't really understand how things work. Politicians understand that there are losers and winners and you have to cooperate after the fact even though somebody lost - do you understand this? Yeah, both sides were nasty in the campaign, but like I said, you kiss and make nice afterwards. Be a good sport, not a sore loser. If you hold a grudge you won't get to play again.

Hillary is a respectable tough-ass survivor who now has different ways to get things done now that she's relegated back to the Senate. But she didn't get the candidacy, and she's moving on because that's the way things go. She all but ordered her supporters to get over it and support Obama, but do y'all need counseling or something before you can listen to what she said? If you are choosing to be contrary or obstinate, you are truly the hysterical minion everyone says you are.

Sometimes - if you're lucky - you can see the Wondrous Dancing Fountains of Shaw at the intersection of 7th, Rhode Island and R Streets, NW DC. The geysers of fresh water have been a local phenomenon ever since the former Watha T. Daniels Library was torn down.

They spout up at random times through the little holes in the manhole covers, often to a height of 4' or more!

I call them 'Wondrous' because they make me wonder why there is fresh water coursing at such a rate, why no one has plugged it, and how much money and water is wasted by the Wondrous Dancing Fountains of Shaw. While I love my public fountains, this one is fed by a steady flow of fresh water, not recycled water. It is a waste of valuable water and money.

Anyway, here's a photo taken by Ed at the beginning of the Bingham Cup tournament in Dublin. So far this is the only photo of me from the tournament that I have ever seen. I somehow evaded the camera throughout the entire tournament. I'm so like a lady in this photo:

The menacing (looking) guy on the right is Pat. He makes pretty pictures and was our rugby mom throughout the tournament. Thanks Pat!

I will be heading south for the Labor Day weekend to Kiawah Island with Skip the Evil Veterinarian and his sidekick Harley the Malicious Mapmaker. I hope to take more pictures of alligators and see some new bird species. It will be another nice getaway from DC.

Starting an evening with two cosmos at Duplex is always a guarantee for a wild evening followed by a rough morning. I got to hang out with Joe.My.God, who was in town for the National Lesbian & Gay Journalists Association national convention here in DC. Later on we went to a party hosted by Mike Rogers of BlogActive fame, where I got to meet Michelangelo Signorile who brought the gun show to the party (he's totally stacked - wooof).

In addition to a hangover, I came away from the gathering with the awareness that the idea of a "blog" is now mostly attributed to political or punditry blogs, and that ye olde personale journale bloge is a subset of the category, not the other way around like it used to be back in tha day. It doesn't bother me, it's just a sign of the times. Most of the political bloggers didn't know who I was, and I described my blog as one that "provides thousands of hours for government and office workers to goof off in their spare time." I just don't get that whipped up about politics most of the time, and this blog serves mostly as a way to record my thoughts about things as I have a bad memory. Some day I want to take the personal part of this blog and put it to print, just in case the electromagnetic pulse bomb goes off over North America and wipes everybody's hard drive clean.

I roused myself outta bed on Saturday for another photoshoot, as I am willing to get out of bed for less than $10,000 a day. For what I will not say, but I'm sure you'll read about it later. Then I headed over to RFK Memorial Stadium to help out with a team fundraiser. I'm not sure we hauled in a lot of money, but we did recruit a lot of cuties I hope will show up later.

Rugby practice has begun, and with it those first few weeks of aching pain that comes with the callousment of the muscles and bone structure. That ache eventually goes away as I become more brain damaged while the season progresses. Even though I got hit in the ribs and had my right hand stomped on by a cleated boot, I'm fine now. Sometimes I think I'm like Claire the cheerleader from Heroes, but I probably shouldn't say that out loud too much or I'll really get it some day.

A process engineer's schematic for determining the answer to the question: why do we scream at each other?

John McCain Campaign Takes a +3 Vorpal Blade to Dungeons & Dragons Players

Tonight at D&D Mark sowed the greatest amount of chaos a gamer has ever produced during a gaming session I've led. Sure, he was role playing being posessed by an ancient evil, but alerting an entire keep of monsters right when the party was trying to sneak in sure made for a lot of paperwork by the dungeon master (moi). He pushed one of the halflings off the keep wall, landed in the courtyard and then screamed bloody murder with the intent of alerting the entire compound. It worked (for him), but my head almost exploded, as the keep's ogre sergeant and bad girl half-elf sorceress all came out fully prepared for invasion. Somehow they managed to pull it off, but they went through the adventure the wrong way, as they always do.

Olympics roundup: fur from Russia, synchronized swimming this Saturday - with inspiration from "O," and a pole vault primer.

I can't believe women's softball lost to Japan! That's a whole lot of depressed lesbians.

This weekend on the way back from the beach via Manhattan, we went for a quick bite to eat at an Irish (I couldn't get enough) pub near Penn Station. There on the menu was an option for individual-sized "Wisconsin Style" pizza. I had no idea what that was so I ordered one and asked the waitress what the hell that means. She came back telling me it was a square pizza with a thin crust cut in squares as opposed to slices. I had no idea it was a distinctive culinary style. Just like Pizza Corral back home I guess.

French-fry eating Great Lakes gulls accumulating trans fats. Joe.My.God suggests more donuts for the birds.

This Saturday don't miss Bird Flu Horror, another classic SciFi Original move at 9pm, where mutant killer birds carrying a deadly virus attack a group of hikers on a wilderness trek.

Not a mutant, the Hay's Spring amphipod (Stygobromus hayi) is an endangered species of shrimp-like critters that live only in the springs in and around Rock Creek Park near the National Zoo. Other endangered DC critters include Kenk's amphipod (Stygobromus kenki) in local springs, and a small social unit of endangered bonobos usually found playing trivia at Nellie's Sports Bar on Wednesday nights.

An article about a DC I have yet to experience, and hope I never will. It's mostly about douche bags and those who think they have their finger on the pulse of power who tend to not last very long in this town.

A far more practical article about where to go when the zombie apocalypse comes. Where would you go to stay safe in DC in the event of a zombie outbreak?

50 Years of Heartburn, XXOO from Ben's Chili Bowl.

Fur from Los Angeles: the Yeti Menace, a blog. He plays rugby with the L.A. Rebellion team.

A movie featuring my future husbands Paul Rudd and Sean William Scott in the same film, and a movie about rugby featuring that one guy from Rudy and Lord of the Rings.

An Old Skool blogger from back in tha day is writing again. Go check out Dogpoet. His recent entry about a drunken drag queen in his bar was priceless:

...sometime around eight o’clock, she raises her hand again and cries out, “MADONNA!!” in a voice that overpowers the house music. It sounds like both a frustrated demand and a cry of victory, as if confirming the singer’s unassailable power over our lives. The customers look at her with a mixture of humor, disgust, and pity.

Fire Island National Seashore did not disappoint, although I didn't see many of the historic sites in the parkland as I was carousing and Ascending most of the time. In case it rained all weekend, we brought plenty of reading material:

But the weather was as glorious as the hosting thanks to our beach house mom and dad so everyone was spared from going through Keep on the Shadowfell at 3rd level.

On Saturday evening we hiked on a deathmarch through the Meat Rack to Cherry Grove for Summer Snaxx. Our ranger/necromancer guide took point and navigated us through the dunes after making a successful Direction Sense check through the wilderness, but due to his bonus 10' of movement left me far behind. On the way back I failed my Endurance check and fell further behind, but the ranger set up a travois of two poles linked together by some Bear's discarded tee-shirt. The bear grease soaked in the cloth kept the mosquitoes at bay, which was a nice touch. While I detected some of the animus between Cherry Grove and Pines residents through various Gather Information checks, I otherwise had a good time.

Saturday's Ascension party was a lot of fun, but there wasn't a whole lot of shade for the extremely white people. Several layers of sunscreen were applied and we didn't fry too badly. The music was fantastic and there was even a delightful mashup of Nasty Girl vs. Let Me Think About It and I went berserk. Here's the beach house gurls in full sunlight, a painful experience for most of them as they're creatures of darkness:

Here Skwurl and Chad demonstrate open "fubbing," a way of salutation among Bears:

Some NYC bears look down upon the masses from the VIP area, appropriately ascended above the unwashed common folk.

I coulda used one more day to rehydrate and see more sights, but we had to pack up and leave after some delay - I was frequently, pleasantly occupied:

It's a shame summer is ending so soon, as it went by so fast.

Jimbo will be away for the next 5 days or so. In the mean time, you can get your can down to Omega this Saturday for the Madonna CD release party featuring the 2nd single from Hard Candy by MadonnaMadonnaMadonna. With crafty videos from VJ Tre, and music by special guest DJ Darryl Strickland. It'll be at Omega DC, 2122 P Street NW (Rear! Tee hee...), WDC 20037.

My goals for emaciation at Fire Island were shattered when Sean made a plate of brownies which I promptly inhaled. Now I'm a Bear. Luckily there'll be a Summer Snaxx while we're there, so I'll fit in with my brownie belly.

I managed to catch some Olympic men's water polo at lunch break today. TiVo it if you can. How could I forget to include water polo woof?

Ryan Bailey, U.S.:

More of Bailey, after an injury timeout:

Frano Vican, Croatia:

Rick Merlo, U.S.:

Peter Hudnut, U.S., dreamboat:

Dingo Waterdawg, Los Angeles:

Other water polo woof to watch out for (do yer own image search):
Peter Biros, Hungary
Istvan Gergely, Hungary
Peter Varellas, U.S.
Layne Beaubien, U.S.
Thomas Marks, Canada
Lachlan Tijsen, New Zealand

We've been enjoying freakishly glorious August weather here in DC lately, with temperatures in the 80s with little to no humidity, which was great for walking the length of the National Mall.

I tried to show Kieran the Dubliner that awful space age architecture at L'Enfant Plaza, but I couldn't find it. Instead we found the Benjamin Banneker Memorial and fountain instead.

This sea creature from the Library of Congress Court of Neptune Fountain reminded me of the critter in the pool that tried to eat Simon LeBon in the Duran Duran 'Wild Boys' video.

There's always something new at the U.S. Botanic Gardens, and we stumbled over a pretty fountain sculpture.

It was a good weekend for touring the city.

Go check out Joe Tresh's Washington Photo Journal for a Bear Invasion 2008 photo roundup.

And what does it take to round up a Bear? Nachos, apparently, according to Dogpoet.

While I did not partake in any Bear trapping expeditions, I had my hands full touring the Dubliner around town. It is good to get a new perspective on the city you live in through the eyes of a visitor. Kieran kept mentioning how much DC resembles Paris, and how green and well-gardened it is. He also mentioned that my last name has French roots, confirming something my mother mentioned as well. I was horrified to find out I have French ancestors via Ireland

Anyway, on Saturday we did the eastern half of the National Mall on a pedestrian deathmarch, including a visit to Mr. Henry's and Eastern Market. That evening we went to Nellie's and then rushed over to Town before the line got too long to groove it to Tony Moran. The crowd was hawt but generally hairless, with me and my posse keepin' it real and furry in one corner. It would have been totally fun if it wasn't for my horrible, mean, bitchy friends making jokes that me and Kieran's children would be "lepertrolls" or "trollechauns" - crossbreed children of troll and leprechaun parentage. Nasty Dungeons & Dragons bitches!

On Sunday we biked up the C&O (Chesapeake & Ohio) Canal towpath and bike trail, with a stop at a narrow point in the river for a lovely picinic as young osprey circled the falls.

At the end of this week I'll be going to Fire Island for a long weekend with the Dubliner, Skwurl, Darth Jersey and their unfortunate partners. I have only four days to become completely emaciated and hairless so I don't get judged by those New York bitches on that sand bar. I've been skipping all my meals and throwing up once each hour, with phone support from the U.S. Women's Gymnastics team on how to best maintain optimal body dysmorphia until the end of the week.

Oooh, auspicious: 08.08.2008. I'm lookin' forward to watching the Olympics over the next couple of weeks. I do buy into the hype and love all that brotherhood of man through athletics and all that.

While Brett Favre reserves the right to change his mind after retirement, joining the New York Jets is unforgivable. Brett, I am so over you.

But I'm impressed TJ had the attention span to look up how you pronounce his name...it must have taken TJ an excruciating minute of concentration to learn how to say "FAR-v." Good TJ. You get 10 more minutes of television/cell/laptop/blender (simultaneously) play before it's bedtime. I swear - one day scientists are gonna find that the gene for bottomhood is right next to the gene that causes A.D.D.

"OMG are you in yet? What time is it? Who's that on TV? What? OMG Kathy Griffin. Diet Coke. Idaho. Is the water bill paid yet? Chia Pet."

This weekend I am hosting the Dubliner who was so gracious to host me after the tournament in June. He's really hot and smart and uncomplicated, so I have to keep him away from the open (but "discreet") partnered gays, Bonobos, Bears, and I certainly won't take him to the shark tanks the gays like to frequent. We might go tubing on the upper Potomac, or head out the Montgomery County Fair, whatever we have time to do.

This just in: Brad Vering from Nebraska in Greco-Roman wrestling. Wuuuuuf.

Here's Michael Phelps. He's not really my cup of tea, but he gets points for rockin' the fu. Compare and contrast with retired blogger Chris' porntastic 'stache of yore:




















Chris also points out soccer Olympian Brian McBride (left), but I'm more of a John O'Brien fan (right):

Photos of McBride and O'Brien by Jarrett's Photography, Cary, NC, USA.

Joining them on the field will be DC United's Ben Olsen:

Ben Olsen is a nice Pennsylvania boy known for his charity efforts.

The opening ceremonies for the 2008 Olympics are this Friday at 8pm. Closing ceremonies are Sunday, August 24th. Go USA! Anyone know the woofy olympians to watch out for this time around?



I will be rooting for the Kazaks in the equestrian events, all the female pole vaulters (because they make this cute 'eep!' noise when they clear the bar), and Jamaican sprinters. The U.S. basketball team will be the underdogs in their event, which is fun to watch too.

In other sporting news, His Royal Packers Hotness Brett Favre is now back in Green Bay. With all the drama preceding his return, it doesn't feel quite right. But hey, if Cher can have multiple comeback "final farewell" tours so can Brett Favre. It's good to have a scruffy quarterback who's "my age" and still playing football. (UPDATE: maybe not. I can't keep up with this.) It gives me an excuse to play rugby, which starts this week for regular fall practices on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 6:45 to 8:45 at at Stead Field located between 17th and 16th Streets on P Street, NW. We have a busy fall schedule with a lot of matches every Saturday starting in September through the middle of November.

I finally found out what was getting into my pond and messing up all my irises and lily pads:



Just kidding. That's the Montauk Monster, the latest and best cryptozooic critter to hit the Hamptons. I love it and I Want to Believe.

What's cracking me up are the LOLcatz images people are starting to create:





Montauk Monster endorses Barak Obama.

I want to collect 'em all! Please send any new ones to me at Jimbo3DC@aol.com and I'll post more to this entry.

There is a vile blog that is dedicated to debunking the Montauk Monster "myth." All lies.

In other exciting crytpozoology news, a cougar was purportedly spotted last week at my former workplace, the University of Maryland. Most would discount the spotting as a coyote or someone's dog, but it turns out the critter was a Savannah Cat, a hybrid of a domestic short hair cat and a Serval. Regardless, who let loose their pet Savannah Cat on a campus?

When I pick up my dry cleaning and scan the groups of shirts tied together on the carousel while I wait, I wonder about the owners of each bunch of clothing. In this town most of them are light blue or white shirts worn for the government or legal employee, but occasionally there'll be a bunch that are just stripes, or some really fabulous party gurl shirts. Who owns which bunch, and what do they do for a living?

The new job definitely has my mind working, with all my former skills and classwork put to use. It really is a good fit for me. I'm writing, analyzing rhetoric, devising social marketing plans, building clear messages and studying new and interesting topics. It even involves looking at activist blogs, and it's interesting being on the other side of that technology striving to understand the opposite side of a particular issue, rather than from the punditry/activist side of an issue. While this blog has remained mainly a journal over the years, I've certainly expressed my opinions on particular political and social topics, but now I have to think and work as the person on the other side of issues written about on blogs.

Does the organization respond to each and every blog in the comments section, or through its press releases and website? Will responding to an activist blog's statements elevate the rhetoric and allow a new platform for opposing views, or will a statement successfully rebut an argument? From the other side, I think it will at least be useful to compile a list of the various stakeholders writing about a particular issue, and what arguments and beliefs they are putting forward in their blogs whether they are right or wrong. At the very least blogging is a resource to understand a wide variety of opinions and feelings about a particular issue. Of course there are other channels that an activist or pundit is using to broadcast their position and those must be considered as well.

Heat, accursed heat.
My undergarments are wet,
not in a good way.